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The first thing Byleth notices when they wake up that morning is how quiet it is.
Which is then followed by the realization that it’s because… Sothis is gone now.
The thought doesn’t sit well with Byleth. Sothis had been a part of their life for the entirety of the past year, always present, and always ready to speak her mind whether or not Byleth even asked. For her to be gone now just… leaves them feeling hollow, like there’s a part of them missing.
It certainly doesn’t help that this is happening so soon after losing… after losing Jeralt. They’re still not quite over that, and now Sothis is gone too. What’s next? Their students? Their… well, actually they can’t think of much else for them to lose beyond that at this point.
To make things worse, this isn’t exactly something they can talk to anyone about. No one else knows- … no, knew. No one else knew about Sothis, except for the brief mentions they’d told to their father, and well, he was gone too. Rhea… seems to know more about it than she lets on, sure, but they’re still not sure whether or not they trust her enough to go to her with this.
They feel like they’re going through the grieving process all over again, and this time… this time there’s not even anyone who has any idea of what they’re going through that they can count on.
It makes them consider spending the day in their room resting; it’s a free day, after all, and so no one would really question it too much, but…
Staying alone in their room would make it impossible to ignore the silence left by Sothis’ absence. Maybe what they really needed was a distraction.
Finally committing to getting up and spending the free day around the monastery, Byleth gets dressed. They stand in front of the mirror to check that everything is in order but it’s their hair and eyes that make them pause.
It’s just a small change, and yet… they look so different. They’ve never cared much about their appearance, true, and this isn’t something that changes who they are deep down, and yet… something about it doesn’t sit right with Byleth.
They hadn’t even noticed it at first, to be honest; they’d first noticed when other people made comments, then noticed again when they had seen their own reflection briefly, but they hadn’t spent much time thinking about it.
All anyone else knows is that when they had returned to the world after breaking out of whatever spell Solon used on them, their appearance was different. Based on that context, Byleth is fairly sure that it’s a result of… of merging with Sothis.
They frown slightly at their reflection, and turn away. It seems that their thoughts keep coming back to that, no matter what they do.
Byleth steps outside of their personal quarters, already trying to think of something to do. They… need to talk to someone. Not about Sothis, necessarily, but they need to talk to someone or they feel like they might go crazy.
They don’t feel like they have the energy for one of the more excitable students, so when they don’t find anyone in the area just outside of their room, they wander towards the direction of Bernadetta’s room; while she has been starting to get out more lately, it’s still most likely that they’ll be able to find her there.
Sure enough, when Byleth approaches the door to Bernadetta’s room, they can hear her inside mumbling to herself (something about being hungry, it seems). They reach up their hand to knock on the door- not necessarily to ask to come in, but more just to let her know that they’re there. A lot of the time both of them are just fine with talking through the door.
“Oh, professor!” They hear Bernadetta’s voice from the other side of the door. They hadn’t said anything, but it seems that after a while Bernadetta was able to recognize their knock. “Sorry, I’m… really not feeling well this month,” Bernadetta mumbles. “Even leaving my room for dinner is just too much.”
That would have been enough for Byleth- after all, knowing Bernadetta, it was clear that sometimes she had good days and other times she had bad days.
But then, she added, “It’s got nothing to do with your… um… changes,” (her voice cracked on that last word) “So, um, don’t open the door, please!”
…Ah.
Bernadetta said that it had nothing to do with it, and yet, at the same time it seemed to prove exactly the opposite.
That’s… fine. Some people just… aren’t good with change. After all, even Byleth themselves noticed the change in their appearance. So… it’s… it’s fine. They can talk to someone else.
They continue through the monastery to find someone else to talk with.
As Byleth wanders towards the greenhouse, they find Ignatz just outside of it.
“Oh, hello, professor,” Ignatz greets them, and in response they simply nod. “So, this month’s mission is to take part in a ritual at the Holy Tomb, where you will receive a revelation from the goddess herself.”
Byleth bites back a sigh, remembering. This month’s mission was just another thing weighing on their mind and… well, they sort of understood where Rhea was coming from, but… they felt like everyone was making a bigger deal out of this than they should.
“What if the goddess really appears?” Ignatz continues, oblivious to Byleth’s thoughts, “What if I finally get to gaze upon her radiance? I’ve always imagined the goddess- how beautiful she must be!”
…Byleth decides not to mention that Sothis, in appearance, actually looks just like a child. Instead, they murmur, “I’m sure she is,” and continue on their way.
Eventually, their wandering finds them at the front of the Entrance Hall, and they stop to talk with the gatekeeper for a moment.
“Greetings, Professor! Nothing to report!” He cheerily announces, just like he always does when Byleth approaches him. “Although, I suppose… you are something to report! For a moment, I thought you were someone suspicious!”
Back to how my look has changed, again? Am I really that different?
“Lucky for you, I am quite perceptive,” The gatekeeper continues. “It took only that single moment for me to recognize you!”
That’s… fine, Byleth convinces themselves. It was just for a moment. And it’s not like I see the gatekeeper every day after all. Of course he would be surprised, but he still recognized me quickly after that so… so I can’t be that different.
Inside the Entrance Hall, Byleth finds Mercedes and Ingrid chatting away, though both turn to face them as they get closer.
“Hello, Professor!” Mercedes happily greets.
Ingrid… stares at them in awe. “To think that you’ve been granted power by the goddess herself. Truly, you must be a special individual.”
Well… it is true that I was given this power by the goddess, but…
“Maybe Seiros transformed before receiving her revelation too!” Ingrid continues, musing half to herself.
“Hmm. I haven’t heard anything about that before…” Mercedes disagrees. “But maybe that part just never found its way into the legend?”
…
Byleth continues to walk around the monastery, continues to talk with people hanging around, and…
And as it turns out the only things anyone seems interested in bringing up is how they look so different (“It’s almost like you’re a different person, Professor!”) or the ritual, revelation, Holy Tomb and all that.
That… well, they suppose it’s exciting and all, but… what really gets to them is how everyone is treating them different. Regarding them with awe, or with alarm, or with reverence. And- okay, maybe Sothis was the goddess and… and yes they’re coming to terms with what that means, but… they hate how everyone is treating them different now, like they’re special. They never wanted to be special.
To be fair, originally they never “wanted” anything, but… in the year that they had been a teacher at the Officer’s Academy, they had come to enjoy socializing with others. Mostly because… because everyone had just started to treat them like they were normal. They were still the Professor, sure, but most of the students had regarded them as a friend anyway.
But now they weren’t “Byleth the Professor” anymore, no, now they were “Byleth the Enlightened One” or “Byleth the new Seiros” or “Byleth the Chosen One”.
Maybe they were making a big deal out of nothing, but… well, Dorothea was the one who had put it best:
“Recently, Professor, I feel as though you’ve been a bit distant. It’s like you’re sort of floating above the clouds, separate from other people…”
Yes, that was it, that was how they felt; they felt like they were being placed high on a pedestal that they hadn’t asked for or even tried to climb up to.
They had started to get people to treat them like a normal person, like a friend, like anyone else; and only after they’d gotten used to it did all of this happen, merging with Sothis and suddenly being treated as a Saint.
Maybe that kind of treatment suited some people, but Byleth… they felt like they weren’t any different from before, and it just made them all the more frustrated at how everyone treated them different now.
…
Byleth enters the Knights’ Hall, hoping maybe to blow off some steam with a bit of training, when they find Leonie.
Leonie stands in front of the fireplace, simply staring into the flames.
Mentally preparing themselves, Byleth steps up next to her.
For a moment, she doesn’t say anything. Eventually, she says, “When you changed, even the other professors were taken completely by surprise. There’s a ritual at the Holy Tomb this month, isn’t there? I wonder what’ll happen with that.”
Byleth… doesn’t know what they expected. Of course that was what she would talk about- it was what everyone was talking about.
“I’m sure you’ll be all right,” Leonie hums, but what really surprises Byleth is when she continues, “But don’t lose sight of who you really are, okay?”
Byleth looks at her.
“However you may change, and whatever new power goes along with those changes- you’ll still be the same person, deep down. Remember that,” Leonie smiles.
The look on Byleth's face probably doesn’t physically change much- their eyes widen, but that’s about it.
On the inside, though, they feel like they might cry.
“What are you so surprised for?” Leonie asks, laughing lightly.
“I just…” Byleth’s voice almost cracks so they stop for a moment, clearing their throat, “I just needed to hear someone else say that.”
Leonie snorts. “I suppose everyone has been spending the day treating you like a second Seiros, huh?”
Byleth nods.
“Well…” She shrugs. “To me you’re just… you. You’ll always be Professor Byleth.”
There’s a beat of silence.
“And I…” Leonie hesitates, before continuing, “I’m… I’m sorry for saying that you didn’t care enough about Jeralt. Even if the way you express it is… different, it’s clear that you really did care about him a lot. And it was awful of me to say otherwise, even if it was in the heat of the moment. So… I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you,” Byleth almost immediately replies. They hadn’t ever held it against her in the first place.
For a moment, they stand next to each other in silence, just staring at the fireplace.
“You still miss him a lot, right?” Leonie asks, voice quiet. “I know. I miss him too.”
Byleth had thought that after last month they were done with crying about it, but they can feel a lump rising in their throat again as they think about it.
“………Can I hug you?” Byleth asks, hesitantly.
Usually, they’re not one for physical affection, but right now… well, they could really use it. And maybe they haven’t known her any longer than everyone else at the monastery, but… still, somehow, she feels like a sister to them.
Leonie doesn’t answer, and instead she reaches forward and pulls Byleth into a hug. After a moment, they bring their arms up and hug her back, resting their head on her shoulder.
This day… had been rough. But, maybe not completely hopeless.
Even if people are treating them a little different right now… they’re still Byleth deep down. And eventually everyone will realize that, and they’ll go back to treating Byleth normally again.
…Right?