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Merlin couldn’t help but smile as he listened to Arthur and Morgana bicker. The sunlight was shining into the room and cast a golden shimmer over them, while Merlin was busy sorting through Arthur’s discarded clothes from the week before.
Ever since the weather had gotten a bit colder and the leaves on the trees had slowly started to change colour, basking the whole kingdom in the brightest shades of red and orange, Arthur had been in a better mood than he’d had been in for months. Merlin suspected that Arthur loved autumn. He always got a tiny smile on his face when he woke up and there was a slight chill in the air, instead of the stifling heat that summer often brought with it. He liked walking through the lower town and watch people prepare for winter, getting cosy and warm. He saw children on the hunt for chestnuts and sometimes joined them before he trained his knights. On those days, he would always tell Merlin that he felt freer when the season changed from summer to winter.
He’d once stared into the fire and said: “When it’s winter I cannot train, I cannot fight and I feel useless. In spring I am in worse shape than I remember being from last autumn and that... well,” he’d trailed off and Merlin had been about to say something, before Arthur continued: “But when it becomes autumn? I feel lighter. The sun is not as harsh, the weapons don’t feel like the weight of doom and I have a much clearer head.”
Merlin would never forget that smile Arthur had shot him that day. So free and honest and just Arthur.
One of the reasons why Merlin enjoyed autumn so much was the fact that Arthur also seemed to enjoy his presence more. Autumn was when their friendship felt strongest. Autumn was when Merlin was most in love with his prince.
He was snapped out of his thoughts, when he suddenly heard shouting from behind him. He turned around and saw Morgana grinning mischievously and Arthur with a set jaw and glaring at her.
“I am capable of showing emotion, Morgana,” he spat and Merlin could tell that something had shifted between them. He thought it was better not to get in the middle of it and edged further to the wall, still busy with Arthur’s clothes.
“Who?” Morgana asked. “Who do you show emotion to?”
“I...” Arthur stopped for a moment, “you know you’re important to me, Morgana.”
“Yes? Well you don’t show it often. What about others? Friends? Do you have any?”
Arthur made a strangled noise.
“Of course I have friends.”
“I don’t mean the knights who let you win because you’re their prince,” Morgana said in an uncharacteristically soft tone and Merlin looked up to see the smile had vanished from her face, leaving vulnerability and sadness in her eyes.
“Who do you love, Arthur?”
“I am not currently courting, I-“
“I don’t mean romantically, you oaf. I mean in general. Who do you love? Your father and me. Is that it?”
Merlin could’ve sworn that Arthur’s eyes very quickly shot in his direction, which made Merlin quickly look down again. Even though he was more than interested in what Arthur had to answer, he didn’t want to get in the middle of it. Not this time. His heart clenched and he could feel his breathing grow erratic. He didn’t know what he’d do if Arthur said a name. A name of a person, any person that he didn’t court but wanted to. Merlin knew that Arthur was supposed to be his destiny, but he could still go to Ealdor, right? In the worst case? What if Arthur said Gwen’s name? Merlin’s heart clenched some more. He didn’t know if he could handle watching Arthur being head over heels in love with someone else, he couldn’t.
Morgana was the one who spoke up next.
“I challenge you,” she said, “to kiss the person you love most.”
Arthur snorted.
“I thought we weren’t doing romantic,” he said but made a step towards Morgana.
She held her hand up to stop him.
“Who you love most, Arthur. I know you love me. As I do you. I love you as my brother that I will never have as I know you love me the same way. Yet, you don’t love me most.”
Arthur looked defeated and let his head fall forwards, facing the floor.
“I can’t,” he said softly.
“Why not?”
Merlin had to concentrate to hear their exchange now, they spoke quietly and privately and Merlin felt bad for eavesdropping, he really did but he had to know. He had to.
“It is... I can’t love... them,” Arthur whispered and Morgana took a step towards him.
“I challenge you,” she murmured softly, “to kiss the person you love most.”
Arthur looked up and straight into her face.
“And if I don’t?”
Morgana smiled.
“You will,” she said knowingly, “Arthur Pendragon is not one to back down from a challenge.”
Arthur exhaled audibly before looking at Merlin and it took Merlin a second to realise he was really looking at him, this time.
“Merlin?”
“Y-yes sire?” he replied shakily. Not knowing what would happen, not knowing who he was supposed to fetch, what he was told to keep for himself, how to...
“Come over here.”
Merlin put the shirt down he had been folding and trotted over to the siblings. Arthur looked like he’d swallowed a lemon while Morgana almost beamed at him.
“Merlin,” Arthur cleared his throat dramatically.
“Unfortunately this bint knows me too well for her own good. Please know that you are not obligated to do anything you are uncomfortable with, please regard me as your friend in this moment and not as your prince,” he took a step towards Merlin and took one of his hands in his, “Merlin, would it be alright if I kissed you?”
Suddenly, there was no sound in Merlin’s ears except for a high pitched squeak. Kiss him. Arthur wanted to kiss him. That meant...
“I am the one you love most in the world?” Merlin looked at Arthur with wide eyes and an agape mouth. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Faintly, he registered Morgana chuckle and make a sound that almost sounded like “obviously”.
Merlin looked at their joint hands and back to Arthur’s face, who was regarding him with apprehension and... nervousness?
Merlin grinned.
“Of course.”
Arthur exhaled shakily and laughed out loud before pressing a kiss to Merlin’s cheek.
A low, wet pop sounded when Arthur put some distance between him and Merlin once more and Merlin thought it was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard.
Arthur ruffled Merlin’s hair affectionately and suddenly stopped to extract a leaf from the back of Merlin’s head. He held the red leaf in front of Merlin and chuckled.
“You can’t run around like this, Merlin, what will people think?”
Merlin grabbed the leaf.
“Well, what will people think if they knew you loved your servant most?” Merlin asked cheekily and Morgana immediately spoke up:
“Okay boys, that is my deed done. Please refrain from your adorable bickering before I’m back in my part of the castle, thank youuu,” she sing-sang before leaving the room, shutting the door behind her.
And then it was only Arthur and Merlin. As it was so often the case. Only this time, Merlin felt awkwardness charge the air and he didn’t know what to say.
“So that was,” Arthur started, scratching his neck.
“I love you, too,” Merlin blurted out. Not caring if Arthur hadn’t meant it. Not caring if Arthur meant it in a different way than he did. He just needed him to know.
Arthur’s eyes grew wide and he licked his lips.
“Y-yeah?”
Merlin nodded solemnly.
“Yeah.”
“How... do you love me as your prince?”
Merlin shook his head no.
“As your...master?”
He shook his head again.
“As your friend?” Arthur’s voice became a little more hopeful than that before.
Another shake of Merlin’s head.
Arthur furrowed his brow, confused.
“Then...” he licked his lips again, “then what?”
“I love you as Arthur,” Merlin said truthfully.
“I love you as a knight and as a prince, yes. But i love you as a friend, I love you as my friend and I love you as the man that you are – for the man that you are. You are incredible, Arthur. With a title or no. Just... just you.”
The silence that hung between them was thick and Merlin found it hard to breathe. He needed something to happen, anything to happen, needed Arthur to say something, to laugh at him – anything would be better than the silence.
In one swift motion, Arthur placed his hand on Merlin’s neck and hauled him in for a kiss. Square on the lips. It was hard at first, but softened when Merlin pressed back eagerly. They stood there, just lips touching, the rest of them unmoving.
When they parted, Arthur leant their foreheads together.
“I love every single hair on your head and every single flea in your bed, Merlin,” he whispered and Merlin could feel Arthur’s breath on his lips. He sneaked one hand into Arthur’s hair, caressing it softly before extracting it and giving Arthur a smack on the back of his head.
“Ouch!” Arthur grimaced and stood up straight.
“What was that for?”
“Just because I love you, I will not stand for you accusing me of having fleas, clotpole,” Merlin said with conviction in his voice and without further ado, turned around to fold the rest of clothing still laid out on the table. He wanted to get it done before nightfall after all.