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The gay was in the air and Mineta, The Grapist, could sense it. He didn’t know when the gay had infected his other classmates but he recalls that it had all began with Todoroki, that damn edgy overachiever, and Deku, the pussy bitch. Mineta had kept a watchful eye on all of his classmates, and even teachers, after that and wasn’t surprised when he noticed them all showing signs of the gay. He was the only one straight enough in this school to stop it and God damn it this was his moment to shine.
“Ummm...Mineta? Can I get past you real quick?” Deku’s voice knocked him back into reality where he was standing right in front of the classroom door. Mineta quickly Naruto ran to his chair in fear of the gay spreading to him. Deku and Todoroki were the strongest gays, they were so gay they had even kissed in public once, and Mineta cannot risk the virus spreading. Silently he vowed to himself that today he would try and help his friends by curing their cases of gay.
The grapist didn’t really listen during the lesson given by the emo teacher and rushed over to the edgy half and half gay as class ended. He had thought about how to get rid of the gay and the answer was obvious--he must break them up because if they aren’t together then the gay will disappear.
“Hey todoroki! Wait up!” Todoroki looked uncomfortable that the great grapist was talking to him but the grapist continued. “Don’t tell Deku I told you this but I heard him say that…” Oh God. Now he had to think of something that would end a relationship. He asked himself what would totally turn himself off? and then he had his response. “That you’re too clingy and he hates you.”
Todoroki looked hurt. Good, the gay is gone. Oh wait. Oh shit. Of fuCK FUCK NO WHY IS HE GOING OVER TO DEKU WHAT THE FUCK HE WAS SUPPOSED TO HATE HIM NOW. Mineta watched in defeat as Deku started crying, per usual, and they talked it over before kissing. THE GAY IS HARDER TO DEFEAT THEN IT LOOKS OKAY??
Anyways maybe this was just a sign that he should focus on destroying the smaller gays. He set his sights on his next targets, KIrishima and Bakugou. Kirishima was talking about crocs and Bakugou was talking shit about Deku, the usual for them, however they were gayly holding hands like a couple of gays. Mineta cried his war cry, which sounded like a pack of pigeons fighting a cat over an annoying squeaky toy, and shoved KIrishima into Bakugou. That must piss him off, Bakugou doesn't like abrupt closeness.
It did piss him off but not towards Kirishima but instead his anger was directed towards their savior Mineta. While he laid on the ground, his tiny legs burnt to a bacon crisp, he was positive he saw the two run off to the janitors closet. Huh...so that’s why when he snuck in there once the floor was sticky. Oh wait.
Oh no
Does this mean that he touched their gay juice?
Holy fuck
HE’S HAD THE GAY ALL ALONG