Chapter Text
From the moment he wakes up, Goro knows that even stumbling out of bed is going to be challenging.
It started the day before, a faint feeling at the back of his head forcing him to rest earlier than he usually does. He knew that staying up longer will only result in a headache, but the uneasy sleep only served to prove that even the comfort of his bed isn’t going to get rid of the persistent ache.
Goro is buried under his covers when Akira walks into the room, kissing him goodbye before leaving for the morning classes, but this time instead of a content sigh he gets a growl. Despite being half-awake even a slight disturbance is unwelcomed for Goro’s head which decided to nag him the whole night. He ignores Akira’s concerned voice, sinking into the pillow and forcing himself to get some more sleep.
When noon comes around it’s Morgana’s voice which rouses him from his slumber, the cat himself worried what caused an early bird like Goro to sleep for so long. Despite Morgana’s visits being as rare as they are, Goro wishes that today of all times the cat would let him rest.
When the boys moved in together, regardless of what Morgana said at the beginning the cat stayed away from their apartment more often than not, explaining he’d rather give them some space to do their thing. It’s still unclear to Goro what he meant by that, but if Morgana’s disgusted expression whenever he caught them in the middle of their makeout sessions is any indications, Goro thinks he starts to get the idea.
But the curiosity didn’t quite manage to kill the cat, Morgana coming back after few weeks just to check how the both of them are doing. Despite the initial impression of being a nuisance to their perfect life, few carefully asked questions made Goro realize that there are some issues that both boys are scared to address.
Goro knows Morgana means well, but he must admit that the uncertainty the cat managed to plant in his head is enough to mess with him further, especially today when his thoughts are a jumbled mess. He means well, but Goro is yet to know that the seed of doubt will create the first fissure in their seemingly happy relationship.
It started after a morning routine, when Goro finally managed to get himself together and pretend that his head isn’t giving him hell just from standing upright. No matter how much cleaning he has to get done, and no matter how much he wants to ignore the fact that the role of a housewife irritates him more than he would like to admit, resting is unfortunately out of the question. So with a tired huff Goro finally pries himself away from his bed and tries to put the apartment in order, silently wishing for Morgana to leave before Goro will kick him out for his pestering.
Goro at least has to agree that cleaning is something he can postpone at least a day, but the truth is that there is another obligation he has to fulfill before the day’s end, and one he feels won’t be as easy as mindless house chores.
After countless discussions with Akira about finding a job, the discussions during which Goro tried very hard not to lose his mind over how paranoid Akira is, they finally settled on a compromise. Having studied several languages in the past Goro took a particular liking to French, granting him a job as a translator, something he doesn’t need to leave the apartment for. And while it’s not an ideal solution, being stuck at home for hours on end, at least he can finally say he’s not being a useless member of their little family.
While keeping their house clean requires a considerable amount of movement, something his head doesn’t quite appreciate, Goro knows that if there is a chance his headache will let up before he has to start working on the translations he has to try it. While moving around isn’t doing him any favors, at least his head doesn’t prevent him from dusting and vacuuming the place as opposed to putting together the project he is yet to finish.
While normally the deadlines for the articles Goro needs to work on aren’t anything dire, this time he stroke a jackpot with the task he’s been assigned with. He’s already been paid a large sum of money in advance, on condition Goro finishes it before the day’s end, and despite his head’s protests he has no other choice but to comply. Whoever paid him was desperate enough for Goro to not even consider backing down.
Akira still isn’t back from his classes when Goro finally sits down in front of his laptop, Morgana not too far away from him and still trying to convince him to lay back down, despite nearly pushing him out of bed few hours ago. Knowing that Morgana is reasonable enough to stop nagging him after a proper excuse, Goro explains why resting is not an option and hears a blissful silence not long after. He hopes he can manage to get everything done before Akira comes back, the lecture he’s going to get when Akira notices any sign of distress on his face Goro can do without.
Seeing how there is little to no chance that his headache is going to leave him anytime soon, ignoring it to the best of Goro's abilities is his best option. And so he tries to work in silence for the next hour, taking small breaks to spare his eyes from a constant exposure to the bright light and massaging his temples, hoping it can bring him some respite from a constant feeling of needles prickling his head.
Until Akira comes back home, and Goro has to do everything in his power not to show his irritation when the ravenette shouts from the hall, announcing his arrival. He’s doing well enough for Akira not to pick up on his grimace when he hugs him, the smallest of movements bothering Goro after an hour of staying still. Despite being his usual self, at least Akira doesn’t need an explanation to know it’s best not to interrupt him when Goro's working, so the raven disappears from the room as quickly as he came in.
No matter how safe it is for him to slump back in his chair again with Akira out of sight, Goro decides to keep his focus and concentrate on the project. It brings less desirable effects than he would like, the pressure from trying to keep his eyes open only worsening the headache, and Goro can’t resist propping his head on his arms and closing his eyes, searching for at least a little bit of comfort.
It comes as no surprise when Akira chooses this exact moment to show up again, asking Goro to come to the kitchen for a dinner. He’s glad that at least cooking isn't one of his responsibilities, Goro doubts he could do even a mediocre job while struggling to do his best with the simplest of dishes.
“Are you okay?” Akira asks, stopping himself mid-sentence. Goro hopes his headache will ease up eventually, he’d hate to be the cause of Akira's worries knowing how he tends to overreact over the smallest of problems.
“Yes, there is just one segment I can't quite get right.” Goro straightens his back and tries to hide how the vibrations from his voice make his head throb. He does a poor job, judging by Akira's slight frown.
“Did you sleep well?”
“What does it have to do with anything?” Goro asks, his voice just slightly strained.
“You seemed upset in the morning, does it still bother you?” The underlying message of how Goro's nightmares plague his life long after the night has passed is better left unaddressed. As much as he would like this to be the case right now, none of the available options will lead to Akira ceasing his worrying.
For now Goro just sighs, turning his head away from his boyfriend and pretending that his dreams are more of a problem than the drills digging in his head. “I’m fine. I’ll join you as soon as I’m done.”
It seems to be enough for Akira to leave Goro alone again. He knows that lying to the ravenette is like walking on a thin ice, the trust they managed to build during the short time of living together is something Goro would rather avoid risking.
Despite assuring Akira of joining him when he’s done, the task of finishing the project turns out to be more demanding than Goro anticipated. The lie from before ends up being the truth after all, the segment he’s working on seems to go on forever and Goro’s mind going more and more fuzzy with each passing second doesn’t help. The breaks he takes turn out being longer than the time he spends working, and even Akira’s head peeking from behind the hallway doesn’t stop Goro from closing his eyes even for just few seconds.
His eyes are still closed when Goro hears a sound of something being placed in front of him, a pill and a glass of water in his sight when he finally opens them. “Why did you lie?” Here we go.
“Can we please talk about this later?” Goro replies, not even hiding the exhaustion in his voice.
“You should rest if your head hurts. Come on, go and take a break, you don’t need to force yourself to finish it today.” Akira rests his hand on Goro’s shoulder, Goro staying put and not moving a muscle just to prove his point.
“You know I can’t. I already got paid in advance, I need to finish it before the end of the day.” Goro explains, knowing very well it’s not going to be enough when it comes to Akira.
“We’ll get by one way or another. I can work another shift tomorrow if you’re that worried about money.” Goro would love to explain that it’s not their financial problems he’s concerned about, but telling Akira that he’s being a pretentious bastard for thinking he’s the only one allowed to contribute to their little family is getting to him faster than Goro thought.
“It’s just a headache. It will pass.” Trying to reason with him with simple facts is better than getting angry, especially since Goro doesn’t think he’s capable of winning an argument in this state. They haven’t had any major disagreements yet, other than Akira being a stubborn ass, but if it will end up in something bigger than Akira sulking in the other room, Goro’s unsure how their relationship will fare in the future with something so trivial being able to shake the foundations.
Akira’s face scrunches up, backing up with reluctance and his hand leaving Goro’s shoulder. “Take the pill, alright? I’ll keep checking on you. If it gets worse, you stop.” It’s not even a suggestion, Goro notes, the tone of his voice more fitting for an order, and Goro has had enough of those in his life already.
They both fall silent, Goro taking the pill just to make Akira leave. He knows that arguing with Akira when he gets like this is just looking for trouble, and while normally Goro would love to finally clear the air between them, today is definitely not that day. So despite the irritation that's been raising within him for the last few hours, Goro tries to finish the translation and be done with it. Lingering on the issue for too long will only make him doubt himself.
Another hour passes but the pill only seems to work to Goro’s disadvantage, making him groggy and dulling the pain only to make him oversensitive to light and the noise from a TV in another room. He’d go there and ask Akira to lower the volume but that would be admitting defeat, and Goro wants to at least pretend that he’s feeling better. He wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Akira is testing him to see if he’s really that tough as he makes himself look.
Goro figures it wouldn’t hurt to finally eat something after neglecting Akira’s offer for an hour, the hunger making his head spin on top of everything else he’s been forced to endure today. The movement makes him light-headed, Goro holding the edge of his desk to steady himself before making his way to the kitchen, passing Akira on the way and avoiding his stare.
The chicken hidden in the oven is still warm, so the only thing left to do is to warm up the rice in the microwave. Unfortunately, Goro’s warden is ever watchful, noticing his clumsy steps and walking up to him. Morgana seems to have disappeared from the apartment somewhere during the time he was working, and Goro wonders if maybe it’s for the best.
“How are you feeling?” Akira asks, louder than necessary. Goro flinches at the sound of it, somehow predicting that Akira knows the answer already.
“I’m fine.”
“Really.” It’s not a question, Akira pursing his lips and acting like he already won, like Goro is already laying in bed, safely tucked in where no outside world will ever get to him.
But Goro is so tired after the whole day of struggling with simply living that the challenging tone finally makes him snap. “What’s your problem?” He asks slowly, the tone daring and cold.
Akira scoffs, “I knew this would happen. You’re overworking yourself.”
“So you’re allowed to work two shifts after your classes and be too tired to do anything, but I’m not allowed to sit and home and work the only way you agreed to?”
“This was a mistake. You should just let me take over from now on.” Akira says in a voice which won’t accept refusal.
Goro can’t believe what he’s hearing. “Is that an order?” He knows how paranoid Akira can be, but trying to straight up control him is stepping over the line.
“It is. You won’t listen to me otherwise.” Akira must have lost his mind.
“Don’t you dare try to boss me around, Akira.” The microwave starts beeping but he pays it no mind, there are more important things at hand.
“You’re always like this, you don’t care about your own well-being and you don’t know what’s good for you.” Goro really wants to avoid raising his voice, the pressure in his head nearly exploding his eardrums, but it seems it’s inevitable if he wants to make Akira come back to his senses.
“Who do you think I am, a child?! I’m not going to let you waste your life away being stuck at work, you think it’s fun watching you come back home at an ungodly hour just so you can ignore me and go straight to bed?”
“If it means keeping you happy then I don’t think you have reasons to complain.” Judging by Akira’s words, Goro wishes there would be at least a small hint of remorse in his eyes. He looks up at him, finding nothing else but raw determination to get what he wants.
“You think I can’t complain?” Goro start quietly. “You think I’m happy being stuck at home most of the time, not spending time with you for days on end and being useless while you work your ass off?” Only when Goro raises his voice and the pressure in his head becomes a little too much, making him sway and hold the counter does the tiny bit of apology flash through Akira’s face. It doesn’t last for long.
“What do you mean useless?! You’re here, alive and well and pushing yourself unnecessarily when you can just let me do everything.” At this point Goro might as well believe Akira is deaf.
“I’m done being your decoration, Akira! You’re trapping me here just so you can feel better about yourself, can’t you see that?” Goro might be going too far. He knows how Akira behaved when he was away, and even though the life they have now is far from a real therapy, Goro would like to believe that at least in some way Akira feels better knowing he has a home and a person he loves to come back to. Turning the situation around to his advantage is a reckless move, but Goro feels like his own reasoning is slowly leaving him.
Akira looks furious, “Fine!” He exclaims, Goro flinching at the sound of it. Akira turns around and walks back into the hallway. “Do whatever the fuck you want! I’m glad we’re finally being honest with each other, I almost believed I could do something right!” He grabs his coat and walks out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him and leaving Goro alone once again.
He’s too dazed to process everything that’s happened, staring blankly at the door. He thought the victory would taste better, but the mix of emotions suddenly overtaking him leaves Goro confused. He’s relieved he was finally able to let everything out, telling Akira exactly how being trapped at home all day feels. But there is a part of him that promised to understand where Akira’s coming from, which failed to reassure Akira that he’s doing the best he can and let him know that he should give Goro more freedom.
All of it, however, is left discarded at the back of his mind. Goro knows there is no use dwelling on the past, so with low spirits he tries to justify himself and hope that he doesn’t need to chase after Akira. He trusts him enough to believe he’ll stay safe, but Goro isn’t above thinking that being a reckless idiot that he is, Akira will get in trouble just to spite him.
After promptly losing his appetite, Goro forces himself to finish his meal, during which he finds out that the thing that hurts the most isn’t his head, but the knowledge that despite all the time they spent together, Akira is still the same boy who drove him away from Leblanc few weeks ago. Goro comes back to his desk, trying to ignore the fact that the home they built together is made of sand and crumbling slowly right in front of him.