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The first centuries Eridan spent in the dream bubbles weren't as miserable as he'd anticipated. He found himself pairing off with different versions of himself, and bitching with them until he felt better- it was like a narcissistic, universal pale-ship, but he couldn't be bothered to care. If no one else would listen, he at the very least had himself.
There were also Karkats'; most Karkats' had a good relationship with their Eridans,' and as such tolerated him despite their gruff dispositions. He'd even had a fleeting red fling with a Karkat and Nepeta. They'd grown sick of him quickly, but he didn't mind; when there were so many people around, it didn't matter how many of them hated you. There were options. No face was familiar, which comforted him-
That way, he didn't have to face all the things he'd done. All the things he'd done. All the things he'd-
His sins haunted him like ghosts. They were the Moaning Myrtle of his every living moment, and the worst part was there was no way of knowing who did or did not forgive him. Perhaps if they forgave him, he could pardon himself. As lovely of a delusion as it was to entertain, they did not, and he did not, and life went on.
Or rather, death did.
Eridan had lost track of time altogether when they found him. He'd always had a feeling they would, ever since he heard stories of her roaming the bubbles, but he avoided that reality like the plague.
"F0und him, AA!..."
Even after all this time, he recognized that voice. In a dim cave, long-abandoned by it's Nepeta, he'd been laying with his cape (it was more a mini-cape these days since it only reached his upper-back) drawn over his head. Stupid as it felt, he'd been trying to sleep. Now, as two familiar trolls drew closer and closer, he only felt stupider.
"That's great!..." Aradia Megido beamed, pausing as Eridan sat up. Then, at a mutter:
"Are you sure it's him?..."
Sollux Captor snorted,
"I'm sure; I mean, just l00k at him."
Aradia glared at the mustard-blood, who seemed immune to the gesture. It was so effortless to forget he was blind!
Returning her attention to Eridan, who had since pressed his back against the wall and attempted to flee, stopped squarely in her tracks,
"Glub," He spat, "Little late, dont'cha think?..." Suddenly he was the one glaring, stalling desperately while his mind searched for some means of escape,
"Wwhat wwas your plan? Let me get good and comfortable first?.." It was stupid, but he was angry that they hadn't at least extended the courtesy of a quick death. Eridan 63# would lose her mind.
All his 'friends' would if they could even be called that.
It wasn't fair that he had things to lose- all he wanted to do was sleep, not die.
Aradia knew well what he meant, but she still acted surprised,
"Wait, did you think we were gonna kill you?..." Then, she laughed good-naturedly, "Why would we do that?..."
Eridan did not believe them. They hated him- of course, they would kill him.
"I dunno, punishment? Don't you think that's wwhat i deservve?"
Sollux was quiet, but Aradia answered immediately,
"You've already been punished,"
Then she smiled in a way that made her dimples show and it was so infectious that Eridan smiled back,
"Come on! I'm getting the gang back together."
Somehow, that wasn't at all comforting.
Back still pressed against the wall, he fell to the cavern floor. Sighing in half-hearted exasperation, Aradia offered her hand,
"Come on, Eridan. Don't you think you've suffered enough?..."
Did he? Had he? It was still impossible to wrap his head around; he anticipated every second that she would change her mind, decide it wasn't worth it, and kill him.
But no matter how much he hesitated, Aradia didn't withdraw, so he took her hand and allowed himself to be pulled up.
Looking satisfied with his cooperation, she motioned for them to follow.
Over the next few days, Eridan was forced to talk more than he had in all his time as a ghost.
Aradia seemed genuinely curious in his ghostly-business and was oddly apologetic that she hadn't reached him sooner.
"I've been in touch with everyone else! Oh, except for Feferi, but she's always been a bit hard to keep track of. You too, you know! I didn't think I'd ever been able to find you."
She went on to explain there was an abundance of dead Eridans who, save for a few oddballs here and there, were nearly indistinguishable.
Something about this was incredibly funny, but none of them genuinely laughed.
Instead, Eridan just shrugged,
"The other amporas' and I havve alwways been tight. Nobody else 'd tolerate us."
Aradia frowned, looking thoughtful,
"I don't think that's true."
He scoffed, rolling his eyes,
"Is that so?..."
She smiled again, draping an arm around Solluxes' neck and drawing him closer,
"Nope! We're both tolerating you right now."
Sollux seemed to get over giving Aradia the silent treatment long enough to reply,
"Every time y0u die y0u get w0rse at pep-talks."
Aradia thought that was so hilarious that she laughed for a minute straight, and by the end of it Sollux was laughing, too. Eridan stifled his laughter like it was an intrusion, but as they shifted bubbles and Aradia began cracking jokes, it wasn't long before everyone who'd joined them was laughing.
The more they traveled, the more people joined them. For once, it didn't feel like Eridans presence had to be elevated. People- Aradia mainly- listened to him, and as he got more into the habit of talking, more people actually started conversations. Eridan was one of the oldest ghosts' there were- he'd been to every bubble in the furthest ring and had all the gossip from each one memorized. People listened to his stories like they had value and meaning, so he began to tell them more.
The younger ghosts gravitated more to Aradia, but he didn't mind- let her have the ignorant ones, anyway. Of course, Aradia supported his growth more than anyone else, and if Sollux was still put-off by their teams' expansion, he stopped showing it. In fact, he occasionally made a small effort to talk to Eridan, mostly because it made Aradia happy to them getting along. The search was still on for Feferi, too, but Eridan tried to pretend it wasn't happening. The thought of her made his stomach ache.
The rest of the trolls were all waiting in one of the bubbles closer to the edge of the ring, but they couldn't remain forever. Even if they had that long, forever is a dark thought, especially if you spend it waiting. The clock was ticking, and Aradia was beginning to grow more no-nonsense about the search.
They all knew when they'd find her.
And eventually, they did. It seemed idiotic, how happy Eridan had become. Aradia was beside him, just a few feet away, and his chest felt light with joy because she didn't just tolerate him-
She was his friend, and even though it had only been a year, things felt drastically different.
On days when the bubbles were slower, and Aradia flew a little higher, and Sollux cursed a little longer, his dread started to creep. It was disgusting and abhorrent- moving gracefully on ten legs and with a million eyes, all on him. The time was near, and that thought alone was enough to make his chest feel heavy.
Feferi Peixes was sitting at the edge of the sea. Her face was neutral, and her hair was flattened across her back. There was a peace to her that begged not to be disturbed, and Aradia knew they had time. So they stood and waited. The sand next to the beach was too wet for packing, so when Feferi picked up clumps of the stuff, it only slid through her fingers. Even this messy, imperfect action seemed cold. Articulated. She had her afterlife together, and Eridan had been the one to kill her. How could he be the mess? It was shameful, and for the first time in a long time, he felt awful.
He wanted to sleep, but the wicked would never rest.
Aradia Megido was far from wicked, but they still had that in common- Aradia would sooner die (again) than rest.
She placed her hand on his back- carefully, gently. He didn't flinch, but he still kept his eyes on her. Could she read his thoughts? If she could, would she always be his friend?
"It's okay," She soothed, and for a second, perhaps it was, "I know."
There was a strain her voice, subtle but present.
If she knew so well, how could she do this to him?
As if hearing his thoughts, she smiled,
"It will help you, man! I promise. I know it feels stupid and counterproductive to your recovery-" Aradia leaned a little closer, wings fluttering a little quieter, "-but even burnt bridges still have a foundation, and that's all it takes to rebuild them." It was a cheesy metaphor, and they both snorted. Aradia because she thought it was funny and Eridan because he thought it was stupid.
But either way, it worked, because he found himself moving forward before he could stop himself.
"Fef?..." His voice was weak, but there was no mistaking it. Feferi bristled, eyes widening. She turned around, looking unpleasantly surprised,
"Eridan?..."
When she only stared, Eridan stole a glance in Aradias' direction; of course, she was gone.
"Can I sit dowwn?..." He faced Fef' again, looking nervous. She merely turned forward, wrapping her arms around her chest. After a few moments, she nodded, and he scampered to sit beside her.
More silence. It was tense and hot, and Eridan had never hated the ocean so much. The sweet, saltine smell of his home only made him sick.
"I'm sorry," Eridan said, finally. Feferi replied immediately, sounding bitter and sad,
"I know." She said, and he could feel a million words unsaid.
More silence, the air nauseant, and tense.
"Do you forgivve me?" He asked.
"No," She answered, and before he could grovel, she went on, "obviously not. Not yet, I mean, but I don't know if I ever really will? I'm not mad at you either. It's been so long there isn't even a point. Besides, I wasn't exactly the perfect pale mate, either. We were both young and stupid and...." Feferi sighed and looked at him. Really looked. Despite himself, Eridan looked back.
They both felt grief, both still looking so young.
Feferi giggled, and they were five sweeps again,
"You've still got your baby gills."