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Steve hated hospitals. He always had. And it wasn’t as though he had a great number of experiences to counter the deep seated dislike. Between the handful of times in his youth when he had been sick enough that it couldn’t be avoided, his mother’s illness and then the whole mess with Fury and the fallout from Project Insight, Steve would have been more than happy to never have reason to step foot in one again.
He had thought watching his mother slip away was hard and that the multitude of monitors screaming as Director Fury had not-died had been terrifying. But he didn’t realize that neither of those instances had prepared him for the level of terror he felt standing there helplessly as Sam was wheeled into surgery.
Steve couldn’t say what, exactly was the worst part. It was all pretty terrible as far as he was concerned. But the fear he felt was only compounded by the fact that no one would tell him anything.
That, and this certainly wasn't how he had hoped to meet Sam's sister in person for the first time. It wasn’t that he had never spoken to Sarah before, he had been present for a number of the video calls that Sam had with her on a fairly regular basis. But she was a busy lady and, well, Sam had graciously put off family introductions for Steve’s sake. Now he was really wishing that they hadn’t. He eyed the woman hesitantly as she dropped into the waiting room chair beside him after talking briefly with the nurses at the station down the hall.
“He’s going to be fine, stop stressing it,” she scolded lightly, brows arched high in a way that Steve had witnessed Sam do time and time again.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “I-I know that but…”
“It’s not the first bone my brother's broken and it probably won't be the last,” she said. “Definitely not his first trip to the hospital either.”
“It’s not the bone, I guess,” Steve frowned, trying to articulate his worries. “It’s surgery, though, right?”
“Yeah,” Sarah shrugged. “A pretty routine one though. I don’t know what it was like for you but a broken collar bone isn’t the worst thing he’s been in here for.”
Steve couldn’t argue, not with Sam getting called in periodically to help with the Avengers. Maybe, the part he was struggling with the most was that this particular injury had nothing to do with Avenging at all. And Steve was sure that once the uncertainty that he was feeling finally began to wear off, he would find himself teasing Sam about managing to trip over his own feet.
But it didn’t seem that funny right now.
“Come on,” Sarah said, tugging at his arm.
“Come where?” Steve frowned in confusion, eyes automatically drifting back to the doors where Sam currently was.
“I’m going to find some semi-decent coffee and you’re going to eat,” Sarah said firmly. “God knows Sam’s whined enough about your metabolism for me to know that you’ve probably missed a few sitting here worrying about him. Sam’s going to be fine and we’ve got at least an hour before they’re going to let us see him anyway.”
“Right,” Steve sighed and slowly stood from the chair that he had been camping out on. He obediently followed when she took the lead.
“It’s hospital food but it’ll do,” she shrugged.
“I’ve probably had worse,” Steve admitted with a small smile.
They didn’t talk much as they worked their way through the hospital cafeteria. It was awkward but only because Steve knew that he felt incredibly awkward. What did you say to your boyfriend-of-two-years’ sister that you had been procrastinating on meeting because you were nervous? And Sam wasn’t even there to provide a buffer for some of what Steve knew had to be awkwardnesses like he was during their calls.
The calls should have provided him some sense of comfort. He had spoken to Sarah before, it shouldn’t be this awkward, right?
“Steve,” Sarah said, lips quirked in amusement. Her eyes weren’t on his though and Steve frowned in confusion and followed her gaze only to find the metal fork in his hand bent in a good approximation of his fingers.
Steve winced and felt his face heat in embarrassment, he dropped the fork onto the table beside his tray and sighed. “Sorry,” he muttered. “Just-just. Nervous. I guess.”
“Am I really that scary?” Sarah asked, still smirking.
“No,” Steve said quickly only to wince again when her smirk widened into a grin. He huffed a laugh at his own discomfort and shrugged. “No, you’re not scary or-or anything. This is just...a lot.”
Sarah hummed slightly, though Steve couldn’t tell whether it was in agreement or not. “You know,” she said thoughtfully. “It wouldn’t be this weird if you’d just let Sam drag you to a Sunday dinner.”
“I know,” Steve said with a slight grimace.
“Mom’s starting to ask questions, you know,” she pointed out, tone almost idle. “A year now that you’ve been with my brother. And how long before that were you with Sam before you were actually admitting that you were together? And not a single visit home. Sam’s come by but never with you in tow.”
Steve ran a weary hand over his face and then back through his hair and sighed, “I know. I know and I’m sorry, I am. I just…”
“You just what?” Sarah asked, head cocked to the side. Challenging, Steve realized belatedly. Another expression she seemed to share with her brother. “From everything Sam’s told us about you, you’re not the type to duck away from problems. He swears you're the head-on type which lines up with all those stories he used to read. But you’ve done a pretty good job at avoidance, Steve.”
Steve stared at his plate, unable to force himself to take another bite even though Sarah had been correct that he hadn’t eaten much since Sam had been hurt. His thoughts and nerves were jumbling around in his mind. Finally, he sighed and gathered his focus, sitting back in his chair and met her eyes steadily. She deserved an honest answer at very, very least.
“A big part of it is, I guess, just down to nerves.,” Steve admitted, self-deprecation heavy in his voice. “I’ve never really had reason or opportunity to even consider meeting someone’s family. Let alone someone that means what Sam does to me. I mean, the closest I’d come was when I was six and my best friend dragged me to his tenament so his Ma’ could patch me up after he helped me out with some bullies.”
She tilted her head to the side as though conceding the point though her sharp expression hadn’t dulled. “And the rest?” she prompted.
“Excuses,” Steve admitted glumly. He’d committed to telling her the truth, even if he had hedged it with Sam. Though, Sam knew him well enough these days that Steve was fairly positive that he knew anyway.
“Honestly,” he winced. “I love Sam. I do. More than I honestly thought I was capable of. I didn’t--” Steve sighed and shook his head. “At first, the trail we were following? HYDRA and Bucky...I got lost in it. It was always there at the forefront.”
“I thought you stopped HYDRA with that whole mess in DC?” She frowned.
Steve winced at the reminder of those horrific days. “That was just the start, unfortunately. We’re still finding leads for active cells,” he said miserably and then shook off the feeling to push forward. “And then, I’d put it off so many times that it just...I don’t know, didn’t want to mess everything up further?”
Sarah considered that for a moment and Steve warily met her eyes as she studied him. Then she shifted in her seat, her body language softening slightly as she seemed to gather her words. “I think I get it,” she said finally, head tilted to the side and eyes scanning him intently and Steve had the oddest feeling that she could read him as easily as Sam could.
“What do you mean?” he asked hesitantly.
“You’re afraid,” she said bluntly. “And it makes sense, doesn’t it? It’s obviously not a matter of being uncomfortable or embarrassed by your relationship,” she added thoughtfully.
“No, not at all,” Steve said in a rush, eyes wide. “I-I mean when-when we were new? It was a bit difficult to convince myself that--that it was safe. And not even really for myself. I was always an outsider, back then, not being safe was kind of-of the norm? But back then it would have been-it would have been a different kind of dangerous, you know? And being with me, no matter the time, it’s not always the safest bet. I never wanted Sam hurt but especially not because of me.”
Sarah nodded in understanding and took a slow drink from her styrofoam coffee cup. “I figured that out after talking to you two. It was weird seeing Sam let himself be mother-henned. That’s part of it though, isn’t it? You’re afraid to come meet our family because you’re worried that somehow it’s going to come around to hurt Sam.”
Steve couldn’t help the small huff of laughter as he let his chin fall to his chest, avoiding her too-knowing gaze. It was a very surreal feeling to have Sarah able to read him as quickly and easily as Sam did now. In some ways, Sarah reminded him a lot of Natasha. He thought both women might get a kick out of the comparison.
“Something like that, yeah,” Steve admitted guiltily.
“For a supposedly brilliant man, you sure are an idiot,” Sarah scoffed and Steve chuckled again.
“Not the first time I’ve been told that, actually.” And there was the comparison to Nat again, Steve thought ruefully. He wondered how long he could put off having the two of them meet.
“Somehow, I can believe that,” Sarah quipped. “This Sunday. You two had better be there or I’m going to show up at your doorstep and drag your butts to dinner. No more excuses.”
“But Sam--,” Steve made to protest but Sarah immediately interrupted.
“But Sam will be on just enough pain meds that he won’t be able to get all worked up and pissy when mama starts sharing the embarrassing stories,” Sarah smirked and then she shrugged again. “Or when they start grilling you.”
“Is your entire family as terrifyingly perceptive as you and Sam?” Steve asked with a small grin. “Because I’m suddenly finding the whole concept immensely more terrifying.”
Sarah laughed, which was good since that’s what he had been going for, and the odd tension around the small table in the hospital cafeteria seemed to dissipate along with the bright sound.
“Oh they are going to have so much fun with you,” she smirked and shook her head in amusement. She glanced at her watch and gathered her mostly-empty cup, “Come on, they should be about done with Sam soon.”
Steve quickly followed, dumping his tray--the majority of the food untouched--into the trash as they went. He hadn’t exactly forgotten why they were at the hospital. His mind had been continuously straying back to the aching concern he felt but the interrogation courtesy of Sarah had gone a long way to distracting him from the time.
“Hopefully they gave him the good stuff,” Sarah mused with a small grin. “You’ve not seen anything until you’ve seen a loopy Sam.”