Chapter Text
The cold trigger weighed
my hand down like a chain and ball.
All I need to do is breathe
In and out
and then it will all be over.
In and out
After a hundred triggers,
one more is nothing.
It’s nothing, right? Right.
In and out
Countless nights in this same position,
metal in my hand, body rocking
back and forth, back and forth
like a rocking chair too close
to the edge of the porch.
In and out
Just breathe in, pull back the safety,
just in and out . It’s mercy afterall,
when a dog gets sick, you put him down,
this is no different.
In and…and out .
An endless war and all that’s left
is one gun, one trigger, one breath
and it will be over.
In and out
‘It’s nothing’ after all.
‘You’re fine’, I will be.
‘Everyone gets sad sometimes’,
what about all the time?
In… and out .
Same room, yet the stained floor
and the dead lightbulbs
had never suffocated me
like a plastic bag over my head.
In and… and…
Just let go, one last trigger,
in and…
one last thing to steal your breath.
out…
…
Of course there is no gun, no noose, not even a bottle of pills. Just me and my blade too small to be lethal and the endless thoughts of that bridge. That too short bridge.
I can never tell Tony how often I think of that stupid bridge…