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Krista wouldn’t say that she was scared of Eren, per se, but there was certainly something off about him to her.
Not off in the sense that he seemed hell bent on rapidly careening towards his own death at the hands of titans, but something deeper, something that Krista wasn’t even sure that Eren was aware of himself.
She’d felt this same fear before, on a dark night when that man had held a dagger to her throat, telling her to change or die, but she’d known exactly why she was scared then.
Yet with Eren, there was nothing for her to truly be afraid of.
At first she thought that it had just been because of his violent tendencies, and had spent the first few weeks of camp avoiding him, waiting for the bomb to drop, just like the rest of the camp. But then he’d proven himself to actually be somewhat of a good person-a little too angry at the titans, but whatever. He’d lived in Shingansina, so he gets a pass for that-and Krista lost any logical reason to be scared.
And still, every time she had attempted to talk with Eren, the fear was suffocating. It was as if he’d suddenly become some terrifying force, something that nobody could stop, a monster in the truest sense of the word, and yet nobody seemed to notice.
It didn’t matter if he was raging about the titans or simply asking what was being served for dinner, that feeling of wrongness, of danger would slap her across the face like a wet towel the second he opened his mouth.
So she did what any reasonable person would do and avoided him. Of course if Eren spoke directly to her, or if she specifically needed something from him, Krista would still talk to him, but even then she preferred to keep it short, and to minimize contact.
Nobody but Ymir had seemed to catch on to her avoidance, and while Ymir interrogated the poor boy the second she realized, Ymir still seemed to mostly be on her side, which was great, because she had no way to defend herself if someone called her out on it.
And despite the plan being very lackluster in ways to escape in case Eren did decide to talk to her, so far it had worked pretty well!
(That was mostly due to the fact that Eren was far too absorbed in his own goal of killing titans to really notice anything, but whatever.)
So when Jean decided to pull her into whatever argument that trio had been having that entire day, she was more than a little on edge.
Hypothetically, she could have refused, walls it would have been much easier to refuse, but refusing would mean giving up a part of that ‘I’m nothing but a kind girl who wants the best for everybody’ facade she’d worked so hard on. Especially because she didn't have any reason to refuse other than her irrational fear of Eren.
So she decided to answer honestly, and honestly she thought Eren was full of shit.
She’d been expecting Eren to fight back against what she’d said, and had prepared multiple arguments to shut him down, but she had forgotten about one vicious variable.
Ymir.
Sweet, caring, and fucking antagonistic Ymir.
Now, don’t get her wrong, she loved being around Ymir. Although she could be rude, and crass, and awful, and really kind of a bitch to everyone-wow that was a long list of negatives-the point was that she did it because she cared .
Krista didn’t know what kind of life she’d lived before coming to camp, hell she barely knew what life anybody here lived because it seemed like most people were content with lying out of their ass at every moment of the day, it didn’t seem like it was all that great, and a lot of Ymir said was actually really good advice once you stripped back a few layers.
All of the layers were profanity and insults and you’d really have to get deep into it to find that advice, but it was there.
Even Krista had to admit, the reason she really liked being around Ymir was because not only did she treat her nicely, she was real with her as well. There was no beating around the bush with an, ‘oh we wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings!’, it was brutal criticisms and genuine praise. It was legitimate discontent and true affection.
It was...something else, something that Krista really couldn’t quite place that she held for Ymir.
It wasn’t quite love, not yet, as she knew that Ymir certainly held that for her, and those ‘let’s get married’ jokes were really just thinly veiled confessions (although pretty much everybody knew that), but it also wasn’t just friendship either.
Occasionally, she’d think about it with a deep discontent, as it wasn’t that she couldn’t see a future with Ymir, it was more that she couldn’t see a future with anyone . After all, it wasn’t actually her they liked, it was simply this figure she had cloaked herself in, a fake girl named Krista who was loved by everybody and understood by none.
Yet, there was a difference with Ymir.
There’d be moments, not very often and just quick enough not to concern her, where it would feel like Ymir was seeing right through her, looking at the very basis of her personality and truly understanding her, which was what made the whole situation confusing.
It didn’t feel like butterflies in her stomach or a piece of her she couldn’t live without, it simply felt like a charisma, a situation in which they both could fully understand each other, yet both continue to keep their own secrets and lives as walls only knew what Ymir kept from her.
It was certainly some sort of attraction, but it didn’t feel like love.
Or at least not any type of love that she had heard about before.
But now wasn’t the time to be having a sexuality or identity crisis, as there were much more pressing and current issues, like the fact that Ymir wouldn’t stop fucking antagonizing the one person she did not want to be around.
At first when Eren had called her out for taking sides, she had been very glad that Ymir had come to her defense, but it very quickly became clear that she also wasn’t going to drop the topic anytime soon.
Out of the corner of her eyes she could see Armin having a borderline mental breakdown, and honestly she didn’t blame him as Ymir continued to yell, “So what? It’s none of your business what Krista does in her free time.”
Fuck.
Fuck.
With every moment that passed, her ability to leave the situation and still maintain the full guise that was Krista was slipping, as she knew that the others often viewed her as a sort of leash for Ymir when she got too out of hand, but walls, she really didn’t want to be here at this moment.
In order to stop the situation before it escalated to physical violence she pushed herself between Ymir and Eren, moving to place a hand on both of them shouting, “Screaming at each other isn’t going to fix anything, we need to-”
And then something unexpected happened.
Not, Eren passing out, although that was certainly odd, but it was almost like something had come loose in her brain, as if a gate that had previously been locked had decided to open.
Krista simply stood there with a dumbfounded expression on her face.
They were memories, she knew they were, but why had she forgotten about them and why did they come back now?
And how the hell could she have forgotten about something as important as her older sister?
While the others were busy trying to figure out what the fuck was up with Eren, just passing out like that, Ymir looked over to notice Krista’s blank expression, and asked, very quietly, “You good over there?”
Krista immediately snapped out of it, as she had to, and put on a fake smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m good, just a little startled with what happened to Eren.”
Ymir didn’t seem convinced at all though, and after checking to make sure that they didn’t need any help dragging Eren’s dead weight over to the medic tent-Mikasa was more than strong enough to carry him on her own-announced that she and Krista would be leaving.
Although she probably should have been a bit offended at being pulled along like a puppet, in her current state Krista couldn’t do much else but stare at the scene playing out in front of her, shocked, until Ymir grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the mess hall.
-
After walking for a bit of time, Ymir finally came to rest at the water well just out of earshot of the girl’s barracks and quickly reeled in the bucket in order to get a drink of water for Krista.
Not knowing what else to do, Krista took the small cup she’d been offered and downed it eagerly while she thought about the events that had just gone down, the memories that were once more present in her head.
She knew that Ymir wouldn’t push her to say exactly what was going on, knew that it was really up to her whether she wanted to give this information out or not, but for some reason the choice was much more difficult than she had first thought it’d be.
Every time she thought up a good reason to tell Ymir, a reason not to would come flying right into her thoughts, which would bring a reason to then the cycle would repeat.
She should say something because Ymir already knew something was wrong and it would worry her to not know!
She shouldn’t because it would worry her more to know that apparently Krista has memories that weren’t present in her head until now.
She should in case there are more memories she doesn’t know about, just sitting in her head like a ticking bomb.
She shouldn’t in case Ymir begins to walk on eggshells to try and not trigger any more memories.
And so on.
So the two simply continued to sit in comfortable silence, neither wanting to initiate conversation in case they scared off the other, until Krista decided to break the ice.
“So...what do you think happened with Eren there?” She asked tentatively.
“Dunno.” Ymir responded casually, “What’do you think?”
“Maybe he yelled too hard and finally burst a blood vessel?”
Ymir gave a soft chuckle. “And nothin’ he did before would have caused him to burst one?”
“Well maybe today was the breaking point.”
“Maybe.”
They were tiptoeing around the issue, and both of them knew it. Ymir wasn’t stupid, as much as some others may believe, and Krista knew it was obvious that something had happened when Eren had passed out, it was simply that the others were too focused on Eren to look at her.
The only person who had noticed was Ymir, because she was the only one who thought it necessary to pay attention to her, because she was the only one who thought to look beneath the warm exterior that Krista gave off and to look beneath.
And she deserved to know.
“So…” Krista started, unable to figure out exactly how to get her thoughts across. “What if I told you that...something else happened. Something that I don’t quite understand.”
“I’d say that was pretty obvious from the start.” Ymir responded in kind, not attempting to lighten the mood, but rather just trying to keep it from deteriorating.
“When I touched Eren, it was almost like a screw or... something came loose.” Krista started, suddenly finding her cup much more interesting than anything in front of her. “I don’t know if it has to do with why he passed out, or the argument but-”
“Ah I see, my lil’ Krista has started to grow up.” Ymir responded.
“Wait no, that’s not what-”
“Y’see, I know that our instructors haven’t really gone over it yet, but when a girl and a guy love each other very much-”
Ymir was cut off as Krista pushed her over with a flushed expression. “You ass, you know that’s not what I meant!” But Ymir just continued to cackle from her spot on the ground.
Brushing herself off, Krista moved to sit next to Ymir, as after all she seemed pretty comfortable on the ground herself and it’s not like she really had anywhere else to go.
Plus, it didn’t look like she was going to get up anytime soon and to be frank, Krista didn’t feel like talking down to her from the position she was standing in.
“So you gonna tell me what happened or just chill next to me for a little while?” Ymir asked, a small grin making its way across her face.
“If I continue to talk to you about what happened do you promise to not make any more jokes?”
Ymir sat up, still with that infuriatingly charming grin on her face. “I make no promises princess.”
“Then I’m just not going to tell you!” Krista huffed, crossing her arms and leaning away from Ymir who had not so subtly been shifting closer.
“That’s ok with me.” She responded with a shrug. “I’d be cool with just sitting here with you. After all there’s no place I’d rather be.”
Krista felt like her face was going to explode. Walls, how much embarrassment could a human take before it really ended up being problematic? Even if it wasn’t possible, she was sure that Ymir would be able to drive her to that point by the end of the day if she kept this up.
But there was still the issue of those memories nagging at the back of her mind, that little voice telling her that she really should tell someone because that probably wasn’t normal in any sense of the word.
Maybe she should have gone to the medic tent rather than coming to Ymir.
Yet staring down at her face- which was now facing towards the sky, a content expression on her face and Krista had to admit that yes, that was very cute-she realized that there really was not other person that she wanted to tell.
“It was memories.” Krista finally admitted after spending her own time looking at the sky.
“Huh?”
“When I touched Eren.” Krista explained, “It was like a dam burst and just...these memories of a woman I used to know came flooding right back.” She fidgeted with the straps she had neglected to take off before dinner, realizing how absolutely insane this sounded now that she said it out loud. “I think she was my sister.”
When she looked back over she could see Ymir staring at her with genuine concern and alarm, a look that she wasn’t exactly used to seeing.
“So when you went to stop Eren you remembered...your sister?”
“I-well, yes, but it was just...weird.”
“Explain.” Ymir fired back with a bland voice.
“Well, you know how when you normally forget something it just kind of slips your mind and maybe it’ll fade back in as a memory a little while later?” She asked and waited for Ymir to nod before continuing with, “This wasn’t like that at all. I can remember the exact moment I forgot, Walls I remember watching her walk away from me and having no clue who she was and then, suddenly, I just knew again. For no reason.”
Krista continued to fiddle with her straps, her hands, whatever she could to avoid looking Ymir in the face because she knew how this sounded. It sounded fucking insane and Ymir had every right to call her on it, but she hadn’t yet.
In fact, throughout her whole story Ymir had done nothing but stare at her thoughtfully.
“Huh. That’s certainly a bit odd.” She responded, not seeming all too concerned with what Krista had told her, and Krista was baffled.
“You don’t-you don’t think it’s weird or anything?” she stammered, having convinced herself that Ymir would at least, well, comment on the oddness of that whole scenario, but Ymir just shrugged and looked back at her.
“I mean, how old were you? Kids brain’s do weird shit all the time right?” and Krista couldn’t really argue with that.
There was still a bit of a nagging sense of dread, that something here was wrong and that she shouldn’t have regained those memories, that they were something meant to but pushed down for forever, but the more she thought about it the quieter that nagging got.
“But then why did I forget so suddenly? It’s just...odd that I remember knowing her and then not one second later.”
“Maybe you got hit on the head during that time, I dunno.” Ymir reasoned. “Did’ja ever get any head injuries before then? Those things can fuck up your memory for a bit.”
“I-” Krista started, but cut herself off. That was probably the explanation, Walls it was really the only plausible explanation. She’d heard all about the effects of head injuries in class, and while she was pretty sure she hadn’t had any really intense ones when she was younger, it wasn’t as if she had had none.
So that was probably it. Just some trickery of the mind that was done far too long ago.
Yes, the timing for when she remembered was weird, but it’s not like it was totally out of the question that it was just a sudden memory to appear. After all, memories popped up out of the blue for people all the time, it wasn’t like there needed to be a trigger for her to remember.
She smiled down at herself. Walls, what was she doing, making such a big deal out of a little memory. Ymir was right, it was probably nothing to worry about.
“Thank you.” She told Ymir, and she truly meant it. If Ymir hadn’t been there for her she would have, well, probably done nothing but sit and stew in her own thoughts, but it wasn’t as if that was an appealing notion.
But Ymir was there for her, always there for her, supporting Krista in whatever way she knew how and Sina was she thankful.
Ymir gave her a small smile back. “Don’t worry bout’ it. But shouldn’t you be getting back to the barracks soon? Shadis is gonna get your ass if you’re not back by lights out.”
“Ah is it really that late?” Krista asked, looking up at the sky and sure enough the sun was almost fully dipped beneath the horizon, the telltale sign that lights out was soon. “We really should be getting back then.”
“Nah, you head back by yourself.” Ymir told her. “I’ve gotta grab some water for myself, my satchels been empty for longer than it prolly should’ve” She said as she patted the sack attached to her hip.
“You sure? I’m fine with waiting for you.”
“Yeah, there’s no reason to drag you down with me if I might be late. After all, it’s my fault for not filling up earlier.”
“Well if you’re sure…” Krista said reluctantly. To be honest, she’d kinda looked forward to walking back with Ymir but she did make a good point.
Plus, it’s not like she needed more rumors floating around the camp simply because the two had decided to walk back together.
“I’ll see you in the barracks.”
“Yeah, see ya later.”
-
Ymir peered down into the well, drawing up a bucket full of water to fill up her half empty satchel, thinking.
Thinking back to what Krista had told her, thinking back to the argument, Krista’s hand moving to push Eren back. Thinking back to what she’d learned that day in the world that inexplicably looked like a desert.
Thinking back to watching Eren’s hand steam as the small crescents he’d dug with his nails quickly closed.
“So that’s how it is.” She said to no one in particular.
And nobody was there to listen.