Chapter Text
Chapter 2: Janis
Janis had met Regina on the playground in first grade. They were wearing the same pair of cute sandals, and Janis had commented on it. Soon enough, the two girls were inseparable.
The girls did everything together. One would end up at the other’s house after school most days, and soon enough, it was tradition for their parents to eat dinner together on Friday nights.
When they were at Regina’s house one day of fifth grade, Regina revealed the cell phone makeup kit she had received as a birthday gift. “You’d look really pretty in pink eyeshadow,” the blonde commented. Janis couldn’t help but blush. Compliments from Regina were rare, but they were validating as hell.
“Okay,” she’d replied, willing, even then, to do anything for Regina. Janis didn’t know what romantic feelings were. She knew people could have them for boys, but the girls Regina and Janis hung out with insisted that even the cute boys had cooties. Janis just didn’t see much appeal.
When Regina put her hand on Janis’s cheek to steady her face for the makeover, her heart beat faster. Janis didn’t know what that meant, but surely it was just because she was nervous. How would her parents react if she came home with makeup on? They’d probably get mad and not let her hang out with Regina any more. That would be sad. Janis liked Regina.
So, for the entirety of the time that Regina was painting Janis’s face, Janis was lost in thought. Why did she get so jumpy when Regina would take her hand in public? Friends did that and never thought twice about it. The amount of time that she and Regina spent together was normal, right? Friends hung out all the time, just two people having fun. Something didn’t add up in Janis’s brain, though. She didn’t feel normal around Regina.
“Ta-da!” Regina dramatically announced, once she was done with Janis’s makeup, and turned her around to face the mirror.
Janis inhaled. Regina had been right. She did look really pretty in the pink eyeshadow. “How do you think I’d look as a blonde?” she asked.
Regina stared at her, almost critically. Janis regretted opening her mouth. Her mind started running itself in circles about her feelings and her friendship with Regina. As soon as Regina spoke, saying “You’d be a beautiful blonde. We’d be like sisters!” Janis was soothed and validated.
Soon enough, it was time for Janis to go back to her own house, and she saw the look on her parents faces that was surely due to the makeup. They greeted her normally, though, and she went up to her room to complete her homework and take off the eyeshadow before dinner.
Janis could feel her father’s anger through the door and down the stairs, but heard her mother talking him down. Her mom always had her back and was always the best mom around. She didn’t seem to be super fond of Regina, but Janis wrote that off. Her mom was another friend, and they were entitled to their difference in opinions.
After dinner, Janis got the lecture she was expecting about the makeup, but her mom was kind about it.
“Janis, sweetheart, you’re a little young to be wearing makeup out on the regular. You can play with it at Regina’s, and wear it for concerts or special occasions, but other than that, your father and I would be more comfortable if you washed if off before leaving the house.” Her mom looked at her with kind eyes.
Janis couldn’t deny her mother much. She nodded, and complied from then on. Regina didn’t understand why Ms. Sarkisian was being ‘so strict’ and would get mad whenever Janis would wash off her hard work. It seemed to Janis like a switch went off somewhere in Regina’s mind when she didn’t get her way. She would get mad and teary and throw fits when Janis didn’t comply. Janis often found herself apologizing for the fits Regina threw.
“You really should dye your hair blonde, you know,” Regina commented one day. “Do it! It’ll be fun.”
Janis really did agree that time, and so she went home and practically begged her mother to let her do it. She developed an attitude when her mother said no, and came to a compromise that was excessive, but better than nothing.
“Mom said I could dye my hair blonde for my birthday if I still want to by then.”
“That’s so far away!” Regina complained, much as Janis did when asking her mother.
“I know, but it was either that or have her flat out say no,” Janis sighed. “So I guess we just have to wait.”
“Why is your mom so strict? It’s just your hair!” Regina pouted.
“I don’t know what her deal is,” she avoided rolling her eyes at Regina, “I just want to dye my hair so I can be pretty like you.”
Janis blanched after she realized what she said, and Regina was silent. Did she really just tell Regina she thought she was pretty? Friends say that all the time, right? But it felt like saying that she thought a boy was cute.
“That just might do it,” Regina smirked. Janis was confused, and a little let down. Obviously, she wasn’t good enough the way she was.
Regina seemed to get fed up with Janis more and more easily. Janis didn’t understand exactly what she was doing to upset Regina, other than existing in a way that didn’t really please her.
So, Regina would get mad, and Janis would apologize, and they’d make up, and the cycle would start again.
After one argument at Janis’s house, her mom pulled her aside when she went to the bathroom. “You know, you only have to apologize to Regina if you’ve done something wrong.”
Her mom just looked concerned, but Janis felt the need to defend her friend. “Well, I’m always doing things wrong, so…” She rolled her eyes and could see her mother was a little hurt by the quip.
“Okay, honey.” She whispered before walking away.
Janis chastised herself for snapping at her mother. She knew her mom was right. Regina was being unkind. But she was one of the only good friends Janis had, and she didn’t want to lose that.
So, she kept putting up with Regina, and she let her mom hold her when she cried. She even thought about her feelings for Regina, and if those maybe possibly more than friendly feelings could be why she kept needlessly apologizing to the little blonde terror.
One day, Regina met Janis in the hallway by her locker before homeroom. Janis smiled at her, the fluttery feeling erupting in her stomach as it often did when Regina would actually make eye contact with her.
“So…” Regina started. She looked a little unsure, but Janis had no clue why.
“What’s up?” she asked innocently. Regina’s facial expression morphed into something Janis found impossible to decipher, and it scared her.
“You know my birthday is soon. And I’m having a pool party.” Janis nodded, having helped make the plans. “Yeah. Well, you can’t come, because I think you’re a lesbian and there are gonna be girls there in their bathing suits.”
Janis was frozen to the spot. Regina thought she was a… lesbian? She had known of the word, and she had been struggling with her feelings for a while, but she had never put two and two together. There wasn’t anything she could think to say in response to what her supposed best friend had just said.
“Well, are you a lesbian?” Regina prompted, almost jeering. Janis couldn’t look her in the eyes, couldn’t get a word out of her mouth, she didn’t even know if she was a lesbian yet, how could she answer Regina? “What are you?” the blonde yelled, after a solid minute of Janis silently staring at her shoes.
It wasn’t her proudest moment, and she definitely didn’t think things through. Janis just knew she had to respond to Regina, but she could neither confirm nor deny whether or not she was a lesbian, so she just shouted the first thing that came into her head. “I am a space alien, and I have four butts!”
After that embarrassingly untrue declaration, Janis ran to the bathroom. She couldn’t just… go to class now, could she? Her breathing got heavier and faster, and she sank down to sit on the toilet, head in her hands. This wasn’t how any of it was supposed to go. Wasn’t Janis supposed to figure out who she liked on her own, and tell people when she was ready? Weren’t friends supposed to support each other?
Janis heard her mother’s words, the whisperings of an unhealthy relationship, and she couldn’t stop herself from breaking into sobs in the girl’s bathroom. When she missed homeroom and first period completely, she was summoned to the office.
The principal was waiting. “Janis, why weren’t you in…” he saw her tear-streaked cheeks. “Is this about your locker?” he asked instead.
“What do you mean?” Janis didn’t know if he knew about the conversation this morning. “I- It’s about R-Regina…”
“Have you seen your locker?” His eyes were kind, but also filled with sadness for Janis, and she didn’t know what to make of that. She shook her head, a few stray tears falling down despite her efforts to quell them. “Let’s take a walk.”
He led Janis to her locker, where Regina had accused her of being a lesbian barely an hour before. Somebody had written ‘space dyke’ on her locker in big, black, blocky letters. Janis blanched. Who could have done this? Why?
Janis gave up on trying not to cry, and just buried her head in her hands. “Do you think this was Regina’s doing?”
“I don’t think she wrote it, but she’s definitely the reason for whoever did write it,” Janis sniffled, clearly upset.
“Okay. I’ll deal with this, okay? The secretary can call your mother to take you home.”
Janis didn’t know why the principal was being so kind, or why he had taken her side. It seemed like nobody else in the school would. Regina obviously wasn’t on her side. She was the one who had started the fiasco in the first place. And she was obviously spreading Janis’s response to being called a lesbian and was probably actually telling people that Janis was a lesbian.
Maybe I am a lesbian, Janis thought to herself. That would explain the fluttery feeling she’d get around Regina, and why she never really agreed, but just played along, when Regina and her other friends would fawn over ‘cute’ boys. It wasn’t the best time to have that realization, all things considered.
Despite her best efforts, Janis just kept crying.
Before the bell rang and everybody would get to see Janis crying in the office, her mother burst in. Janis hadn’t heard what the secretary had told her, but it evidently wasn’t much, as her mom was immediately concerned for her physical wellbeing.
Janis was feeling well enough to be snarky, but was still incredibly shaken. Her mom led her gently out of the school, offering ice cream and a very low-key rest of the day. She knew that her mom would want to know what had happened soon, and she was almost prepared to tell her.
Her mother had never been anything but supportive, always campaigning for Janis’s best interests, and so she had no qualms about letting her mother know that people thought she was gay, or that she actually might be, but Janis just… didn’t want to relive that argument with Regina quite yet. It was a betrayal that she should have seen coming, but never expected. And she certainly never would have expected their falling out to have the repercussions it did.
“I’m sure whatever happened sucks, and you probably don’t want to recount it, especially not to your mother, but I’m worried, Janis.”
She looked up at her mother, who seemed saddened by events she didn’t even know. Janis sighed. She knew what was coming, and she wasn’t sure she was ready, but she kinda had to be anyways.
“I want to be able to help you in the best way possible, and I can’t do that if I don’t know what’s going on.”
“I don’t know how you can help, but I’ll tell you.” Janis sighed, trying to quell the tears quickly filling her eyes.
Her mother just sat and gave her all of her attention. “I’m listening. And I’ll do my best to not interrupt or say anything until you’re done.”
Janis chuckled, then began. “You always knew that Regina wasn’t a good friend. She started arguments and made me think that I was always wrong. But… she was fun to hang out with. We had a lot in common.” She paused thoughtfully. She wasn’t sure how to lead up to the rest of it, because as much as what Regina said had hurt, it was unfortunately true. “I liked her. A lot more than she liked me. She knew that… and… uh…” tears spilled out of her eyes and ran down her cheeks despite her efforts to prevent them. “She knew that I was starting to like her more than I was supposed to. More than friends are supposed to.”
She took a deep, shaky breath before continuing on, still scared to tell her mother the worst part. Janis had basically just admitted that she was into girls, and her mother wasn’t reeling in shock or horror, so there was some comfort there.
“She… she came up to me before school to tell me that I couldn’t come to her birthday party in a few weeks… b-because it’s a-a pool party, a-and sh-she thought…” Janis was full-on sobbing now, barely able to continue her story.
Her mom put a gentle hand on her shoulder, a silent encouragement for Janis to continue. She avoided burying her head in her hands and tried to steady her breath, but she couldn’t. The words spilled over despite that.
“Sh-she said she thought I was a le-lesb-bian. And then she… she kept asking, b-because I w-wouldn’t answer, because I-I… I don’t know how I was supposed to… and so she just shouted, ‘What are you?’”
Janis paused, took a deep breath, and looked up at her mother, who looked pained on Janis’s behalf. At least she had taken Janis’s side. “I didn’t know what to say… and I panicked.” She blushed in embarrassment, just thinking about what she said next.
Her mother interrupted. “So… what did you say?”
Janis chuckled in embarrassment, unable to stop herself. “I shouted that I was a space alien, and that I had four butts.”
“Oh, sweetheart. It’s okay. It was a panic response. It happens.” Her mother rubbed her back in an attempt to comfort her. Janis only cried harder, remembering the repercussions of it all.
“It wasn’t okay to R-Regina… within an hour, s-somebody had written s-space d-dyke on my locker.” Janis buried her head in her hands, ashamed. “That’s all the office knows about. They wouldn’t get Regina in trouble for what she did earlier, anyways. She wasn’t the one who vandalized school property.”
“Janis… I’m so sorry.” Her mother looked unsure of what to say for once. Janis knew what the question was before her mom decided to ask it. “You don’t have to answer, if you don’t want to, okay, but do you think you are a lesbian?”
“I don’t know, Mom,” Janis sighed and sniffled, looking at her feet. She might as well just be honest. “I think I might be. I’ve just been thinking about that possibility recently.”
“Okay, then. You know I’ll support you and help you through anything, no matter what, right?” her mother gently lifted Janis’s chin so their eyes met. “No matter who you love or what your career may be, whatever happens, I’m your mom, and I’ll love you. Always.”
Janis smiled up at her mother, immensely glad to find stable support in her. She wanted comfort, and so, still sobbing, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her mother, burying her head into her shoulder.