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Jackie sat in her motel room. She took a deep breath, trying in vain to control her emotions. She couldn’t stop sobbing. She bent forward to hug herself. Her breaths came rapidly, and her tears came in an endless stream. He was gone. He’d left her without letting her explain and she was alone. She wanted to scream, to kick Michael for being an idiot, to march after Steven, and tie him down to a chair. SOMETHING! …But he was gone, and she was tired. She was tired of running after him and being the emotionally strong one in their relationship. She loved Steven. He was like a physical part of her in her very essence. He was her best friend, her teacher, her lover and partner, but she couldn’t keep waiting for him to change his mind and be the man she needed him to be.
In the last year, their relationship had taken a tumultuous turn. They’d drifted apart. As she’d become more career minded, Steven had clung more and more to being lazy, childish and high. He’d called it “having a little fun before he settled down and his world turned to crap,” as in before he joined the adult world, before he became more serious about his father’s company, before he moved out of Mr. and Mrs. Forman’s basement, and before he became more serious with her.
She wiped tears from her eyes and mockingly laughed at herself. She should’ve known he was never going to grow up after that last Christmas party when he’d disrespected her wishes and called having a life with her “crap.” So many new and long-buried problems she’d noticed and couldn’t ignore anymore were bothering her and each time she’d try to confront and talk to him, he’d distance himself and vilify her for wanting more from him. And like a fool, she’d clung to him, afraid to confirm his waning love. Well, she had her answer: he was gone, and she was done.
In a moment of clarity, Jackie grabbed a notepad from the end table next to her and began to pen a letter for Steven.
When she was done, she folded it up and promised herself to mail it in the morning. This was for the best. She was ready to grow up and begin the rest of her life.
Three months later...
Dear Steven,
Let me start by saying this: I AM NOT A CHEATER. MICHAEL AND I WERE NEVER GOING TO HAVE SEX. NOT NOW AND NOT EVER. When you left, I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t decide who I wanted to kick more: you or Michael. You for being a moron and doubting my love or Michael for being Michael.
I don’t understand how you could make that kind of assumption and run away without talking. But that’s our issue isn’t it, not talking?
Before I left, I had this vision in my mind that you were going to stop me, tell me how much you loved me, tell me how sorry you were for making me doubt your love and you would declare how marriage was something we could talk about in a few years. A FEW YEARS STEVEN.
I should have never given you that ultimatum, Steven. I’m sorry. I felt insecure about your feelings for me and I didn’t know how to confront you about it. I’m sorry for pushing you that way, but I needed some kind of stability. I wasn’t expecting a diamond ring, but I did need a promise for something more. I needed to hear you say you loved me and wanted to work on our problems. I needed to hear that I wasn’t wasting my time, that you wanted the same future as me: a family and kids. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. We have a similar history and I thought that was what you wanted too. Maybe I was wrong.
And yes, I will admit at one point I did want to marry someone rich and be financially supported, but that was before I met you and you helped me be less materialistic, before you told me I could make my own money. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t good enough. I kept pushing you to do better at your father’s job because I knew you could succeed. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Steven, you have so much potential. You’re so smart and business savvy and already know so much about music. When your father gave you the record store, I watched your whole face light up and I was ecstatic and so proud of you. I just wanted to help you be your best self. I’m sorry for not getting that message across.
Steven, I’m going to stay in Chicago and pursue my dreams. I’d really appreciate it if I could have your support and if not, then that’s okay. I’m ready to move on. We both have our own paths to follow and this is where ours diverge. Whether we meet again as friends or lovers, I will always love you even when mountains crumble to the sea. I wouldn’t be the same person I am today if it wasn’t for you. Goodbye Steven.
All my love,
Jackie
Hyde finishes reading the letter in his hands. It’s well worn with little creases showing where he’s gently held it at previous times. He’s holding a beer in his other hand. He’s not sure how long he’s been drinking; he’d lost count after 10 cans. His stripper wife is gone for good. The room still smells like her cheap perfume and it aggravates him. His anguish builds. He tries smelling the shirt he gave her for her birthday but the lavender and vanilla is gone. The cheap perfume is all he can smell and it breaks him. It builds in him and he wants to break something, anything to get away from this pain. He turns over his bed, shoves her picture off his dresser, topples over the records on his shelf, and rips the posters off his walls. By the time he’s done, there isn’t a clean area on his floor and he’s alone with no one to blame but himself.
In the other room, Donna, Fez, Kelso, and Randy are sitting in the basement watching TV. No one is speaking and there’s a resigned silence. They can overhear Hyde yelling and banging around in his room.
“Ay, he’s at it again. I think he’s getting worse!” Fez speaks up in a panic. He shifts around, uncomfortable with the sounds coming from Hyde’s room, which can only be described as animal-like wails.
“We know,” Donna crosses her arms with a bored expression on her face.
“He’ll stop in a few minutes. He just needs to get it out of his system,” Randy says, relaxing next to Donna on the couch. “Then he’ll do his own circle.”
“It’s his own fault anyway,” Kelso says, uncharacteristically caustic, fiddling with a ball paddle. “All he needs to do is tell Jackie he’s sorry and she’ll take him back easy as pie!” What’s left unsaid is how Brooke won’t do the same.
Fez scoffs and stands up self-righteously, “We all know he’ll need to do more than that! He mistreated my goddess the way he just left her and married a sexy stripper!”
“Yeah and now the stripper’s gone, so whoop de doo,” Donna says, tightening her arms.
Randy, noticing Donna’s bad mood, asks, “What’s up with you?”
“My best friends are gone. Jackie’s in Chicago, fulfilling her dreams. Eric’s in Africa to get a scholarship and Hyde’s a complete mess! And what am I doing? I’m just sitting here, doing the same thing I’ve been doing since high school… I-I’ve gotta go,” Donna tearfully breaks away from Randy and makes way for the basement door.
“Donna wait!” Randy gets up and chases after her.
“Man, everyone’s so down. I thought it’d be fun if I drove up here instead of helping Jackie pack, but now I’m wishing I stayed,” Kelso moped, dropping the kid’s toy in his hand.
Fez can only sigh in agreement. Things haven’t been the same since Eric and Jackie left.
“Should we have gone after Donna?” Fez asks.
“Nah, she’s a big kid. Besides, I don’t like being around her when she cries. Big D is not like other girls. She punches when she’s sad! And let me tell you something, she punches harder than Hyde!” Kelso warns. He didn’t want to get involved, not after the last time he’d caught her crying. He was in her closet at the time and like a good friend, he’d come out to comfort her. Instead of being grateful, she’d turned into a mad, raving beast!
“How is my beautiful goddess? She told me she won an award for her last news show!” Fez exclaims, childishly sitting forward with his hands on his knees and his full attention on the TV's news program.
“Yeah, she got an award for being the first on scene at a plane crash in O’Hare. Now she’s getting promoted to a full-time position. Sucks those people died, but pretty sweet for Jackie, huh?” Kelse brags.
“I always knew my goddess was meant for great things! I just wish I could be there with her! She knows she’s welcome here, yes?” Fez looks on to the brunette on TV and hums to himself, admiring her beauty.
“Not with him around,” Kelso darkly gestures to Hyde’s bedroom. “I don’t want her anywhere near him.”
Hyde’s bedroom door suddenly bangs open and Hyde stumbles out.
“Is that why she’s not answering the phone? She doesn’t want to talk to me because of you!?” Hyde yells.
“I guess he didn’t get to that solo circle,” Fez nervously jokes.
“Hyde, man, she doesn’t want to talk to you. She’s not ready after what you did,” Kelso stands up, recognizing what Hyde’s about to do in his belligerent state.
“Fuck that man. You’re always getting in between us. Since day one you’ve wanted to break us up. That’s what happened in Chicago right? And you’re fucking doing it again!” Hyde yells, throwing the lawn chair in front of him to the side in order to get to Kelso.
“Hyde chill,” Kelso backs up. “You’re gonna wake up Mr. and Mrs. Forman.”
“Whatever,” Hyde snarls before leaping at Kelso.
Kelso, however, is prepared and uses his police training to correctly grapple and restrain Hyde.
Fez unhelpfully licks his finger and shoves it in Hyde’s ear only to run to the other side of the room when Hyde yells in fury.
Not able to get out of the grapple, Hyde drunkenly laughs without humor, “You actually learned something before you burned down the police academy?”
“If you weren’t always drunk out of your mind, you’d know by now that they let me back in. Which is weird for me to say because I’m the one that never pays attention!” Kelso says, still struggling to hold down Hyde. “You gotta calm down man. Jackie still loves you, but you can’t let her see you like this!”
Hyde calms when he hears Jackie still returns his love and sensing the change, Kelso lets go of him.
Hyde moves away from the TV. “She’s not coming back is she?” Hyde asks, looking at his hands.
“No, she’s moving to New York for her promotion.”
Hyde grunts, “Good for her.” And he means it, he’s proud of her.
“You can still go after her and tell her not to leave,” Kelso pleads, feeling like this may be the last time Hyde will listen.
Hyde shook his head, “I tried that once and we all know how that ended.”
“Yeah you got drunk off your ass, married a stripper, and disappeared for a month!” Fez hollers from the safety of the stairwell.
Hyde darkly glares at Fez, “Like I said, we all know how that ended.” He walks back to his room. His anger, like the flame flicker of his Zippo lighter, is gone as soon as it came.
“Why aren’t you fighting for her?” Kelso demands, not understanding why he isn’t fighting for the love of his life. He loves Brooke and Betsy and can’t imagine not being in their lives. That’s why he went back to the academy, to support them and be a father Betsy can look up to.
Hyde’s back is to them. He leans against the doorframe of his bedroom. “I’m never going to be good enough for her. She said it herself, I just ruin shit for her and when it gets hard, I run.”
“Then don’t run, you son of a bitch! Go to AAA, clean yourself up, go to her and beg on your knees so that she will forgive you!” Fez tries to yell, but his voice comes out pleading.
Kelso and Fez look on hopeful that Hyde will turn around, but he doesn’t. Instead, he walks into his room and slams the door behind him.
The TV is still on and they can hear the newscasters saying farewell to Jackie Burkhart.