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Nick waited for Ellie to be ready to leave after Ducky’s retirement party. He knew he was hovering, and knew Gibbs was giving him funny looks, but he wasn’t ready to let her out of his sight yet. He’d put up a good front of staying calm, cool, and collected while Ellie and Gibbs had been in the submarine, but inside he’d been freaking out. Eventually, the party seemed to be breaking up, and Nick went with Ellie out to their cars. He felt Gibbs’s eyes on them as they left, but he didn’t care.
He turned to her before she opened the door to get into her truck, “Are you going to be okay, Ellie?”
“Yeah,” she said, “Yeah, I’m fine. Promise.” She knew her voice was still a little shaky.
“Okay. Ok. Call me if you need anything, yeah?”
“I will. Thanks, Nick,” She smiled at him, and he opened the truck’s door for her, stood there as she did her seatbelt up and started the engine.
“Have a good night, Ellie. Sweet dreams.”
“You, too,” she said, smiling at him as he closed the door and stepped back so she could drive away.
Nick stood there alone in the parking lot, knowing that she didn’t need him, or anyone. Ellie was the poster girl for independent woman. He turned, shoulders slightly slumped, feeling very unlike himself, to walk to his own car, and was intercepted by Jack.
“Hey, Nick. You okay?” Jack could tell at first glance he wasn’t, but wanted to give him the opportunity to fake it if he wanted to.
Nick looked up at her, and shook his head. She’d never seen such a forlorn look on anyone before. He looked like someone had kicked his puppy.
“What’s up?” She asked quietly.
“Ellie,” he said.
“Okay. What about Ellie?”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been as scared as I was when Ellie was on that sub. I mean, she didn’t want to go in the first place…I nearly fought with Gibbs over it, but she wouldn’t have thanked me for fighting her battles,” he began. Jack nodded at that. Ellie definitely wouldn’t thank him for that.
“And now she’s back, and she’s fine,” Nick continued. Jack waited, “That should be a good thing, right? It is a good thing. But it’s also made me realize…she doesn’t need me, or anyone else.”
“No,” Jack agreed, “But just because she doesn’t need you in her life, doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you in her life.”
Nick shrugged, “Yeah, well. There’s not been much indication of that, either. And even if there was, who am I kidding? Gibbs has rules, and Eleanor Raye Bishop doesn’t break rules.”
“Oh, I don’t think you’re giving Ellie enough credit, Nick.”
“What?” He asked.
“Have you seen the way she looks at you?”
“She doesn’t look at me in any special way.”
“Oh, yes she does. Just give it more time, Nick. I’m rooting for you both.”
“Thanks, Jack,” he said, finally managing a small smile before turning to walk to his own car. He wasn’t ready for home yet, so he drove to a diner on the way to his condo, sat there as he ate a late night meal.
Nick was surprised when he got home and saw Ellie’s truck parked in his driveway. He got out of the car quickly, headed straight for his back door. Ellie had a key, and he assumed she had let herself in.
Sure enough, there she was, snuggled into a corner of his couch, the throw on it’s back tucked around her. He tiptoed past her, not wanting to wake her up if she was asleep.
“Hey,” she sounded half awake.
“Hey,” he sat down on the other end of the couch, careful to give her plenty of space.
“I’m sorry I didn’t text you,” she said quietly.
“It’s okay. What’s up?”
He saw her lift her shoulders in a shrug, “I drove home. Showered. Changed into PJs. Couldn’t settle.”
Nick found himself absentmindedly rubbing her feet, massaging the tension out of them. He looked up at her, but she only smiled back, needing the contact.
“Did you eat something?” He asked.
“I had enough at Ducky’s party,” she said, though he knew she’d hardly touched the party snacks, “Stomach’s still squirmy, to be honest.”
“Tea, then? Water?”
“I’m fine, Nick,” she said. She pulled her foot away, moved to swing her legs off the couch, “I’ll go home, get out of your hair.”
“No,” Nick said quickly, “Stay, if you want.” She nodded, curled back up under the blanket.
“Yeah, I want.” Nick smiled at that. Maybe Jack was right.
“Mmmm,” Ellie said, finally relaxing, “Come lie with me?” She asked finally. She was looking him in the eye, but he thought her voice was shaky for other reasons now.
Nick nodded, and walked over to the “L” side of his couch where she was snuggled. She moved over, left room for him behind her. He took the hint, wrapped his arms around her. He felt her sigh against him, and he smiled, feeling the tension of worry over her finally leave his body.
“Thanks,” he heard Ellie whisper, “I needed this.”
“Me, too,” he admitted, “and you’re welcome.”
“What does that mean?” She asked.
“It means I was worried, El. Terrified, when we couldn’t get in touch with you, and then when we realized the sub was getting falsified orders with you on it. I knew you didn’t want to go in the first place.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“I knew. I nearly tried to go up against Gibbs on it, but I didn’t think you’d appreciate that.”
Ellie’s stomach flooded with warmth, “No, I wouldn’t have. But I do appreciate the thought.”
“I never would have forgiven myself if that sub had gone down…” he said, his gaze looking over his shoulder. She followed it, to the jar sitting on his mantle.
“It wouldn’t have been your fault if it had, Nick.”
“No, but if I had been on it instead of you…” He trailed off, eyes still on the jar.
“Why is there water in Kacie’s jar, Nick?”
“It’s from the lake,” he said softly.
“The….oh, that lake,” she exclaimed, turning her head to look at him.
“Yeah, that lake. Too many close calls, El,” he whispered.
He felt her intake of breath, “Believe me, I know,” she said, “It’s made me…reconsider…things.”
“Things?”
“Yeah,” she continued, “You. Me. The future.”
“Want to tell me more about that?” He murmured, his eyes bright.
“I want a family, Nick. I want kids, or at least, a kid,” she whispered, her voice finally breaking.
“I know you do,” he admitted, holding her closer to him, as she turned on her side fully so she could face him, their faces now inches apart.
“So?” She looked at him, “What do you want?”
“A family,” he admitted, “The full complement. Wife, kids.”
“Kids? When did that change?” She remembered how her heart had sank a little when he’d said he didn’t want kids.
“I’m not sure…it’s been a slow realization, I guess, starting with taking care of Logan-or-Cody.”
Ellie sighed, “Yeah. For me, too.”
“So what next? You want all that…with me?”
“I can’t imagine any of it with anyone else,” she admitted.
“Me neither,” he replied, bringing his hand up to brush her hair back. He moved very slowly, giving her plenty of time to turn away, push him away. But she didn’t. Their lips met, and the kiss was soft, gentle, but seemed to last forever. Finally, he gently released her, and she rested her head against his chest.
“What happens now?” She asked.
“Now, we sleep,” he said, firmly, “You can take the bed.”
“Only if you join me,” she retorted quickly. He searched her face, then nodded, “Okay,” he agreed. He helped her up, and kept his arm around her as he led her to his bedroom.
“I need to shower,” he said quietly. It had been a long, grimy day and he knew he wouldn’t sleep without one.
“Go for it,” she said, “Do you mind if I…?” She gestured towards the bed, and he shook his head.
“No, of course not.” She snuggled into his bed, and settled back, enjoying listening to the noises of the shower turning on in the other room. She forced her eyes to remain open, wanting to be awake when he came out of the shower. Not too much later, she heard the shower turn off, and he came out, clad in only a towel around his waist.
“Oh,” he said quietly, seeing her still awake, “I thought you’d be asleep.”
“And miss this?” Her eyes raked over his body. He smirked.
“Well, I have to change, so avert your eyes…or not,” She kept her eyes on his as he went to the dresser, grabbed a pair of boxers, and pulled them on underneath the towel. Ellie rolled her eyes playfully at him, and he laughed, “We’ll save some for later, hmmm?”
Ellie held her arms out to him as he got into bed, and he took the hint, gathered her up in his.
“Do you mind?” She asked as she closed her eyes.
“Falling asleep with you in my arms? No, I don’t think that will be a problem,” he said.
“Good,” she murmured against his skin, and finally was able to close her eyes.