Chapter Text
“You know Percy,” said Cassandra, her voice flowing out of the car speakers, “He’ll spend a few days locked in the office reviewing the papers and then be ready to jump on the next plane out.”
Vex squinted into the dark and made out the turn off for the University’s Studio Arts building. “I’m trying to convince him to spend a few weeks in Whitestone over the summer. I know you’re frustrated.”
Even over the phone, Vex heard the sharp intake of breath. “I entirely understand his hesitance. I have plenty of help here running the company.”
Vex pulled into a space and put the car into park with a light jerk, leaning back in her seat. “Not really the point, darling.” She slid out of the car, disconnecting the Bluetooth and grabbing her bag in one smooth movement. Phone balanced between chin and shoulder, she shut the door and started towards the studio. “If Percy is hesitant, then you have every right to be too. I’ll keep working on him.”
Vex could have sworn Cassandra let out a soft chuckle. “For all your wiles, you’re going to have trouble overcoming generations of De Rolo familial coldness. I’m sorry, but I’m not holding my breath.” And then, as if an afterthought, “But I wish you the best of luck. I really do appreciate it.”
Vex’s heels clacked across the pavement as she approached the Arts building. The building was bursting with light, throwing beams of white out into the night. “You get him to and from the plane. I’ll deal with everything else.”
“I already have the car waiting for him. I’m sure he’ll call when he’s down.”
Vex gave a quick glance at the time on her phone as she pushed through the doors. “When you see him, tell him I have a meeting for the next couple hours. If he can’t get me, I’ll call him.”
“Done. Take care, Vex.”
“You too. I’m sending you all the hugs and kisses you don’t want.”
Cassandra hung up with her usual abruptness and Vex dropped the phone into her bag, sighing quietly as she walked swiftly through the halls.
She really felt for the girl—woman—but she had no clue how she would get Percy more interested in the family business. It was especially difficult with them living on the other side of the country. Maybe . . . but it wasn’t time to start thinking about those things. Percy was on a plane and Vex had her own business to take care of. She pulled open the doors to Studio C.
Students were roaming the room, setting up their supplies and easels set up in a circle, getting ready for the session. The room smelled of paint and thinner and glue and pastels—a thick, dry smell that crept into the nose. One of the students had turned on the University radio station on their phone and some quiet pop music drifted in the air.
As Vex entered, Zahra waved and called her over. She finished the conversation she was having with a student and turned to Vex with a gleaming smile. “Hello, darling,” she said in light tones, “We’re just getting ready.” Her hand settled on Vex’s upper arm, a familiar touch. “You comfortable getting changed in my office, like usual?”
“Of course,” said Vex, “Just open session today?”
“All freshman, I’m afraid. I’ll be giving them the usual speech about respect. Tonight I’m focusing on speed and quick line work, so short poses only. Does that work for you?” Zahra walked Vex towards the office door on the far side of the room.
“Darling, I can handle anything you throw at me.”
Zahra’s smile went a little wicked and she whispered, “I’m sure you can.
Zahra’s office was mostly shelves of books and mountains of paper, with enough space cleared on a desk to access the computer. Vex set her things down on the desk chair and stripped down and then covered herself up with a robe. She let her thick braid hang loosely at the back. She knew she’s just have to reposition once she was posing. Outside, in the studio, she could hear Zahra loudly proclaiming the rules of respect and telling all students to turn off their phones. The music stops abruptly. As Vex opened the door and walked out into the room of waiting students, Zahra was discussing the focus of today’s session.
“. . . the detail in the torso. The human body folds. The skin and fat roll. And these details are critical to a realistic, accurate, and, most of all, believable figure drawing.”
Vex walked into the circle of easels and stood next to a stool that had been draped with a cloth. Zahra acknowledged her with a nod.
“Our model for tonight is Vex. You will likely see her some more throughout the semester. Please be mindful of the work she is doing. She must maintain a steady pose for us. We are only able to do our work because of her control and concentration. Remember what I said before: no talking and especially no photos or video.”
There an attempt at a whisper on one side of the circle—two girls, heads close together, one with straight black hair that covered half her face and another with light brown skin and a full head of curls, tipped with bright blue. The speaker was the curly-haired girl and she was not remotely capable of a whisper. Vex just made out “—gonna fuuuuuuuck” before Zahra cut in.
“Miss Lavorre.” Zahra didn’t need to shout or even raise her voice. She just had a natural tone of command. “No sexual comments, no matter how quiet, are welcome in this studio. Understood?”
The curly-haired girl nodded enthusiastically and said, “I’m sorry, Professor Hydris.” Then she looked at Vex. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s perfectly alright, dear,” said Vex.”
The girl opened her mouth to speak and Zahra said, “And that is not an invitation to chat.”
The mouth clamped shut.
Zahra turned and looked around the room at the other students. “Okay, let’s let Vex settle in and then we’ll get started.” She looked at Vex and lowered her voice. “My favorite student.” She laughed quietly. “Make yourself comfortable. We’re going to start with a sitting position, hands, open palm, in lap.”
Vex nodded and slipped out of her robe, letting it fall to the floor. She sat down, maintaining a natural, relaxed posture in her spine, letting her arms hang loose. The backs of her hands were cool against her thighs. Her long braid was soft and familiar against the middle of her back. She cast her eyes downward and studied her long fingers, the folds in her palm.
“Are we ready, Vex?”
Vex glanced up and nodded.
“Alright.” Zahra clapped her hands. “Ten minute poses, because I am extremely generous. Capture the essential details to represent the form. Cali, remember, face, not torso for you.” The girl with long black hair over her face nodded, eyes averted. “Okay, go!”
The students launched into action, their bodies still, their eyes flicking between the canvas in front of them and Vex’s body. Zahra prowled the room, watching, guiding the students in little ways here and there.
Vex retreated into the feel of her body. There was something meditative about modeling. You needed to keep yourself firmly in touch with what your body was doing. Keep your body fixed and still. It brought an intense awareness of the little things you never really thought about. How often random parts of you itched (like her pinky toe, right now). Or how your body folded and molded itself to its surroundings. Sitting doing something else, even naked, you never really thought about how your body changed when you moved in different ways. Like this, you stared at your body, wondering at the transformation (like the way her thigh spread across the stool). She noticed a slight curve to her back and pulled herself upright again. Barely noticeable to anyone else.
“Vex, could you put your hands above your head, right hand gripping left wrist?”
Vex shifted, surprised that the ten minutes was already up. She held her hands over her head in a relaxed position or, at least, a position that appeared relax. Vex new that her triceps would feel a little burn by the end of the ten minutes.
Posed like this, she could take in the students. Each was so absorbed in their work. There was something about that, which was endearing: a naked woman sitting in the middle of a crowd making not even a ripple. For all her own sensuality, Vex was pleased to be able to sit in her natural state and not be sexualized. It was one of the reasons she did these sessions. Well, that and Zahra.
Vex moved from pose to pose. Now sitting. Now standing. Reaching. Crouching. Stretching. As she moved through the motions, it became easier and easier to let her mind wander. Unfortunately, her mind largely wandered into the projects she had to work on.
She had the project budget for Emon House to complete and the grant application for the extra wing. And the application for the outreach program. And the city budget planning cycle was starting up, which meant it was time to schedule appointments with the council members. Not to mention reviewing the applications for the government subsidizes for the lunch program. And the community kitchen funding issues. And even Keyleth had that larger project for the housing program. Vex had to remember to talk to Kash about that.
Vex heard Zahra’s instructions through her thoughts and bent her legs slightly, stretching towards her feet like she was reaching to pick something up. Her braid dangled over her shoulder.
The major problem was that the foundation hadn’t had a good fundraising year. Even with the gala and adding an extra pledge cycle in, they had come up short. True, most of their funding came from the government subsidizes, but the decrease in private donations hurt. Less money to bring in children from outside the city. Less money for clothing. Less money for necessary repairs to the facilities. She thought there were some cost saving measures that could make up the difference, but it would take creative accounting to make it work.
She started to let out a broad sigh but stopped herself mid-breath and let the air out in a slow stream. It wouldn’t do to mess up the pose.
Vex’s mind continued its winding motion until Zahra clapped her hands and announced the end of the session.
“Okay, everyone get cleaning up! Please remember to wash out the sinks when you are done. If you have any questions, ask.”
Vex was pulling her robe back on when Zahra sauntered over. “Thank you, dear.”
Vex flashed her a smile. “Always a pleasure standing naked in the cold.”
“If it really was cold, please tell me. I can have a space heater next time.”
Vex rubbed her eyes. “No, it was fine. Just a little punchy tonight.”
“Nothing too serious, I hope?” Although Zahra’s voice positioned it as a tease, her face painted the comment with some genuine concern.
Vex waved it away. “Absolutely not, darling. I’m going to get my clothes back on. You tend to your flock.”
Dressing was quick and, in no time, Vex was ready to leave, but Zahra stopped her. “Kash should be gone by the time you get there and I need to get things cleaned up here, so just let yourself in with your key. Make yourself comfortable.”
As they walked to the door, Vex glanced over at the distracted student body. “And how comfortable would you like me to get, exactly? Any requests?” She’d leaned in close so that her lips almost grazed Zahra’s cheek.
Zahra stepped back, one eyebrow arched. “I always wondered why you liked to stand naked in front of me for hours before our little dinners.”
Vex swung the door open and paused at the threshold. “How else can I make sure you take your time and don’t just leap in head first?”
Zahra chuckled as Vex pulled the door closed. “You absolute cow. I’ll see you in a bit.”
It was a quick walk back to the car and not that long a drive from there to Zahra’s. Vex turned on the radio to catch the eleven o’clock news as she went, her mind mostly blocking out the words, her mind drifting with the patterns of dark and light that strolled past her window. Late city driving was always an exercise in care and patience. In the country, your mind could turn off, following the gentle curves of the roads. A city was always awake and never gentle. As if to highlight the point, in the middle of the traffic report, the radio cut out and the ringing of her phone took over. “Keyleth Ashari,” said the phone in a mechanical feminine voice.
Vex glanced at the time. Keyleth was usually in bed at this time of night. Unless it was a club night.
“Answer,” said Vex and there was a click. “Hello, Keyleth, darling.”
“Vex!” Keyleth’s voice caused the speakers to crackle and Vex jumped on the volume control, adjusting it down a quarter turn. “She just left!”
“Who just left, dear?”
“Beau!”
Vex let the name process for a moment and then it clicked. “Your date?”
“Yes! She just left my apartment.” The energy was undeniable, but Keyleth’s voice also had a ragged edge, like she was coming down with a sore throat.
Vex smiled. “Well, from your voice I assume—wait.” Vex went over the timeline in her head. “Wasn’t your date last night?”
“Yes!”
Vex tried to imagine all the scenarios where a date would last over twenty-four hours. And then she pictured Keyleth and threw them all out. “Was it good?”
“Yes!” There was a long pause and Vex was about to interject when Keyleth started up again. “Well, it started off pretty badly and then it got pretty good and then I think I got alcohol poisoning, but—”
“Keyleth!”
“It’s okay. I’m okay, Vex. Really.” Keyleth finally relaxed a little. “Vex, she took care of me all day and we talked and . . . and it was nice.”
“I’m glad. You’ll—”
A blip came across the speaker and the mechanical voice said, “Darling.”
“Keyleth, dear, you’ll have to tell me all about it. But right now Percy’s calling and I need to make sure he got to Whitestone alright.”
“Of course! Good night!”
“Good night.”
The call clicked off and switched over to Percy.
“Hello, darling,” said Vex, “I hope you arrived safe and sound.”
Percy’s voice filled the car, a rich baritone. “The plane was right on time and the journey was uneventful. I think we prefer that nowadays.”
Just the sound of his voice made Vex’s spirit rise up in her chest. Knowing he was okay gave her a lightness of being. “Oh, I was hoping you had some dashing adventure,” she said archly.
“Well, I’m afraid not. Cassandra’s here—” There was a “Hello, Vex” from the background. “—and we’re going over some of the paperwork before dinner, so not the most exciting time, but necessary.”
“I’m heading to a late dinner myself.”
“Zahra’s?”
“Yes. We have some catching up to do.”
“Well, at least you’ll be getting a good meal out of it. Cassandra’s insisting on cooking for me and you know how that goes.”
Vex thought she heard a very distinct, “Oh fuck you too” in the background.
“It’s not like mother or father could cook either—” Percy paused as if listening. “Yes, or me. I’m just saying we could order in. There’s no need to strain our meager talents.”
Vex let the one-sided sibling bickering go on for a minute or two. It was nice to hear that kind of banter again every once in a while. But she was also only two turns away from Zahra’s brownstone, so she cut in with a laugh. “You too enjoy each other. Percy, I’ve got to get off, but I’ll call tomorrow afternoon. Don’t stay up too late with the paperwork.”
“The sooner I finish, the sooner I come home to you. I can let a few nights go for that.”
Vex smiled, but she also sighed, picturing Cassandra’s face going tight and sad. “Take all the time you need, darling. Maybe go out to eat a whole lot with your sister. She would probably appreciate the breaks too.”
There was a pause on his end, then “I think we can manage that, dear. But just a few days here.”
“Of course. I love you.”
“I love you too, Vex.”
They said their goodbyes just in time for Vex to spy a small parking space a couple houses up from Zahra’s place. After a careful maneuvering job, she was out of the car and jogging lightly up the steps of the brownstone.
The front light was on, but she could also see, through the glass of the door, that there was more light flooding out from the back of the house. The kitchen, she guessed. She tried the knob and it turned smoothly, unlocked. She stepped inside and shut the door. The light was definitely coming from the kitchen.
“Hello?” she called.
Kash leaned out of the kitchen doorway, drying his hands. He was in his EMT uniform, chestnut hair pulled back in a ponytail and hidden under a blue cap. “Oh, hey, Vex,” he said, “Sorry, I’m just a little behind.” He tossed the hand towel into the kitchen and walked up the hall, grabbing his keys off the hall table. “Dinner’s on the island. I left a note. You know where everything is. I won’t be back till seven, so . . .” He shrugged. As he passed her at the door, he gave her a tap on her upper arm with the back on his hand. “You’re looking good. Take care of yourself.”
Vex gave him a smile, not her brightest, tinged a little with sadness. Kash had taken to saying that since her accident, when he’d been the first responder to the scene. “You too, Kash.”
And he was out the door.
Vex set her purse on the nightstand, taking the place of Kash’s keys, and walked to the kitchen. Her heels echoed in the emptiness of the house.
Looking in the kitchen, she smiled. Kash was always doing something wonderful with food. It had become a passion of his—he’d learned to channel some of his intense energies into more positive activities. He said there was something uplifting about taking the death of animals and vegetables and crafting them into an enjoyable experience. Vex suspected that statement summed up Kash on multiple levels.
Tonight, there was a spread on the kitchen island: a bottle of white chilling in ice, a serving platter of carved roast chicken, some kind of sauce in a serving bowl, a pot of cold soup, and a bowl of strawberries. All prefaced by a crisp white piece of paper. Vex picked it up. It read: “Vex— Sauce goes on the chicken. Don’t put it on until ready to eat. Vichyssoise is meant to be eaten cold. Don’t heat it up. The wine is good. Take it out of the ice when you set the table. Drink in moderation. Or as much as you need to loosen up. It’s up to you. –Kash.” She put the note down and laughed.
By the time the front door opened and Zahra’s footsteps sounded on the hall floor, the table was set, the wine had warmed slightly, and the dining room was illuminated by candles. Zahra stood in the doorway, the candle light flickering across her deep brown skin. She shrugged off her jacket and reached back to hang it in the hall. “Well, darling, we’re very romantic this evening.” She was smiling that slightly pompous yet loving smile that she used when she was in a playful mood.
Vex walked up and rested her hands on Zahra’s hips, feeling the warm curve beneath the clothes. She leaned up and gave Zahra a light kiss. “I thought it fit the occasion. I haven’t seen you in a month.”
As they walked over to the table, Zahra let her hand play on Vex’s back. “Yes, we’ve all been a bit busy, haven’t we?”
The dinner was pleasant: the food excellent, the company better. Vex was astonished at how little she and Zahra had seen each other recently. They were used to busy periods, when life just didn’t allow them the time out from everything else to spend with each other. Tax and budget season was one for Vex. The start of the term at the university was one for Zahra. But they’d always managed to find the time for little moments here and there. Sometime that had stopped. Right now, Vex was learning, for the first time, about the new art installation Zahra was working on and realizing that she hadn’t found time to tell Zahra about her partnership with Keyleth’s non-profit. They had a lot of catching up to do.
But they shared and reminisced and Zahra was just as intoxicating to be around as she always was. She could make Vex laugh and smile in a way no one else could, not even Percy. Zahra was funny and biting and clever, but also caring and powerful. If she knocked someone down, they deserved it. And if they need protection, she would provide it. She was regal and proud, but never cold. Vex found her own calm exterior slipping when she was around her, like Zahra held a key to every emotion locked inside Vex’s chest and all Zahra had to do was turn it to open Vex up.
On their second glass of wine and nibbling at the strawberries, Vex felt a smile spread across her face. There was something she loved so intensely about Zahra that she couldn’t quite nail down. It was fundamentally other than Vex’s love for Percy. Her lips still slightly red and sticky from the juice of the strawberry, Vex reached out and drew Zahra into a kiss.
Zahra and Percy were so alike and yet so different. Of course, they both had metalworker’s arms. Vex never forgot that detail. There was something intoxicating about their ability to pin her down when she wanted it. They were both artists, but they thought in such different ways. Percy was systematic and rhythmic, every move calculated and organized. Zahra was precise, yes, but also an improvisor, changing and flowing in the moment. And, of course, they couldn’t be more different in their looks. Percy was so pale, his hair a shock of white. Zahra was a rich brown, her hair black and cropped short. They both tickled between Vex’s thighs.
Most different of all, was the energy Vex felt with each of them in and out of the bedroom. When she was with Percy there was a coolness, like they were both holding back, dancing around their feelings. But when they were alone, they exposed everything. They devoured each other, bodies in constant hungry motion, taking and taking, until they were sated and collapsed, satisfied. With Zahra, they were hot and flirty no matter the place—sly words and salacious eyes. But when they were alone, it was like time slowed down. Zahra was intimately attentive, making sure that every inch of Vex was taken care of. And Vex felt like she could never quite return the favor. Instead, Vex was a canvas for Zahra to lavish her touches, painting her with touches broad and delicate and then deep and vivid. Vex gave what Zahra let her give, but she mostly felt nourished and enraptured.
Now, after, Vex held Zahra tight—their bodies still slick and sticky in the cool air—and massaged Zahra’s lower lip with her own. “I’ve missed you.”
Zahra grinned and kissed down Vex’s neck. “We do have a nice way together, don’t we?”
Vex relaxed into the touch, leaning back and sighing as Zahra continued her downward journey. She gave Vex a peck on her clavicle and propped herself up on one elbow. She was giving Vex her curious face.
“I feel like you’re not quite as relaxed as you should be. I’m almost insulted. I thought it was a rather incredible performance, even if I do say myself.”
Vex laughed and smacked Zahra lightly. “Oh, shut up, darling.” She adjusted the pillows and sat up, the sheets thin and cool across her lap. “I’m fine. I’ve just been in a mood recently. I was hoping to put it all aside for tonight.”
Zahra pulled herself to sitting, legs crossed, back, somehow, still regally upright. She gave an exaggerated shake of her head. “Sometimes, I fear you think I’m just a good time.”
Vex smiled and leaned over, Zahra leaning in to meet her halfway. They took a minute, lips locked together, Vex’s hand gripping the nape of Zahra’s neck. When they separated, Vex said, “Well . . .”
It was Zahra’s turn to laugh, throwing her head back. “You know I love your playful side, but—” Her face relaxed. “—seriously, your mind hasn’t turned off since I got here. You don’t usually overthink anything, but, well, Percy, if I’m being honest.”
Vex traced a finger along the white sheet. “I suppose he’s part of it. I’ve just been—well, I’ve just been thinking about change and . . . moving on.” She looked up into Zahra’s gaze.
Zahra let out a little rush of air. “Oh dear. No, I think this is far too heavy for my bed. What do you say to robes and some drinks? I’m sure warm white wine is quite palatable, despite Kash’s claims to the contrary.”
Vex smiled and they slid out of bed. Zahra slipping on a robe and passing Vex her own from the closet. After pouring liberal glasses of wine, they settled onto the high-backed loveseat in the living room, Vex reclining back against Zahra, Zahra’s arm resting lightly on Vex’s chest.
Zahra sipped at her glass and then set it on the side table. “So?”
Vex sighed, deep and heavy, and took more than a sip from her glass.
Zahra cleared her throat. “I suppose I should clear the air, just to give you a start. Darling, are you ending this? What we have? I trust you to be honest. No sugarcoating, please.”
Vex took another drink and put the half-drained glass on the coffee table. She reached a hand up and played in Zahra’s hair, nuzzling into her bosom. “No. No. I—Things might need to change, but there’s nothing—” She stopped and stared into the distance. “I love you. I don’t think things are any more complicated than that for us.”
Zahra squeezed Vex close. “Well, that’s a relief, at least. So what’s this talk of moving on?”
Vex adjusted the robe, pulling it tighter over her front. She sighed. “Did I tell you that Keyleth is dating someone?” She hesitated. “Or she went on a date, at least.”
“No, you hadn’t mentioned it. Should I have heard about it?”
Vex laughed quietly. “No, I guess not. It was only yesterday.” She lapsed back into silence.
As the silence stretched on, Zahra pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. “Anything else?”
“I talked to Cassandra earlier tonight.”
“Oh? And how is that little icicle?”
Vex didn’t like that she let out a little snort at that comment or that a smile curled on her face, but they happened nonetheless. “That’s unnecessarily cruel, Zahra. She’s been through a lot. She’s still going through a lot.”
“I’m only saying that there’s nothing a regular fuck couldn’t fix in that girl.”
Vex tilted her head up so that Zahra had the proper view of her disdainfully arched eyebrow. “Not everyone is you.”
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, darling.” The wicked angle of her lips said quite the opposite.
Smiling, Vex said, “Maybe I’ll take you along to Whitestone next time. The despoiler of the innocent.”
“And who in this room was ever innocent?”
They laughed together at that and Vex snuggled even tighter into Zahra’s warm chest. Like this, she could hear the steady beat of Zahra’s heart in her ear, filling her mind with a reliable rhythm. Wrapped up, in Zahra’s arms, body relaxed and satisfied, Vex felt like her mind should be able to follow the same cues and let her rest. It didn’t.
And Zahra wasn’t about to let her rest either. “Darling, I feel like you’re skating around whatever’s going on in your head. Haven’t we learned that it’s better to face anything head on?” She tilted Vex’s head back and smiled. “Especially, when you have allies by your side.”
Vex took in the sweet smile painting Zahra’s lips. “Everything really is a battle for you, isn’t it?”
“You have to gird yourself for life. You know that just as well as I do.”
Vex winced. “We live a truly comfortable and privileged life.”
“That doesn’t change where we came from.”
Vex breathed deep, feeling the clutch in her chest. When she spoke, it was softer than she meant it to be. Not a whisper, but breathy and faint. “But wouldn’t you rather just forget?
Vex could feel Zahra’s body go rigid, just for a moment, but then Zahra folded Vex in both arms, resting her chin on Vex’s head, and said, “We cannot forget how we were forged. That fire made us the powerful people we are today.”
“Zahra, what you went through was so much worse than—“
Zahra’s voice cut across Vex’s. “No. We do not compare pain. The scars we bear are ours alone and not for anyone else to diminish.”
“Zahra . . .”
“I will not let you bury what you suffered again. It doesn’t matter if he never hit you, like my father did, the scars are still there. The pain is real.”
Vex instinctually curled her legs up to her stomach and pulled herself deeper into Zahra. “This isn’t what I want to talk about.”
“I’m sorry, darling.”
Vex swiped at the tears welling up in her eyes. “I feel like a stupid teenager again. Everything—everything’s just so confusing.”
Zahra lifted a stray strand of hair out Vex’s face and tucked it behind her ear. “What’s so confusing, dear?”
Vex nudged herself free from Zahra’s grip, giving a little kiss to Zahra’s hand. She sat up, cross-legged, back against the arm of the loveseat. She wanted to see Zahra’s face. Smoothing the robe against her leg (she was certain silk was meant to feel sexier than she was feeling at the moment), Vex said, “We’ve spent so long fighting to make things better. It’s been . . . eight years now?” Vex picked at the band holding her braid in place, and pulled it off. “I see these lost, displaced children every day and I fight to get every dollar of support I can for them.” Her fingers played with the strands of hair and began to pull the braid apart. “And that’s most of my life. Every day. For eight years.” The braid disintegrated easily, hair tumbling around her face. She ran her fingers through it and smoothed it back. “And I’m so tired.”
Zahra reached out and took Vex’s hand. She gave a reassuring squeeze.
“I spend all of this time making sure that there’s enough money, there’s enough security. And I’m not fooling myself, darling. I live well. I’m not suffering. I just—“ Vex broke off and twisted her hair into a messy bun, wrapping it in place on top of her head. When she was done, she continued, “I’d just like to be selfish now. That’s really it. And I know it’s wrong. But I don’t think I care.”
Zahra fixed Vex with a skeptical look. “And what, pray tell, is selfish. According to you?”
“I want to stop. I want to stop helping people. I want to have kids and only worry about them. I want my own little world to care for. I want my own family.” Vex nodded slowly. “That’s what’s selfish.”
“Darling . . .” Zahra didn’t wait, she simply reached out and pulled Vex in for a kiss. It was quick, but soft, not Zahra’s usual style. She cupped Vex’s face between her hands, running her thumbs gently against Vex’s slightly damp cheeks. “Wanting a future for yourself is not selfish.”
Vex took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “That’s very rational.” She laughed, breathy, deep in her chest. “I wish I could feel it.”
“That’s what time is for, darling.” Zahra took a sip of her wine and set the glass back down. “What does Percy think of all this?”
This time is was a sharp intake of breath from Vex. “I, ah, haven’t talked to him about it yet.”
“Ah.” It was a simple and clear response.
“He’s still hiding from some parts of his past, I think. And we can’t do this until he faces them.”
“Then you need to talk to him, not me. You know that, dear heart.” Zahra stood up and held out her hand to Vex.
Vex nodded. “I know.” She took Zahra’s hand and let herself be pulled up.
Zahra wrapped her arms around Vex’s waist, locking her close, and nibbled at her lips. “You are the most beautiful and capable woman I have ever known.”
Vex ducked her head away from the attention, a blush on her cheeks, embarrassment at her tears. “You’ve always thought very highly of me.”
Zahra leaned her head down and looked Vex in the eyes. “I’ve always been right.” She kissed her again, that rare softness. “You can walk in a room and command it with a look. You can snap your fingers and move the world.” She kissed Vex again, teasing Vex’s gaze back upward until her head was inclined up to Zahra’s lips. “So take control, darling.”
They lingered there, by the sofa, arms entwined about one another, lips massaging lips and then skin, until Zahra led them back to bed, for the few hours left to the night. When Vex awoke from a deep sleep (borne of overwhelming satisfaction and calm), she was tangled in the sheets, laying half naked in the cool morning air. Zahra’s space was empty and Vex could smell the sharp odor of coffee drifting from the kitchen. She rolled over and stretched with a mighty yawn.
She thought about last night and her mind drifted more to the words than the actions, to her semi-confession to Zahra, and Zahra’s advice.
Leaning out of bed, she grabbed her phone (hastily tossed to the floor last night). There were a few emails waiting her attention and a missed call from Pike. The emails could wait and . . . she hesitated but ignored Pike’s call for now. Instead, she found Percy’s number with his picture next to it and hit call.
She didn’t expect him to answer. In fact, she hoped he wouldn’t. If he was awake enough to get his phone, then he was working too hard or too late or both. But he didn’t answer.
The call clicked over to voicemail and a familiar voice came on. Vex laid back and listened to the brief message (“You have reached Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III. Leave a message and a number if you would like that message returned.”) and she couldn’t help the smile that painted her lips. When the beep came, she held the phone close, that smile still on her face.
“I love you, darling.”