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It's his fault.
A voice hissed, as he clutched a deathly cold hand, and swallowed tears streaming down his face. The EKG beeped quietly, its pendulum of life swinging slower than it should, the soft hiss of the respirator accompanying it. Tenya sobbed quietly, rubbed his forehead across the back of his brother's hand. It couldn't end like this, not for him. He was too young, he had too many things still waiting for him. The room weighed him down with oppressive coldness, the sheets under his elbows were crisp, stiff, so foreign to the softness of those at home. This was the best hospital in Hosu, he had the best doctors, so why was Tensei hanging on by a thread? A strangled sob escaped him again, as more tears flowed from his closed eyes.
You know who did it.
Something whispered. He hardly heard it, but he raised his hand. His bottom lip quivered as he saw it, the only place that light didn't fall, a shadowy pit in the corner of the room, right by the head of the bed.
"No" he whimpered. Not him. Please not him, anyone but him.
You know his name. Stain did it.
Something boiled in Tenya's chest. He blinked, and the shadow was gone. Maybe it wasn't there in the first place. Whatever. Stain was the reason his brother was here, on the brink of death, and the doctors couldn't even tell him if he would ever walk again. All he wanted right now is for Tensei to squeeze his hand back. Anything even move his finger. He would give anything for his brother to get better, and anything to have revenge, to kill that bastard who did this.
Anything.
That made all the difference.
***
"AAAAARGHH!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, attempting to thrash in a pool of his own blood and spit. Spiked shoes stepped past him, before with a violent yank the knife was pulled from his shoulder. A few feet away, he knew, though he couldn't see it, laid Midoriya. He could hear him, whimpering quietly, pleading for his life. He could see Shouto laying, still, to still to be alive, and it forced the breath out of him. That wasn't possible.
If you'd only been stronger.
The whisper hissed, the same throaty, gurgling voice like the one back at the hospital. It was stuck in his head, lodged in his brain like a splinter you can't get out no matter what.
And now your friends will die.
A blood curdling scream cut through the afternoon air. A wet noise of steel crushing bone, chopping flesh vibrated through the concrete. Bile rose up his throat, spilling out his mouth. He couldn't take it. He was too weak, and now all of them are going to die. Here in this filthy alley, gutted by Stain. Black started clouding his vision. No! NO! He has to stay awake, he has to get up! He has to get help. Tenya clawed at the world, feeling his fingers slowly move, like he was struggling against gelatin or honey.
***
You could have stopped him. Had you been stronger.
The gurgle hissed in his ear. This time it was two EKGs. He sat, limp, staring at his friends. Todoroki barely alive, Midoriya staring up at the ceiling with empty eyes. Their families were at their sides. And the doctors still didn't know if Todoroki will live. If he had only been stronger. Tenya got up shakily, the world felt unreal, devoid of matter. Like he was sailing through a dream, bleak and grayed out. Slowly he stepped out into the corridor. He should have killed Stain in that alley not let another hero die, and two of his friends suffer.
The shadow lingered, he could feel it, skimming past his fingers, as he tread past the empty nurse station, and then slowly towards the doors. He didn't deserve to be called a hero. He didn't know where he was going, just that he didn't want to be there. He couldn't be there. He couldn't take the burning, accusing glares of two families. He would never be able to look his classmates in the eye. It would be best if he never existed. Dark thoughts swirled in his mind as the chill of the air hit him.
Startled Tenya looked around. He wasn't in the hospital anymore, in fact he didn't know where he was. The building surrounding him were unfamiliar, looming above with rows upon rows of dark windows. The concrete under his slippers was stained green, withered with age. Maybe it was for the better. Maybe someone will just knife him here, let him pay for what he had done. He should have been stronger, but he wasn't. The world weighed him down. Exhausted Tenya leaned against the wall, relishing in the harshness of concrete against his skin, it was cool, and pleasant, soothing against the pit of misery in his stomach. His eyes trailed up and down the dark alley, until they settled on a shadow. Only it wasn't one, it was dark, darker than anything he had seen, swallowing everything like the void. Tenya closed his eyes, if it was death, he was ready. He would just let it happen.
"What if you could save your friend?" a hissing, raspy voice bubbled. Suddenly the alley got freezing hot. The chill bit into his skin, almost like Todoroki's quirk.
"What if you could become stronger. So strong this never happens again?" Tenya's eyes flew open. Darkness loomed before him, solid and impenetrable. It was freezing cold in the alley, leaving his breath coming out in puffs of smoke. He didn't dare move. What villain was this?
"What are you?" he breathed, and felt a shiver run up his spin. His hands trembled, fingers and toes numbed. Cold wind blew, chilling him to the bone with only a thin hospital gown to cover him.
"An opportunity" this time the voice spoke louder. It was unnaturally deep, and resonated like there was more than one person speaking at the same time. Tenya gulped, this had to be an illusion. Or was this what death was like? "I can make Midoriya and Todoroki forget everything, I can make them well. Your brother can walk again, be the famed hero." it hissed. Tenya's heart hammered like mad. Make them well? How? No quirk could do that, he didn't know of any quirks which could heal without a cost, and Todoroki had nothing to pay with. He swallowed thickly, opened his mouth and closed it. It was a no brainer, so why was he hesitating? Everything about this was wrong.
"What's the price?" he asked, trembling like a leaf. The cold was getting unbearable. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep from shivering, but it was like the Darkness had sucked up all the warmth from the world, leaving a frozen emptiness behind.
The Darkness chuckled. It was a sound like the grating of steel against glass. "You".
Of course. His mind skipped to Todoroki, to the too slow beep of EKG, to Midoriya, crushed by his failure, weeping with the gut wound as he carried the tiny boy in his arms. To Tensei. Tears of frustration welled up in his eyes, as his nails dug into his arms. His skin felt ready to peel off, like that one time Todoroki had stuck him in his icy prison. He wouldn't fail them. Not again. He is going to be stronger. He is going to have his revenge on Stain, on anyone who ever dares hurt the people he loves.
"Done" Tenya grits out, and extends his hand. He stares into the void, into the eternal black with determination, despite the fact that he is terrified and freezing. If this saves them, then he can die. Slowly the shadow reaches out, it takes an eternity before it makes contact, and Tenya nearly collapses when it does. The touch is burning, like he had stuck his hand into a furnace to grab red hot coals.
***
The next thing he knows he is laying in bed. The morning air is pure and fresh, filtering in through the window. Something feels different, and then the dream comes back, the hospital, the darkness. Was that all a dream? Was the fight in the alley a dream? He grabs the phone from nightstand. Two days after the end of the internships. He should still be in the hospital. He should still be healing. Only... the deal... it must have worked!
Tenya bolts out the door. His shoulder slams into wall of the corridor, but he doesn't care. He must see Tensei. He nearly trips on the stairs twice rushing to find his brother. Hastily he turns a corner and slams into something solid, a wall of muscle with a brilliant smile and a rotten sense of humor. He backpedals a couple of steps. His brother. He is... standing. That's, that's impossible! His heart hammers like mad, and Tensei blinks at him bleary eyed and still half asleep.
"It worked" he breathes, feeling his hands shake, and tears pool in his eyes. Before he can stop himself he launches at Tensei who yelps in surprise and topples under their combined weight. "It worked!" Tenya cheers, crying in earnest, as he nuzzles his head into his brother's stinky shirt.
"What the hell?!" Tensei yells, surprised no doubt. But Tenya doesn't care, not about the fact that his brother is a slob, or that he sometimes is a little loose with the rules. He got him back. He got his ever laughing, super cool brother back! That means Todoroki and Midoriya are all right too! Safe! He did it! He did it!
***
That night he has a strange dream. He is in that same alley where he made the deal, only now he is looking at himself. At a boy frightened by his failure, who's skin is peeled away by flames, until nothing but a skull is left, who's eyes glare at him demanding punishment. He wakes up screaming, drenched in cold sweat. For a moment he can't tell the dream from reality, before he takes a couple of hurried, steadying breaths. He is in his bed, it was all a dream. It wasn't real. The next night the dream is different, but no less vivid. The world is burning, all of it. He is walking through that hell, and catches someone, not someone. The main is wearing bandages around his eyes. There is a ragged scarf around his neck, and a mop of black on his head. He knows that man, Stain. Rage overcomes him, burning hatred, vengeance. It's the only word on his mind, as he stares into the lifeless eyes of the sinner. Stain killed the innocent, and he wants to drown him in blood for that. And then the villain screams, a sound utmost delightful, a screech so ungodly, as though he was skinned alive.
"Suffer. For your sins" a voice rumbles, his voice, only lower, harsher, distorted.
Something about the bed wasn't right. It tickled. Tenya opened his eyes to a wall of green. His sheets weren't green. And the wind on his back... He was missing his shirt? What the? He groaned lifting himself onto his elbows, and looking around. He was in their small garden on the back of their house. At least that's what it looked like without glasses, green, blurry, more or less the right size. He stumbled towards what ought to be doors. Unlocked, luckily, and with another groan stepped inside.
"Sleepwalking again?" Tensei shaped blur queried from the kitchen shaped blur.
"I seem to be" Tenya replied slowly, giving the air a weak chop with his hand. "Worry not brother. I'll fix it" he added, before straggling upstairs. What a weird dream.
When Tensei got back in the afternoon he was uneasy, and only during dinner did he finally say what was eating him from the inside.
"Someone got Stain. They burned his head off" he mutters into his glass of juice. Tenya's gut twists.
That night he ties one of his hands to the bed. And yet come morning he wakes up in the garden after, with the crumbs of a brutal dream still in his head. He doesn't give it much time, instead he gathers up his belongings and runs to school. He thinks about the dream on the train, but forgets about it as soon as he sees Todoroki and Midoriya. They are smiling, and they are all right. His heart swells at the sight, and if he gives them a surprise hug, he profusely apologizes for it, but neither seems to mind. As for him, he is happy they are all right, that nothing happened to them.
It turns out that the two of them heard about Stain, and during lunch Midoriya lights up like a Christmas tree. Turns out there was another crime just like it. Some man, low level villain was burned to a crisp, no one knows by what. And yet Tenya can't help the heavy feeling in his stomach or his sudden loss of appetite. Midoriya pushes his phone into his hands, and his eyes fall on a face which last night's dream etched into his mind.
***
That night he steals a pair of Tensei's handcuffs. He knows it's wrong, but what if it's him who killed Stain and the other man? His fingers hold them numbly as he sits on his bed with the lights out. What if this is him? What if this is the price he was supposed to pay? The question sits uneasy in his mind as he listens to the click of the lock. He lays down slowly, like he is afraid to fall asleep, and yet his eyes close on their own, before he is sent into hell again.
The dreams continue, and no matter what he tries he can't keep himself chained up. There is no chain strong enough to hold the demon back. It gnaws at him, eats him from the inside out, as he listens to Tensei detailing the lack of progress on catching the villain, and Midoriya theorizing over the quirk that he has. It's not a quirk, it's a curse, and he knows it. It's a payment he made. His life in return for saving the three of them. He'd do it again, even if now he bites back tears every time he sees one of them. It's on one of the darker days that Todoroki finds him on the roof, leaning against the fence, with his eyes closed, letting the breeze tickle his face. He knows it's the mismatched boy because a cooler air wafts off of him.
"Is everything okay?" Todoroki queries. Tenya opens his eyes, and looks down, away from the carefree, milky clouds crawling across the sky. Todoroki is squatting before him, with his head crooked to the side like a cat. And something comes over Tenya, an impulse, he held back for a while now. He leans in and grabs Todoroki before the other boy can flinch away. The mismatched teen's balance tips and Tenya, somewhat awkwardly, manages to pull him into a hug. It's only when he feels tears crawl down his face that he realizes he is crying. Todoroki doesn't flinch away, instead he slowly raises his arms, wrapping him in a silent hug. How can he live like this? UA Student by day, murderer by night? So what if he is only killing the villains? The Villain Killer that's how they call him. A killer. A weak mewl escapes him, and Todoroki's hold on his tightens a little.
"We all need to cry sometimes. It's good for the soul" the mismatched teen mutters sagely. Since when did this socially crippled guy get so wise? Iida wonders through bitter tears. He can't stay here, not much longer, he can't just lie to their faces, and he can't tell them either. He doesn't deserve them.
"It's going to be ok" Todoroki says mechanically, and a gentle warm hand scratches his nape gently, like he is some kind of a cat. It's not going to be, not ever again.
It takes a while, but ultimately he manages to calm down. Todoroki doesn't ask questions. It's not his style. He is going to offhandedly mention something is off about him to Midoriya, and the green haired boy will come charging in to help like knight on his snow white stallion. It's a strange mechanic for friendship, but it works for them. Horrible reality settles over him. Now he is confident he can't stay.
***
That night he makes sure to be extra nice for his parents. He washes up the dishes, spends some time with his brother playing games. And once the lights are out he packs a backpack, just the essentials, and breaks his piggy bank taking whatever saving he has. It's not much. He slips out and locks behind himself. The night is warm, and the last of the night trains should still be running, ready to take him far away. Maybe if he is somewhere far, far away from here, where heroes are not needed.
He is taking one of the narrow alleys when he feels it. First it's like a fire is burning in his chest, and then pain. All encompassing pain, like his skin is set aflame. He falls on his knees, crawling behind the dumpster, like darkness could hide the fire bursting forth from his skin. The shirt on his back transforms into a hardened dark shell, a carapace, an armor covering him from neck down. Slowly he looks into a shard of a mirror. A fleshless skull stares back, it's eyes, pits to hell.
The street before him is clear. But the smell of sin is ripe in the air. Thick and choking like miasma. In his head Tenya feels like he is fighting against an invisible entity for control of the wheel. Each one of them has a hand on the wheel, trying to rip the control from the other.
Are you ready? the voice hisses. Tenya struggles against it, but the vengeance. It thrums in his blood like a calling. It's tantalizing, tempting. Is he ready? He must be. And with that he sets off into the city, leaving a trail of fire behind him.
***
When he awakens the next day he doesn't know where he is. He is dressed, and the backpack is still on his back, but the place looks completely unfamiliar. His head hurts, and the dreams are still latched to his eyelids, grim reminders of a dozen or so lives he claimed. Sluggishly the reality comes back, he is the fiery demon of vengeance. The weight of it, sends him scrambling up, towards the closest trashbin.
He avoids people that day, lurking through the alleys. He makes his way to the train station four times, but never gets there, always turning back at the last moment. Something is pulling him back, a malicious stench lurking in the air, clinging to his clothes. He can't leave not yet. He just wants to know why. He wonders through the city, observing the billboards the news broadcasts. And then it appears.
Breaking News. The Villain Killer Strikes again. With the death toll of seventy five, now making him the most notorious villain in recent history. A huge photo appears on the screen. A man in black armor, with a flaming skull instead of a head holding a villain high above his head. It's shaky and out of focus, but it's enough for him to recognize his form. Now it's certain. His heart feels like someone emptied it, tore it right out of his chest, and presented to the demons of the world to feast upon. A revelation, that's the word. He stares wordlessly as two more photos are shown. He made the deal to save people, so how come he ended up a killer?
His hands hang limply at his sides, shaking with hardly contained emotion. He can feel the heat building up in his chest, like last night. Frightened he looks down at his hands. They are smoldering. His eyes widen, and before anyone can so much as see he escapes into one of the alleys.
***
He spends the remainder of the day looking for a place to hide. He doesn't want to hurt anyone, even if these are vile people. He makes up excuses, the best he can, as weak as they are. In the end he just sits down. He is exhausted from wondering the streets, hungry, pathetic. He hangs his head listening to the street cars run outside. He just wants this to end.
But it doesn't. Instead tonight that dark being tugging at the wheel gives him more control. It let's him choose, almost like tonight he is in the driver's seat. They run through the city together, leaving a blazing path. He can feel the heroes trailing him, his former teacher's burning gaze on his back, their sins stink, but not like those of the scumbags he is hunting tonight. Kidnappers. The air is afoul with their stench. He takes the corner, sharply, at full speed, rebounding off the edge of the building. And then he hears it, the hiss of the engine impossible to mistake. He glances over his shoulder at the white armor. It's familiarity should be a comfort, but it isn't. They chase one another through the night, and when it almost feels like he is in Tensei's reach he pushes forward, his flame grows hotter. The engines in his calves sing a song of speed and hell.
Good.
The voice in his mind rasps, as they sprint towards a mugging. In a matter of moments he pins the man to the wall. The woman screams, but he doesn't care for the innocents. He cares for vengeance. The vile visage of the man's life, peels his skin in red hot heat, as the final screams echo in the night.
***
Ultimately the passenger disappears. The money runs out, but something in Tenya changes too. He isn't afraid anymore. Summer passes. He gets glimpses of his friends here and there. Midoriya going to visit one of his many acquaintances. Todoroki walking to see his mother. In the daylight he is nobody, just another speck of dust in the huge population of Hosu. By day he works as a courier, no one really looks his way, he is just another face in the crowd, carrying parcels and letters which need to get to their destination discretely and quickly. He does his best to watch Tensei's back, but never once has he stepped in. By night he is the fiery spirit of vengeance. Come the end of summer the crime rate is reduced to the record low, heroes idle, and villains run in fear. He saved his friends and he payed the price. He misses them, Todoroki especially. Not a day passes when he doesn't think about that one warm hug they shared. But he doesn't regret it, nothing he did, it was the right thing to do.
Life seems to come to order.
By the time winter rolls around he gathers enough courage to buy a notebook and a pen, and write his brother and friends. He always felt there is something special about handwritten things, like they contain just a speck of a soul. He just doesn't know who he should address first. Who would believe a tale he is about to give anyway? In the end he writes only to Todoroki. It's a stupid letter, all over the place. He tells Todoroki about the deal, and about watching his friend fade away. And somewhere along the line he realizes that maybe it's something more than friendship that drove him.
He scraps that letter, and spends the afternoon staring at his phone. He still remembers Todoroki's phone number, and before he can think better he calls.
"Hello?" Todoroki's voice is just as he remembers it, no passion, neither cool nor warm. Tenya's voice clings to his throat. What should he say. Well he knows what he should, only is it really adequate? "Hello?" Todoroki asks again. He will probably put the phone down now. The voice stirs something funny in his gut.
"Hello, Todoroki" he croaks. There is a beat of silence on the other end of the line. Maybe Todoroki didn't hear him. "Todoroki?" he queries just to make sure.
"Iida?" the other breathes. Tenya gulps. He isn't good at being impulsive, because he never knows what to do when he goes out on a limb. "Is that you?" Todoroki queries more loudly, fearfully, like he is afraid Tenya will just ditch the phone and they will never talk again.
"Yes, it's... it's me. I just. I don't know. I wanted to call you, talk to you. Explain everything" he mumbles, his voice cracks midway through. He feels sick, but tries soldiering on.
"Stop please" Todoroki orders before he can get a word out. His voice isn't sharp though. "Are you safe?" his friend asks instead, forcing his heart into a little flip.
"I am" he confesses. They talk long into the night, the first night he hasn't been swallowed up by smoke and hellfire. Todoroki tells him about what is going on with their class, about how the villains are running scared even in Tokyo because of Hell's Runner. Apparently he has gained a new moniker. But the mismatched friend of his quickly diverts the conversation. He asks after Tenya's health, and finally why he ran from home. Staring out into the night he is faced with another decision, should he tell or not? He settles on putting it off.
They talk for a week, and then for a month. The snows of winter come, by the time they finally meet. Tenya doesn't know what he is expecting standing in his coat by the fountain at the local shopping mall. His palms are sweating, but it's only when he is with Todoroki, even if just talking, that he doesn't feel the scent of vengeance. Todoroki shows up wearing a coat split down the middle, half clay red, half cream white, and when he sees Tenya he smiles, and Tenya is lost. Even though they go for a walk, and don't do much somehow he ends up reaching for Shouto's hand, and then kissing the boy behind one of the trees in the park they wonder into. Shouto's lips are half cold, half warm, just like the guy himself. It's weird, standing pressed against the boy who made him realize that he can have nothing. Shouto smiles up at him, his thumbs run over Tenya's knuckles. Could he have all of this back?
"Would you stay with me, if I asked?" Todoroki whispers, his breath fogs in the winter air. His eyes are filled with hope. It stuns Tenya, how Todoroki never asked after why he left. He never forced his hand, never overstepped. Tenya draws in a loud breath. What should he say? What if he shifts in front of Shouto, what if something happens, Todoroki finally connects the dots, who the Hell's Runner is? Is there a price attached to this deal? There is a multitude of scenarios in his head, but for once he feels like he isn't blinded by anything. Tenya smiles before replying.
"Yes, I will..."