Chapter Text
Callum scrabbled for his trainers with one hand as the alarm on his phone beeped incessantly, despite his stumbling movements to try and turn it off with his elbow.
Eventually he managed to stop the noise, the more practical notion of using his finger to prevent the ringing working better than just randomly stabbing at it with his arm. He slipped his shoes over his heels successfully and was almost ready to go. In truth, Callum hadn’t really needed the alarm. He had been glancing at the clock for the past two hours, his body itching to leave the flat. Setting the alarm was the cautious side of him coming through. He had to be out the door on time.
It had all started a week ago now. Like the rest of the country, he was now living this strange existence that felt more like a movie than real life. The year had seemed to start as normal, but slowly over the past month things seemed to descend into surrealism. Now everyone in the UK, and in many other places in the world, were in lockdown.
Callum had made sure he followed all the guidelines. He worked as a barman and chef in a local pub, so he didn’t need to work. The pub had been shut and it wasn’t as though he could do his job from home. Mick, his boss and friend, had assured him that his job was safe and he would continue to get paid. Twice a week, Callum went to the local shop to pick up some items to keep him going, and collected some staples for Mrs Jones, the elderly lady who lived in the flat opposite from him. He would leave them on the doorstep before giving a quick knock and stepping hurriedly inside his own home before she opened the door. He was sure that she had a care worker visit a couple of times a week, but just in case he wanted to make sure she didn’t have to go out.
With all the restrictions and closures, the one thing he was glad he was allowed to do was go out for some exercise. It may only be once a day, for just half an hour, but it was something to look forward to each morning.
At first, it was just the joy of being outside and breathing in the fresh air. Being stuck in a flat all day felt stifling, just the same few walls to look at. He did have small balcony which is was able to dive out on to get some air when it all became a bit too much. The time outside though, that was something he relished.
Those first few days, Callum set off at six am, the sun already beating high in the sky. The streets were near empty though, just a few key workers on their way to an early shift. The supermarkets and corner shops were all closed at that time in the morning, so there was no one else out. Most people would wait until later in the day to get in their daily exercise so the streets remained quiet.
Callum would awaken early and pull on his running gear and trainers, briefly stopping to slick his hair into style and to throw his keys and phone into his pocket. He always used to have his ear pods in when he ran but since the lockdown he’d taken to just listening to the quiet sounds around him as he jogged along the road, the chirps and whispers of nature feeling like a novelty when making his way through the usually bustling city.
Those first few mornings had been uneventful and Callum had barely seen anyone on his journey, thankful that he wouldn’t have to hurl himself into the nearest hedge to keep himself the recommended two metres away from someone if they were walking in the other direction on the same pavement. On the next day though, everything changed.
Though there was hardly anyone out at six am in the morning, those few that did make an appearance seemed to be moving very quickly. Either they were a jogger, rhythmically pounding the pavement, though there weren’t many; or they were a key worker hurriedly walking, with a bag slung heavily over their shoulder as they rushed to complete their journey to the bus stop or to reach their destination. Today though, as Callum speedily ran along the street, just across the road from him there was a man that seemed to just slowly slouch along at a leisurely pace.
As Callum got closer, he could see this wasn’t someone who was out to get fit. He was dressed in a leather jacket and heavy set boots which weren’t exactly work out gear. There was no urgency in his step either. This wasn’t someone who was on the way to work or back from a late shift either, eager to get home for some well needed respite.
Clearly this man was neither of those things. It was so early for anyone to get their daily exercise quota that just the sight of him peaked Callum’s interest.
There was a slow swagger to his step, as if he wasn’t quite sure where he was going. There was a set of Beats resting over his ears, as if he wanted to block out the world. The light beams of the sun stroked down over his face brightening everything around him, like it was giving him a spotlight. Callum hadn’t realised he’d slowed down to a stop before the face turned his way.
It was a moment, only seconds that they met each other’s eyes, but it felt like the world had stopped. The fact they were in this strange pandemic and everyone was locked away, it really did make it feel like they were the last two people on earth and they’d be wondering around alone thinking it was just them before spotting each other.
Callum’s brain eventually caught up with him, and the faint blush that heated his cheeks wasn’t just from the brisk jog. He knew he couldn’t stop on the pavement; he was supposed to keep moving and he didn’t even have a bottle of water he could pretend to sip from or headphones he could pretend to adjust. He simply nodded his head at the other man, like a whisper of a promise he didn’t even know he was making, and started to pad his trainers down the pavement again. He wanted to look around, everything in his body was telling him to turn around, but he didn’t. Because one more look and he might not move again at all.
When he’d got home, he’d quickly locked the door behind him and slumped down on the floor, as if trying to trap something outside for fear it may get in. Breathing heavily, he stumbled to the sink to pour a cup of water. Callum prided himself in being in pretty good shape, and after just a brisk half an hour jog he would barely break a sweat. Today though, he felt his heart beat out of his chest and his breath escape his throat his fast gasps. He hadn’t kept any kind of pacing or rhythm on his way back home, his mind so clouded with an image of the mystery man he had seen.
As he sat on his kitchen floor with the freezer door open and sipping at his water, he told himself it was to be expected. It was perfectly natural. He’d spent the past days by himself, with just a houseplant for company, it was obvious that he’d be a little flustered when seeing an interesting face.
It wasn’t as if he’d even been out long, but the whole story of his coming out was an embarrassment he locked away in his mind. If he thought too long about it now he would just try to curl himself up in the freezer next to the onion rings. It was natural that his head would start noticing guys. He let himself look at them now, in a way he’d denied himself for years and years. This mysterious man had been different though and he knew it.
Before all these world changing events happened, he’d been out walking with Linda, Mick’s wife, and their little boy, Ollie. They’d passed by this tall, well built guy with gleaming white teeth and golden hair walking his German Shepherd. Ollie wanted to pet the dog and Callum had gone over and asked the man. He had responded by looking him in the eye and saying he could stroke as long as he wanted. It wasn’t until after they’d thanked him and set off to get an ice cream that Linda shook her head at him. “He couldn’t have been obvious he was trying to get your number if he’d written it on his forehead. You were giving more heart eyes to the dog than him, Halfway!” she had said, giving him an affectionate shove.
She hadn’t been wrong. Of course he had noticed the way the man was looking at him, but in truth, he just wasn’t Callum’s type. It was like once he’d come out everyone expected him to suddenly start drooling over every man in a two mile radius. He wasn’t like that. Maybe you could call him picky, maybe it was from past experience, but he wanted to be with someone he had feelings for; heart-stopping, drop down in a daze, tummy fluttering feelings. They all just laughed at him when he told them he’d know him when he met him and it would be easier then for him to get involved with someone.
Well, he’d been half right. Apparently, he did know him when he saw him, but he had been expecting that to happen sitting at a bar and sharing a look over a drink. Not across the road in the middle of a world stopping virus. In his imagination, he’d send a drink over to the guy and then he’d slide over next to Callum, their arms brushing as they talked for hours. The reality was that he and his mystery man weren’t allowed in seven feet of each other, there was nowhere to go to buy a drink and if they stopped anywhere for more than a minute there was a risk that the police would swing by and forcibly separate them.
It could only happen to him. Only he would meet someone that literally took his breath away, in the middle of a pandemic while they were all on lockdown. How did you even ask someone on a date in these circumstances? The thought of doing it under normal conditions brought a wave of nausea to his gullet and he knocked back more of his water. At least he knew how to do it in theory if he were in a bar or club. There would be signals and opportunities that would be obvious. At least he would stand a small chance.
Pushing himself up off the floor, he headed for the bathroom, turning on the shower to heat up for a minute. He took a deep breath and looked in the mirror, calming his head a little. It was ridiculous anyway. He just needed to forget the whole thing. It was a few seconds that had made his heart flutter during a random meeting in the middle of London. It wasn’t as though they’d ever see each other again. How could they when he was locked away for twenty three hours of the day?
The next morning when he set out for his jog at his same time, he couldn’t help but hope he would bump into the mysterious man again. Well, not bump into; more gaze at from a socially acceptable distance. It was a pipe dream though, like winning the lottery. You bought a ticket and took the risk, but you don’t really ever expect to win. For a second, as Callum sprinted down the pavement, he thought his brain was teasing with him, as coming in the opposite direction was the man who had burrowed into his mind for the past twenty four hours.
He was still dressed in dark colours, but no jacket today and the boots had been swapped to some simple deck shoes which he’d slipped on without socks, and was wearing grey trousers so tight Callum couldn’t help but let his eyes wander. The man was still wearing his headphones and still sauntering down the road with his hands tucked into his pockets.
Callum’s breath kept on getting stuck on the inside of the throat, and the last thing he wanted to happen was to suddenly burst into a coughing fit. He did slow down his stride a little, not wanting to pass too quickly, his brain circuiting out as it simultaneously thought of ways to try and get mystery man’s attention while also fritzing about in a blind panic begging him not to draw attention to himself. Callum kept on glancing in the man’s direction, while having half an eye on the pavement, not wanting to run into a lamppost. Though that would certainly be a way to draw attention, he didn’t want to be on the late evening news for his clumsiness being responsible for taking up valuable NHS resources.
Just as he almost passed, the man looked up at him and winked. At least that’s what Callum thought he did. Perhaps his mind was paying tricks on him again. This time he wasn’t even tempted to look back, his feet just sped up and he bolted down the road, the adrenaline of the small moment fuelling an injection of pace. The guy must think he was bonkers.
When he got home that day, he didn’t even stop to think. He opened the freezer, lay down on the floor and pulled out the bag of onion rings and put them right on his forehead, his breathing escaping in short, sharp bursts. It felt like a rhino was sitting on his chest.
“This is ridiculous,” he said, the sound slightly muffled by the plastic packaging grazing his lips. He flung his head to the side, the frozen food sliding off onto the floor with a crunch. “Tell me this isn’t ridiculous?”
Unsurprisingly, the houseplant was quiet, with just a brief wave of its leaves fuelled by the breeze through the open window. Callum took that brief movement as a shrug though, as though if it had eyes it would be rolling them at him. Sitting up with a groan, Callum scowled in its direction. What did the leafy, green bastard know anyhow?
On the third morning, Callum’s heart was pounding even before he left the flat, and he had to take a few deep breaths to prevent his heart from bursting up into his throat as he was warming up. As he jogged towards the road where he always passed his mystery man, he put a quick hand through his hair, trying to make sure it was in place. When he rounded the corner, he squinted into the distance, trying to make out if a figure was coming in the opposite direction. It was a little foggier today; the early morning mist bringing a slight spring chill to the air, so it was a little harder to see into the distance.
After a minute though, he could clearly make out a figure in the distance, strolling along the other side of the road. He was quietly pleading that it wasn’t some nurse on his way to work, and then started to feel guilty about denying the NHS its workers so he could get a two second glance at a boy he fancied.
Shaking his head to clear it slightly, he held his posture a little stronger. No, he was allowed to have his dreams, desires and wishes. That’s what he said to himself when he came out. That’s what everyone encouraged him to do. For the past days, and the next who knows how long, he was stuck in his tiny flat with just a spider plant for company. And frankly, that relationship had taken a nose dive when Callum had got the long nozzle of the hoover a little too close to one of its stems on day one of lockdown. For once in his life, he was going to let himself have this little selfish moment. This little daily treat of bliss.
It was definitely him; Callum was sure of it now he was closer. There was a change of outfit again, the boots were back and he was wearing a short grey coat over a shirt. Callum tried to jog casually, then realised he had no idea what a casual run looked like and trying to do so would probably make him look like a giraffe in ice skates. He was acutely aware that he wasn’t looking though and then stopped, thinking about what he said to himself earlier. Proudly, he lifted his eyes up and got his gaze fixed on his mystery man who was getting closer and closer on the other side of the road.
Callum’s heart began to sink as the object of his attention carried on looking forward, his hands stuck in his pockets and his headphones snug around his ears. It looked like maybe he had dreamed up the wink and attention from the day before. Even though he felt embarrassed that he’d imagined he’d been noticed, he still couldn’t look away. He stopped berating his languishing ego when a head turned his way.
It was only a brief moment yet again, almost short enough that Callum would start to think he made it all up when he was laying in his bed later. Yet he could swear that the mystery man looked him up and down, before quirking up the side of his mouth approvingly and then biting his lip. There were a million other reasons he could have made those movements, and Callum counted them all out later when he was over-watering Plant. There was just that itch though, that hope and desire that willed it to be because mystery man liked what he saw.
This was now the forth day, and as Callum switched off the reminder alarm and finished lacing up his trainers, he took a deep breath, nodded to Plant, who lay still and saturated from overdoing the drink the night before and left the flat.
As he started his run, he wondered what his mysterious man was going to be wearing today. It wasn’t quite as cold as yesterday, so maybe the jacket would be out. There had been a little bit of rain in the night, so it was possible that the boots would come into play. The level of thought he gave to a stranger’s outfit both excited him, and made him want to give himself a well earned slap.
He hoped he’d get a smile again today. Mystery Man’s face lit up yesterday and Callum was sure he saw his eyes twinkle when it happened. The way his heart skipped a beat when he got the wink though, that made him want to see that again. In truth though, as long as he looked his way, he really didn’t care. That was enough. It was the highlight of his day and he could make it through the other wretched twenty three hours and fifty nine minutes with just that as fuel.
Sure enough, as Callum turned the corner he saw the figure ahead. It was him. He knew his movements by now; his swagger, his pace, the shape and height of his body. It rang out so clearly and he picked up the pace of his jog, only slightly. He didn’t want the moment to pass too quickly, he wanted to savour this excitement and anticipation.
As Callum got nearer, Mystery Man still didn’t look up. He was wearing his boots again today, like he predicted, with dark jeans and a black denim jacket. How many coats did this guy have? Callum was approaching nearer now, so they were almost parallel on different sides of the road, and still he didn’t look up. He slowed his pace right down, not daring to take his gaze away from the man in case he missed his look. There was nothing though and all the hope dropped out of Callum’s body as Mystery Man disappeared out of his view.
Part of him wanted to back up on himself; to turn around and start jogging the other way. Perhaps if he had more confidence, or had more experience he might take that risk, but he couldn’t face another disappointment. His heart couldn’t take it, so he just carried on, defeat and future regret coursing through his body. Tomorrow he’d take a different route for his run.
While he was internally berating himself though, his ears picked up a noise. Turning around quickly, he realised that Mystery Man had said something. He had looked towards him, headphones around his neck and was now slowly walking backwards. The look on Callum’s face must have given away that he hadn’t heard what he had said to him.
“What’s your name?” he called, his face looking slightly amused as if something Callum had done something that appealed to him.
While his body was freezing, Callum’s brain went into overdrive. He hadn’t prepared himself for this. Actual talking with another human. Actual talking with another human with piercing eyes and a warm smile. This was not what he practiced with Plant last night. They had only prepared for a wink, or a look, and in one scenario a short wave.
“Callum,” he managed to eventually call out, though he was sure his voice was so shaky it was like he was standing in the middle of an earthquake. “My name’s Callum.”
Generally, when you tell someone your name, you ask them what their one is, or at least wait until they respond with what they are called. Looking back, Callum wasn’t quite sure why his brain decided the best course of action was to quickly turn around and run in the opposite direction, but he was sure it regretted the decision when his forehead struck the lamppost.