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The surprise message (which, honestly, Caduceus didn’t even consider as a possible option for his family, now that they’re back—this is horrifying) comes in the middle of the night, and Caduceus is extremely tired, because it’s been an intense three weeks, and everyone else is asleep in Caleb’s dome around him, but it’s Corrin, so he kind of has to pay attention:
“I know it was chaotic, but why in our goddess’ name didn’t you mention that you and that half-orc were engaged? We could’ve celebrated!”
“What? I assume, uh, Reani picked you up by now, but what did she tell you? I—she shouldn’t have said that, Fjord and I aren’t even… together, it’s just a… we’ve been together all of two weeks—” And then, he whispers, “Fuck!” because he ran out of words a little while back, so his message was definitely not conveyed, and he wants this to get brushed aside as soon as possible because he can’t imagine how mad his parents and his siblings would be if he didn’t tell them he was anywhere close to romantically involved with anyone at the time he found them, and he does not have the energy to deal with that sort of thing right now.
Or ever, to be frank. He and Fjord have tried to make a plan for slowly easing that sort of thing in without it being immediately overwhelming. As well as a Vandren (should they ever find him) plan, because there’s a lot there that Caduceus doesn’t fully understand yet. And that Fjord is unpacking very slowly. They’ll get there.
Corrin’s voice returns: “Well, please do some kind of ceremony at home, honey. That boy’s very handsome, you know; you’re a lucky man. As is he. Love you!”
Fjord wakes up, of course, says, “What’s goin’ on?” groggily, and Caduceus says, “Reani told my family that you and I are engaged? I don’t know why, just—oh, gods, I’m using my response now, no, Corrin, I—“
“Why would Reani think that?”
Caduceus thinks for a moment, and then it dawns on him. “She heard me--I used Sending to commission your holy symbol--”
“You can cast Sending?” Fjord whisper-yells
“I’m clearly not very good at it, because my aunt has heard no denials of our engagement, because I keep running out of words!” Caduceus whisper-yells back.
“Send her another message, then!”
“I can’t, I don’t have the spell today!”
Fjord pauses, thinks. “Can we exploit this, somehow?”
“Probably, but--”
“I really want your siblings to like me, is the thing.”
“We’ll stick to the plans. We will introduce the plan to the others when we finish it, because communication is important. And—look, Colton doesn’t like me; he’s a lost cause, especially if he thinks we’re engaged. Which he does. For at least the rest of the night.”
“Can none of you other family members send a message? If they’re all clerics?”
“They’re not all clerics--my mom and Cal are like you, paladins, and my Bell’s a druid, like Reani, and Colton’s a monk. It’s just me and Corrin who can do Sending.”
“What does… what does your dad do?”
“I actually could not tell you,” and, Caduceus attempts sarcasm, “You can ask at the wedding--”
Yasha sits up, suddenly, and groggily asks, “You two are getting married? Good for you. Do you want music for the ceremony?”
“If we were to hypothetically be having a wedding ceremony,” Caduceus says, “Yasha, you know that would ask you first.”
“I’m excited,” Yasha says blandly, still half-asleep, “I know I, er, missed the beginning of your relationship, but I can see that it is a very beautiful love you share. I… I can say from experience that love is the gentlest thing in the world; I am very happy for the both of you. Good-night again.”
She’s asleep again, just like that.
“The beginning of our--”
“I think,” Caduceus says, “Maybe more than just Reani made some assumptions. Who’s the safest to wake up this time of night?”
“Safest is Jester, easiest is Beau.”
They look at each other for a second, and both nod, and exit the dome, Caduceus poking Beau with his crystal. She jumps up into a defensive stance, tilts her head at the both of them. Whispers, “The fuck are you two doing up?”
“We need to ask you some questions.”
“I don’t have my goggles on, I know it’s Fjord with the--with the voice, and the glowing eyes, who’s the other pers--Cad. Hey. Um. What’s up?”
Caduceus asks, “How long have Fjord and I been romantically involved?”
“Is this a trick question?”
“Just fuckin’ answer it.”
“I don’t--Uthodurn, I guess? That’s when it got serious, right? I know you were trying to keep it secret until, like. Rexxentrum? That’s when it seemed like you were giving up. But it was pretty fucking obvious starting, like, the day before we got to Uthodurn. I have it--Cad, can you get me some light?” And Caduceus, curious, obliges, lights his staff, and Beau rifles through her bag next to her and pulls out her journal, apologizes to Jester who whines a little bit at the sudden noise. Her harsh whisper returns, says, “Got attacked by giant snow worms, almost died, Caleb didn’t get hurt at all, Fjord used whip and saved me and Cad from almost dying, weirdly stronger than he looks, new accent is still weird--sorry. Jester was very protective; she’s really at-- you get the--okay, I talk about--certain things for a little bit, and then, uh, bottom of the page: Fjord & Cad are fucking? And there’s like twenty question marks, and a few exclamation points.”
“That’s a lot of questions,” Caduceus offers.
“Jester has drawn you making out a few times. It’s really realistic. And I told her, they’re keeping it private for a reason, Jes, we can snoop fucking obviously but we shouldn’t violate their privacy this much--”
“You shouldn’t,” Fjord blinks, “I know this is a hard ask for both you and Jester, but you maybe shouldn’t violate our privacy at all.”
“Don’t put that much on them—to be fair, Yasha and I have done a similar amount of snooping on the two of them—“
“What?” Beau and Fjord both ask, and Caduceus makes a gesture. “Jes and I aren’t—together—“
“Yet.”
“You’re into Jester? That’s so lovely, Beau, you two suit each other—“
“It’s really obvious, Fjord.”
Beau rolls her eyes. “I don’t like it when you know shit I haven’t told you. Why are you asking me about the two of you?”
“My family thinks Fjord and I are engaged, and so does Yasha, so we’re just trying to figure out—what’s—we got—“
“Engaged just this morning, I proposed and hadn’t told anyone—“
Caduceus makes a face that he hopes conveys the phrase, why are you doing this. Beau, thankfully, is Beau, and knows what’s up, because she is very smart and she’s also a reasonable person.
“That’s a lie,” Beau says, “Doesn’t work on me, dude. I’m your best friend, and I expose lies professionally, so—“
“It was worth a shot.”
“Why was it worth a shot?”
“…It’s funny, and these fuckers’ll be nicer to us.”
“Fair.”
“I’m already nice to both of you—“
“I’m specifically talking about Veth.”
“She wouldn’t be nicer to you, Fjord, she’d just be meaner to Caduceus. For having the poor taste to be attracted to you.”
“Yeah, no, that’s not how these kinds of things work.”
Fjord just stares at the both of them. “Beau, Caduceus and I have been together for two weeks.”
“Okay, that was a better lie than the first one, but, dude—“
“He’s not joking.”
Beau just stares. “You’re fucking joking.”
Caduceus shakes his head. “I was—maybe a little bit too obvious about my own feelings starting in Uthodurn, but—it took the dragon turtle—stuff. To actually kickstart things.”
Beau cackles. Ridiculous.
“This explains why no one reacted like a normal person to our—“
“Yeah, no, we were all just running on the assumption. Holy shit, this is—you two took that long?”
“You’re in absolutely no position to judge, Beau.”
“Maybe so, but that’s you judging me in return, so we’re even. I’m going back to sleep, but I need you both to know that this is incredibly funny and that I am not at all surprised it took you three months of, like, all-but-making-out publicly to realize that you were an item.”
“This is—embarrassing to my very core, Beau.”
“We had a lot of internal issues to overcome to get into the position we’re in now—“
“Yeah, whatever, I’m glad that you’re finally banging, I love and support both of you dearly, and your personal journeys are beautiful.” She rolls her eyes. “You need to keep the engagement ruse up. You’ve said your family’s big on gift-giving?”
“Yes, I don’t see why that’s—“
“Wedding gifts, dude. Get that kitchenware.”
That’s why this is worth a shot, then. Caduceus nods, fervent, barely even registering that Beau’s back inside the dome. “We’re keeping up the ruse, Fjord.”
“Told you we could exploit it.”
“We should tell Yasha, though—“
“Oh, definitely, definitely. Communication’s important. Were you really being… obvious? About your feelings?”
Caduceus’ mouth opens without him wanting it to. “I actively flirted with you in Zadash. I—well, you were busy being dead for that. I commissioned you a holy symbol from one of my history’s most sacred sites—“
“I’m—wow, yes, that. Makes sense. Alright. Now. Shall we sleep first and prepare a scam tomorrow, or…”
“Sleep first, please. Gods. I love you, but I can't function when I’m tired, so—“ he kisses Fjord’s forehead and heads back into the dome.
And Fjord takes his hand, follows him in.
Caduceus doesn't know much about marriage, to be honest, and he does know that it's awfully premature, but well. He does think he would marry Fjord in a heartbeat.