Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Leorio groans when he turns to lie on his side. All the pain in his joints takes him every bit of restraint to keep his voice low. He would hate to wake the man who lay next to him, hospitable enough to let him sleep on his own bed. That is, if hospitable means barely having the energy to shoo the intruder away.

When he faces Kurapika, still fast asleep, he runs his hand through the sheets that were once beneath him. They were so, so warm. And soaked with sweat.

Suddenly, Kurapika wakes, and turns his head to eye Leorio. With a raspy voice, he says, “You caught it too, didn’t you? I told you to sleep somewhere else.”

Leorio scoffs. “You have no idea how terrible your fever was last night. Did you know you were hallucinating? I think you proposed to me. Twice.”

Kurapika looks at the ceiling and groans. It’s hard to tell if he was blushing out of embarrassment or because he was still sick. Regardless, Leorio wouldn’t have been able to embarrass him for it anyway. He had his eyes shut once more, feeling sore from the orange light that crept through Kurapika’s windows.

He recalls the night before, when he arrived for a week-long vacation at the request of none other than Kurapika. The probability of this ever happening was so low that Leorio couldn’t turn down the offer, even though he already had prior commitments. Sure, they now see each other more often because of their Zodiac duties (which is to say, ever at all), but he hardly has the time to hang out with his old friend outside of work-sponsored lunches. It’s simply a miracle that Kurapika himself had asked him to stay over, and for a week at that! But it was an even bigger miracle that Kurapika would even give himself a week of rest. 

Best not to question it, he thought to himself at first. It’s good that he gives himself a break. He deserves it.

But instead of a hearty reunion like he expected, he arrives to a Kurapika wrapped entirely in his sheets, shivering and fevering and god knows how convenient it is that the one to find him was a doctor. And while he was indeed very good at caring for the sick, unfortunately his TLC (Tender Leorio and Care) can only do so much. In his insistence on keeping the patient company, he had contracted the illness as well. And now they bond over the fun friendship activity that is influenza.

He’s much too ill to get up right away, so he decides to just sleep in for now. He’s a guest, after all, and he doesn’t really have the brainpower to argue with himself about manners. Fortunately, Kurapika is the same, so they both lie in bed motionless and try to go back to sleep.

But their return to slumber is interrupted by a very loud growling sound. Kurapika opens his eyes again to look at Leorio, who now had a hand on his stomach in an attempt to silence it.

Kurapika takes a deep breath before sitting up. “I’ll go make us breakfast.”

Leorio thought he had protested, but by the time his mind had realized that it was all just his imagination, Kurapika had already left the room. He turns to his other side, facing the edge of the bed, only taking thrice as long to prepare to get up as Kurapika did.

In the kitchen, Kurapika mindlessly opens the fridge, forgetting that it was completely empty. He stares at the machine absentmindedly when he hears Leorio approach.

“You’re still too unwell to busy yourself in the kitchen,” Leorio says. “We should just get delivery or something.”

“They don't have delivery services out here,” Kurapika says before shutting the door to the fridge. He moves to open the cupboards and takes a bag of popcorn out.

“Kurapika, please don’t tell me you have popcorn for breakfast.”

Assuming I eat breakfast at all, Kurapika almost retorts, but hesitates.

“You should go back to bed. Your fever seems to be worse than mine.”

Leorio just stares at him blankly. Memories of the day before and sensations of the present blend together in one garbled mess, which probably only proves Kurapika’s point. In his mind, he responds, Thanks for inviting me, I must be real special to you , to a reimagined scenario of Kurapika inviting him to his place over coffee.

“A Kurta holiday is coming up soon,” Kurapika had said, “and I would love to spend it with you.” Or at least, that’s how he currently remembers it. Affection wells up in his heart at the thought of Kurapika thinking him dearly. His mind soon returns to last night, when “Please marry me,” and “I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” were said to him separately, and this he remembers quite accurately. Yes, his heart murmurs.

“Yes,” he manages to say.

“Good,” Kurapika responds, now pressing the keys on his microwave. “I’ll take these to you when they’re done. We can eat together in bed.”

Leorio groggily makes his way to Kurapika’s bed and collapses. He soon wakes to Kurapika taking a seat beside him.

“Want some?” he offers a bowl of popcorn.

Leorio props his head on one of his elbows and sets his hand on Kurapika’s. “Feed me.”

Kurapika quickly swats it away. “No.”

Leorio tries to reach for him again, but this time he places his hand on Kurapika’s forehead. “You’re still a little warm.”

“Mhm, but I am feeling a lot better now than I did yesterday. All thanks to you.”

Leorio takes a handful of popcorn and shoves it in his mouth. He realizes that his jaws don’t really feel like chewing, so it takes him a whole two minutes to swallow. Kurapika laughs at him.

“You’re mean,” Leorio says when he finishes. “And right after saying something so sweet too.”

“I don’t want to spoil you. You seem to be the type.”

Leorio grumbles and takes another handful of popcorn. This time, he only eats one popcorn at a time, scornfully eyeing Kurapika. Kurapika responds by cheekily taking some of the popcorn from Leorio’s hands and throwing them into his mouth.

He misses half the time, but Kurapika swears it’s just because he’s sick. Leorio laughs.

“So,” Leorio says as he brushes the salt from his face, “what did you have in mind for our little vacation? I assume you have some kind of schedule prepared before the holiday?”

“I was planning on letting you rot in this house while we wait.”

“ And I’m planning on letting you rot when I reinfect you with this virus !” Leorio seethes before getting into a coughing fit. 

Kurapika comfortably nestles on his side of the bed. “I wanted to go to the beach today. I wanted to catch up on painting,” he says.

“Oh.” Leorio’s gaze moves to the silhouette of a canvas by the window, covered in a dusty white sheet. “I didn’t know you still paint.”

Kurapika raises an eyebrow. “Why would you assume I’d just stop?”

“Well, it’s not that I, well, um--”

“I understand,” Kurapika stops him. “I have actually only started again very recently. I bought all these supplies last year, but I never got around to actually using them.”

“I see,” Leorio says. “Well, if we’re all better tomorrow, I’ll come with you to the beach.”

“Leorio, did you actually think I would leave you here and go out alone?”

“Don’t quiz me, my brain hurts!” Leorio turns to face the ceiling and closes his eyes. “I’m going to sleep. You better stay in bed,” he mumbles.

Kurapika smiles. “I need a subject, you know," he mumbles back before joining him in his sleep.

Chapter Text

“I can’t believe we were bedridden for two days!” Leorio grumpily exclaims. “I told you not to busy yourself around the house!”

Kurapika makes a sharp turn on the road which sends Leorio swaying to his side.

“I’m not going to be a slob when I have a guest in my house,” Kurapika responds. “And you would have recovered if you didn’t keep running after me like a child.”

“ You’re the one who was acting like a child!” Leorio braces himself in his seat as Kurapika refuses to slow down on the bumpy part of the road. “And still are!”

“It would have been a better setup anyway. You’re the doctor, and if you had recovered sooner you could have taken care of me better. Isn’t one sick person in the care of a health professional better than one sick doctor in the care of someone as inexperienced as me?” he desperately tries to reason.

“That’s so stupid!” Leorio says before his head bumps into the hood of the car.

“We’re here.”

Kurapika steps out of the car and Leorio groggily follows. The cold ocean breeze greets them, and it pulls them both out of their surly moods.

“I’ll go get the picnic basket,” Leorio says. Kurapika follows him to grab his art gear.

The beach is completely empty. It’s not a very popular tourist attraction, partly due to how difficult it was to get there by car, and partly due to the complete lack of business establishments in the area.

Kurapika’s vacation house is already isolated enough as it is, where each house in the neighborhood is roughly five minutes away from each other. The coast, still, is even farther from the city. There were hardly any visitors and the place was, agriculturally, a wasteland. The only thing that separated them on their journey was a dense forest before a wide area of tall grass. It’s no surprise that the road was so unkempt.

Kurapika likes it, though. The rough roads don’t bother him and he prefers the solitude. It reminded him of home. To him, it was familiar.

When the two of them finish setting up, Leorio takes off his shirt and runs to the water. Kurapika’s eyes switch between the horizon and the canvas. He had some ideas of what to paint, but he wanted inspiration to surprise him. Leorio splashing in the water was a pretty sight, but... he has no idea how to paint this.

I’m just out of practice , he reassures himself.

He sits under the shade of the parasol to brainstorm. He remembers the style he developed a few years ago, something between art deco and decorative abstract, but he’s unsure whether he can come back to it right away. He considers realism, which has always been a struggle for him, but it would also be the safer choice. Yes, that’s right. He has all day, anyway.

He gets started on his painting. Meanwhile, Leorio swims farther along the coast. There are no fish or reefs nearby, but he is still wary of jellyfish. He had fallen victim to the transparent little critters too many times as a child. And he’s not as nostalgic as Kurapika that he would willingly pain himself for old time’s sake.

After a few laps to and fro, he returns to their camp.

Kurapika had already entered the zone when Leorio returns. He keeps his eyes transfixed on the canvas, and Leorio keeps his own away as respect for his privacy. He takes a can of soda from the cooler and drinks on a stool under the parasol.

They stay that way until the sky becomes overcast.

“Huh, weather report didn’t say anything about rain.”

Kurapika looks at him. “Low probability doesn’t imply impossibility. The weather is still the most unpredictable thing.”

“I know,” Leorio grumbles. “Hey, how’s your painting going?”

“It’s not yet done, but I think I have all the shapes set out.” Kurapika sets his brush down and wipes his forehead. “Do you want to look?”

Leorio nods and gets up to stand behind Kurapika.

“Wow, that looks pretty.”

“You don’t have to suck up to me.”

“Hey, I’m serious! All the blues and yellows look so well together. And I hate that color combination!”

Kurapika raises a brow, remembering how blue and yellow are often the main palette of his clothes.

“I said what I said. Your sense of fashion is atrocious.”

Kurapika opens his mouth to speak, but Leorio cuts him off.

“But you somehow manage to make them look good. As always. So it evens out.”

“Excuse me,” Kurapika crosses his arms and smirks, “but my fashion sense is quirky and pays homage to my culture. And I just happen to be very cute.”

“I mean, yeah, that’s the only reason you ever look good.”

Kurapika is unsure whether to take this as an insult or not. But either way, he fails to hide the blush that creeps on his face.

“Well,” he says, “if I ever dressed you, I bet you would appear more tolerable to the eyes.”

A vein pops in Leorio’s head. “That’s because your choices add a negative value to my hot looks!”

“Looks? Hot? But we’re the only ones here, and I thought you were done flattering me.”

“Aw, come on!” Leorio stomps his feet. “I say nice things to you and you reward me with this !? You’re really mean!”

“For a philanthropist, you are quite entitled.”

“For a so-called friend, you are quite a brat !”

Leorio storms off.

“I’m going to make sandcastles! If you want me to make you a castle too, you’re gonna have to apologize!”

Kurapika shakes his head with a soft smile and resumes painting.

He tries to opt for a more realistic style, but revision after revision eventually leads him to revisit his old habits. The canvas is now filled with strong, contrasting lines that he has yet to define with a marker. Once he’s done with the paint, Kurapika sets it to dry and joins Leorio.

“I hope you’re ready to apologize,” Leorio says with a pout.

“I don’t need you to make me my own castle,” Kurapika replies. “I don’t want one. It would be lonely.”

Far-fetched implications flood to Leorio’s mind, and he hides his reddening face. Still, he blurts out, “Well, if you want to live in my castle you can just ask.”

Kurapika sits beside him. “But even if I don’t, you’d still make me live with you.”

Leorio pauses. “I can’t just leave you alone, you know. You’re my friend. And you can get into some crazy stuff when you’re alone.”

Kurapika smiles and gently nuzzles Leorio’s shoulder, which sends the other man into a frozen state. It’s not that Leorio isn’t used to having physical contact with him (Leorio would often instigate it, after all), but sometimes he gets caught off guard by how intimate (and cute ) Kurapika could be. His eyes dart around the sky, the beach, and the ocean, in an attempt to calm his nerves.

Thankfully, Kurapika breaks the silence.

“I think I would like to go swimming now. How’s the water?”

“It’s fine,” Leorio says too quickly, and with a much higher pitch than he intended. “But it’s been cloudy for a while now, so it could be a bit colder.”

Kurapika finally breaks from Leorio, much to his relief (displeasure). “Are you going to join me?” he asks with his back turned, walking towards the water.

“I’m good.” Leorio busies himself with the sand castle. “Gotta build you a good home to make sure you’d stay.”

When he looks at Kurapika again, he is already hip-deep in the water. But his attention is caught by the fact that Kurapika is now shirtless, something that he had never casually done in his presence before, along with the lines of ink that crept on his back.

Kurapika adjusts to the temperature and he looks back at Leorio. The ink patterns seem to stem from a much larger symbol across his chest, a symbol which he had probably designed himself, cleverly made to go around where his scars should be.

He didn’t know Kurapika had tattoos! Or that he even had top surgery. He swears Kurapika wouldn’t tell him if he was married if he didn’t ask.

Leorio’s stomach suddenly drops at the ideas that led from the thought. He didn’t even consider how Kurapika could be seeing someone unbeknownst to him. Not that he is ever obliged to say, but...

“You don’t have to worry,” Kurapika pulls him out of his thoughts.

The waves gently crash against his stomach and he plants himself so they wouldn’t take him away. Turning to the horizon once more, he breathes the salty air, and with a voice Leorio barely hears, he says, “I will stay.”

Chapter Text

When evening came, they decided to camp out for the night to watch the stars. Kurapika’s house was only a thirty-minute drive from the beach, so they quickly fetched a few sleeping bags, some meat to grill for dinner, and some other supplies. They had already set up a tent and camp earlier, so when Kurapika returns, Leorio already has the campfire and grill set up.

“What do you think?” Leorio stretches his arms out to present his proud work.

“Cozy,” Kurapika responds.

He takes the cooler out of the car, and from it he grabs a container of store-bought barbecue steak and some fancy beers. He hands the steak and one of the bottles to Leorio and sits on a stool next to him.

“I must say,” Kurapika says, “this must be the most scenic barbecue I have ever attended.”

Leorio looks over at the horizon. The orange sun is nearly blinding but the pinks and purples make it worthwhile to look at.

“Now that’s what I call a twilight.”

He takes the seat closest to the grill and drinks while the steaks sizzle in their place. Occasionally, he stands to turn them, but both he and Kurapika remain silent until the sky turns black.

The sound of crickets fills the air, and perhaps it was their interjection that makes Leorio feel a small hint of awkwardness. Not that he was ever awkward around Kurapika anymore; in the past few years Kurapika has made a great effort to repair his relationships. He finally quit his job as the Nostrade family boss, having earned more than enough money to go by as he traveled, made amends, and adjusted to a new, simpler life as a Relic Hunter and historian. But he grew restless by the years, and took up more of his duties as a Zodiac. He’s been quite busy ever since, but at least now Leorio knows where he is, he knows that he isn’t risking his life every second, and he now gets to see him somewhat regularly. Kurapika would regard him with the same kind of familiarity they have always had for each other, and all would be good.

But he supposes there must be something different about this moment, something about everything finally coming together. Kurapika’s well-deserved growth and healing, Leorio’s years of worry and concern that had come to end, the fact that they are now here together by the ocean at night, drinking and eating without a care in the world. It’s somewhat overwhelming, a good kind of overwhelming.

Leorio finally breaks the silence. “You never told me you were inked. It looks really cool by the way.”

Kurapika smiles. “Thank you.”

“I reckon you made that yourself?”

He nods. “It’s more personal that way.”

“I figured. Thought I recognized the patterns. Kurta?”

“Yes, but not quite.” Kurapika sets his empty beer bottle on the sand. “It’s Kurta-inspired, but I gave it a modern touch. Straight lines with sharp edges aren’t as prominent in our patterns. I wish I could say this choice was meant to symbolize something, but really, I just thought it looked good.”

Leorio laughs. “Well, the fact that it was your decision to do that is 'personally Kurapika’ enough to me!”

Kurapika laughs along. “It’s silly, to be honest. I drew this out of boredom when we were at Zevil Island.”

“Oh, that’s what you were doing!?”

Kurapika nods.

“I had completely forgotten about it. But then I came across one of my old sketchbooks a few years ago. It was an impulsive decision, really.” He giggles. “I even briefly considered adding your name to it.”

Leorio blinks. “My name?”

“Mhm. Small and stylized so it would appear to be part of the image.”

Leorio’s heart pounds loudly in his chest. He isn’t sure what to make of this, but his treacherous mind leads him to make assumptions based on his fantasies, and he fails to hide the smile that results from his excitement. However, to Kurapika, he only looked like he was laughing at him.

“I wasn’t in the right state of mind,” Kurapika defends himself. “That was after the first time I had seen you in a while. I...”

He briefly hesitates.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

If earlier Leorio’s heart had been pounding, now it’s become like a beach ball bouncing around the walls of his chest. His thoughts completely freeze and the only thing he can manage to do is to clean up the drool that had run down his chin.

Kurapika notices how awkward he made the conversation, so he plays it off casually. “I used to have a crush on you, no big deal.”

“No big deal!?” Leorio erupts. “I--” He pauses to swallow the saliva that gathered near his throat. Realizing and guilty that he might have raised his voice too much, he lowers his voice to a whisper. “That’s... wow.”

Kurapika giggles nervously.

“You know,” Leorio says, unsure whether it’s the alcohol or the adrenaline that’s making him so brave, “I used to have a crush on you too.”

Used to, both of them repeat in their heads.

And perhaps Leorio wasn’t as brave as he thought. But the guilt of lying quickly consumes him.

“Like, five minutes ago,” he rights himself.

Kurapika stares at him wide-eyed. He doesn’t know what he was expecting, and perhaps he should have prepared himself better for this confession, because in spite of his wits, in spite of his sharpness, and in spite of his confidence, he has absolutely no idea what to make of this, or how to respond to that . His mind races and, perhaps this is the consequence of his high-strung personality, simply fails to add more weight to the idea that Leorio could have been confessing to him.

In Leorio’s mind, this is some cheesy high school stuff. Not a very common method of confessing, but not so rare either, and Leorio hopes Kurapika would be familiar with it. It didn’t even occur to him that something could go wrong, because neither Leorio nor Kurapika gave much thought to anything they’ve been saying tonight. And maybe Leorio should have given more thought to what he had said, because when Kurapika fails to hide the saddest expression Leorio has ever seen, he panics.

“Kurapika!? What’s wrong!?”

Kurapika clutches his heart to keep himself from falling into the fire.

“What did I do wrong?” He surrenders to pessimism, and the very sad line of thought that Leorio had meant what he said literally. “Why don’t you like me anymore?”

Leorio rushes to embrace him. “Kurapika, that’s not what I meant. I’m sorry I confused you.”

He feels Kurapika sink into his arms and worries that he must have fainted. But soon a pair of arms make their way around his neck and he hears Kurapika sigh. He’s still holding back his tears, Leorio could feel them right on his chest.

“I’m sorry, I overreacted,” Kurapika says shakily. “That was so silly of me,” he berates himself with a laugh.

“Shh, hey, it’s alright.” Leorio rubs his shoulder.

He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to be taking all of this in, but Kurapika’s presence in his arms pushes all the things about crushes and feelings and years of pining away, and instead he is completely focused on comforting his friend.

But Kurapika recovers quickly, mind rushing the same way it had when he came to his earlier conclusion, but this time in a flash of self-degrading thoughts and the tiny voice of self-mercy that he conjured over two years of therapy, resulting in him merely disregarding the act as one of those embarrassing moments everyone gets. When his mind begs him to stop, he steadily pulls himself out of his head. He straightens his back and motions for Leorio to let him go.

He lets Kurapika out of his arms and returns to his own seat. He's still worried about the other man, but worry and excitement rush him into regarding the now lighter atmosphere since Kurapika had slightly calmed down.

He asks for clarification. “Hey, does this mean you still like me too?”

Kurapika looks away. “I’m sorry I lied.”

To his surprise, Leorio slaps him on the back and laughs hysterically. 

“You don’t have to worry about anything!” he says, almost breathless. “I’m just...”

And he kisses him.

Before anything registers in Kurapika’s mind, the kiss ends. His face is both aghast and as red as a tomato, and he covers his mouth with his hands as a reflex.

“Did you just... kiss me!?”

Leorio quickly realizes what he had done and hastily apologizes. “I’m sorry! I got too excited. I should have asked first. I’m sorry.”

Kurapika keeps his gaze away from Leorio’s.

“I was shocked. I wasn’t ready.”

Leorio wishes he could kick himself in the stomach. “I’m really sorry.”

“No, no, it’s not that. It’s-- I didn’t know... how to...” Kurapika struggles to find his words. “I wanted to kiss you back.”

Leorio stares at him, but his gaze soon turns soft.

“That’s okay. We can kiss again when you’re ready.”

Kurapika holds himself. “Alright,” he says shyly.

He could feel himself shaking a little bit from everything that’s happened so far. He had planned this week off to finally confess his feelings for Leorio, but reality is never like how he’d rehearsed them in his mind. First, his flu. Now, all the unpredictable little detours that their conversation had taken from the initial plan of “I have feelings for you, do you feel the same?”

He puts his palms on his cheeks. Cold hands meet hot face and it calms him a bit. He looks at Leorio, who apparently hasn't taken his eyes off him yet. And he’d been smiling this whole time, too. Kurapika can’t help but smile back.

“Hey, the stars look so great out here. Wanna lie down after we eat?” Leorio suggests.

Kurapika looks at the sky. Dusk went by so quickly and now the sky is lined with dots that sparkled white and blue. Soon, they would shine even brighter. Romantic , he thinks, and he can’t help but smile ever so slightly.

However, despite this, he could not help but cling to the details that bothered him. He faces Leorio again with a hardened expression. “You shouldn’t lie down right after eating.”

Leorio glares at him.

Kurapika sighs. “But I suppose after fifteen minutes or so it would be okay.”

Leorio smiles again.

“That sounds nice,” Kurapika continues. “I would love that.”

Soon, evening turns to night, and the campfire they didn’t bother to keep dies out in embers. They keep the lamp they brought turned off as they relish the darkness that surrounds them. Covered by a blanket of stars, their shadows intertwine and tangle like vines. Eventually, they fall asleep.

Chapter Text

Morning doesn’t come easy for Kurapika.

Before dawn, he had to force his body to push the huge mass that was Leorio that lay on top of him. His own limbs were numb from poor blood circulation because of the way they’d fallen asleep. Not to mention, Kurapika’s hair has now tangled, not because he moved around while he slept, but because it was covered in Leorio’s drool.

Knowing that he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep anyway, he goes for a morning swim.

The water is deathly cold, but the chills let him forget about all the mosquito bites that he’d earned from sleeping outside without a blanket. As it turns out, those anti-insect lotions don’t work as well as they’re advertised. When he returns, Leorio is awake too, waiting for him with a fresh set of towels and a warm embrace.

“What were you thinking swimming out there this early!? You’ll get pneumonia,” he says with such gentleness before devouring him in a hug.

“You underestimate my resistance to the cold,” Kurapika says while he’s buried in towels and Leorio. “And I had to wash all your drool off my hair.”

Maybe we shouldn’t share a bed then , he almost kids. But memories of the previous night rush into him all of a sudden and his mind goes blank.

So. That sure happened, didn’t it? They’re a thing now. Probably? He doesn’t recall ever talking about that explicitly. After the whole kissing incident, they refrained from talking about the whole matter entirely, merely referencing the fact that they loved each other so, so dearly by holding each other’s hands and cuddling each other to sleep.

Warmth radiates from his chest and he hugs the other man back.

“I don’t drool,” Leorio responds with a reddening face. He looks down at Kurapika who is now smiling mischievously at him.

“What’s up with you?”

“Were you thinking about me in your sleep?”

“I--!” Leorio looks away. “Screw you.”

“So you don’t deny it.”

He moves his arms from Leorio’s waist to his neck. This isn’t the first time they held each other this way. Leorio himself had always been such a tactile person, casually hugging friends and loved ones whenever he felt like it. The first time Kurapika had fallen victim to such a sap was through a non-threatening hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t like physical contact as much as the average person, but he’d somehow made an exception for Leorio. Eventually, Kurapika himself would initiate the hug, or mindlessly cling to his elbow (much to Kurapika’s dismay; how is this man so tall !?). An awkward hand around the waist soon turned into eager arms wrapped around the other. He already knew by then how much he loved Leorio. And now, he doesn’t need to keep it a secret anymore.

“Hey, you’ve been staring,” Leorio pulls him out of his reverie. “You’re looking at me like a lovestruck teenager.”

“I never got to experience your typical high school romance. Is it so bad that I love you so much?”

Leorio tries so hard not to smile. But god does it feel so good to hear that.

Suddenly, Kurapika’s hands go from his neck to his cheeks.

“I think I’m ready,” he says, “to kiss you again.”

Leorio smiles and gently lowers his face, to which Kurapika responds by standing on the tip of his toes. Slowly, their faces come closer and closer. Leorio closes his eyes first, and Kurapika soon follows. And then...

“Ow, uh, sorry,” Kurapika quickly apologizes when he realizes that he missed his aim, bumping their noses instead of their lips.

“It’s okay,” Leorio doesn’t pull back, “Just find your way through. It takes some getting used to--”

Kurapika tries again, but much too soon. Before Leorio could close his mouth, Kurapika dives in, placing his lips on Leorio’s front teeth. Kurapika quickly pulls back.

“Ew!” he says instinctively. “I-- I mean, I’m sorry, that was my mistake.”

Leorio can’t help but laugh. “Hey, that’s okay, you just gotta feel around until it’s all right!”

“Feel around... your teeth?” Kurapika doesn’t like the idea of that. Maybe he doesn’t like kissing as much as he thought he did. The idea was appealing but does the act have to be so... gross?

“Do you want me to kiss you instead?” Leorio offers.

Kurapika could feel his feet hurt from standing on tiptoes. “I’m tired.” He lets go of Leorio. “Can we do this at home instead?”

“Of course.”

Most of their drive home is spent in silence. Kurapika still feels a little bit worked up from the events of that day. There he was, relishing in what felt like a dream come true, only to be utterly disappointed by reality. No, maybe he’s getting ahead of himself. It’s only their first day as a couple after all (and why does it feel strange to say that), and he shouldn’t push himself too hard.

But it’s happened before. Things that don’t work out the way he’d planned at the start almost always stay that way. The ship once steered off-course never finds its way back, as the captain doesn’t have the means to find his bearings. If he doesn’t control where this relationship goes--

What is he saying? He doesn’t have the right to dictate how things should be. This isn’t some strategy meeting for the next field operation, or some plan for damage control to salvage the reputation of the Association. This is a two-sided relationship that’s equal parts his and equal parts Leorio’s. No--the divide isn’t even necessary. This relationship is wholly theirs , as two people who care about each other and want to be by each other’s side. There should be no goal for where their relationship should go. He just wants to be happy with the person he loves.

And by god, all this for a measly kiss! Kurapika can’t help but feel embarrassed for how childish he is being. Another series of self-degrading thoughts knock on his mind’s door and his voice of self-mercy is nowhere to be found.

“You’re thinking too loudly,” Leorio interrupts.

“Hm?” Kurapika is taken out of his thoughts, narrowly missing a huge pothole.

“I’ve been talking about papaya and all related discourse but you haven’t said a thing. And I know you have strong opinions on papaya.”

Kurapika sighs. “I don’t want to think about papaya discourse. Not right now.”

“Is something the matter?”

“I just think some people should change their mind about papaya.”

“Is it about the kiss?” Leorio ignores him.

He swears that if he got a Jenny for every time Kurapika sighs, he could buy off Greed Island and use Breath of Archangel to heal all diseases.

“We don’t have to kiss if it makes you that uncomfortable,” Leorio continues. “It’s fine.”

Kurapika’s grip tightens on the steering wheel. “But I want to kiss you. I’ve always wanted to kiss you.”

“Not getting to kiss me right now doesn’t mean you’ll never get another chance to. I’m not going anywhere.”

He moves his hand to hold Kurapika’s, but Kurapika pulls away.

“Please forget about it,” he says. “I’m just being childish.”

“You’re not being childish.”

When they get back to Kurapika’s house, he leaves Leorio to prepare breakfast while he takes a shower. He finds them quite calming, especially after he had gotten top surgery, with the way the water would slide from his face, down his chest, and through the rest of his body. Being completely encased in running water, being completely aware of his sensations and his physical form, it was affirming.

His therapist would call it mindfulness. He would call it gender euphoria.

He comes out of the shower feeling much more relaxed. And also much hungrier, and he blames it on the sweet and buttery scent that had been spreading through the house.

“Are those pancakes?” he asks as he enters the kitchen. Two stacks of neatly-made pancakes greet him on the table, along with some newly-bought syrup and a bowl of fresh berries. Leorio waits for him with a smile and approaches him with an embrace.

“How’s your shower?”

Kurapika chuckles. “It was good. How do you like my new Hunter-discounted kitchenware?”

“Better than party presents, that’s for sure.”

He leans down on Kurapika and kisses his forehead.

Kurapika blushes. “Now that’s just too sweet.”

Leorio places two more kisses on both of his cheeks, and one on the tip of his nose, which makes Kurapika smile from ear to ear.

“Kissing isn’t actually as magical as the movies make them out to be,” Leorio explains, “but little kisses like these aren’t so bad either.” He leans closer to Kurapika’s face so their foreheads would touch. “How ‘bout we do this instead then, until you get used to it?”

Leorio suddenly feels his eyes widen in shock when the other man pecks him on the lips and runs away giggling.

“That was so embarrassing,” Kurapika says, desperately failing to suppress his laughter. He snatches one of the pancakes from his plate and throws it at Leorio.

He fails to dodge the projectile and it lands on his shirt with a splat. “Hey! That was the fruit of my labor!” he says with a pout.

Kurapika finally calms down, arms swinging and his grin turning into a gentle smile.

“I apologize.”

But he is still a bit giddy, so when he approaches Leorio his gait is a tad waltz-y. He once again wraps his arms around is waist and Leorio quickly returns the gesture.

“I think that’s a good idea,” he says before burying his face in his chest.

The rest of the day is filled with similar bursts of energy, and Leorio thinks this is the most he has seen Kurapika smile in a day.

Chapter Text

Rain engulfs the city and it paints everything grey. Dark shadows march along the streets of Wulak, obscured by the haze that makes them indiscernible. One of the shadows, however, stands out in that it’s much taller and bulkier than the rest. The new couple huddles as closely as they can in a futile effort to keep themselves and their luggage dry. And when finally they get to the shuttle station, they are soaked from head to toe.

Leorio had been tempted to make numerous comments about his discomfort. But the atmosphere is much too serious, much too solemn. This is an important day for Kurapika, after all. And in all honesty, he isn’t even sure if he deserves to be here. If he deserves to share this part of Kurapika.

When he first asked Leorio to celebrate this day with him, Leorio was too excited by the prospect of spending time with Kurapika that he didn’t think things through. He doesn’t think Kurapika had invited him with any ounce of contempt in his heart, and in fact he feels highly flattered that Kurapika trusts him enough for this. But he’s also scared to death of somehow messing this up, of somehow doing something inappropriate or disrespectful. He wants this to be perfect for Kurapika; right now he’s probably the only one he considers family or something close to it, and soiling this day in even the slightest would be unforgivable. But here he is, sitting drenched in a tiny shuttle right next to his boyfriend. He doesn’t say a thing and neither does Kurapika.

Kurapika had already made arrangements with the company so that the driver would take them out of the city and into the wilderness of Lukso. They’re quite thankful for how much technology has advanced in the recent years. Before, Kurapika had to travel by bird in order to reach Kurta territory, and it would have taken him all day. But now it’s only a four-hour ride from the closest city to the Kurta graves. This fact doesn’t make Leorio any less nervous.

Kurapika isn’t the type of person--or at least, wasn’t--to open up about things concerning his past. It’s an extremely touchy subject that even Leorio, in all his priviness, wouldn’t dare to bring up. Yes, he too had lost someone he loved, but he isn’t sure if he will ever understand the pain and anger that Kurapika feels. There’s a barrier that will forever exist between them, one which he cannot cross to shield him from hurt.

And it hurts. To know that he can only do so much. That he can only watch from the other side and let the person he loves struggle. To know that all he can do is hold his hand, keep himself available should Kurapika ever choose to ask for help.

He never asked for Leorio’s help. He never asked for anyone’s help.

Yet here he is. When yesterday he was smiling and dancing and laughing, he proved to Leorio like time and time again that he is strong enough, and he had been strong enough to make it this far. He took it upon himself to heal and love again, to love himself again, and he didn’t ask Leorio or any of his friends for help (although that wouldn’t have been so bad either). He did all that on his own and Leorio couldn’t find anyone more admirable.

Kurapika has made it a long way, from being that guy who would keep his emotions so bottled up he resorts to murder as an outlet, to a person who would ask someone as ordinary as Leorio to join him in his mourning. It’s pressuring to be on the receiving end of this, but Leorio eventually relaxes, as Kurapika keeps his hand intertwined with his for the rest of the trip.

Right. He’s here because Kurapika trusts him. He’s here because it’s important to Kurapika, and it’s important for Kurapika to have someone whom he could share this with. Kurapika let himself be vulnerable and he chose Leorio to be the one to be here with him.

And Leorio is very happy to be here with him.

They arrive where the road ends at around five in the afternoon. Kurapika gives a few more words of instruction to the driver, reminding them of when to pick them up, before turning to Leorio with a smile on his face.

“It’s a thirty-minute hike from here,” Kurapika says. “Remember the Kiriko we met from the Hunter Exam?”

“Who... You mean one of those shape-shifting magical beasts?”

“Mhm, I hired the daughter to guard the mausoleum. She’ll be the one to provide us with lodging for the night.”

“That’s awesome.”

After another exhausting trek that takes definitely more than thirty minutes, a familiar creature welcomes them on the porch of a wooden cabin. She greets both of them with much familiarity, even though Leorio hardly remembers her.

"I always thought he looked at you different," she whispers to him. He finds the remark strange; Kurapika couldn't possibly have had the hots for him for that long.

After showering and getting dressed, the two make their way to the mausoleum by the graves.

Kurapika is wearing his traditional Kurta clothes again, and Leorio is no longer used to it. They're not the same clothes from before--he probably had them made recently--but they remind him of Kurapika when he was a teenager, looking much smaller and much less worn out. He compares the memory he has of him to the Kurapika he sees now. He looks like an entirely different person.

Meanwhile, Kurapika let Leorio wear his usual suit and tie, except both were black, appropriate for the event. Kurapika had mentioned in passing that he would have made Leorio wear Kurta clothes too. He's not sure if he actually meant that, but he would have been honored.

The mausoleum itself is quite big--as big as a tiny chapel. The outside is decorated with colorful Kurta patterns that were carved into stone. Its appearance would make someone think twice about this being a house for the dead. But then again, different cultures have different traditions, and there’s something very special about what this building symbolizes. A kind of special that Leorio wishes had never had to be in the first place.

Kurapika stops on the mausoleum's doorstep, pressing a key on someplace hidden. A loud tick sound accompanies the turning of his wrist, and with all his might, he pushes the door forward.

And it greets him, Leorio, a dim but blinding red light that comes from inside. Thirty-five pairs of glowing scarlet eyes gaze down on him, the outsider, and when he looks at Kurapika's face for the first time since they got here, he counts a thirty-sixth.

They were lined up on a single-row shelf that had been adorned by fresh flowers. He guesses the Kiriko must maintain this place regularly as well. Below the eyes is a small tomb  with names etched on the front.

"The names of those I remember," Kurapika says when he notices the direction of Leorio's gaze. "The empty space you see over there is for those whose names I've yet to recall."

He crouches to trace the first name on his finger. "Pairo comes first, of course, but also because this is actually his tomb. When this place was built, I could no longer identify everyone's bodies. So I left them where I originally buried them--right under this mausoleum." Kurapika pauses to pinch his nose.

"Anyway, this one right below Pairo's is my mother's, and next is my father's." He keeps tracing his finger downwards, reciting their names and telling Leorio the story behind each one. He skims once he gets to the tenth, though, as he feels as though he's kept Leorio waiting long enough.

"Three years ago today," Kurapika stands to speak once more, "I gathered all of my brethren's eyes and brought them home. No longer will filthy flesh collectors treat us like trinkets to decorate their homes with."

Kurapika's voice begins to shake, and that's when he realizes he no longer wants to speak. Leorio places a comforting hand on his shoulder and Kurapika turns to smile at him.

The next two hours are spent in prayer. Leorio sits in silence as Kurapika recites traditional prayers and hymns in between heartfelt messages to the departed. He takes his time with each one, Leorio notes, eyes glowing slightly brighter when it comes to them. Near the end, Kurapika takes Leorio’s hand. He does exactly as he’d been instructed on what to do and say at this part of the ritual, singing along the final prayer to give peace to the souls of the dead.

In the emotional intensity of the moment, Leorio reminds himself that it’s not about shielding Kurapika from hurt, or being the one to heal his wounds. It’s about giving Kurapika, alongside his fallen clansmen, the peace he deserves by providing him with love and support only secondary to his own conscious effort to live a healthier and happier life. He’ll let Kurapika improve, relapse, go to therapy, drink to cope, self care, lash out, and cry in his arms as freely as he would. All the while being there for him to keep him from going too far, or to simply remind him that in spite of the fact that only he can help himself, he doesn’t have to be alone.

Leorio feels a little heavy, but he stands up as soon as Kurapika does and takes his hand. Kurapika takes one last look at the eyes, and then at Pairo’s tomb, before leading Leorio out through the door.

“Your hand feels a little warm,” he comments. “Are you feeling alright?”

“I just got a little emotional is all,” Leorio replies.

Kurapika raises a brow and puts the back of his hand against Leorio’s neck. “You might be coming down to a fever.”

Leorio groans. “Not again.”

Kurapika chuckles. “Don’t worry. Besides  me, you’ll also have Savil to take care of you.”

“I don’t want her to take care of me. You’re the only sexy nurse I need.”

“Please don’t call me that ever again.”

Kurapika wraps his hands around Leorio’s arms and leans into him as they walk.

“Hey, cut that out! Do you really want a repeat of last Sunday?”

Kurapika doesn’t flinch. “Thank you,” he says instead, much to Leorio’s bewilderment.

“You don’t have to thank me,” Leorio says with a growing fondness in his voice. “I’m honored that you even let me come here at all. I know this is very special to you. I want to help preserve this, the memory of the Kurta, your memory of your family.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that. It’s bull.”

Kurapika laughs softly, which only irritates Leorio more.

“It’s not about what you deserve, you know?” He continues. “Do you want to be happy?”

Kurapika’s grip on his arms tightens. “Selfishly, yes.”

“Good. That reason is enough.” He wraps his arm around Kurapika’s shoulders. “And I want you to be happy too. Let’s be happy together, okay?”

The arm he had around Kurapika suddenly begins to shake, as the other man abruptly releases as sob. Leorio quickly wraps himself around Kurapika, petting his hair with one hand and holding him tight with the other.

“You.... have always been....” Kurapika struggles to say, but Leorio hushes him while rubbing his back.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Leorio whispers. 

"You're my... you're my h... All of you... You saved..."

“You’re welcome. I love you. It’s okay.”

Leorio would continue to stroke his back, and Kurapika would continue to fight his tears. But although unintelligible, he does manage to get his message across.