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“I'm very glad to be here with you tonight. I'll be able to talk to you about some things.”
Jonathan’s voice spoke to him in his usual way. A face exuding warmth and friendliness, a smile that could clear all of the clouds from the sky with its radiance.
And yet, his tone is cold. Detached. The lack of glimmer in his eyes that he usually has.
When he had entered Dio’s quarters in the middle of the night, he wasn’t sure what to expect of him. JoJo isn’t the type to show up unannounced, unless he’s being pressed over something. But in the middle of the night, nonetheless, it was very unlike him.
More than anything, Dio was the one to show up unannounced in the middle of the night... For things he’d rather not think of at the moment.
Alcohol is fickle in his stomach.
Dio shifted to cross his legs in his plush bed. Something about having JoJo sit at the side of his bed with him fully exposed is uncomfortable. JoJo doesn’t seem bothered at all. He doesn’t seem to feel anything. He’s never an emotionless husk like this.
“Dio?”
“Mm.”
“Do you remember all the things we did to each-other as kids?”
Dio’s words got caught in his throat.
Any response would admit guilt. The only thing he could do to save face somewhat, was to remain silent.
“Dio— Dio. Listen to me,” JoJo turned back towards the blond and crawled towards him, settling on a sit next to him. He placed a pair of hands on Dio’s cheeks. Warm and somewhat trembling. Sweating. “You must face consequences for your actions. You need to. Now.”
JoJo...
What happened to you? The docile, gentle man he knew, suddenly so obtuse with an outburst?
Dio swallowed harshly. “I don’t understand what y—“
Jonathan snapped back at him. “You did nothing but torment me when we were younger! You don’t even remember that, do you? You’ve decided to forget and completely wash the blood from your hands!”
JoJo... He’s crying.
He’s looking at him so furiously, and still crying. His intense glare with fully furrowed brows, the habit of biting on his lower lip, his cheeks puffing out, tinted red. And he’s so upset that he’s burst into tears.
Something in him broke seeing JoJo like that.
His face turned warm. It feels like his teeth are rattling in his skull. Everything is shaking so wildly. He hung his head away from JoJo’s stare, and a few tears managed to fall.
He can’t fight it. Not now.
Jonathan sniffled and spoke in a quiet whine. “And only now, when confronted, do you cry and repent.”
He’s pushed JoJo past his limit.
He doesn’t even remember how he got here. He doesn’t even remember what day it is. What time. What year.
All he can focus on is Jonathan’s normally cheerful face twisted in immense distress.
“I was too soft on you. I should have done something earlier than I had.”
Dio raised his head to stare Jonathan down. He’s not biting his lip anymore. It’s discolored a deep red from his teeth. Those full lips don’t deserve that sort of treatment.
“JoJo... I was wrong.”
“Tell me the truth. I don’t believe you.”
“JoJo...”
He stared at him expectantly.
Make it count.
“I’m... I have complex feelings for you,” Dio murmured. “I suppose, love, one could say.”
Saying something as small as that makes it feel like he’s out of breath. His heart is hammering in his chest. Only when JoJo flashes a small smile and places a hand on his shoulder does he remember to breathe again.
“I did too.”
Did.
Used to. No longer.
“I just wanted to be happy together, Dio... I truly did. As much as you made things horrible when we were younger.”
He regrets it.
Wishful thinking will get him nowhere, and yet he can’t stop.
“And yet... I could never hate you, no matter what you did to me.”
With those words came a blow to the pit of his stomach.
How could he ever hurt someone like him? Someone so willing to accept, to forgive, to forget? Someone who sacrificed so much of himself for others?
He could never hate someone like him. An idiot with a heart of gold.
Tears started to rapidly fall down Dio’s cheeks as he silently wept in front of him. It seems to be riling him up too.
“JoJo...”
“Mm?”
“Please,” The blond sniffled. “Let me hold on to you.”
He nodded, sheepishly. “Come here.”
He complied and rested his head against Jonathan’s chest. His body followed, sinking into his abdomen. Arms wrapped around him, tracing the curve in his back to soothe himself. He forgot just how warm JoJo is. Soft. The feeling of his chest rising and falling, the sound of his heartbeat, his gentle breathing. The pair of thick arms now loosely around his back. He’d be happy never having to leave.
It makes him remember the last time he was in this situation. After they first had sex. One of very few times.
All on impulse, drunk, and very much in need of relief. He can’t convince himself otherwise.
His body is etched into his mind. How could he forget. It haunts him.
Though... What doesn’t stick with him, was the feeling of relief. What stuck was how sweetly JoJo would hold him afterwards, the sugar-glazed words he’d murmur to him. Being held as he slept for the first time since he was a child.
His feelings for JoJo...
Were complicated.
Were.
He should have realized them much earlier.
He didn’t have any idea what these feelings meant, or how to show them.
“JoJo— Jonathan. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
“I’m sorry for everything awful I’ve ever done to you.”
JoJo was silent. Uncomfortably so. The blond peeked upwards to see his reaction, or lack thereof.
Tears framed his face. His beautiful, smiling face. He’s in pain and chooses to smile through it.
He’s stronger than he lets on.
“It’s too late for that, Dio.”
He knows. He wishes it wasn’t.
Jonathan took a hand and started to lovingly stroke Dio’s blond locks of hair. It’s soothing. JoJo himself is soothing. “I’d like to erase everything that happened, too. But we cannot do that in this life. Your life. I’m sure in some other life, we were happier. That we are happier.”
In another life, perhaps they were together. Married, children, the life a lot of people strive for. JoJo would have his useless archaeology degree, he would have his law degree. Employed, coming home to each-other, bickering as couples do, and then screwing and falling asleep, to repeat the same tedious process for years at a time.
A part of him longs for that. Some consistency, never any sort of bad blood between them to begin with. Having someone who appreciates his company and his awful personality.
Having someone who loves him.
“JoJo...”
Dio lifted his head from the confines of Jonathan’s chest. And, he kissed him on his lips, without any sort of hesitation. He needed to. He can’t carry on without being able to. And when he pulled back from his full, soft lips, the view unsettled him.
He doesn’t look happy or upset by his choice of action. He just looks the same.
A blank smile.
“You know I’m gone, Dio. We cannot fix things.”
“I don’t underst—“
JoJo fiercely squeezed at Dio’s hand. His wide grin strained. And without any prompt to, JoJo forced his head to rest back into his chest. It’s as if he’s doing it to silence him.
Something is wrong and he’s not letting on.
“Just forget about it for now. Okay? Forget about everything around you except for me.”
“...Yeah.”
“Dio? Are you okay?”
Dio snapped his eyes open. Or, at least he thought he did. It’s hard to tell in complete and total darkness.
It’s a comfort when he has his sweet voice to accompany him.
“You had a nightmare. I heard you whining in your sleep. It’s not about me again, is it?”
He doesn’t have nightmares anymore. He’d call them dreams. When nightmares are a regular occurrence, them not being normal slips the mind. If nightmares are a rare occurrence for the general human population, then him having them as often as they dream could classify them as dreams themselves, right?
Is he trying to justify it?
“I’m right here. Everything will be okay.”
Dio curled inwards to grasp onto Jonathan further, tighter, stronger. Spoken from his lips is the only time he’ll believe him, and barely at that. But not being alone, having JoJo by his side, it makes him more willing to accept his words.
He hasn’t been able to hear his voice so clearly since then.
JoJo’s head feels warm for once.
He hasn’t felt this warm since he was alive.
Perhaps it’s because he runs cold in his new form, that he feels warmer than him in comparison. Perhaps it’s from Dio cradling him in his arms, hugging him closely to his chest that shares a semblance of warmth. Perhaps it’s from the hot tears rolling down his cheeks, splashing on Jonathan’s hollowed face in succession. Perhaps it’s from the chaste kiss he’s placed on his pale lips.
And then, perhaps not.
Pulling back from the taste of copper and iron on his lips, Dio softly pet the indigo tufts of hair around his fingers, still so soft and long. He grew out his hair so much by the last time he saw him. It suits him. Him and his beautiful deep blue eyes, and long lashes.
Dio pulled his legs upwards towards himself to support Jonathan as he tenderly held onto him. And in usual routine, he spoke to him. This time, with a response he’s wanted to hear for his whole life.
“I love you, JoJo.”
“I love you too, Dio.”