Chapter Text
‘Oh my God’ said Steve Rogers upon entering the quinjet.
‘Language’ snarked the reason for his exclamation: Tony Stark.
Steve had been summoned to fly out to Chicago where there had been multiple reports of a group of super powered people terrorising citizens who needed to be sorted out.
He'd been prepared for lots of snarky comments and possibly an argument if Stark rubbed someone up the wrong way (which happened quite often). Not this.
Stark raised an eyebrow at him, looking at him over a pair of flamingo sunglasses. Flamingo sunglasses and that wasn't the worst part.
‘Are those hulk swimming trunks? ‘ Steve asked, his voice involuntarily raising an octave in shock and disbelief.
‘Speedos, Cap ‘ huffed Stark turning back to Doctor Strange who he'd been having a discussion with. ‘We've been over this’
‘Aren't you going to comment on the Barbie top? ‘ Strange asked Steve, sounding slightly more amused than usual.
Steve looked at it in despair. Tony Stark was casually standing in a room of suited up superheros in flamingo sunglasses, gold flip flops, a straining bright pink Barbie t shirt (which was so small, half his stomach was exposed) and a pair of Hulk-print swimming trunks that were blinding Steve just a little. He was also smeared with glitter in several places.
Also, because it was Tony Stark he was still managing to look completely fashionable, somewhat impossibly.
‘Why-? ‘ started Steve but was cut off by Stark.
‘Hey, I thought we were meant to be getting our game on and planning how to defeat a bunch of jacked-up adolescent wannabes? ‘
‘Yes, as I was just saying-’ Strange started but Steve couldn't really concentrate as they took off,eyes strangely glued to Stark and his attire and fascinated by how the billionaire was pulling it off.
‘He met my daughter’ whispered Scott who had crept up beside Steve.
‘Huh? ‘ Steve uttered, not taking his eyes off the spectacle still.
‘Cassie really wanted to meet him and I asked Tony and he said okay which I was shocked by and she wanted to play dress up and he obliged which I was even more shocked by- he was already wearing the speedos though she let him keep them because she liked them, something about Brony she said. Though I swear last time I checked that was something to do with My Little Pony‘
‘Say what? ‘ said Steve snapping his head round. ‘Stark let your little girl dress him up and he was casually wearing Hulk swimming trunks? ‘
‘Yep’ confirmed Scott.
‘Wow’ sighed Steve, adjusting his views of the world accordingly . ‘Just wow’
‘Are you listening over there spangle-pants and Mr shrink-a-lot, we're discussing a plan here, you know trying to save lives whilst you fangirl over my sexy get-up in the corner’
‘Sorry’ huffed Steve. ‘You were saying? ‘
---
When they arrived in Chicago, Steve had watched Stark tap his fancy new arc reactor thing so his suit fluidly spilled out of it over his outlandish get up. He didn't miss the tiny bit of disappointment the genius showed at having to remove his flamingo sunglasses.
Now there was a guy dressed up in a skintight red leather suit whirling two swords everywhere and generally seeming unbothered at Iron Man’s repulsor blasts.
‘Who are you?’ asked Steve as Ant Man ran onto his shield which he let loose at the guy.
‘I second that, spandex’ Stark snarked, blasting the guy with an extra strong repulsor and shaking his head at how the mystery guy didn't seem concerned at all with the hole now in his chest. Healing factor? Resistance to pain? ‘You're aren't one of the teenagers rumoured to be giving old ladies wedgies and causing mini earthquakes. Wings were mentioned several times… Unless someone cut them off- I couldn't blame them’
‘You even sound like RDJ’ exclaimed the red-clad vigilante.
‘What? ‘ said Iron Man and Steve could almost picture the look Stark had on his face now. ‘RDJ who? ‘
‘Hand yourself in’ said Steve as the mystery guy sliced one of Strange’s illusion things in half.
‘No can do capsicle ‘ sing-songed the guy as he dodged several more attacks.
‘Hey! ‘ protested Stark catching the guy in the knee and causing him to fall on his face. ‘Only I'm allowed to call him that’
Antman returned back to normal size and Strange lowered his hands, sensing the fight was over but then suddenly the guy in red lurched up, ignorant of his leg which was at an unnatural angle, and slammed his hand into Stark's chest right on the reactor which caused the Iron Man armour to retract.
‘Shit’ swore Stark as his face became visible and the guy tackled him. ‘Shit, shit, shit I need to fix that’
Steve had to actually bite his tongue to stop himself for chastising the billionaire for his language. He was still getting teasing over the last time. He settled for swinging his shield into the back of the guy, expecting him to dodge and therefore get off Stark but he didn't move.
Strange created some sort of energy bonds which he secured to the vigilante without any protest.
The red guy sighed, almost happily. ‘I have to say Tony, you're just as attractive as in the movies and those muscles definitely weren't cgi’
‘What movies? ‘ Stark demanded who was trapped with the leather and spandex guy restrained on top of him. ‘Please don't tell me you're a fan of the sex tapes’
‘Sex tapes?! ‘ exclaimed Steve, he'd known Stark was a playboy- he'd even admitted as such but videos ?
‘Don't get your panties in a twist Cap, everyone's seen them at least once’ Stark rolled his eyes. ‘I'm on pornhub’
Steve tried to remove unfortunate images assaulting his head and spluttered.
‘I've seen them’ Scott offered, pulling his helmet back now that the guy was secure.
‘Me too’ admitted Strange, cooly.
‘And me! ‘ exclaimed the red guy. ‘Where have you been stripes? Frozen in ice for 70 years? ‘
‘So those were the movies you were talking about. ‘ huffed Stark who looked affronted to have a possibly turned on super fan all in his business.
‘Oh no those weren't the movies I was talking about’ said the guy.
‘What movies then? ‘ asked Strange, lowering his hands, though the restraints remained.
‘Oh you wouldn't know them- you guys aren't allowed to break the fourth wall’
‘Fourth wall? ‘ asked Steve.
‘Are you insinuating we're fictional characters? ‘ asked Tony incredulously.
‘This guy is odd’ agreed Scott.
‘Anyway, ‘ said the guy in red. ‘I love your outfit Mr Stark, I think you should wear it more often’
Steve suddenly remembered Stark's get up and realised that under the red spandex guy he was still wearing it. There was a stray flip flop a few feet away.
Stark rolled his eyes. ‘Glad you like it hot dog’
‘Hot dog? ‘ muttered the mystery guy. ‘I've never been called that before. You can call me Deadpool or Wade. Wade Wilson. ‘
‘Never heard of you’ snarked Stark. ‘Now is someone going to get him off of me? ’
Scott quickly hurried up to assist the billionaire.
---
They'd had to do a little press conference later to explain the damage in Chicago. Apparently the teenage powered people was a rumor this Deadpool guy had started to meet the Avengers. There was now a video of Tony Stark giving a speech at a press conference with all his usual narcissistic swagger wearing a too small Barbie top, Hulk swimming trunk speedos, one flip flop and the recovered flamingo glasses tucked into his top. The press were having a field day.
Steve Rogers definitely didn't watch it every now and then. And it definitely wasn't because Stark looked hot- if he did watch it, it was to laugh at the genius billionaire superhero.