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Stevie positioned herself awkwardly on one of the two chairs that Alexis had set up in the lobby and tried to move sort of vaguely in rhythm to the music that was playing out of Alexis’ phone. “A soap opera convention,” she said. “That’s a thing?”
“Oh my God, yes,” Alexis replied. She was stretched out over her own chair, her ponytail brushing the floor, her legs not quite able to stretch out the way they were supposed to because the desk was in the way. “Mom made so much money, Stevie; I’m kicking myself that we didn’t start doing this years ago.”
Bye bye mein lieber herr
farewell mein lieber herr
it was a fine affair, but now it's over
Stevie hopped up on her chair and almost tipped it over.
“I mean,” Alexis added, “letting people take pictures of her feet is, you know, eww, but totally worth it.”
And though I used to care, I need the open air
you're better off without me mein herr.
“Her feet?” Stevie rolled her hips and prayed that this wouldn’t be the moment that Mr. Rose walked in on them using the motel as an impromptu rehearsal space.
“Yeah, it’s a fetish thing. See--”
“No, I get that, it’s just--” Stevie tried to swing around the chair gracefully and bumped her elbow on the wall. “Fuck. It’s just, Mrs. Rose was okay with that?”
don't dab your eye, mein herr
or wonder why, mein herr
I always said that I was a rover
“Even Mom has her price.” Alexis pulled herself up onto a sitting position on her chair, knees spread and arms outstretched. She looked so long and graceful doing it, and it made Stevie jealous.
The door to the main office opened, and Alexis and Stevie jumped to their feet, hurrying to make it look like they were not doing a louche cabaret number at half past eight in the morning in the lobby of the Rosebud Motel. “Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Brewer. There’s cinnamon rolls and coffee if you’re interested,” Stevie said.
Marcy smiled at her, and that smile was all it took for Stevie to imagine Patrick’s entire childhood, after school snacks in a warm kitchen and little league practices and magical Christmases. “No thank you, Stevie, we’re having breakfast at Patrick’s this morning.”
“We were looking for David, actually; thought we’d offer him a ride over,” Clint added.
Alexis’ widened eyes told Stevie everything she needed to know about where David had spent the night. “Oh, um, he probably went… for a run,” Stevie said.
Alexis laughed and then very quickly turned her laugh into an odd sound of what she probably imagined was agreement as she began to scroll through her phone so that she didn’t have to look anyone in the eye. “Yep, a run, that’s our David, always getting up early to… run.”
“Clint, I told you he’d probably spent the night at Patrick’s,” Marcy said with a fond eye roll for her husband, or perhaps for Stevie and Alexis’ terrible attempt to cover for the boys.
Visibly relaxing, Alexis’ breath whooshed out. “Thank God. Yeah, he’s over there more nights than not. I mean, I’m at Ted’s a lot too, so I don’t really know, but I do know a lot of David’s skincare products have disappeared, so he must have taken them over to Patrick’s.”
Stevie winced. There was probably a difference between Patrick’s parents acknowledging that he and David spent the night together and the realization that David had almost moved in, but the smiles didn’t disappear from their faces, so maybe it was okay. “Did you have fun at the party last night?” Stevie asked them.
“It was nice to see that Patrick has so many friends here in town,” Marcy said.
“Oh, totally; everybody loves Patrick,” Alexis gushed, her hands moving into what Stevie thought of as her T-rex pose. “He’s a precious little button-face.”
Patrick’s parents looked a little confused at this characterization.
“Also he’s made David into a person who is almost bearable to be around,” Alexis continued. “Like, he’s transformed him into an actual human.”
“Pretty sure he was an actual human already,” Stevie said.
Alexis squeaked out a ‘hmph’ noise in answer to that, already back to looking at her phone. “No, he wasn’t.”
“Okay well, we’re headed over to Patrick’s apartment then,” Clint said. “It was nice seeing you girls again.”
Stevie pulled out her phone and quickly texted David: P’s parents are on their way, put some clothes on!
~*~
“Okay, David, I’m really going to need you to get up now.”
David reached over and grabbed Patrick’s pillow and pulled it over his face.
“Look, I know you’re not a morning person,” Patrick said, his voice closer, “but as great as my parents are being about all this, I feel like them seeing you in my bed not twelve hours after they learned I’m gay might be a bit much for them. And they’re gonna be here in ten minutes.”
Flinging the pillow off, David squinted up at his boyfriend, who was fully dressed, his arms folded over his chest. His upper arms bulged against the thin knit of his blue sweater, and it made David smile. Patrick had very nice arms. “Come back to bed.”
“Yeah, that would definitely be too much for them,” Patrick said with a little smirk.
“Why are we talking about your parents right now?”
“Because, we made plans for today, remember? They’re coming here for breakfast, then we’re going to show them the store, then you offered to take my mom shopping in Elmdale while my dad and I go for a hike. Any of this ringing a bell?”
David sat up and flung the covers off, noting that Patrick wasn’t taking the opportunity to ogle him -- it was hurtful, frankly. “I want you to note that I did not immediately get up last night and put on clothes after… because it was your birthday.” David might be the more sexually experienced of the two, but that didn’t make him comfortable being naked in front of people, even Patrick.
Another suppressed smirk. “Yes, and I do appreciate that, but my parents for sure won’t.”
“Okay, okay.” David started to lever himself out of bed, then twirled his finger at Patrick. “Don’t watch me.”
“David…” Patrick said even as he was dutifully facing the wall. By this point he was intimately familiar with David’s hangups about his body.
Pulling a t-shirt over his head, David glanced toward the kitchen and saw that Patrick had been busy. The griddle was set up with a bowl of batter waiting next to it. “Pancakes?”
Patrick came over and kissed him on the cheek. “My boyfriend who threw me the best birthday party I’ve ever had definitely deserves pancakes.” He smacked David’s bare ass with an open palm. “Assuming he has pants on by the time my parents get here.”
“Mmm, do that again.”
“Not now, David.”
“Later?”
Patrick was already making the bed, smoothing the sheets down with the well-practiced motion of someone who’d been raised to make his bed every morning, a trait that David could not have identified with a few years ago. Living in the motel with Alexis had turned him into a compulsive bed maker. With so little in his life he could control, the neatness of his side of that room quickly became critical to his mental health.
Giving him a smoldering look as David pulled on his sweatpants, Patrick said, “Yes, later.”
The gritty rasp of Patrick’s voice in that moment made David’s stomach swoop, and he contemplated going over and kissing him, but his own unbrushed teeth stopped him. David opted for the wiser course and excused himself to the bathroom. “Ew,” he said as he caught sight of himself in the mirror, his hair sticking up on one side. He didn’t have time to shower or do his full morning skin care regimen, but hopefully he could at least tame his hair and wash his face before the Brewers arrived.
Those first few moments in Patrick’s parents’ hotel room yesterday, when David had thought he was about to take a homophobic firehose in the face, had been among the scariest of his life. But he’d put Patrick in this situation, albeit inadvertently, and it felt like the least he could do. He’d thought desperately, between one breath and the next, that if he could somehow absorb all of the Brewers’ prejudices into himself, then there wouldn’t be any left over for them to aim at Patrick. Then miraculously, they’d been fine with it. Fine with Patrick being gay, fine with Patrick dating David. He’d been so relieved that the room had felt like it was spinning.
David emerged from the bathroom just as a knock sounded on the door. Scanning the apartment one last time, his eyes traveled from the neatly-made bed to the small table beside it. David rushed over and opened the top drawer, sweeping a couple of bottles of lube into it and slamming it closed. “That was close,” he said, and Patrick shot him a grateful smile as he opened the door.
His parents hugged Patrick as soon as they came in as if they hadn’t spent the past evening with him. David wondered if it wasn’t only distance that had been separating them for the last year -- in keeping the nature of their relationship a secret from his parents, Patrick must have been holding a part of himself apart from them for a long time. Even if they weren’t fully aware of it, they must have felt the remoteness.
Patrick quickly went into host mode, pouring coffee and juice and starting to cook the pancakes while his parents asked polite questions about the apartment. David made small adjustments to the place settings around Patrick’s round table, feeling awkward and out of place. It had been easier the night before with so many people around, and with the responsibility of making sure the party was running smoothly to keep him busy. Now David just felt exposed, here with Patrick’s parents in the very small apartment where he regularly had sex with their son. He hated how important it felt for the Brewers to like him; it made David feel like he needed to crawl out of his own skin.
“So what gave you the idea for the store, David?” Clint was asking, and David jumped slightly at being addressed.
“Um, well… Stevie was bored one weekend and she dragged me to a farmer’s market in Elmdale. And there were all these local products -- really good stuff, actually, and it made me kind of furious that people were making these things nearby and the general store in town was just selling cheap, discount brands and canned vegetables. So when it closed…” He shrugged.
“He turned his fury into a viable business,” Patrick said, handing him a plate with four pancakes on it, lovingly arranged to best absorb maximum syrup.
“No, Patrick was the one who turned it into a viable business, I just had an idea. And flawless taste.” David took his seat at the table between the Brewers. “I wouldn’t have succeeded without Patrick.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” Patrick shot him one of his trademark smirks, and it filled David with warmth. The Brewers chuckled.
“Patrick was an excellent student when he was in business school,” Marcy said with a proud smile.
“I’m sure,” David said with an eye roll that elicited more laughter.
The breakfast was easier than he’d feared. Marcy and Clint were easy people to like, and it was fascinating to watch Patrick talk to them -- it was like getting a window into the way his boyfriend had grown up. It explained a lot of his confidence. How could a person not be confident, bolstered by the unconditional love of people like this?
After the dishes were cleared and David had changed his clothes, they all headed over to the store. David unlocked the door, frowning at the sign in the window stating in Patrick’s neat, blocky handwriting that Rose Apothecary would be closed today. He was looking forward to a time when they could afford to employ some clerks so that the store hours wouldn’t rely on either him or Patrick being there, or worse, on Stevie or Alexis’ unreliable help. But given how important it was that Patrick spend some quality time with his parents, David didn’t begrudge the day of lost revenue too much.
The Brewers perused the shelves, suitably impressed by every item Patrick showed them. David pulled a feather duster out from under the counter, making half-hearted motions over the shelves as he listened to the soft hum of conversation from the Brewers. He could imagine it clearly all of a sudden, a future where they sometimes went to Patrick’s parents’ house for visits, even for Christmas. They probably put up slightly-too-garish decorations and baked gingerbread cookies and had embarrassing sing-alongs.
He wanted it desperately.
It had been several weeks now since David’s temporary insanity, when he’d convinced himself that Patrick needed to date other people. In the course of that day, he’d accidentally implied that he and Patrick would be together in five years. He still thought about the fact that Patrick seemed unfazed by that idea an average of once per day. David wished he was the kind of person who really could keep a boyfriend as wonderful and kind as Patrick forever, but he knew he wasn’t that kind of person. Surely Patrick would someday tire of David’s theatrics, of his selfishness, of his fundamental brokenness, and he would leave.
~*~
Patrick focused on his hiking boots, putting one foot in front of the other on the narrow trail. His father was silent at his side, the incline of this section of trail enough to steal the small talk from their mouths. They reached a turn of the switchback, and rather than lead his father further up the hill to his favorite spot, Patrick took him down an alternate path off to the west. Somehow it felt wrong to share the overlook where he’d agonized over his feelings for David with anyone else.
Now that the giddy relief of finally coming out to his parents had bled away, Patrick felt a renewed discomfort. Yes, his parents said they liked David, and they seemed to have absorbed everything about his life in Schitt’s Creek with endless acceptance and patience, but he still couldn’t help wondering if they wished for something different for him. If they wished his life had turned out more like they’d once imagined, settled down in a house with Rachel and a couple of kids, working the kind of safe, corporate job that his degree had prepared him for.
They reached a clearing, and his dad sat down with a grunt on a tree stump and took a long drink from his water bottle. Patrick stepped over beside him, looking down over the town below.
“When did you realize?” His father cleared his throat. “I mean, if you don’t mind me asking. When did you realize you were gay?”
Patrick looked down at his boots. “Truthfully? Not until I met David.” He chuckled. “I mean, the thought had occurred to me before. I’d felt attraction to guys, I guess. And things with Rachel were always wrong in a way I couldn’t define. But I thought I loved her, and so I dismissed the idea that I was gay, because how could I be gay if I loved Rachel? Turns out I just didn’t really understand what love was supposed to feel like.”
“I’m sorry that we failed you, son.”
“What are you talking about? You didn’t fail me.” Patrick finally met his father’s eyes, stricken that he would think that.
“No, I think on some level we did. Maybe we weren’t homophobic, but we also never suggested to you the idea that you might be anything other than heterosexual. We talked about you having a wife someday like it was the only option. My birds and the bees talk certainly wasn’t… inclusive. I just… I don’t know, I just didn’t think about it.”
“Dad, it’s fine--”
“No, it’s not. My own biases led me to assume you were straight because…” He shrugged.
“David would say, because I like baseball and wear mid-range denim.”
His father laughed. “See, I don’t even know what ‘mid-range denim’ means, but that probably would prove his point.”
Patrick laughed too, that same kind of relieved release he’d felt last night when his father had commented on David’s clothes.
“David’s parents were clearly better at this than we were,” Clint said.
“Maybe, but David’s parents had other issues, believe me. I like the Roses a lot and I know they love their son--”
“They seem pretty fond of you too.”
“--but I wouldn’t exchange my upbringing for David’s in a million years.” He moved closer and put a hand on his father’s shoulder. “I’m not convinced that it would have made a lot of difference either way; it’s not like my high school friends were paragons of inclusiveness. Please don’t blame yourself.”
His father sighed and looked up at him with a small smile. “Call it my parental prerogative to second guess whether I was a good father to you. And to wish I’d done things differently.”
“Well, think of it this way. If I hadn’t spent all those years failing to make things work with Rachel, I never would have run away to this town and I wouldn’t have met…” The love of my life, he didn’t say. It felt like too much to say out loud. “The point is, I’m happy now. That’s what matters.”
His dad reached up and squeezed his hand. “I’m glad, son.”
~*~
When David apologized for the limited selection of stores at the Elmdale mall for the fifth time, Marcy stopped and put a hand on his arm. “David, sweetheart, I told you it’s fine. How about we stop and have a bite to eat.”
Sweetheart. The fact that the little term of endearment from Patrick’s mother made him feel like crying was ridiculous, he thought, and he shook it off. “I could eat.”
They got bad Chinese food from a food court restaurant and settled into the brightly colored, hard chairs on either side of a small table.
“David, can I ask you -- if this is too personal, please say so, but can I ask what it was like for you when you came out to your parents?”
He laughed a little bit, stirring around the orange chicken on his plate as if that would make it taste better. “Umm… it was backwards, I guess?” When Marcy shot him a confused look, he tried to explain. “I’ve always been sort of like… this,” he said, gesturing up and down to indicate his whole… thing. “No one who spends five minutes with me doesn’t assume that I’m gay, my parents included. So coming out for me meant making it clear to them that I also liked women.”
“Oh, you’re bisexual,” Marcy said, nodding.
“Umm…” He thought about just saying yes -- it would be easier. But he hoped this was only the first of many times he’d be spending time with one of Patrick’s parents, so he decided to be honest. “I identify as pan, actually. Pansexual.”
“Oh.” Marcy mulled that over. “How is that different?”
“The labels are complicated -- I've known people who identify as bi who mean the same thing I mean when I say pan, but there can be nuances. It just means gender doesn’t figure into my attraction to a person at all.” He winced, anticipating judgement. “None of which has any bearing on my ability to be faithful to one person. Patrick and I are exclusive.”
“You don’t have to defend yourself, dear. I think it’s obvious to anyone who watches you together how in love both of you are.”
David felt his face flush, and he covered his lips with his fingers. The idea that his feelings for Patrick were so obvious was a terrifying realization; vulnerability like that had only caused him pain in the past. After a second, he squeezed his eyes shut and nodded.
“So I’ve heard the story of how the two of you met,” Marcy said. “Will you tell me how you started dating? If it’s not an inappropriate story for a mother to hear,” she added with a wink that made David recoil. Ew.
“Uh, it’s not,” he said, and cleared his throat. “It was my birthday, and my family was… busy, so I wasn’t planning to do anything. When I told Patrick that, he offered to take me to dinner.” He took a bite of his food and chewed. “I didn’t think it was a date, I just thought it was Patrick being kind to his business partner.” David took a sip of his water. “No, that’s not exactly true. I hoped it was a date. But I also didn’t know what Patrick’s preferences were, and also I was afraid I’d do something stupid, like kiss my business partner, so I invited my friend Stevie along.”
“Ah, Sally Bowles.”
“Patrick’s been keeping you up-to-date about the musical, has he?” When Marcy nodded, David added, “Whatever he’s told you about my mother, he’s probably being too kind.”
Marcy chuckled. “So Stevie came along on your date?”
“Only for a minute, because she -- never tell her I said this, but she’s much smarter than me and she realized immediately what was going on. So she quickly made her excuses.”
“And what happened?” Marcy said, clearly enraptured by the story.
“I did something stupid: I kissed my business partner.” David blushed again and shrugged. “But it turns out it wasn’t stupid, and… here we are. For some reason, Patrick continues to put up with me.” He threw his hands up in self-deprecating confusion.
“David, you’ve made Patrick happier than I’ve ever seen him. You planned that lovely party for him, and… and you came to see us alone yesterday when for all you knew, we were going to hurl hatred at you.” She put her hand over his on the table. “That took an enormous amount of courage and an enormous amount of love.”
His eyes filling with tears, David grabbed for one of the napkins on his tray.
“I’m sorry,” Marcy said, her own voice betraying tears. “I didn’t mean to make you emotional in public.”
He gave her a watery laugh as he wiped his eyes. “Oh please, I’ve cried in a mall food court at least half a dozen times.”
“Thank you, David, for showing my son what love should be like.”
David smiled at her through his tears. “Believe me, I could say the same thing about him.”