Archive of Our Own

They were back. Bart’s blood had run cold when he heard the sound of a Reach ships cannon fire and for a second he was back in ash and a collar and there were bugs crawling up his neck and for a second he broke character, his big grin with teeth and upbeat voice that has become strained and plastic with puberty falling away. They were back and it was making it very difficult for Bart Allen to be Kid Flash.
(Jaime’s voice: “No. Just, No.” Bart thinks Jaime was begging. It had come out harsh.)

Of course, it was Not-Really Them. Intergang meat using Reach tech. Kid Flash had broke character to stare coldly at them. He still turned and cracked a joke at the reporters and dodged Cassie and Gar’s worried glances. (He thinks back to Gar in a pod next to him (a lot smaller then, both of them) and remembers Cassie’s cold sweat, laying in a hospital bed as her spine healed. It was a miracle Black Beetle hadn’t paralyzed her.)

They let it drop when they got back to The Hub, thankfully, and he could keep up the act. Bart was Fine, Crash , completely Stellar. He hadn’t thrown up and the shake in his hands could be chalked up to his usual need to fidget.

He only thinks about throwing up because of Jaime, to be completely real.

The Hub is a stroke of genius on Gar’s part and Bart has hugged him to death over it already so it bears no repeating. Part of the thrill of it is privacy. Privacy to chill out, hang with your teammates (they’re almost like normal teens!), and vomit when no one else is there without risking your parents finding out about it. Bart sits, legs crossed, outside the bathroom and listens to Jaime vomit and sob. Listens to a shaky voice, “Ahora no, Khaji, not now.”

Jaime comes out after what seems like hours to Bart and he looks down at Bart and when Bart smiles weakly up at him, he can’t fake something big with teeth. Jaime looks at him with his mouth screwed up for a moment. Bart feels something in his throat. He hadn’t meant to listen in, he was just…….

(Jaime had asked him about the Lying, about a month earlier. His mouth screwed up in the same way. “Why do you keep up the tourist act, ese? The whole team has known for-”
“I know how long it’s been.” Bart had said. Harsh. “It’s just easier.”
Jaime had crossed his arms. “Easier for who?”
Bart had mimicked his stance. “Who do you think?”
Jaime had looked sad. “You know you can talk to me, Bart? You don’t have to be over it...”

Bart had nodded, yes, he knew. He wouldn’t, of course, because Jaime had just broken up with the magic girl, and going public with Gar’s Outsiders had brought Blue Beetle back to the public eye and Jaime couldn’t go places without distrust or outright aggression thrown his way. Reach Hero and all that (the League had conveniently spun a story that Blue Beetle was a reformed villain, and Jaime accepted it through barely concealed dismay). Bart couldn’t force him to deal with his issues on top of it. And Kid Flash was fine.
They hadn’t talked much lately.)

Bart stops that train of thought as Jaime turns away from him and pads off to his room.

He follows him. Not right away, first he goes to the kitchen and stress eats, like, a Lot of leftover pizza and a plastic container of blueberries. But then he follows Jaime.

Jaime lets out a soft noise when Bart knocks, soft, on his door and Bart lets himself in. There’s no lights on and Jaime is curled into himself on the bed and Bart sits next to him, his knees up to his chest. He tilts his head to look at his friend.

“I thought They were back,” Jaime says after a moment, and he won’t look at him so Bart has to speak up.

“I know, I did too.”

Jaime spreads out, his arms coming up to cover his face and Bart’s mouth goes dry looking at the way his shirt pulls up over his stomach and he can see the hair there, and the scars on his hip from 2 years ago when Black Beetle had tried to kill him (the first time). Bart has seen them before but now he wants to put his mouth on them and up Jaime’s chest and whisper in his ear how brave and alive and perfect he is . Bart swallows that down and lays down next to him.

When Jaime turns to look at him his brown eyes are watery and he reaches out and grips the front of Bart’s shirt. Barts breath sticks in his throat when Jaime’s hand brushes his collarbone and he aches. He thinks Jaime maybe wants more too but can’t say it either.

“I’m not over it,” Jaime breaks, spills over, tears fall sideways down from his eye and another drips over his nose. Bart can see them shining in the dark room. “Two years later and I still can’t get their voices out of my head,” 

Bart nods, the feeling in his throat is back. He wants Jaime to kiss it better (he’s struck by the honesty of that) and when Jaime cries into his pillow and then into Bart’s shirt and Bart wraps his arms around his broad shoulders and tangles fingers into his hair he doesn’t cry, hasn’t been able to cry, but he shudders and breaths in Jaime, Jaime, Jaime.

Jaime presses his face into Bart’s neck. “Being back on that ship was-”
“Terrifying?” Bart supplies, “completely totally moded?”
Jaime huffs a small laugh at that. Bart feels it on his skin and sucks in through his teeth. Jaimes arm is heavy on his stomach and Bart takes a breath to steady himself because they’re so close, haven’t been this close in ages, haven’t-

“I’ve missed you,” it’s quiet, but Bart hears it.
“You see me almost every week…” he says, liar, he thinks, you know what he means. 

“ Missed you too,” he says, quieter.

Jaime pulls back from Bart’s chest and looks at him and he looks sad so Bart kisses him.

Bart kisses him.

Jaime makes a noise into his mouth and grips at his shoulders and Bart is too scared to pull back so he pushes forward, pushes Jaime’s back into the sheets and tugs on Jaime’s hair. He’s been growing it out. It’s soft and Bart feels melty. Jaime’s hands find Bart’s hips and he pulls him fully onto his lap and oh god. Oh god.

Jaime is the first to pull back, and he presses his forehead against Bart’s and Bart flutters. “I’m sorry,” Bart says, soft.

“No,” Jaime’s voice is shaking, “Don’t be.”

Bart opens his mouth to say more but he’s cut off by Jaime kissing him again, hopeful and desperate. He’s pulled closer by Jaime’s hands in his hair and a bite on his bottom lip. Jaime kisses down his jaw, down to his throat.

“I want this,” Jaime chokes out. “You.”

Bart stares at him and Jaime pulls him closer closer closer and Jaime breathes against his jaw, “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he’s saying and Bart finally spills over too. Spills over and the two of them cry and cling to each other and Bart melts into Jaime.

Sleep comes eventually. 

---

Bart wakes up against the soft rise and fall of Jaime’s chest, steady breathing he thinks. He presses his lips against his friends jaw. Jaime makes a noise and Bart smiles at him, kisses him again on the nose. Jaime opens his eyes and looks at him, oh so soft. Bart flutters.

“Are we okay?” Jaime says after a moment.
Bart thinks he’s not okay, hasn’t been for a while, and given the… the vomiting Jaime might not be okay either. He knows they’re not okay but- but but… Bart thinks of the desperate way Jaime had kissed him. Is Us okay is what he means.

Bart answers him by pulling him close and kissing him slow. He nods and when Jaime cups his face he believes himself when he says it, “Yeah, we’re okay.”