Chapter Text
Here’s to You
***
Chapter One
***
Ladybug couldn’t date.
Marinette understood this fact on a visceral level.
There were so many reasons why Ladybug couldn’t date. Sometimes, like tonight, Marinette lay awake in bed and counted the reasons in her head.
It wasn’t smart. It wasn’t safe. It wasn’t practical. It wasn’t what she wanted.
It wasn’t smart because allowing anyone to get that close to her alter ego would inevitably result in that person figuring out her secret identity. Marinette was always careful, but she also knew herself well enough to admit that she turned into a confetti cannon of personal information and unintended confessions around anyone she was genuinely interested in.
It wasn’t safe because if word got out that Ladybug was dating someone, as it inevitably would, her enemies would do their absolute best to exploit her relationship. Rather than a movie ticket or an ice cream cone, she’d be better off buying her theoretical romantic partner a t-shirt with the words ‘Akumatize me!’ printed on the front and a giant bulls eye on the back. One freudian slip, one lingering glance, one affectionate gesture and Hawk Moth would be all over her paramour like a monarch caterpillar on milk weed.
It wasn’t practical because they wouldn’t be able to do anything or go anywhere as a couple. Ladybug attracted attention wherever she went—from supervillains and the media and random civilians who either had thanks to give or bones to pick. It wasn’t really dating if you never got to spend time together, was it? It wouldn’t be like a long-distance relationship since the obstacle wasn’t geography but rather having any contact whatsoever.
It wasn’t what she wanted because Marinette didn’t want Ladybug to be a sex object. It was hard enough getting the press to keep their questions professional as is. She had a minor panic attack whenever she imagined what they would say if Ladybug were romantically involved. That kind of attention would be unbearable. People might start respecting her less, which would make it even harder to do her job. Plus, she’d be condemned to spending the rest of her school years listening to Alya and Nino debate internet theories about her sex life, which…no. Just. No.
Ladybug couldn’t date anyone, and Marinette got it.
Chat Noir, on the other hand, did not seem to get it at all.
And every time he asked her out, for ice cream or movies or public garden walks or any number of activities that they couldn’t actually engage in together, it got harder and harder to say no.
Marinette rolled over, pulled the covers over her head, and kept counting her reasons.
She didn’t get much sleep that night.
***
Ladybug wasn’t going to date him.
It had taken him a long time to realize this, and he wasn’t exactly happy about it, but Adrien accepted the fact.
He understood the reasons why Ladybug couldn’t date just anyone. They were the same reasons Chat Noir couldn’t date just anyone. But he’d always thought, or hoped, that he might be her exception. Because they weren’t just anyone, they were partners, Ladybug and Chat Noir, the unstoppable team.
It was destiny, meant to be, bound to happen, sooner or later.
They were inevitable, he’d thought.
And said. Out loud. To her. On multiple occasions.
Yikes.
Then, one day when Nathalie was going over the new house alarm codes for that month, Adrien had an epiphany.
Whoever Ladybug was under the mask, she probably didn’t live in a house with a high tech military-grade security system.
For the first time in his life, Adrien contemplated the meaning of the word privilege.
And suddenly, something clicked.
She’d always been the more cautious of the two, always guarded, always vigilant. He laughed at danger that she vanquished in an instant, because she had to. Because she had something to protect. And unlike his something, her something could not protect itself.
Chat Noir was a threat to Ladybug’s something.
It didn’t matter that he was her partner, it didn’t matter that they trusted each other with their lives, and it didn’t matter that he’d sooner die than betray her. Even with the best intentions, he was a risk.
They were a risk.
A risk he could probably afford and that she probably couldn’t.
And honestly? Adrien hadn’t lived enough to know what to do about that.
So dating Ladybug?
Yeah. Not gonna happen.
“Glad we’re on the same page.” Plagg sneered. “So why the hell do you keep asking her to the movies?”
“I don’t plan on it! It just slips out!” Adrien wailed, falling back on his bed and covering his face with a pillow. There were only a few hours of darkness left before the break of dawn but the young superhero’s racing mind showed no signs of weariness. “My mouth says the words before my brain can tell it not to!”
“Then drink some coffee and tell your brain to do its fucking job.” Plagg grumbled, though his demeanor softened as he watched his Chosen sink miserably into the covers. “It’s not like you want to make her uncomfortable, right?”
No.
No, Adrien definitely didn’t want that.
He didn’t get much sleep that night.
***
“Psst, Ivan, look!”
“Why are you whispering, Mylene? The librarian isn’t even here.”
“Shh!” Mylene hissed and yanked Ivan behind a bookshelf. “You’ll wake them up.”
“Who are you…” Ivan trailed off as his eyes landed on the two students who had drifted to sleep, side by side, at one of the study tables in the center of the library. “Aww…” Ivan cooed when he saw how Marinette was using Adrien’s arm like a pillow and Adrien was sleepily nuzzling into her hair. Even from a distance, it was clear that the snoozing pair were blissfully oblivious to the world and their physical proximity. Their text books were splayed open on the table in front of them. An uncapped highlighter had fallen out of Marinette’s hand and rolled under Adrien’s chair.
“I have got to get a picture of this.” Mylene whispered and pulled out her phone. Intrigued by the triumphant chord in her voice, Ivan glanced at her screen to see who she was texting.
“What’s Secret Garden?”
“Shh!”
***
When he was sure the nosy classmates were gone and the coast was clear, Plagg took a risk and phased out of Adrien’s book bag and into Marinette’s purse.
“I can’t take it anymore!” He hissed, skipping the small talk.
Tikki rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic.”
“You don’t understand!” Plagg wailed. “He spends all his time mooning over her! It’s insufferable!”
“You live in a mansion and get all the camembert you could possibly want. You’re hardly suffering.”
“Do not underestimate the extent of my cheese lust.” He warned.
“I’ve got it just as bad, you know.” Tikki sighed, crossing her arms. “Keeping Marinette from crossing the line between adolescent infatuation and unhealthy obsession is a full time job.”
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about!” Plagg whined. “Everything would be so much better if they knew!”
“Absolutely not.”
“But—”
“No. We tried going public, remember? And what happened? Joan got burned at the stake, that’s what happened.” Tikki’s sapphire eyes cracked and shattered. “I won’t go through that again.”
“I’m not saying we go public. I’m saying we tell them so they’ll shut up about their hormones for five minutes.”
Tikki’s demeanor softened with amusement, but she kept her tone disapproving. “Wouldn’t that just make the problem worse?”
“Nope.” Plagg scratched his ear with his foot. “He can’t be bugging me while he’s snogging her.”
“O ye of little faith…” Tikki sighed, her amusement and irritation fading into resignation. “You know why we can’t tell them, Plagg. In many ways, they’re still children. Who knows who they’ll become in the future, who they’ll want to become. As long as their identities remain secret, they can walk away, break our contract and let the superhero fade into myth and memory while they lead the life they choose. And as soon as someone else, anyone else, shares that secret, they lose that choice. That’s it. Done. They’re Ladybug and Chat Noir forever, end of story.” Tikki sympathetically rested her arm on Plagg’s shoulder. “We can’t take that choice away from them, Plagg. If they tell each other the truth, it has to be their decision.” Her face wrinkled. “Even if listening to Marinette try to form complete sentences around Adrien is like gargling with mercury.”
“Oh yeah? He makes me listen to his poetry.”
“I’m so sorry.”
A muffled “Whazzuh?” from above signaled the end of their tête-à-tête. With a quick peck to Tikki’s forehead, Plagg phased back into Adrien’s bag as the two slumbering superheroes woke up from their nap.
***
Smells nice…
What smells nice?
Girl…
Er…what girl?
Adrien’s eyelids slowly peeled to reveal an inky black sky.
No…
Wait…
Correction: An earlier version of this thought misidentified the substance as the sky. The substance was in fact human hair.
A few blinks later, Adrien realized that he was staring at the top of Marinette’s head. A few blinks after that, he realized that he was staring at the top of Marinette’s head because her face was resting on his arm and his nose was buried in her hair.
And then he had the horrifying realization that her hair was also in his mouth. Because he’d been chewing on her hair in his sleep.
He worked his jaw, trying to subtly remove the raven locks from his orifice without waking his classmate. He failed.
“Whazzuh?” Marinette opened her eyes and tried to sit up, resulting in a direct forehead-to-chin collision. The two friends yelped and leaned away from each other, their faces red and smarting.
“Ohmigod Adrien!” Marinette cried. “I’m so sorry! Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
Adrien was too embarrassed to answer right away, which only worsened Marinette’s panic.
“Ohmigod you are hurt! O-oh no. Wha-what should I—Adrien! I-I’m so so sorry! Oh god, did I bruise your face? Did I destroy your career?! I-I-I-I’ll take responsibility! I-I-I-I—”
“Marinette, it’s okay!” Adrien snapped out of his mortified daze enough to reassure her. “I’m fine. You just, uh, caught me by surprise is…all…” He trailed off when his gaze landed on the top of her head and he noticed a damp patch of hair sticking up at weird angles. An unfamiliar sensation, red-hot and somehow sticky but not entirely unpleasant, flooded his body, making Adrien want to crawl out of his skin.
Either that, or…
“Oh my god…”
Fortunately, Marinette’s devastated whisper diverted his train of thought from the exceedingly dangerous track it was headed towards. Heart hammering, his eyes returned to her face. Marinette was staring at his arm as if it had grown teeth and when Adrien followed her gaze he noticed for the first time a patch of skin that was slightly red and slightly damp.
“Oh my god…” Marinette whispered almost too quietly for him to hear. “I broke Adrien’s face and I drooled on him.”
Adrien was swamped with emotion. The hot sticky feeling had returned with a vengeance, only now it was competing with a cool tide of relief. At least she couldn’t get too upset about what he’d done to her hair, right? This made them even, right?!
Before he could say another word, Marinette swept up her belongings and fled, leaving a thousand stammered apologies in her wake.
Once the library was silent and otherwise unoccupied, Adrien remembered to breathe.
Well… he thought as he collected his textbooks and study guides. That was a freebie.
***
Adrien was sleeping over at Nino’s that night.
Securing his father’s permission had been a monumental undertaking, involving weeks of begging, bribing, and borderline blackmail, but Gabriel had caved at the last moment. Adrien could barely contain his excitement as the town car parked in front of Nino’s apartment building and his friend raced out to greet him. His excitement turned to confusion as Nino rushed him inside.
“Look, dude, we’ve got one night to get you caught up on sixteen years of pop culture tropes.” Nino explained as they climbed the narrow stairs to the third floor. “We’re already behind schedule.”
“There’s a schedule?”
“Yup. We’ve got good-bad pizza—which is not the same as bad-bad pizza and I know you don’t believe me about that but after tonight we’ll never have to have that argument again—and too much candy and movies and a pillow fight and prank calls and—”
“Whoa, Nino, slow down. It’s my first sleepover, not my last.”
Nino’s mouth twisted in a grimace as he opened the apartment door. “It’s just…I want you to have fun tonight.” He muttered.
“How could I not? Relax, Nino, it’s just me.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“So…who are we gonna prank call?”
***
Alya growled as her phone rang for a fifth time.
“Don’t you need to get that?” Marinette asked.
“Nope.” Alya replied firmly. “Anyway, how are you? Anything you want to share?”
Marinette shrugged and took a sip of her iced latte. The two friends had stayed out late and were walking home the long way, enjoying the warm evening and the company. “Not really.”
“Nothing to report? Any new developments?”
“You mean since this morning?”
“Yeah.”
“Nah.” Marinette laughed.
“Really.” Alya drawled. “Because I heard that a certain designer was getting cozy with a certain model in the library after school today.”
“Wha-what?! No—that wasn’t—I—I didn’t—I…” Marinette’s shoulders slumped. “How did you find out?”
“It would be unethical for me to reveal my source.” Alya answered primly. Then she frowned with concern. “What’s wrong? I thought for sure you’d be over the moon.”
“I don’t want to talk about it…”
“Okay, now I’m worried.” Alya stopped her with a hand on her arm. “What happened? Did he do something untoward? Say the word and I’ll kick his ass from here to Tasmania, no questions asked.” Alya’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Unless…did you do something untoward?”
Marinette’s blush deepened and Alya gasped.
“No way! Girl, what did you do?”
Marinette muttered something too softly for Alya to hear.
“Sorry, didn’t catch that.”
“isaididrooledonhimokay…”
“Huh?”
“I SAID I DROOLED ON HIM OKAY!” Marinette bellowed furiously, causing numerous pedestrians to turn and stare at the girls. Marinette groaned and hid her face in her hands. “And then when I woke up I head-butted him in the face and probably broke his jaw and now his father will be mad at him and he’ll never work again and he’ll hate me forever and—”
“Hold your horses, girl.” Alya laughed. “I don’t think it’s as bad as all that. First of all, you didn’t put a single scratch on Sunflower’s pretty face, so breathe. Nino sent me a pic of them about half an hour ago.” Alya pulled out her phone and showed Marinette a picture of Nino and Adrien posing with several pounds of candy and huge grins. “See? He’s fine. As for the drooling…” Alya shrugged. “It’s really not a big deal. And who knows? Maybe he’s into it.”
“Alya!”
“You can’t fool me with those baby blues, Marinette. I’ve seen your manga collection, remember?”
“Sh-shut up!”
“My point is; it could be worse. He could be your long-lost half-angel half-brother who has sworn vengeance against all of humanity and who you’re having wildly inappropriate sex with, or something.”
“Alyaaaa!”
Bing
A text popped up on Alya’s phone before she put it back in her pocket.
N: Truce? I might have done something bad and I need you to play along or its all gonna go sideways…
And that’s when Marinette’s phone rang.
***
Brrriiiiiiiiing
Adrien’s heart was lodged so far up his throat he could almost taste it.
Brrriiiiiiiiing
His palms were greasy with sweat and his stomach churned.
Brrriiiiiiiiing
Why was he doing this? What was wrong with him? Wasn’t prank calling his classmates enough adventure for one night? What had possessed him to agree to play Truth or Dare with Nino?
Why the hell had Nino dared him to do this?
Brrriiiiiiiiing
Why didn’t he just say no?!
Brrriii—
“Hello?”
“HIHELLOMARINETTEWOULDYOULIKETOGETCOFFEEWITHMESOMETIME?! LIKEONADATEORSOMETHING?! OKAYBYE!!!”
Adrien chucked the phone at the wall and it landed gently on the bed.
“I hate you.” He groaned, covering his face and sinking into a miserable puddle on the floor. “I can’t believe you made me do that. I don’t even—”
He broke off as Nino silently picked up the phone and ended the call. For a moment the universe froze, with Nino standing by the bed with the phone in his hand and an expression of stunned horror on his face, Adrien collapsed in a miserable puddle of stomach-squirming shock on the floor.
“Dude…I never thought you’d actually go through with it…”
***
Marinette kept her phone pressed to her ear long after the line went dead.
I’m going to murder both of them. Alya thought grimly.
“So…” She said, gently pulling the device out of Marinette’s frozen grasp. “Who was that?”
“It was…it sounded like…maybe…Adrien?”
Marinette didn’t sound sure, but Alya couldn’t blame her.
“Wow! Lucky! What did he say?” Alya asked brightly, even though she knew exactly what Nino had dared Adrien to ask Marinette. Nino had explained everything in a series of frantic text messages while Adrien was screaming into the receiver.
“…I…I think he…asked me out? On a date? And then he said he hated me. And then he hung up…”
“…” Alya rolled her eyes and reached for her pocket. “Hold on, let me check something.”
A: Did your boy seriously tell my girl he hates her?!?!?
N: No, he was talking to me. Sry. He forgot to end call.
A: FFS.
N: Srsly. But! We can still make this work!
N: Right?
N: RIGHT?!
“Marinette, if Adrien asked you out on a date, there’s no way he hates you.” Alya announced firmly, placing her hand on her shell-shocked friend’s shoulder and steering her down the sidewalk.
“He…he hung up before I could answer…I…I don’t think he really meant it…”
“What?” Alya laughed nervously. “Of course he did! What kind of jerk would ask a girl out on a dare? Adrien’s not like that, Marinette.”
“A dare?”
“Uh…that was just a random example. Totally irrelevant, forget I said anything.” Nino, I’m gonna skin your punk ass alive for this. They’re not ready!
***
“Dude, what the hell were you thinking?!”
“You’re the one who dared me to do it!”
“If I dared you to jump off a building, would you do it?!”
“Yeah, probably!”
“Well what the fuck is that about, Adrien?!”
“Nino!” Adrien bellowed, his fists clenched and his face red. “What am I going to do?!”
Nino grabbed Adrien by the collar and hauled him close so that they were standing nose to nose.
“You’re going to go on that date with Marinette, that’s what you’re going to do.” Nino hissed, determination radiating off his skin like heat and fogging up his glasses. This sleepover had been his idea, Truth and Dare had been his idea, teasing his oblivious friends had been his idea, and there was no way in hell he was going to allow his own dickishness to ruin whatever Adrien had going with Marinette. Nino cared about them both way too much to let that happen. “And you are never, ever going to tell her that you asked her out on a dare.”
“She didn’t even say yes.” Adrien frowned. “Also, I can’t lie to Marinette.”
Not for the first time, Nino wished The Bubbler had done a better job teaching Gabriel Agreste a lesson.
“Okay, Adrien, forget the pop culture stuff. We’re going to spend the rest of the night doing hard core emotional intelligence building. Starting with: Strategic Omission, What It Is And Why We Use It.”
“Huh?”
***
M: Hi?
A: Hi! Sorry about earlier.
M: About that…I’d love to!
A: Yeah, so, Nino and I were dfgkjdgs;kn
A: Are you free tomorrow? 5ish?
M: Yes <3
A: Great! It’s a date! I’ll pick you up at your place!
M: Awesome!
***
“Nino, give me back my phone.”
“Not yet. Now repeat after me. I?”
“I.”
“Will not?”
“Will not.”
“Tell Marinette?”
“Tell Marinette.”
“About the dare.”
“About the dare.”
“Got it?”
“Nino, seriously, I think it would be better if I just came clean…”
“No! Okay. From the top. Ten Reasons Why It Is Not Cool To Ask Someone Out On A Dare…”
***
“Alya, can I have my phone back now?”
“I think I should probably keep it until your date tomorrow…just to be safe.”
“What date?”
“Adrien’s picking you up at 5 o’clock.”
“WHAT?!”
“I don’t have time for your shock and confusion, Marinette! We have less than 24 hours to pick an outfit for your first ever official date with Adrien Agreste, professional fashion model! Go go go!”