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A Family’s Dilemma
Shouto may have been dense and ignorant, but he wasn’t dumb.
Okay, maybe he was a little dumb when it came to social cues and everything, but he wasn’t blind.
Fuyumi had been acting so much happier lately, uncannily so. She’d hum a happy tune while she did the chores, greet Shouto and their father with such a bright and cheerful tone that even All Might’s signature smile could not compare, and stare at her phone for a few minutes at a time with a strange loving smile.
To say that the other Todorokis were scared was an understatement. They were fucking terrified.
---
[DIRECTLY QUOTED FROM TODOROKI SHOUTO’S DIARY]
Day 23.
No one has touched any food that Yumi has made in more than three weeks. We’ve been living off of take out and leftovers. I don’t know how long we can continue like this.
Yumi hasn’t noticed yet, but she will soon.
To whoever finds this, send help. But if you are reading this, it is more than likely that we have already been caught by--
Oh no. She’s back.
Don’t Forget That Fuyumi Also Teaches Little Gremlin Children
“Hey, Touya.”
“Hm?”
“What exactly were you guys thinking when you kidnapped Bakugou?”
“...”
“I asked you a question.”
“I think it’s safe to say we weren’t.”
”Touya.”
“What? I’m being honest!”
The amount of disappointment that Fuyumi could feel was almost at the limit.
“I teach six year olds with more common sense than you.”
“...thank you?”
“That wasn’t a compliment. Now go get some paper and a pencil, you dumbass brother of mine. You know the drill.”
Rumi returned to the wonderful scene of Dabi writing “I will not traumatize my little brother and his classmates” five hundred times under Fuyumi’s watchful eyes.
She cackled like the madwoman she was.
---
”Rumi.”
Rumi was a seasoned pro hero. She had faced death many times and told it to fuck off. She had gotten Dabi amusement park tickets for his birthday and told Keigo that he loved roller coasters. She had even flipped Shigaraki off at one point, made a hand pun, and lived to tell the tale.
(which was not an easy feat, she would like people to know)
Never, not once, had she felt as much fear as she did now.
“Yes, Yumi?” she replied shakingly, racking her brain for anything she might have done to piss her girlfriend off and seal her fate. Rumi couldn’t come up with anything, though, and she was given no more time to think when Fuyumi opened her mouth again.
“Did you kick a truck at Touya’s face?”
Ah. That was what she forgot about.
“I...might have?”
The disappointment was back on Fuyumi’s face and oh shit, that wasn’t good. Not good at all. She was screwed.
“Paper and pencil. Now.”
Dabi returned to the wonderful scene of Rumi writing “I will not kick trucks at my friend’s face” five hundred times under Fuyumi’s watchful eyes.
He did not cackle, but the smug smirk of satisfaction did not leave his face for days.
Movie Night (it was going to happen eventually)
“DABI”
“WHAT”
“COME QUICK, IT’S KEIGO”
At the mention of that name, Dabi immediately dropped everything he was doing and bolted straight out the door.
Unfortunately, that meant destroying the playing cards in his hand and ruining the game, earning a few annoyed shouts from behind him.
But it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered because Keigo might have been hurt somewhere.
That idiot. Dabi wasn’t even surprised that he had probably gone and done something stupid, but that didn’t stop his heart from hammering in his chest.
They had only been dating for one week, but if anything happened to Keigo, Dabi would kill everyone in the world and then himself.
He wasn’t kidding.
The door slammed open and they were so close, but Dabi had to pause for a minute to catch his breath. Maybe he should have asked Kurogiri to open a portal for him instead of running all the way there but he panicked, okay.
“Kei!” The pyro’s voice echoed through the hall.
“...Touya?”
“Holy shit, dude,” Rumi blurted. “I know I said come quick, but by that I didn’t mean less than five fucking minutes.”
“How,” Dabi gasped for air, “could I...not? What happened?”
“You want water first?”
He nodded.
---
“You. Called me. During game night. And told me something happened to Keigo.”
“Well, I didn’t say that.”
“It was implied, you dumbass.” Dabi dragged his hand across his face. “So I panicked and ran here. And what do I find? That you called me here because of a fucking movie?”
“Not just any movie, Back to the Future! This guy dares to call himself a hero when he hasn’t even seen that?”
“Oh my fucking god.”
“Exactly!”
”I had ten years taken off of my life today, you overgrown Judy Hopps.”
“What does that have to do with anything, toast boy?”
“I panicked. And I ran out on game night. Shigaraki’s going to kill me.”
“And whose fault is that?” Rumi retorted. “I was going to tell you the situation but you decided to just hang up.”
“Then say that first!” Dabi groaned. “Can you blame me for panicking? Last time we left him alone he cut his finger with a knife and almost burned the house down.”
“That was one time!” Keigo squawked indignantly. “And stop talking about me like I’m not here! :(“
“Did...did you just use a frowny face verbally?”
“Yup! :)”
“Fucking hell? How???”
---
“You haven’t seen Avatar either?” Rumi pressed. The growing list of things to watch was starting to become way too long.
“I mean, technically that’s a television series, not a movie, but--”
“Answer the question, you coward.”
Keigo looked like he was going to cry. “...no.”
“Oh boy. Have you lived under a rock your whole life? How the fuck have you survived?”
“Hero Commission, remember?”
“I am going to kill them after we finish binging everything. Buying a child and grooming them to become a hero is one thing, but how could they do something like this?” Rumi growled.
---
They ended up pulling two all-nighters and missing many hero/villain events before Fuyumi found them.
She made sure to give them an hour long lecture about maintaining good sleep schedules, and proceeded to reveal the fact that Dabi had not watched any of the classics either.
“And here we have it, folks,” Rumi sighed. “Fuyumi and Rumi, the perfect and superior couple, and then Hot Wings, the uncultured and inferior couple.”
Needless to say, Dabi once again found himself hunched over a table with a paper and pencil, this time writing “I will not firebend Rumi’s ass to hell” five hundred times under Fuyumi’s watchful eyes.
Meeting Your Date’s Father (except he’s also your coworker)
“Is it too late to turn back now?” Keigo whispered to Rumi the moment Fuyumi skipped downstairs to prepare dinner.
“I’m ready to bolt whenever you are,” Rumi whispered back.
“Pssst,” Dabi snorted. “Why are you guys so nervous anyway? Aren’t heroes supposed to be all confident and glamorous and all that shit?”
“Okay, listen you, Endeavor and I aren’t exactly on good terms after I sprayed him in the fucking face with a fucking fire extinguisher,” Rumi pointed out sullenly.
“And he doesn’t exactly like me after I led him to be Nomu food and completely destroyed him with my speech during the Hero Billboard Chart Rankings,” Keigo added.
“So yeah, we’re screwed,” they finished in unison.
“That’s still pathetic.”
“I didn’t know that I would be dating one of his children, and--are you sweating?”
“No! Why would I be? I’m perfectly fine, not nervous, why would you think I’m nervous?” Dabi stammered out nervously.
“That’s an awful lot of sweat for someone not nervous.”
“Okay, I’m nervous, what about it? How am I even supposed to react? ‘Hey dad, guess what, it’s me, Touya, but I go by Dabi now and I’m a villain who may or may not have tried to kill you many times in the past.’ If Fuyumi didn’t ask me to, I would have burned this house a long time ago and ran away with her and Kei.”
“What about me?” Rumi asked.
“You can burn with him. I don’t really care.”
“Fuck you too.”
---
“Miruko.”
“Endeavor.”
“Are you dating Natsuo, or…?”
“Hell no. I’m married to Fuyumi.”
”Rumi.”
---
“Hawks.”
“Hi, Endeavor, nice weather we’re having, right? Hahahahaha.”
“...are you dating Natsuo?”
“Nope! I’m married to Touya!”
“What is with you two and skipping the dating part!?” Dabi muttered.
Endeavor’s eyes glanced between Keigo and Dabi before they widened considerably when he connected the dots.
“TOUYA?”
“Oh yeah. Damn, I knew we forgot about something.”
---
“I know you guys don’t exactly have the best relationship with our father, but really?”
“The father,” Dabi corrected. “I’m not related to that flaming trash can and neither are you.”
“You are not helping,” Fuyumi groaned. “Whose idea was it to replace the salt shaker with a fire extinguisher? How did you even pull that off?”
Rumi’s hand shot into the air boldly. Dabi was only a second later than her. Keigo raised his hand up slowly with an embarrassed chuckle.
“Paper. Pencil. Now. You know the drill.”
“Aww come on, didn’t you think that was a little funny?” Rumi tried.
“You didn’t let me finish,” Fuyumi said dryly. “You guys are writing ‘I will not plan an attack on Endeavor without Fuyumi’ five hundred times.’”
---
“And why did you laugh while I called the hospital?”
“It was funny, okay?!”
“The number one hero could have died from fire extinguisher.”
“Exactly!”
Natsuo Hates Heroes
“I swear to god. I heard that you two were dating, but seriously? Heroes?” Natsuo exclaimed with a scowl. “How could you? And here I thought you had better tastes than mom.”
“We do,” Fuyumi argued. “Rumi and Keigo are actually nice heroes, you see.”
“Doesn’t matter. As your brother, I say no heroes.”
“Natsu, you’re a baby compared to us. You don't get to judge.”
“The hero part is what you’re concerned about?” Dabi asked. “Not anything else?”
Natsuo took a second to think. “No? Is there a bigger issue than the fact that you two are dating two heroes? And not even low ranking ones either. They’re both in the top ten. Top ten! If anyone’s corrupted, it’s them!”
“Well I mean, for starters, we’re both gay,” Fuyumi murmured.
“And? I’m bi, does it look like I care?”
“No! I mean…”
“Is there really nothing else you’re concerned about?” Dabi repeated.
“Should there be?”
“Natsu, do you know who I am?”
“Touya. Dabi. Whatever.”
“And aren’t you surprised or disgusted or feeling some other kind of strong emotion?”
“Why would I be? You’re back from the dead, yay. Oh and you’re also a villain, which is nice.”
“I’m beginning to see something very wrong with the way our family reacts to things like this,” Dabi grumbled.
“You’re only just beginning to? I’ve been seeing what was wrong with your family for months,” Rumi blurted, hopping through the window of her apartment. “No offense, Yumi. Full offense, raisin bagel.”
“Carrots, use the fucking door.”
“I live here. I make the rules. And I say use the fucking window.” Rumi’s eyes narrowed. “Besides, you don’t give Keigo any shit when he uses the window.”
“That’s because Kei is a bird and a wonderful person while you’re just...you.”
“What is that supposed to mean, you--oh! Mini Todoroki!”
“My name is Natsuo,” he bit back with venom in his voice. “And I’d like to tell you to stay away from my siblings, hero.”
In the background, his siblings let out loud groans.
Luckily, Rumi was unfazed by his attempts at intimidating her. “Or what? You gonna beat me to death with a spoon? Listen up, brat, there’s one thing you and Yumi don’t share in common and that’s her wonderful skill of scaring the shit out of me.”
“Are you threatening me?”
“Would you prefer me telling you about that one time I sprayed Endeavor in the face with a fucking fire extinguisher and then almost poisoned him with it over family dinner?”
”Rumi,” Fuyumi screamed into her hands.
“You what?”
This time, Rumi managed to succeed in meeting the family, and the rest of the evening went by without any further conflict.
---
“How did you do that?” Keigo gaped. “I can’t believe I missed meeting him! Stupid press conference…”
“I just told him about how I almost killed his dear old dad,” Rumi shrugged. “Works every time.”
“What kind of partners have you had before Fuyumi?”