Chapter Text
"Thought we should see other people
'Til I started seeing other people with you"
-Mackenzie Porter
When Nico sees the guy from across the bar, he gives him an appreciative onceover. He’s got that classic ruggedly handsome look glorified in the movies—tall, dark olive skin, and bright green-hazel eyes that pierce right through you—and for a split second, Nico considers sliding up to him, flashing a bedroom stare, and dropping a line or two.
But then the guy, looking over a broad shoulder, smiles a breathtaking grin, the source of his dizzying joy undeniable as a smaller body claims the empty spot beside him. He kisses Levi like it’s the most natural, most right thing he could do.
Shamefully, vanity is the first place Nico’s ego goes. Levi must be trying to rile him, he thinks spitefully. Why else would Levi bring his new fling here, here, the hospital hang-out, where he has to know it will get back to Nico? Where Nico will likely see it for himself?
And maybe Levi is out for a bit of payback, but Nico can’t ignore a question that nags and tugs.
Even if that is the case, why the hell does Nico even care?
Because, seeing other people? That had been Nico’s idea. An idea he had been so convinced was the right one—the only one—for so many reasons. Levi wanted commitment. Nico wanted casual. Levi wanted honesty. Nico wanted easy. Levi wanted to be a part of Nico’s life in every sense. Nico wanted his life in boxes…his boyfriend in one and his family squarely in another.
When he had broken the news, he had insisted that a break was as much for Levi’s sake as for his own. That Levi needed to get out into the world and experience more. That thinking your first love would be your last was impractical, borderline ridiculous.
Levi had cried, big blue eyes so beautifully sheened. But he had agreed and walked away, back straight.
Nico had thought it would be easy to return to his old routine, like slipping into an old pair of favored sweatpants. Bar, guy, one and done. But the thing about sweatpants you wear over and over, they fray at the ends. Tear apart at the seams. At some point, they lose their function. Their warmth.
At some point, you have to call it and throw them out.
Now, here they are on the opposite ends of the same bar, Nico nursing a beer, Levi nursing a kiss. Green-eyes settles a hand on Levi’s hip, and Nico squeezes the bottleneck of his beer so hard it might just shatter under the pressure.
If Nico could convince himself that Levi is just having some fun—just out getting the experience Nico told him to—maybe absolute, stupefied horror wouldn’t be sinking into Nico’s bones right now. But he can see it in the way Green-Eyes is gazing at Levi while Levi, unawares, laughs at something Taryn has said. Green-eyes isn’t in it for the sex. No, he’s a man wondering just how early is too early to whisper those three little words. To take a boy home to introduce him to momma. To pick out the perfect wedding bands.
A man like that isn’t about to simply disappear. If Levi is in it for the fun now, then Green Eyes will play the long game. He’ll take it step by step and keep his piercing stare on the prize. And Levi, so more emotionally mature than Nico by strides, will notice. He’ll notice that patient, steady devotion, and it will move him. It will draw him in like a butterfly to nectar, and he will drink. He will drink deeply. And, after, he won’t want anything else.
He won’t want anyone else.
Nico takes a long swing of his beer and looks away to the other side of the room. From a table in the corner, a cute third year from radiology is sending out signals loud enough to be heard by the whole of Seattle, but Nico can’t seem to summon strength needed to pick up what’s being put down, let alone run with it.
Against his vehement wishes, Nico’s head slowly swivels back round. Taryn has left Levi and Green-eyes alone, and Green-eyes is reaching for Levi’s hand.
Their fingers thread together seamlessly. Like they’ve done it a thousand times. Like they’ll do it an infinite many more.
“His name is Rudra.” Taryn is suddenly sitting beside Nico, a glass of coke and rum in hand. She gazes straight ahead as she takes a small sip.
“He’s a resident at Children’s,” she goes on. “Plans to specialize in oncology. And, when he is not saving dying children, he volunteers his free time at the animal shelter on 5th. That’s where Levi met him when he went to adopt a cat.”
“Levi got a cat?” Nico interjects mildly, and Taryn smirks.
“Yep. Cute little three-legged Calico. Rudra helped him pick her out—and somewhere along the line got Levi’s number. They’ve gone out for almost a month now, and a blind person could see how good they are together. Rudra--he’s nice. He’s kind. He saves babies and three-legged kittens. He can actually articulate his feelings and show them in the things that he does. As far as I can tell—and I am an astoundingly good judge of character—he’s got nothing hide, and he isn’t hiding from anyone. More importantly, he won’t hide Levi from anyone. Give it time, and he will love Levi spectacularly.”
Nico’s heart stops, but his face stays stone.
“Your point?” he mutters. Setting down her glass, Taryn at last looks at him head on.
“My point,” she says, “is make up your mind, Kim. You know what Levi wants. If you won’t give it to him, stay out of his way. Don’t hang around. Don’t confuse him with your sad eyes. Don’t regret it where he can see you, not if all you have to offer is your regrets. Unless you are going to love him the way he needs and wants—don’t. Do him the courtesy of letting him have the space to get over you. Let someone like Rudra take it from here. Man up or bow out.”
She leaves without hearing Nico’s response, which is all well and good, because Nico has none. She’s not wrong. He can’t push Levi away and then be hurt when Levi starts moving on. It’s not fair. It’s not logical. Except he is hurt. He’s wrecked. Utterly wrecked. Seeing other people had sounded so nice. Had sounded like relief—like an escape from feelings he wasn’t trying to catch. Why hadn’t it clicked, then, that him seeing other people meant seeing other people with Levi too? That the consequences of his fear would out play before his eyes like a cinematic masterpiece he should’ve co-starred in but backed out of at the last minute? Why wasn’t it obvious that Levi might be just fine without him? That Levi might walk out of their bar hand-in-hand with someone new and not so much as glance back?
That Nico would watch them go and feel the bottom of the world fall out.