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Junior year was almost done, spring break has passed and that would probably be the last party they would have before the final game in the state championship and the final exams that would come right after. And, after that, they would have to face the inevitable last year of their high school. So basically every junior in Hatchetfield High was in that pool party in Justin Monroe's ridiculously big house, as well as crashers from other years and even from Sycamore, because everyone knew that was gonna be the party of that year.
It has started in the afternoon but was going well into night. There were still some people at the actual pool, or playing something at the ping-pong table (was it still ping-pong or have they already moved to beer-pong?). But most of the party was inside by that point, people dancing in the living room, others hanging out or making out in other areas of the house, as your typical high school party.
And there was a small group in a balcony at the second floor, that looked over the pool area and had a great view to the sea. It was only fitting that they were there, visible but above everyone else, looking almost unreachable… because, of course, those were the most popular kids of their year. And of course Linda was among them. Becky Barnes was there as well, so were Jane Perkins and Chloe Johnson, both cheerleaders, and also three guys from the football team: Sam, Brad and Justin, the party's host. They had an empty bottle spinning between them. When it stopped, it was pointing to Jane and its bottom was towards Brad.
"Alright, I want truth." the girl said, tucking a lock of her hair behind the ear. Brad seemed to think for a second, before coming up with a question.
"How many people have you kissed?" He asked, and Linda had to refrain from rolling her eyes. Was that the most original thing he could come up with? But the rest of the group seemed interested, and Jane looked like she was counting in her mind.
"Six." the girl finally answered, blushing a little when the boys cheered.
The bottle was spinned again, and this time it stopped with it's bottom facing Linda and the point to Justin.
"Truth." he said, looking in her eyes, and the girl smiled devilishly at him.
She knew Justin had a crush on her, just like half the boys in school, and he looked at her expectantly, like he thought she would ask about that and give him the chance to say something cute. As if she would make it that easy for him! No, she always made them crawl and beg and fight for her. Besides, she already had a much better question in mind.
"What was the most forbidden thing you ever did? Like rule breaking and such." Linda knew there was power in knowing people's wrongdoings. The question made him raise his eyebrows, and then pause to think for a second.
"I guess it's… I stole my brother's ID, so I can get into bars and buy drinks." he took his wallet from his pocket and passed it around so they could see. "He thinks he lost it, and he had to pay the fees to get a new one." the group laughed, as the wallet got to Linda's hand, and she raised an eyebrow when she saw the picture.
"You don't even look so much alike!" she remarked, passing the wallet. Gerald Monroe, at least by the picture in his ID, was not as good looking as Justin; the younger brother had a stronger jaw and brighter hair, and seemed much more athletic. Also, Gerald wore glasses, Justin didn't.
"Yeah, but normally it works. When a bartender gets suspicious, I just say I've been working out and wearing lenses." he shrugged, making the rest of the group laugh.
Justin took back his wallet and spinned the bottle again. This time, it stopped with the bottom to Sam and the point to Becky.
"I want dare." she said, boldly, and everyone made some sound of surprise and excitement.
Sam broadened his chest and messed his dark blonde hair, a sly smile in his face.
"You gotta kiss one of the girls. On the mouth, tongue and all, Becky, no pecks!"
"What?" the ginger's face started to get red. "Oh my God, Sam, you're such an asshole!"
"You asked for dare, babe." he made his most 'asshole' face.
"And we all agreed to the consequence of not saying the truth or doing the dare." Justin remembered.
They were all going to the state's finals the next week, it would be in another city and the team and cheerleaders would have to sleep there, so obviously they were very excited about that. The agreement for this truth or dare was simple and effective: if anyone broke the rules, they would have their eyebrows shaved when they slept at the trip.
"That's bullshit, you just want a free sample of girl on girl porn!" Becky looked furious, and, surely enough, Sam had a sick grin on his face.
"Well, yeah!" he showed no shame about that, and honestly, all of them should know better than to expect him to behave any better than that.
"You don't have to do it, Becky." Jane was being the supportive cinnamon roll she always was.
"Sure, but don't think I'm above shaving your pretty eyebrows." Sam shrugged.
"Fine!" Becky just reached for the girl that was on her left, pulling her by the shirt and joining their lips.
That girl was Linda. The blonde had been just watching the argument back and forth, and was caught completely by surprise. She didn't have the time to prepare, and her impulse response was to kiss her back, not a moment lost. Becky's mouth on hers was demanding, almost forceful, full of anger, and Linda let herself forget what was going on around them and respond in kind. This felt just like one of her dreams, and for a moment she pretended it was, her hands going to Becky's hair and pulling her closer, kissing her even harder. And then her brain screamed at her. This is not a dream! She heard the whistles and cheers from the boys, and used her hands on the ginger hair to push Becky away, breaking the kiss.
Sam booed, but Linda was too embarrassed to look at any of her colleagues, she just stared at her own lap, her head reeling. What the fuck just happened?
"There you are, I made your dare, Sam, now I'm out of this stupid game!" she heard Becky rage, seeing her get up from her peripheral vision.
"She's right, the game is over. You were too much of a jerk, Sam." Jane said, getting up as well, followed by Chloe.
Linda also followed their cue and got away from there. The four girls got downstairs, but Linda parted ways with them without saying a word, heading straight to the pool area. She didn't want to look at Becky's face, unsure of what else she would give away if she did. She sat at a bench by the pool, facing away from it, looking at the sea.
God, what did she do? Was it too obvious? Fuck! She tried so hard to hide it, and for so long, just to be uncovered by a stupid game! Linda was very aware, and for some time now, about her feelings for her best frenemy.
No amount of making out with boys or with girls was enough to take Becky Barnes from her head. It went against all logic and reason, but it got to a point where she couldn't keep denying it, or lying to herself saying it was just loathing.
But she also couldn't let Becky know, it would certainly ruin their friendship. After all, this so called friendship was barely stable as it was, with all their constant fighting. At least once every couple of months one of them claimed they would never talk to each other again, and sometimes this feuds lasted weeks until they made peace and went back to the same cycle.
If Becky found out about this stupid crush… Linda didn't know exactly what would happen, but she doubted that it would be well received. Especially because she was sure the feeling wasn't mutual: Becky was always gushing about some boy or other, always filling Linda's ear about her most recent crush. It was hopeless. But it was better being by her side as a friend and getting to love her the way she could, than not having her at all.
So, in that moment, she knew exactly what she had to do: shut out her feelings, pretend nothing extraordinary had happened, go back to normal. In theory, that was supposed to be easy. It wasn't. Her eyes were fixed at the ocean ahead her, but she was barely seeing it, because her mind insisted to take her back to moments ago, to that damned kiss.
How was she supposed to shut down her feelings, if she still had Becky's taste in her mouth? When she could still recall the feeling of their breaths mixing and their hands pulling each other and their tongues dueling with such fervor... And it was equally hard to forget how much Becky was mad to be forced to kiss her. She knew her feelings weren't reciprocated, but to have it shoved in her face like that, it sting. Did Becky really think it was such a torment to kiss her?
It was also weirdly disappointing to know the anger that Becky was lashing out in that kiss wasn't directed at her, but at Sam. Linda spent so much of her time making her angry, just to see that fire in her eyes… It was unfair that she wasn't the one Becky was angry with when she finally (and probably for the only time) got to kiss her.
Oh God, what the hell was she thinking? That was so fucked up, she was so fucked up… It was all Becky's fault, she told herself. That fucking bitch, how could she do that to her? Let her so vulnerable like that? She just had that stupid pretty face and that annoying cheery laugh and this irritating personality, and sometimes Linda just wanted to… she didn't even know what! Slap her, scream at her, kiss her, all at the same time.
And now that they actually kissed… it seemed so short! Did it even last more than a second? She wishes time had stopped, just like in a cheesy movie, and that little second had lasted a eternity. But that was not how real life worked, a second was a second, no matter how much she wanted to extend it, or how lasting was the burning of that kiss.
Linda was so immersed in the trainwreck of her thoughts that she didn't see Justin approaching, and got actually startled when he sat by her side.
"Linda Williams, sitting alone in a corner of the party? This doesn't seem right."
"What do you want?" she asked, taking her eyes from the moonlit sea to face the blonde boy by her side.
"Just to be a decent host and offer you a beer." he raised a closed bottle, with a little smile in the corner of his lips.
"Thanks, but I'm driving tonight." Linda offered him an apologetic smile.
"That's fine. So, still upset about the kiss thing?" Justin sounded just like he was trying to make conversation, but she immediately narrowed her eyes at him, scrutinizing his face.
"I'm not sure if 'upset' is the right word…" she slightly twisted her lips in a face of mild disgust, and the boy laughed.
"Yeah, I mean, she's like your best friend right? I can't imagine if I had to kiss Brad or something, that'd be so weird!"
"Fucking weird, yeah." Linda rolled her eyes and reached for the bottle of bear in his hands, opening it and taking a swig. Weird didn't even scratch the surface of what she felt, and it was getting impossible to deal with it without some alcohol.
"Hey, weren't you gonna drive?" Justin protested, but she scoffed and took another sip.
"Just a couple sips won't hurt. Besides, I'm burning it on the dance floor." after a final, long swig, she handed the beer back to him and stood up, starting to walk back inside.
Justin stayed seated for a bit, and she counted exactly five steps before hearing him coming after her. A little smile passed through her face, fading before he could reach her and see it. If there was one thing she could do to get that kiss out of her mind, manipulating guys was probably it.
They were so easy, so pliable... Linda knew exactly what to do, what to say, how to smile, to have them falling on their knees. She teased and denied to make it a challenge, but showed interest enough to keep them hopeful and persistent. And when they earned a date, she'd let them get just enough to stay wanting more. The best thing about it was how one-sided was the affection, she didn't get attached to them, but was able to enjoy their efforts and their adoration. No worries, no heartache, simple.
It would have been better if Becky wasn't dancing on the living room as well. Too hard to focus on her little games when her eyes kept inadvertently drifting towards the ginger. Why she had to be so pretty? It was infuriating! But when she saw Becky looking back at her, Linda quickly made a disdainful face at her and danced closer to Justin. Seeing the girl's jade eyes narrowing on an angry expression was enough to make Linda happier.
But then a late comer arrived, and both girls saw him getting into the living room. Tom Huston, Becky's latest crush. Linda could see her friend on the other side of the room, how her focus completely changed when the boy arrived, and the blonde girl immediately felt left aside. But she wasn't having it. Turning to Justin, she put her hands on his shoulders and pulled him down so their faces got closer.
"I heard you have a boat…" she whispered in his ear, with a suggestive tone.
"Wanna go see it?" he picked up the hint, and she nodded.
The boy put an arm around her shoulder to take them out of the room, and Linda made a point to pass near Becky and slightly bump on her shoulder, not even looking at her on the way out.
Justin actually had a boat, docked in a small private pier just outside their backyard. That's how filthy rich the Monroe family was, and Linda didn't mind enjoying its privileges when she could.
******
Becky was alone, in the same balcony they have played truth or dare earlier, and she was pissed. That was the worst party ever ! First Sam was a total jerk and made her kiss Linda, of all people! It was so weird, and surprisingly good. Sure, she wasn't surprised Linda was a good kisser, it made sense, she just didn't expect to like it. But it didn't mean anything, of course. It was just a nice kiss. And the way her face blushed and her hands sweated was all due to how angry she was with Sam.
And then, Tom Huston showed up, with another girl in his arm, and Linda straight up abandoned her to go mess around with Justin. Becky was left to deal with her jealousy all by herself, and she wasn't good at it. Of course, she was surrounded by her other friends and colleagues, but it wasn't the same, none of them were actually close.
She tried to be civilized and pretend nothing was happening, but it got too hard after a while, and she ended up isolating herself in the balcony, looking out to the sea instead of having to stand seeing that girl with the guy she liked. At least until she saw two figures getting out of a small boat that was decked in the private pier. Wait, was that… was that Linda and Justin? Yes, Becky would recognize that petite frame and that ridiculous shiny blonde hair anywhere. What were they doing in that boat? No, no, no, she would rather not think about that. Oh God, could that day get any worse?
She didn't know exactly why she was so mad about Linda and Justin. Was that because she thought her friend was supposed to be by her side in a difficult moment like that, instead of fooling around with some guy? Or was she jealous that Linda was actually having a good time while she wasn't? Or something else…? Well, it didn't matter why she was angry, she just was and she acted on it, going down the stairs stomping her feet.
Linda and Justin had just entered the living room when the blonde saw the unmistakable auburn hair she recognized as Becky's, coming in her direction.
"Justin, will you fetch us a drink?" she asked nicely, and he rushed to obey, leaving her alone just in time for Becky to reach her.
"We're leaving, right now!"
"Why? Something happened? Are you ok?" Linda felt a little stupid that her immediate response was worry. She should be able to come up with some snarky remark, but seeing Becky so distressed, it was easy to assume she was hurt somehow, and it didn't sit well.
"I'm not ok, this is the worst party ever!" now she sounded like a pouty child, and Linda raised and eyebrow.
"Will you tell me what the fuck happened or you'll just keep whining like a baby?
"I just wanna go home, can you please stop being a bitch and be a friend once in your life?"
"Jesus, fine!" Linda got a bit taken aback by that outburst, even though she smiled slightly for seeing that angry look in the redhead's face.
She quickly took her things, and they left without saying a word to Justin. Linda got behind the wheel and started driving.
"So, you and Justin ?" the tone of disgust was very clear in Becky's voice, and Linda raised an eyebrow, but otherwise pretended not to notice it.
"Yeah, we were in his boat. Can you believe he got a boat for his birthday? It's insane how rich they are!"
"Is that why you like him?" Linda didn't even have to look at the redhead, she could hear the disapproval in her voice.
"I don't exactly like him... I liked making out in his boat." she joked, and could almost hear Becky rolling her eyes.
"I can't believe you're that shallow!"
Linda shrugged, not taking that as an insult, despite knowing Becky meant it as one. She didn't know why the girl was so bothered about that, but it felt good to know that her seeing someone made Becky angry somehow. They let the subject die, and silence settled for a moment.
"I still wanna know why you wanted to leave so early." Linda broke it, looking at her with the side of her eye.
Becky sighed heavily, turning her face to look outside the car window.
"It's Tom. He arrived in the party with some girl…" she said in a small voice, little more than a whisper. Linda gripped the steering wheel harder, her knuckles turning white. Fucking Tom Huston, of course.
"You left the party 'cause you're jealous? That's so lame!" her voice was poisoned with spite.
"You're one to talk about being lame!" Becky retorted, crossing her arms.
"What do you mean?" Linda panicked for a second. Did she notice how jealous the blonde was of Tom? Did that kiss give her away?
"You were with Justin! Like, really ? For a boat?! That's that lamest!" she said, and Linda was able to breathe again, reassured that her friend remained oblivious. But Becky was letting her anger show, and she couldn't refrain from poking when the redhead was like that.
"What's your problem with him?"
"He… he was being an asshole earlier, with the game and all." it was possible to hear by her voice that she was slightly pouting, and Linda looked at her with the corner of her eye just to see it. Annoyingly adorable.
"Wasn't Sam the asshole?"
"Yeah, but Justin was supporting him!" Becky crossed her arms, looking even more childish. "I can't believe you're ok with entertaining their fantasies!"
"I'm not. But you're the one who asked Sam for a dare, what the hell were you expecting?"
"I don't know, but not to kiss you !" a stab in the guts would be less painful, but Linda wouldn't let it show.
"Well, you didn't have to! There were two other girls there, in case you didn't notice." it looked like she actually hadn't noticed, because Becky opened and closed her mouth a couple times before finding an answer.
"That's beyond the point! It was a jerk move from Sam, and you were making out with the guy that supported him!"
"Bullshit, that's not why you're mad. You're just jealous that I was having fun and you weren't." now she really touched a wound, because Becky tuned her head to look at her, and Linda could see, with the corner of her eye, the girl's face getting flushed with anger.
"No, it's 'cause you're a lousy friend that left me alone in a terrible time just to fool around with a guy!"
"Boo hoo, you wanted me to ruin my night to stay by your side and comfort you while you whine about your crush?" she made a voice of mocking sadness, rolling her eyes at the end.
"Can't you have any empathy?" Becky scoffed at her own words. "What am I saying? Of course you don't. You don't even have any idea of how it is to like someone this much, or to know that you don't have a chance."
Linda almost flinched, gripping the wheel even harder. Amazing how the ginger could be so cruel without even realising it. If only she knew… but she couldn't know, so the blonde swallowed the things she couldn't say, coming up with something else to reply.
"You're too dramatic, Becky. It's not like he's gonna marry that girl, it's just a date. As soon as it's over, you can grab him or whatever."
That made Becky go quiet for a second. "S'pose you're right" she admitted, her voice barely audible.
"Of course I am!" Linda made a pretentious face so typical of her.
"Still a lousy friend, though!" Becky lightly slapped her shoulder, and Linda immediately returned the gesture.
"Not my fault that you're a masochistic dumbass that choose to hang out with her enemy." she teased, getting another slap, and they started a little war, hitting each other back and forth.
They were very close to Becky's home, the neighborhood was usually calm and that street was empty, so Linda allowed herself to relax a little more, keeping one hand in the wheel and half her attention on the known route. They were laughing and calling each other names as they hit each other. And then a figure stepped out of the dark street and in line with the car's headlights.
"Linda watch out!" Becky tried to warn, at the same time that the blonde stepped in the breaks and turned the wheel to try to avoid it, but it wasn't enough, and they heard a bang in the side of the car.
Linda's eyes were wide and her breath was heavy, her head working on a million things at the same time. She has stopped the car as an impulse when it hit, but she immediately turned it on again and started to drive away, speeding up.
"What the hell are you doing? We gotta go back there, see what happened!" Becky sounded as panicked as Linda felt.
"Nothing happened." Linda didn't dare to look away from the road anymore, her gaze fixed ahead.
"Linda, we ran over someone!"
"Not over , we just bumped. And it was probably just a dog or something." her voice was cold, very controlled, despite her hands and arms visibly shaking on the wheel.
" Dogs don't ride bikes, Linda!!! " Becky was almost screaming, and Linda took several deep breaths, trying to keep herself from panicking. "We have to go back there! See if they're hurt! Linda, it was an accident, it can happen to anyone, we won't get in trouble if we go back and help…"
"Yes we will! I had some beer--"
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"
"I'm not drunk! It wasn't even a bottle, just a few sips! But if we go back they'll want to test me. I don't wanna sleep in jail!"
"And you'd rather get arrested for a hit and run instead?"
"I'm not getting arrested! I'm going home. You're gonna sleep there tonight. We never passed through your neighborhood." She was trying to be rational, trying to make a plan, think about all the alternatives, a sound story, something no one could question. Becky panicking by her side wasn't helping.
"I can't believe you're thinking about this! That person might be hurt! Do you think you're more important than everyone else?"
"Yes!!! I don't give a fuck about whoever that is! Can you shut up now?" she finally broke her calm face, her voice getting higher.
"No! You're a terrible person!" Becky was in verge of tears, and Linda could see she was also shaking.
"Yeah, I am! That biker might be too, the world is full of terrible people, ok? You're not that great yourself! Get over it!"
They were getting close to Linda's house, and Becky didn't say anything until she parked in her garage and they got out of the car. Linda immediately went to the side of it that hit the biker, checking for any damage.
"Thank God, it didn't scratch!" she sighed in relief.
"You're worried about the car? You're unbelievable!" Becky was by her side, and for the first time since the hit, Linda got to fully look at her face. She was completely pale, her eyes a little watery, and clearly sweating.
"What part of 'I don't wanna go to jail' you didn't understand? We can't afford to have incriminating scratches in my car!" she whispered, too afraid of being overhead by a neighbor or her mother.
"Ok, fuck it, if you're not going back there, I'll go alone!" Becky turned around to leave, but Linda grabbed her by the arm.
"You'll just rat on me like that?"
"I can take the blame, I don't care." she tried to pull her arm from Linda's grip, but didn't succeed.
"No! Are you insane?" it took so much self control to keep her voice low.
"What do you care? Didn't you just say you think you're more important than anyone else?"
"Not you! I care about you, you idiot!" she blurted out, almost desperately. Becky seemed to have an answer ready to whatever else she thought Linda would say, and she even opened her mouth to reply, but paused and closed it when she heard her words. It took her a second to find a new answer.
"Linda, I can't just leave them there." she tried again to free her arm, but all she did was bring Linda a step closer when she pulled it.
"And I can't let you take the blame for that!" the blonde insisted, and Becky let out a sigh, rubbing her eyes with her free hand.
"Ok, fine. What if I say we came straight to your house, but we had a fight and I went home on my feet?"
"You think it'll work? You're a terrible liar…" she was doubtful, but her grip on Becky's arm slacked a little.
"It's not so much of a lie. We do fight all the time, and I am walking home." Linda straightened her eyes on her, hating that she wouldn't just follow her plan and let it go, but she freed the girl's arm.
"Fine. I still think it's a terrible idea, so if it all goes to shit don't say I didn't warn you."
Becky didn't even answer, she just turned around and started to run on the direction of the accident. Linda sighed and went inside, feeling like shit. When she was safe in her room, she finally let the tears fall. Could a day get any worse than this? Her hands were still cold and trembling, the guilt for hitting that person creeping inside her. And what if Becky panicked and blurted out the truth? What if she took the blame? She could be stupid like that sometimes, trying to uphold a sense of justice that made no sense.
The shame and regret for what she did mixed with the fear of facing the consequences, making it hard for her breath to calm and her body to stop shaking. She buried herself in her bed, hugging a pillow so hard that, if it were a living being, it would suffocate.
She ended up sleeping like that, and dreamed about that crash repeating over and over. In the dream, she would go out to see what happened, and every time the person was grisly dead, and Becky would scream at her, call her a murderer and say that she hated her. It was a disturbing loop, and she woke up panting, with the ringing of the phone in her nightstand. She answered, and it was Becky's voice on the other side.
"Hey, I just got home." Linda looked at the watch. A few hours had passed.
"What happened?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.
"He was bleeding so bad, I thought the worse. The doctors said that he could have died if I took a little longer to find him. He hit his head in the sidewalk, the helmet prevented it from being fatal, but it was still bad. Oh and he spurned a leg too, but that's not that bad."
"So… did the story stick?" it was a bit of a relief that she didn't kill anyone, but she still was afraid of going to jail.
"You're horrible, you know? But yeah, no one even questioned it." Becky sounded too tired to actually argue.
"Great. So you stayed at the hospital until now?"
"Yeah, I stayed until the guy was identified and his family got there. His name is Stanley, he's got just an aunt here in Hatchetfield, she said I can visit him as much as I wanted. He's stable now, and the doctors said he will probably wake up in a day or two, but he will probably have to stay in the hospital for at least a couple weeks."
"Oh God, you're gonna, like, nurse him?" she rolled her eyes, but Becky didn't acknowledge the criticism on her voice.
"Basically, yeah, it's the best I can do to make up for what happened." Linda sighed, rolling her eyes.
"You're letting your guilt get the best of you, dumbass."
"Well, at least I'm not a selfish cold hearted bitch like you!"
It hurt a little to hear that, especially having in mind that all this just happened because Becky wanted to leave the party early and Linda got her out of there because she was worried about her.
But instead of replying anything, Linda just hooked up the phone, groaning in frustration. Why did she fall in love with someone so insufferable? She pulled a pillow to cover her face, cruising herself in her mind. If only that whole mess could take that kiss from her mind, but she couldn't even have that. She was damned, for sure, and that annoying girl would be the end of her.