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Simon turned over in bed and felt the rough sheets that Penny used scratch against his overheated skin. They were far different from the silk sheets Baz had one day put on Simon’s bed because “obviously I’ll be here a lot and your sheets are disgusting, Snow”. It had caused a minor argument between the boys, but the next morning Simon had to admit that waking up to the cool sheets against his face felt heavenly (Baz bragged about being right for a week).
Penny, asleep, shifted her body and settled back into slumber. Simon wished he could do the same, but the bed didn’t have Baz in it and the pillows didn’t smell like cedar and boy (he wasn’t making any sense, he needed to sleep) and the bedroom window was tightly shut. There wasn’t a kind breeze flowing through the room and Baz’s calloused hands weren’t pressed against Simon’s back.
Giving up on attempting to sleep Simon sat up, making sure to not wake Penny. He rubbed his exhausted face and sighed. It had been an absolute shit day and all Simon wanted to do was curl up next to his boyfriend and maybe have a good cry. Unfortunately they had had their first big fight that day, so Simon was stuck sleeping in Penny’s room while Baz slept in their room alone. He had refused to leave until they settled their differences, but Simon had been stubborn and stayed in Penny’s room for the remainder of the night.
The fight had been pointless and dumb, but Simon and Baz were too good at fighting. It started because Simon had found out some guy named William had been texting Baz for weeks. Baz had found William’s pathetic attempts at flirting amusing, but Simon had been annoyed and frustrated that Baz had let it go on without telling him.
“Don’t be so ridiculous, Snow. It’s just harmless flirting from someone I have no interest in.” Baz had said when Simon confronted him about it.
“It’s not harmless if your boyfriend is bothered by it.” Simon sneered.
Baz ran a hand through his hair in frustration, making him achingly more beautiful. “I-are you really jealous right now?” There was a certain look in his eyes when he said it. It was a look Simon had only seen from him twice. Vulnerability.
“No,” Simon rolled his eyes. “Why would I be jealous of some git flirting with my boyfriend for weeks without said boyfriend telling me?”
Baz winced. “It isn’t like that and you know it. I didn’t tell you because I thought you wouldn’t care.”
“Why wouldn’t I care?” Simon had been glad Penny was still at class, otherwise she would’ve heard his shouting from inside her room.
Baz stepped back from Simon, looking slightly panicked. They’d been together for nearly a year and had never shouted at each other like this. Simon could tell that Baz didn’t know what to do for a second, but then years of rivalry and competition had come rushing back to him.
“Oh, I’m sorry for assuming that someone with a skull as thick as yours wouldn’t think I’d want attention from a stranger.” Baz’s gaze was heated and his face held no emotion. Suddenly he had become the 16 year old boy Simon had grown up despising.
All of Simon’s defenses were up at that point. “Shut up.”
“Is that all you have to say?”
“Shut. Up.” Simon didn’t know how or who did it, but they were face to face. Baz’s eyes were stone cold and all the warmth that was usually in them when he looked at Simon was gone. At that moment they weren’t two lovers having a quarrel, they were two rivals going for the final kill.
“Oh I see, that’s all you can say. The great Simon Snow still can’t use his words.” Baz had flicked his back as if to dismiss Simon.
Simon had felt so overwhelmed and frustrated then. He wanted to shake Baz and scream about how hurt he felt, how disappointed he was that Baz hid it for weeks. Simon wanted to grab Baz’s collar and pull him in for a rough and dirty kiss and forget about the problem at hand. He wanted to do something, anything than have them revert back to how things used to be. He was fucking terrified they wouldn’t bounce back from it.
“Just-just stop! You’re the one who started this in the first place! If I texted that guy who gave me his number weeks ago during class and hid it from you, you would be furious!” Baz merely looked at Simon with a cool expression. Deep down Simom knew he cared, but at that moment it had felt like everything they shared and did together had been worthless.
Baz turned from Simon. “If you think that, then go message him.”
Simon’s had heart stopped. He had no idea where to go from there or how to respond to that. Baz hadn’t sounded condescending nor had he sounded like he was challenging Simon.
Their living room remained silent for several heartbeats, only Simon’s panting disrupted the quiet. They were both waiting for Simon to either deliver the final blow or to just drop the argument all together.
“You know what?” Simon saw Baz startle at his voice suddenly breaking the silence. “Maybe I will message him. Marcus did say I was free to if things didn’t work out between us.”
Baz’s back was tensed up. “If that’s what you want.”
Simon remembered the way Baz’s fists had clenched when he spit out the last words. He remembered the flash of hurt that briefly danced in Baz’s eyes when Simon shoved past him into Penny’s room. He remembered Baz’s soft voice calling through Penny’s door trying to coax Simon out so they could talk. Hours later, sitting on Penny’s bed, Simon felt his guilt weigh down on his chest.
Rationally, Simon knew that they both were at fault. However, he couldn’t help but feel that a majority of the argument had been his own fault. He was the one who went through Baz’s phone without permission (he had needed a recipe for dinner and his phone was dead), he was the one who wouldn’t let Baz explain, and he was the one who refused to even listen. If Simon had just shut up and let Baz say what he had to say, then they wouldn’t be sleeping in different beds.
Above the heavy guilt, Simon really missed Baz. They hadn’t slept in separate beds since Simon moved in with Penny. He wasn’t used to not feeling Baz’s breath on his neck while he slept or not having smooth, long legs tangled in his own. Tears started to well up in Simon’s eyes when he thought about how he probably just fucked it all up. He loved Baz so much that it hurt. Simon was so frightened of losing him after just getting him.
Simon thought about what Penny told him when he confessed his fears to her when she got home that night. She had been understanding and comforted him until he had managed to briefly drift off to sleep.
“Simon, Baz loves you just as much as you love him. He’s been loving you since 5th year and I don’t think he knows how to not love you.” Penny had grabbed both of Simon’s hands and looked him in the eyes.
“He also hated me.” Simon whispered.
Penny shook her head. “No, he didn’t. He hated how you made him feel and that he couldn’t do anything about it.”
“Will we be ok?”
“Of course you guys will be ok.” Penny assured. “You and Baz might be complete gits at times, but you always come back to one another.”
“Thanks, Pen.”
“I’m always here for you guys, but please don’t make spontaneous slumber parties a habit.” Simon laughed at Penny’s joke before he had fallen asleep.
‘You always come back to one another’ Penny’s words rang through Simon’s head as he made his way to his room. His heart was pounding frantically and his skin was buzzing at the idea of finally being near to Baz again.
Simon pushed open the bedroom door and was surprised to see Baz sitting on the edge of their bed, looking as exhausted as Simon felt. He looked up at Simon and smiled hesitantly. Simon hovered at the doorway and had no idea what to do next, he hadn’t exactly planned out everything he was going to do (he never did).
“Uh... Hi.” Simon wanted to slap himself.
Baz chuckled at Simon’s lack of words like he did earlier, but this time it didn’t feel condescending to Simon. “Hello, love.”
‘Love Simon wanted to cry with relief. He was still Baz’s love. Baz seemed to sense his relief and motioned for Simon to sit next to him on the bed and Simon gladly did so.
As soon as Simon was next to Baz he slumped over and wrapped his arms securely around him. Instantly he felt the guilt ease off his chest and he began to cry. Baz held him as tightly as Simon held onto him and rocked them together in attempt to calm his boyfriend down.
“Shhh. It’s alright, love. We’re ok, we’re always ok.”
Baz stroked Simon’s hair and let the boy cry. “I c-couldn’t sleep and I-I was just so sca-scared that I ruined everything and-and I just love you so much and it’s all my f-fault-“
“It was not your fault, Simon.” Baz cut him off. “We’re both at fault. We handled the fight immaturely but we can work on it. We have all the time in the world to work on it.”
Simon wanted to argue but before he could he yawned loudly, causing Baz to laugh. “Let’s go to bed, love. We can talk about this more in the morning.”
Baz gently pushed Simon back until he laid on the bed and then settled himself next to the boy. Simon curled his body around him so his head was tucked in a nook in Baz’s neck and their legs were intertwined. All of the day’s events melted away as Baz’s earthy scent filled Simon’s nose and soothed him. He felt at home again, but there was still something bothering him.
“Baz?” Simon whispered a few minutes after laying down, nudging Baz with his head.
“Hmm?”
Simon’s fingers dragged over Baz’s chest. “Can I ask why you didn’t tell me about the texts?”
“You just did.”
“Baz.” Were they going to just fight again? He really hoped not.
Baz opened his eyes after realizing Simon really did want to talk about it. He removed himself from Simon’s arms and moved so his body was hovering above Simon. “I didn’t tell you not because I had anything to hide, I didn’t tell you because I genuinely thought you wouldn’t care. Please believe me when I tell you that.”
Simon really wanted to believe him, but he just couldn’t understand him. “But why think I wouldn’t care? We’ve been together for nearly a year and it’s been established that I’m hopelessly in love with you.”
Baz hesitated a moment before answering. “Because... I’m not used to this. ” He motioned to them laying on each other. “I’m not used to you caring so deeply about me. I spent years trying to get your attention and dreaming about you telling me you love me. Now that I have that I don’t know what to do with myself or with what we have, because it’s incredible. I’m also nowhere near used to meaning something to you. Never in a million years did I think Simon Snow would be jealous of someone sending me perverted and overused pickup lines.”
Simon frowned. “So you really thought I’d just brush it off?”
Baz nodded. “Yes. Looking back I know that was foolish, but at the time I really believed you would just laugh along with me or even ignore it. Does that make sense?”
“Kind of.” Simon scrunched up his face. It was nearly two in the morning, not a lot was making sense. He understood the point Baz was trying to get across, though. As weird and dumb as it was, Simon thought he could almost comprehend it.
“Well,” Baz sighed. “It’s late and we have class tomorrow. We won’t get much accomplished if we continue this conversation half asleep. Was what I said enough for now?”
Simon considered it for a moment and decided that it indeed was enough for the night. “Yeah, let’s go to bed now.”
Baz smiled down at him and then dropped himself on top of Simon and didn’t get off. Normally Simon slept on Baz, but tonight they’d make the exception.
Baz nuzzled his face into Simon’s neck and kissed a few moles and then his ear. “Just so you know, I’ve never been loved like this. You make me feel so alive, Simon Snow.” He continued to kiss along Simon’s neck and then his face, causing the boy to giggle.
“I thought you said vampires weren’t alive?”
Baz nicked Simon’s collarbone with his front teeth. “Shut up before you ruin the moment, you ass.”