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“You want to do what? ”
Ryuji and Akira bolted towards the subway station, steps falling in perfect sync as they hurried side by side to catch the next train back to LeBlanc. The air bit at their uncovered noses and an icy breeze whipped by their ears. Akira was worried he didn’t hear his best friend correctly with all the noise that surrounded them.
“Exactly what I said, man. I wanna decorate your room for Christmas.” Ryuji gave him the warmest smile, practically brimming with admiration. Focusing on his pace was all Akira could do to keep from melting straight into the pavement. “You told me last week that you don’t like the holidays, and I think all you really need is some holiday cheer. My mom and I go all out every year, and we’ve got tons of stuff left over that’s just been collecting dust in our apartment.”
“That’s…” Akira cleared his throat, sensing his emotions were getting the better of him. “That’s really not necessary―”
“Yeah, dude, I know, but I want to.” His voice grew more eager, almost insistent. They came to a halt before they would have to go their separate ways and Akira managed to get a good look at the Ryuji’s desperate expression. It was unbearably hard to say no to that face. “No one should have to be sad on Christmas. That’s, like, Christmas law .” Ryuji stated incredulously, “Just consider it an early gift.”
“I…” Akira sighed and shook his head with the faintest of smiles. “I suppose you could come over this weekend. I’ll ask Sojiro if I can make us some hot chocolate before the café opens, if you’d like.”
“For real?” Ryuji’s smile spread across his whole face and he lept at Akira,trapping him in a bone-crushing hug. Passersby began to shoot them strange glances, causing Akira’s face to flush with embarrassment. Still, he lifted his arms and wrapped them around Ryuji in a tentative embrace.. When Ryuji finally let go, he gave Akira a firm slap on the shoulder. “I promise you won’t regret this, man. I’ll see you Sunday morning bright and early!”
As if Ryuji could wake up any earlier than ten , Akira thought, but he didn’t voice his snarky comment, instead he waved to Ryuji as he dashed off to his train before it left without him. For a while, Akira eyes followed his best friend, wondering what on earth he’d just gotten himself into and shook his head. If this is what Ryuji wanted, there was no getting out of it. Akira knew that much. As reluctant as he was to dive into the Christmas spirit as Ryuji had on November 1st, he figured spending any time with Ryuji was better than not spending time with him at all. It would be a nice change of pace from only seeing him when they had to travel to the Metaverse.
Seated on the train, watching the lights in the tunnel blur past, Akira let his mind wander. As always, he found his thoughts trailing back to Ryuji. Morgana had been relentlessly teasing him over his little crush, but Akira had been willfully ignoring it, pushing it aside to deal with problems as they became more of a pressing issue. Now, it was becoming a pressing issue again, and Akira knew he had to bottle his feelings back up before Sunday. Otherwise, he’d be totally, royally screwed by spending time with his friend in a confined space for more than a few hours.
They would be together. Alone. In Akira’s room. Doing one of the most domestic activities imaginable.
Akira mentally kicked himself for being so stupid. Who was he kidding? He was already too far gone.
~*~
Sunday came faster than expected, and Akira couldn’t stop beating himself up for being so stupid up until the moment Ryuji arrived. He didn’t have to text Akira that he was there, since Akira was waiting at the door for him with masked eagerness. Ryuji wouldn’t have had the hands free to send a message, anyway. It was comical, really, how there seemed to be more shopping bags than Ryuji could possibly carry strung along his forearms. Akira tried not to laugh, but a small chuckle managed to escape him. “Didn’t want to take two trips, huh?”
“Shuddup and help me carry these upstairs.” His words were biting, but his tone was just as amused as Akira’s. After unburdening half the bags from Ryuji’s arms, Akira made his way after Ryuji through LeBlanc up to the second floor attic where Akira had made his home. Akira did manage to clean for today, and it helped to keep him busy so he didn’t think about his feelings too much. They deposited the bags on the floor, and the two got to work sorting everything and checking which leftover decorations were still usable.
While sorting through the multitude of bags scattered across the floor, Akira found his eyes flickering between Ryuji and the task at hand. It was incredibly distracting having Ryuji sit so close to him, but there was no way to avoid it. If he shifted his position in any way, Ryuji may interpret that as Akira being distant, which would likely make his best friend upset. Despite that, there was no possible way to address his lack of focus without getting to the root of the issue, and that was completely out of the question.
The two were sitting in silence for a while, sorting through everything from colored lights to silver garland to their heart’s content, when Ryuji made a sound of excitement. Akira turned towards him, only to find Ryuji holding up a box of letter ornaments in triumphant victory. “Hell yeah! I was worried I forgot to bring these!” Unceremoniously, Ryuji dumped the entire box on the floor and began organizing all the letters, first by color and then by shape. Akira tried to tear himself away, but he couldn’t stop staring at Ryuji in awe. His childlike enthusiasm and wonder was…quite contagious in all honesty, and Akira couldn’t help but slip a little further into the holiday spirit.
Akira decided he should get to work on some project and stop gawking at Ryuji, but he was at a bit of a loss as to where he should put certain decorations. He thought about it for a moment, then decided his pride wasn’t worth the trouble it would cause, and he asked Ryuji where to hang up the colored lights.
“Oh, uh…” Ryuji quickly scanned the room and his eyes lit up when they landed on the window above Akira’s bed. “Put ‘em around the window! You might need two strands, and―oh! Here.” He rummaged through another bag of decorations before producing some tacks and hanging strips. “You can use these to hang them up. The directions aren’t hard to follow.”
“Right. Thank you.” Akira got to work, keeping himself busy and out of Ryuji’s hair as he began putting up tacks around the window. After a few moments of silence, Akira heard the telltale sound of Christmas music as Ryuji began blasting it from the small speakers of his phone. It was just so… pure . He found himself filling up with a warmth that he couldn’t quite recognize, and it spread throughout his body with a pleasantness he couldn’t quite describe. He wasn’t sure what to make of that.
As soon as the lights encircled the window in a seamless wreath, Akira plugged them into the closest socket, watching with satisfaction as they flickered to life. Ryuji whooped and rushed over to put an arm around Akira’s shoulders. “What did I tell you? It already looks more festive here with just a few lights up! Imagine what it will look like when we put the rest of it everywhere else.”
Akira tried and failed yet again to stifle a chuckle. “Don’t feel like you have to use everything you brought over.”
Almost as if he had been challenged, Ryuji turned to Akira with a steely determination in his eyes and said, “I’m going to put all the decorations up, Akira.”
“Well, I’ll make you some hot chocolate to give you some energy before LeBlanc opens up.” He smiled, and Ryuji laughed before dashing off to grab some more decorations and begin putting them up intermittently around the room. Akira took that as his cue to make his way downstairs, and he greeted Sojiro as he grabbed an apron and moved behind the counter.
He began to work on heating up some milk when Sojiro cleared his throat, stepping closer to Akira to grab his attention. “Listen, kid, uh…I’m going to be opening up the store in a bit, so try not to make a big mess and make sure you clean up after yourself when you’re done.” Akira simply hummed in agreement while he reached for the cocoa powder and a nearby spoon, absentmindedly stirring until he added just the right amount he knew Ryuji liked. As he found himself getting lost in thought, he heard Sojiro clear his throat again, and Akira looked up in confusion. “I know the look. Someone’s got you dumb in love, don’t they?”
A flush began to creep up the back of Akira’s neck, and he tried his best to will it away. “I’m…not quite sure what you’re talking about.”
Sojiro huffed a laugh. “You were stirring that cup with the biggest grin on your face. There’s only one person who I know makes you look like that. So, tell me,” he leaned against the counter and raised an eyebrow in mock suspicion, “are you going to confess to them?”
“N-no. Absolutely not.” Akira averted his eyes from Sojiro’s knowing gaze and stared at his reflection in the cup of hot chocolate in front of him. “That would be social suicide. I’m smarter than that.”
“Hm. Well,” Sojiro moved away from the counter and picked up a glass to inspect it absentmindedly, “I know from personal experience that you shouldn’t let someone that good get away from you, no matter what anyone else says.”
The wisdom coming from his caretaker was surprising, to say the least. Akira couldn’t remember the last time he and Sojiro had a heart to heart like this (or if they had ever had one to begin with) but it was strangely comforting, like his words were giving Akira the strength to say what he really wanted to. Even if Sojiro didn’t know who Akira was pining after (or maybe he did? Akira wasn’t sure what would have led him to that conclusion), it was still some needed courage, and Akira could feel his relationship with Sojiro becoming deeper.
“Right.” Akira picked up the cup of cocoa with a renewed determination and brought his eyes to meet Sojiro’s again. “Thank you, Boss.”
“Anytime, kid. Now,” he waved Akira back upstairs, “go get him, tiger.”
His feet were moving faster than his brain now, tripping over stairs and almost spilling the drink in his hand as he tried to get to Ryuji as fast as he could. He had to get the words out before this feeling went away. But when he made it to the top of the staircase, he was met with a sight that made his chest tighten again.
Ryuji was standing in front of the window, smile illuminated by colored lights bordering the window, covered in tinsel he was trying to pick out of his hair. His big, brown eyes were fixed on Akira, and suddenly Akira couldn’t breathe.
How do you tell someone that you like them? That every time you see them, your heart races for hours afterwards, or that you can’t help the flush that creeps across your face? There’s no words to eloquently describe those feelings to another person. I like you is far too basic, and it means too many things. I love you is terrifying, holds too much weight for a normal person to carry. I want to protect you doesn’t even begin to cover it all.
When it came to Ryuji, Akira was weak. There has always been a crack in his armor, and it always comes back to his complicated feelings for his best friend. Ryuji had been there since the very beginning, had always had Akira’s back in the worst of times. They had survived so much together, just like they had suffered so much while they were apart. Akira couldn’t imagine his life without this person who had become an integral part of his life. Without Ryuji, he would have never found the strength to unlock his first persona, Arsène, in order to protect someone he barely knew at the time. Some people called that fate. Akira called it pure dumb luck.
Now, here he was, confronted with his biggest fear, trying his best to overcome it without ruining the friendship he already had. He needed it more than anything else in the world, it was the lifeblood that kept him afloat more days than not, but he still desperately craved that intimacy with Ryuji that only a confession would grant him. Even then, it wasn’t guaranteed, but damn it, Akira had to try. Sojiro knew what he was talking about. If he let this opportunity slip past him, he would never forgive himself.
Akira decided to turn on his trademark charm, setting down the cup on a nearby table and running his fingers through his hair while closing the distance between him and his friend. “The decorations look amazing, Ryuji. Seriously, I can feel the Christmas spirit seeping into my bones already.”
Ryuji looked a bit surprised at the remark, but beamed at the compliment nonetheless. “Of course, man! Don’t think we’re anywhere close to done yet, though. We still gotta put up the mini Christmas tree, decorate it with all the ornaments we can fit, and―”
Akira cut Ryuji off by gently grabbing his wrist mid-sentence and pulling Ryuji just a little bit closer, enough to make both of them flush from the proximity. “Right. We’ll get there, I promise. There’s just…something important I need to tell you first.” His grip wasn’t hard by any means, but he noticed Ryuji wasn’t making any moves to pull away.
“Uh, s-sure, man, just spit it out already. You’re acting super weird right now.” His eyes darted back and forth between Akira’s hand on his wrist and the grey eyes in front of him and he swallowed hard.
“Ryuji, I…there’s no other way for me to say this except…you complete me.”
“I…what? Dude, you’re not making any sense.”
“You complete me, Ryuji. I’ve…I was lost ever since I got here. I didn’t know anyone, my parents essentially kicked me out, and I was being labeled as something that…wasn’t me. You helped me find a place to belong, and I will never be able to thank you enough for that. During our time together, I’ve developed deeper feelings for you than anyone I’ve ever met, and I decided I can’t spend another minute without telling you how I feel.” Akira took a deep breath. “My world is a much better place now that you’re in it, and I’m completely selfish for wanting more than you’ve already given me, but I can’t help it. I want all of you, even the parts you don’t want to burden other people with. I want to be closer to you than everyone else is…I wish everyday I could hold your hand in the subway station, and wrap you in my arms when you come over, and kiss you when I see you every morning for school. That’s too much to ask of you, I know, but I needed to tell you, or it was going to consume me for the rest of my life.”
Ryuji was stunned into silence, and Akira could feel his calm demeanor quickly slipping away. He let go of Ryuji’s hand, only to have it snatched back into Ryuji’s sweaty grasp. “Did you…did you mean that? All that shit you said just now?”
“I…of course I did.”
“Good. ‘Cause, uh…I’m about to do something stupid.”
“What―?” Akira didn’t manage the rest of his sentence before he was cut off by Ryuji pressing their lips together. It was messy, awkward, and completely uncalibrated, but Akira was floating above the clouds. He was getting more than he could possibly wish for in this exact moment, and he took a moment away from enjoying the kiss to silently thank Sojiro for the inspiring words.
When Ryuji pulled away, his cheeks were dusted with a rosy pink hue and he refused to meet Akira’s gaze. They didn’t speak again, instead hesitantly moving towards each other for another kiss, much softer than the first and lacking a certain urgency present in the least one. There wasn’t any hesitancy left, just pure bliss.
Their noses bumped together, and Ryuji laughed with his lips still brushing against Akira’s. “Maybe we should…finish putting up those decorations, huh?”
“Sounds like a plan.”