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To be frank, Rumi had not expected to get in so easily, nor did she expect everything that happened next.
The few months that followed the moment she received her assignment were all blurred together, but she knew for sure that she had somehow managed to infiltrate the League and gain their trust in record time.
Honestly, she had been absolutely baffled when the Commission bitch had called her to her office and given her the job under the reasoning that “she was the best fit for the job.”
Which was rude, seeing the implications of her words. Rumi was nothing like those stupid poor excuses of villains who kidnapped children in their free time with no concrete plan behind it. No, she was so much better.
And she would prove it.
So, one agreement later, Rumi found herself in an old warehouse somewhere in Musutafu, standing face to face with one of Japan’s most wanted villains, and you know what she did?
Under direct orders from President Shitty McAwful, all she had to do was act natural.
And she was fucking pissed so that was exactly what she did, acting as “villain like” as the president nonsubtley described her as and expecting to completely blow the operation.
...except she hadn’t and for some reason, Dabi had been kind enough to take her to their boss (definitely not out of fear, no, why would it be out of fear? It wasn’t like Rumi threatened to do something or anything like that).
The first words that she and Shigaraki exchanged were terrible but a complete success in her eyes.
”You’re shorter than I thought.”
“And you need more lotion than I thought, boss.”
The next thing she knew, she was eating hot pot with the whole League of Villains and telling their fucking leader, another one of Japan’s most wanted villains, to fuck off or square up because that was her tofu, not his. There was no fear in her voice.
Rumi was feral.
Rumi did not feel fear.
Rumi also may have been on the verge of converting to villainhood out of spite, but we don’t talk about that.
It was surprising how well Rumi and Dabi got along.
Well, “got along.” It was really more like throwing threats and insults at each other, but (almost) never actually doing anything. They shared a mutual trust, and no matter how broken it looked from the outside, it worked surprisingly well.
“You better stop trying to make advances on me and thinking it’ll work,” Dabi grumbled on one particular day when Rumi had been using pick up lines on him in an attempt to get his flustered face on camera. “Won’t work. Newsflash, I’m gay.”
Rumi’s lips thinned into a straight, haha straight, line. “Really? Well newsflash, so am I.”
“Fucking awesome.”
It was yet another thing added to the frighteningly large amount of things they had in common.
The first time Rumi met Todoroki Fuyumi, she was being chased by said woman with an icicle because she had been mistaken for a villain that was threatening the kids.
Rumi was neither insulted or complimented.
She was in love.
If there was only one person who could scare the shit out of Rumi, so much that she was intimidated into submission, it was Fuyumi.
Even through frantic and profuse apologies, she was still perfect and absolutely worthy of the great Miruko’s love.
And Rumi wasn’t a coward, so she looked her straight in the eyes and said, “marry me.”
---
“Sooooo, you’ll never believe what happened today!”
“Do I look like I care?”
“I’m no longer a single woman.”
“Good for you. Bad for that poor woman. What, did you threaten to beat her to death with a spoon too?”
“Rude. Aren’t you going to ask what happened?”
“Okay, okay, what happened? Enlighten me.”
Rumi beamed. “I got asked on a date! Well I mean, I asked someone out on a date and she said yes. Wait, that technically isn’t right either. I asked someone to marry and then we compromised.”
“What the fuck.”
“I know, right? I’m so happy right now I could die. Can you feel my happiness? Can you? I haven’t been this happy since they banned that live action Peter Rabbit movie in all of Japan.”
“Then die,” Dabi huffed, rolling his eyes, though he paused and looked up from the television, obviously intrigued. “So who’s the unlucky girl?”
“The most amazing and beautiful person in the world, Todoroki Fuyumi.”
“What.”
“I said--.”
“No, what. Why is someone like you going out with my sister. Holy shit, why would she say yes?”
“Wait a fucking second, she’s your sister???”
“Crap. Forget I said that. You heard nothing. You don’t know who I am. Leave. Forget. This was all a dream.”
“No, no, give me a fucking second. Trying to process how someone so beautiful and kind and perfect is related to...well, this.” Rumi vaguely gestured to all of Dabi.
He scowled. “The fuck is that supposed to mean, you overgrown Judy Hopps?”
“Exactly what I mean, you over toasted bagel boy.”
“You’re not concerned about my identity at all…?”
“I’m hella concerned, but I’ve got priorities, and right now I’m more concerned about how genetics work.”
“You should be more concerned about how your brain is wired. What kind of idiot would ask someone they just met to marry them?”
“She’s hot, okay?!”
Spinner and Mr. Compress entered the bar and their conversation ended there with two very loud and stubborn huffs and a “this isn’t over, bitch,” courtesy of Rumi.
---
That night, Rumi found a note in her bag that had definitely not been there before.
“If you ever hurt her, I can and will make sure you will never find love or happiness ever again.
This was the shovel talk from Dabi.
Go to hell.”
“Wake up.”
“Rumi. Why are you in my room holding one of Toga’s knives to my neck?” Dabi grumbled. It was too damn early for this.
“Did you really expect me to sit still and do nothing after what you told me? I’m doing some snooping, duh,” Rumi shrugged.
“Just go alone, then.” Dabi made a show of turning over in his bed and attempting to pull the cover over his head.
“Oh no, you’re coming with me. You are going to be my hostage.”
“I’m going to be your what?”
“Kurogiri! Come make a portal into the HPSC secret archive and I won’t hurt Dabi,” Rumi hollered loud enough to wake the dead. “And make it quick.”
“Sure, sure,” Kurogiri nodded. “Just the two of you?”
“Yeah, follow us and he’s dead.”
A portal opened in front of them.
“Do you two want any packed lunches?”
“Nah, thanks dad!”
“What…?”
“Okay, be back before it gets dark. Or light, I guess, since it’s three in the morning.”
Rumi grinned and yanked Dabi along with her. The portal closed behind them and opened up into the dark hidden archive room of the Hero Commission because of course they had a secret room filled with nothing but their lies and cover ups and crimes against humanity.
“Why couldn’t you be the hostage?” Dabi pouted (at least that’s what Rumi called it because Dabi did not pout).
“Why would you want to find files on yourself?”
“I don’t know, maybe I forgot my childhood and wanted to find it or something.”
That made Rumi pause. “Wait, seriously? Because I was relying on you for any leads.”
“Maybe,” Dabi muttered. “Look for Todoroki Touya and you’ll find everything you need.” He flopped down onto the ground and yawned. “Wake me up when it’s time to leave. I’ve been trying to get at least five hours of sleep everyday and I’m not letting you ruin that.”
---
“What. The. Fuck.”
“I’m assuming you found the files?” Dabi cracked open one eye and let out another exaggerated yawn. “Time to go?”
“What. The--.”
“Let’s talk about this somewhere else. Nab the file, no one has checked on it in years.”
A portal opened. They stepped through it into Rumi’s living room, away from prying eyes and ears.
“So?” He cocked his head to the side. “What do you think? Any of your theories hit close?”
“Touya, I--.”
”Don’t. My name is Dabi.”
Rumi scowled in displeasure but relented. “Okay, Dabi. Did Enda--I mean, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named...did he really…?”
“Why else would I be here now, looking like an ‘over toasted bagel boy’?”
“That’s...did he also...with Yumi?” For once, Rumi was at a loss for words, unable to come up with a snarky comeback.
“Nah, he left her and Natsu alone for the most part. Ignored them because they weren’t good enough for his stupid fucking standards.”
“How could someone like Yumi not meet his stupid fucking standards?”
“Exactly!”
“Well. I have a fire extinguisher somewhere in the kitchen. Ready to go put out a flaming trash can?”
Dabi paused for a moment, brows crinkling in confusion before a large maniacal grin spread across his face. “Hell yeah. Thought you’d never ask.”
---
It didn’t work, but now they knew that Endeavor’s mortal weaknesses included fire extinguishers.
---
“Also I can’t believe you’re twins,” Rumi added seconds before Dabi finally fell asleep again. “I will never fully understand how genetics work.”
“Get the fuck out, you crazy woman.”
The next time Rumi saw Dabi, it was after a long day of work and he was sitting on her couch, in her apartment, wrapped in her blanket, eating her ice cream and drinking her beer.
Ultra, mega rude.
“Why do you only have vegan stuff in your house? Fucking gross.” He even had the guts to complain!
“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a rabbit,” Rumi deadpanned, steadily approaching the pyro, ready to shove his ass off of her couch.
“Oh, right. Rabbit. Like that bunny that was in the garden that one time. Hop, hop. T’was cute,” Dabi chuckled, slurring his words.
Rumi paused mid step. She frowned with growing concern. “Are you drunk?”
“No? Why would I be?” he hiccupped.
“You literally--.” She cut herself off with a groan. “You good?”
Dabi stared at her, looked at the tub of melting tub of ice cream in his hands, and burst into tears.
In a flash, Rumi was by his side, followed by a string of her infamous vocabulary.
“Shit. Shit. Fuck. You okay? Dabi? Dabi?”
Upon closer examination, there were those files that they had stolen on his lap, opened to the page that detailed examples of Endeavor’s A+ Parenting and--
Oh.
“Is this about your--?”
“Can we not talk about it?” Dabi pleaded, and he looked so small and desperate that Rumi’s heart melted a little and she agreed without any hesitation.
“Sure, hot stuff. Just cry yourself out. It’s okay now.”
He bawled in her arms. There were no further questions asked.
---
“Okay, before we get any further, get your ass off of my couch and into the shower before you get everything dirty. Also go sober up a little, you reek of alcohol and seriously, with a quirk like mine? Not pleasant.”
Dabi groaned, still awkwardly buried in Rumi’s arms. “How about later? I’m kinda in the middle of a mental breakdown right now.”
“Yeah, yeah, you can have your mental breakdown later. Now go shower before I dress you as a piece of lettuce and feed you to the snails. I guarantee it will be a very slow death.”
“What are you doing here? Get your burnt ass off of my fucking couch, you’re getting your blood all over it!”
“That’s what you’re concerned about?” Dabi threw his arms up into the air incredulously and winced at the sudden motion.
“Priorities, yanno. Oh, and before I forget, why are you bleeding in the first place, you burnt raisin bagel?”
“I got shot. Need medical care.”
“Say please, I am not your slave.”
“Rumi, I’m literally dying here.”
“Tsk tsk, patience.” But he had used her real name for once, so she made sure to hurry up a little.
Halfway through the bandaging, there was the sound of the door creaking over. Which was weird, because Rumi had made sure to close and lock the door behind her. Her ears perked up. Whoever came in was either a really skilled lockpicker and hacker, or…
“Fuck,” Dabi gasped.
...It was Fuyumi. God fucking damnit.
To Fuyumi’s credit, she handled the situation perfectly well, calmly observing the other two in the room with a scrutinizing gaze and gently closing the door behind her.
Shit. That wasn’t good. They were now locked in the same room as her.
“Uhh...hi, Yumi,” Rumi chuckled awkwardly, trying her best to cover her girlfriend’s brother from her view. “What brings you here today?”
Silence. Until she finally cracked under Fuyumi’s pointed stare.
“Okay, okay, I can explain!”
Dabi was still scrambling to form a coherent sentence and was maybe dying on the inside.
“You don’t need to explain,” Fuyumi replied coolly. The temperature of the room dropped several degrees and the hero and villain cringed. This was going to be how they died.
“I…”
“Touya, why do you keep getting hurt? I swear to god…” She pinched the bridge of her nose with a loud exhale.
That was...not what was on the script.
“Huh? You’re not surprised? Disgusted?”
“Why would I be?” And how could someone possibly look so cute yet deadly at the same time? “Do you think I’m stupid? You may have fooled Natsu and dad, but really? I’m your twin.”
“That’s--.”
“Now get on your back so I can patch you up, you asshole.”
“Y-yes ma’am!”
“Don’t call me that, I’m not that old!”
---
Fuyumi found a photo of a sleeping Dabi sent to her phone the next day and she smiled. It was saved to the folder labeled “Family” with no hesitation.
“A double date?” Dabi repeated.
“You heard me.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Why would I be kidding?”
“I don’t even have a date to go with. What am I, that awkward third wheel? Hell no.”
“Yeah, you know all of those Hot and Single Guys in Your Area ads? Well I found one just for you. And Yumi and I thought it would be fun.”
“No fucking way. Invite Toga or something.”
“But that isn’t fun,” Rumi whined. “He said he wanted a hot guy and I will get him a hot guy. Literally. And maybe metaphorically too, but who knows.”
“Are you trying to sweet talk me, Carrots? Because you’re doing an awful job at it.”
“Did I say this was optional, you burnt chicken nugget?” She made sure to plaster her signature ‘if you don’t listen to me I will fuck you up’ smile onto her face. “I can and I will scrape the mucus out of your spine with an eyebrow razor and spread it on my toast.”
Dabi didn’t budge. Instead, he opted to send her an unimpressed glare.
“...Or I’ll just tell Yumi how uncooperative you’re being.” Rumi sighed heavily, reaching for her phone “And she was so excited too. Imagine how utterly heartbroken she’s going to feel because her own dear brother won’t even--.”
Dabi saw his life flash before his eyes as Rumi’s finger hovered just inches over the call button and he swore loudly before launching himself onto her.
“Okay, okay, I’ll go!”
”Oops, my finger slipped!”
“You wouldn’t,” Dabi gaped, staring wide eyed at the outgoing call screen. “You fucking wouldn’t. HANG UP OR I WILL FUCKING BURN YOU TO ASHES YOU DUMB BUGGS BUNNY RIP OFF!”
“ARE YOU THREATENING ME? YOU’VE GOTTEN BOLD RECENTLY, YOU--”
---
“YOU WOULDN’T FUCKING DARE”
“I WON’T HESITATE BITCH”
Todoroki Fuyumi stared at her phone in silence and she could already feel her headache forming. What was wrong with those two? Did they not know she was in the middle of class? She sighed.
Well, she would make sure that they knew.
“Are you two done?” Fuyumi asked sweetly. “Because if it’s not anything important, I’d like to get back to class, Rumi, Touya.”
Only she was capable of completely shutting the two up with a few quiet, gentle words. All villains and heroes alike envied her special ability that had been gifted to her from God himself.
“No, nothing important,” Rumi squeaked. Even though Fuyumi couldn’t see her, she could tell by the tone of her voice that her girlfriend’s ears were drooping. “Sorry, we got into a little, uh, disagreement and my hand slipped, pleasedon’tkillmeIloveyousomuch.”
“Aww, don’t feel bad, it’s okay. Love you too.”
There was a loud sigh of relief before their breaths immediately hitched from the sudden drop of the temperature that had somehow been transferred over the phone.
“And Touya, you’ll be there on Sunday, right? I haven’t met your date yet, but I can say for sure that we’re both looking forward to seeing you.”
“Of...of course, Yumi…”
“That’s all. Bye, love you both!”
Fuyumi could almost feel the tension immediately drop after she hung up.
She smiled. She really loved those two, and she could tell that they cared about each other too, albeit expressing it with very...creative threats and colorful language.
Oh well, Fuyumi was known for being able to mix oil and water together if she wanted to. Those two would be getting along in no time.
---
“You!” Dabi howled.
“Me? You!” Hawks shrieked.
“Rumi, did you tell them who their dates were before they met?” Fuyumi groaned.
Rumi whistled as innocently as possible.
”Rumi.”
“I may or may not have forgotten, but hey, where’s the fun in warning them?”
“I swear to god.”
“Now now, you can’t go swearing on yourself.”
The first date ended in disaster, but not without a second one being scheduled.
---
That night, Dabi found a note in his pocket that had definitely not been there before.
“If you ever make him cry, even out of happiness, I’ll give you something to cry about, burnt tear ducts be damned. :)
This was the shovel talk from Rumi.
Go to hell too.”
The first time Dabi and Hawks kissed, they were both drunk.
It was a surreal moment, where only the two of them were the only things that mattered in the world and there was nothing to disturb them.
“Hawks--.”
“Keigo,” he whispered in return.
“Huh?”
“Call me Keigo. That’s my name.”
“Keigo...” The name rolled off of his tongue smoothly. “Keigo. Then call me Touya.”
“Tou--.”
“Oh my god, not in the living room!” Rumi cried slamming the front door shut behind her. “At least get a room first, geez, Keigo and Touya.”
“Rumi! Those are supposed to be only between us!”
“Carrots, what the fuck, we’re having a moment.”
“Yes, and I’m having a drink so get your asses out. I want to enjoy this in peace, thank you very much.”
“Okay, so Kei said he was gonna take the flaming trash can to Fukuoka with the excuse of investigating Nomu reports,” Dabi pointed out. “So what we’re going to do is evacuate the civilians beforehand--”
“--because Keigo told him not to let anyone get hurt!” Rumi interjected with a cackle.
“And then let the High End Nomu loose. Hopefully it manages to kill him. Any questions?”
The League members seated around the impromptu dining table turned meeting table were silent.
“Good. I wasn’t to take any anyway.”
“Fuck yeah, I’m betting ten that the flaming trash can will die!” Rumi hollered.
“Ooh, ooh, I’m betting twenty!” Toga chimed in.
“Kids, be careful with your money,” Kurogiri reminded gently.
---
“He lived.”
“He lived.”
“He lived.”
“...”
“Hand over the thirty, you two.”
“Goddamnit.”
“The Commission fucking what?”
“Yeah, I’m beginning to see how that isn’t normal,” Keigo sighed.
"I'm somehow not surprised," Dabi muttered.
“Ugh, every time I hear about them, I hate them more and more,” Rumi groaned. “How is that even possible?”
“They’re worse than flaming trash can,” Dabi agreed. “And that’s saying something.”
“So what are we going to do about it?” Before anyone could reply, Fuyumi already had her phone out, ready to make a few phone calls that would most likely leave hero society in ruin.
“Murder.”
“Knife.”
“Arson.”
“Yeah, I thought that would be the case.”
---
People were screaming. The dark sky was illuminated by bright blue flames that had somehow started in the president’s office.
Up above, sitting on the edge of a nearby building, were four figures, all dressed in black. They were revelling in the chaos that they had started.
“Nice. You know, this scene kinda reminds me of my soul.”
“Oh shut it, you edgelord,” Fuyumi giggled, shoving her brother hard in his ribs.
“I never thought I would be so happy to see all my hopes and dreams literally go up in flames,” Keigo dryly mused.
“Hopes and dreams? Gone. Keigo? Happy. My ribs? Aching. Fuyumi? Scary. Hotel? TRIVAGO--!” Dabi cackled, his voice raising an octave in the last sequence from fear. “FUYUMI STOP I’M SORRY”
Yes, this was what true friendship looked like, Rumi thought. Burning down government buildings and watching them go up in flames--together.
She was with her three best friends.
One was her villain contact, her girlfriend’s brother, and dating her other best friend.
One was her girlfriend and her other best friend’s sister.
And one was dating her other best friend and was a complete mess of a human being.
And Rumi was happy.
(she was also going to throw Dabi into the flames to burn if he didn’t stop making those annoying comments.)