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Meeting the Mother
“Hey mom,” Fuyumi greeted. “How’re you doing?”
“Fuyumi, hi!” Rei gestured for her daughter to come over. “The same as usual, how about you? Come over here, have you grown since the last time I’ve seen you?”
“Oh mom, it’s only been a week,” Fuyumi chuckled. “And uh, I’ve got good news!”
“Hm?”
“I’m no longer single!” she beamed.
Rei’s chilling smile that followed caused the air temperature to plummet. Right outside the room, two powerful heroes and a villain winced, shivering in fear.
The mother-daughter duo shared a laugh that could have also worked as nightmare fuel. Rei reached under her pillow for what was probably a knife.
“Fuyumi, dear, has he gotten the shovel talk yet?”
“My girlfriend’s a she, dear mother.”
“Even better.”
They laughed together again.
---
”Oh my god, what is that supposed to mean?” Rumi hissed, eyes nervously flitting between her possible cause of death and her friends. “Dabi, she’s your mom, right? What is that supposed to mean?”
“How am I supposed to know?” Dabi whispered back. “I haven’t seen her in years!”
“At least tell me this isn’t how I die,” Rumi cried, dramatically flopping onto Keigo and earning her a few glares from the nearby nurses. “I’m a married woman! I can’t!!!”
---
“Of course, mom. I think Touya already gave her the talk.”
“Wonderful! And speaking of which, how’s your brother doing?”
“Uhh...he could be better but don’t worry! I’m here to make sure that he doesn’t die everyday.” Fuyumi took a seat next to her mother’s bed. “He’s also no longer single, by the way.”
“You two have really grown up, huh.” Rei’s smile softened for a split second with something that looked like nostalgia before the terrifying look was back. “Shovel talk?”
“Check. I made sure he knows not to mess with the Todorokis.”
---
“She sure did.”
Two pairs of eyes turned to Keigo, who looked more like a shivering mess of red feathers and blonde hair than like a human.
“Jesus fucking christ, what did she do?” Dabi gasped.
“I am so sorry.” Rumi’s voice softened. “To have survived the shovel talk from Yumi is no easy feat. You have my respect, Keigo.”
“I don’t want your respect, I want my happiness,” he cried, rocking back and forth. “And my innocence. Please.”
---
“Actually, I have another surprise for you!” Fuyumi clapped. She stood up and gestured to the door. “Touya and our amazing significant others have come to visit!”
“Fuck,” someone, probably Dabi, cursed. Of course he immediately regretted doing so in Rei’s presence.
“So who’s gonna volunteer to die first?” Rumi muttered. “I vote toaster boy.”
“I vote Touya.”
“I vote Touya--oh come on!”
“The people have spoken, get in there, noble sacrifice,” the rabbit hero grinned. “Or do you want your first reunion with your mom in years to start with having your ass kicked through a hospital wall?”
“Fuck you.”
“Love you too, Tou.”
“Only Kei gets to call me that, Miss Peter Rabbit.”
The wall had to be replaced after their visit.
---
“Touya…”
“Mom…”
Dabi did not cry. He physically couldn’t, after all. But that didn’t stop his eyes from watering and his voice from quivering. “Mom...it’s me…”
“Touya. You’ve grown since the last time I saw you.”
“That’s because you last saw me eight years ago,” Dabi replied fondly before groaning. “Crap, I said that out loud, didn’t I.”
“Mind your language, young man,” Rei chided and in the background, Rumi let out a snort. “How have you been? I can see you’ve gotten yourself a...full makeover…”
At this point, Dabi had gone through these exact lines so many times that the words slipped out of his mouth without a second thought. “You’re not surprised? Disgusted?”
And damn, he was really getting a sense of deja vu there. It only grew when Rei’s brows furrowed in confusion and she said, “No? Why would I?”
“I…” Dabi pointed to himself, trailing off. “You…” He pointed to his mother. “They…? What?”
“I mean sure, you could do without all these piercings, but you’re my son. Why would I be disgusted?”
“See? That’s what I answered too,” Fuyumi chimed in.
“Touya, I--wait. Fuyumi. By that, are you implying that you haven’t seen Touya in a long time and had to have a reunion where he asked you the same question and you replied with the same answer?”
“Uhhh...basically? Kinda thought that you would have figured it...out.” Her face fell. “...holy shit.”
---
“Keigo.”
“Mm?”
“Tell me we didn’t forget that Todoroki Rei has had no access to the outside world or media for the past several years.”
“Oh crap.”
“Oh crap indeed.”
---
“So, not to change the topic or anything, but flowers! I got you flowers!” Dabi blurted, thrusting a bouquet of blue flowers forward. “But uh...looks like you’ve already got some, huh.”
“They’re your favorite, too. That wasn’t here last time though,” Fuyumi noted. “And I don’t think Natsuo or Shouto visited without me. What, do you have a secret admirer or something?” she joked.
Rei’s face was enough of an answer and both twins paled.
“Mom…?”
---
“Pro Hero Endeavor’s wife cheating on him?” Keigo narrated into his water bottle like a microphone. “More likely than you think.”
---
“This flower...I told him I liked it,” Rei sighed wistfully. “My new boyfriend, Gang Orca.”
---
“Pro Hero Endeavor’s wife cheating on him with another pro hero--oh my god.”
Honey, I Think the Warehouse is Haunted
“Huh? A rumor?” Dabi parroted dumbly. He was lounging on his back on Rumi’s couch, scrolling through his phone like the lazy ass he was.
“Yeah,” Rumi nodded excitedly. “Apparently that one abandoned warehouse in the west side of Kamino Ward is haunted. Pretty scary, dontcha think?”
“And this concerns me...how?”
“Well...Keigo has also been hearing about these rumors and he’s kinda interested. Said it would be fun.”
“Then why don’t you two go by yourselves and leave Fuyumi and I out of this? Hero bonding time or whatever.”
“Are you really passing up the chance to see scared Keigo?” Rumi gasped. “I can’t believe it! Or maybe, you’re just scared that you’ll embarrass yourself when you start screaming like a seven year old girl on Christmas morning?”
“Getting cocky, aren’t you? Fine. I’m going, but only to see you screaming your ass off like the scared little bunny you are.”
---
“This is supposed to be haunted?” Dabi snorted. “Just looks old and creepy to me.”
“Oh wait until you get inside, raisin bagel. I’ve heard that it’s more than scary. It’s like Yumi-tier scary,” Rumi grinned, looking a tad bit too feral.
“R-rumi,” Fuyumi blushed. “I’m honored you think so highly of me.”
“That wasn’t a compliment.”
”What was that?”
“Nothing, love you, sweetheart!”
“I thought so.”
“Let’s go in! I even got us a warrant so rest assured, it’s perfectly legal!” Keigo chirped.
“Legal?” Dabi laughed. “Don’t know her.”
---
“See this isn’t so bad,” Rumi shrugged. “Not to fear, Yumi. I won’t let anything hurt you!”
Fuyumi nodded meekly but still refused to let go of Rumi’s arm. “I know. It’s just the feeling that something might happen any moment, you know?”
“Aww, well I’m a hero! You’re safe with me.”
Keigo stared at the overwhelming amount of hearts and sparkles being produced by the other couple longingly. A thought clicked in his mind and he gulped before whipping his head over to the villain walking next to him. “Tou--.”
“What? You scared, birdie?” Dabi teased. Two hands intertwined and the pyro’s squeezed tightly. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”
They were so caught up in their moment that neither of them were prepared for the figure that seemingly appeared right in front of them out of thin air.
Dabi winced slightly but recovered before anyone could notice. And Keigo…
Keigo shrieked and almost launched himself into the ceiling.
.
.
.
Dabi blinked. A scarecrow stared back with its eerie smile, beady eyes, and head of straw hair.
---
“Oh my fucking god, I can’t believe it!” Rumi cackled, doubling over in laughter. “You? The number two hero? Hahahahaha!”
Keigo coughed into his fist with downcast eyes. “I’m part bird and you know that.”
“Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, I thought that the bird didn’t reach your brain! But I was wrong! That was fucking fabulous, too bad I couldn’t catch it on camera.”
“Please don’t.”
“Yeah, don’t,” Dabi growled.
“Oh come on, didn’t you find it even a little bit funny?”
“...”
“Okay, maybe a little.”
”Tou.”
---
“And then you...I can’t, oh my god, I’m dying.”
“Then die.”
“Hahahaha--.”
Rumi froze. Her whole body went rigid, her ears flattened, and her voice suddenly cut off.
“Rumi?” Fuyumi called with obvious concern. “What’s wrong?” Her hand made contact with Rumi’s shoulder and the hero flinched.
...okay, that definitely wasn’t normal.
“Rumi--?”
There was a strangled cry and loud whimpers. Rumi leaped back several feet and refused to come down from atop the storage bins for at least half an hour.
A cat sat in the spot she had been staring at, obviously uninterested the way it went straight back to the nap that it had so rudely been woken up from.
---
“I’m part rabbit, okay?” Rumi muttered as she was finally dragged outside by Fuyumi. “Predators scare me.”
“Oh sure, that cat looked real interested in ya, didn’t it?” Dabi sneered.
“Shut the fuck up.”
---
“Ooh, Touya, look!” Hawks exclaimed. “There’s fish in the river!”
Except Dabi was nowhere to be seen.
He was found hours later, stuck up in a tree, looking absolutely miserable and scared for his life.
---
So in conclusion, the visit to the “haunted house” did not end very well.
Keigo was shaken.
Rumi was Fuyumi-tier frightened.
Dabi was beyond therapy.
New phobias had been discovered that day.
(To this day, Fuyumi is still disappointed in them, but at least they served as good entertainment. Turns out that the hidden camera she got when she was six would come in handy someday)
---
“Where did you even get those rumors? Just curious,” Dabi asked a few weeks later.
“The birds that were on a vacation in Fukuoka. Have I ever told you about being part bird?”
“The local rabbits who live around here. Why?”
”Maybe you should have said that you didn’t get the rumors from actual human people.”
“Does that matter though? You never asked.”
“That’s because I assumed that you had enough common sense to tell me!”
“Common sense? Don’t know her.”
"I--"
"You still love me though."
"Yeah," Dabi sighed, defeated. "Sadly I do."
Spying is for Boring Losers
After a few very non subtle threats from the commission, Rumi was back in the League of Villains’ base, armed with a lunch box packed with love by Fuyumi and a fish.
A very large, living fish.
If the Commission wanted her to infiltrate the League and get them some critical intel, then she was going to do it with style (namely scaring her contact off with an amphibian and postponing her work for a game of Mario Kart).
The Presidents had somehow survived every single arson attack that conveniently always started in or near her office, that bitch, and she was convinced that the League was behind it.
And well...she wasn’t wrong, but she wasn’t exactly right either.
Anyway, the Commission was desperate to figure out how the League managed to get such confidential information about their offices, staff, and all of their past crimes.
They were foolish. Complete dumbasses. If they were the backbone of hero society, then Rumi was seriously giving up with the whole “reform society” plan. She would much rather break it down and rebuild it completely from scratch into something that at least looked like it functioned properly.
Shigaraki was the one who opened the door, moments before Rumi was about to kick it down. He gave her a long, hard stare. Red eyes narrowed on the fish in her arms, and looked back at her questioningly.
“What, no welcome?” Rumi grinned. “Heard we were having a meeting and decided to bring some food.” The fish flopped in her arms and honestly, she was getting concerned with how long it was surviving outside of its tank.
“Welcomes are for members who do their chores only,” Shigaraki informed curtly. “And you, hero, haven’t taken the trash out. Not even once.”
“Ohh, I didn’t know that being in the League came with these responsibilities. Maybe my informant should have done a better job at telling me.”
“You’re in charge of the trash today, I’ll tell him about it later.” The notorious villain leader stepped back and let the hero inside. “Guess we’re having sushi today.”
“Yay! Sushi!” Twice cheered.
“Ew, fish,” Twice spat.
“So, about that super secret emergency meeting you called us here for today,” Rumi began. "Anything special happening?"
“Oh, that was me,” Spinner piped up. “We needed more people for the Mario Kart tournament coming up.”
“Fuck yeah, sounds awesome! More interesting than spying, that’s for sure.”
“...spying?”
“Oh yeah, the Hero Commission is convinced that something intelligent is actually happening here, but this is so much more fun so that doesn’t matter anymore.”
The promise of gathering intel for the Commission was forgotten in less than five minutes.
---
“Wait, wait, we’re missing one person. Where the hell is Dabi?” Spinner yowled. “The event starts in ten minutes!”
“He bolted the moment he saw Rumi,” Toga chirped.
”Why?”
“I don’t know, guess he doesn’t like her very much, that jerk.”
---
“Miruko. What do you have to report from the meeting today?”
“Well, at first they didn’t really trust me, but then I used my charm and charisma and then they were so in love with my wonderful self that--”
“Get to the point, Miruko.”
“--they decided to include me in all of their plans. Well. From what I learned today, I can say for sure that,” her voice lowered and she glanced around cautiously as if she was spreading the biggest secret ever in existence. “Spinner likes playing as Mario because it makes him feel important.”
“Pardon?”
“Oh wow, look at the time,” Rumi exclaimed, pointing to her bare wrist. “Excuse me, bi--er, president, I need to go do some more spying. See you later! Hope your office survives for another week!”
The window was smashed open and she leapt out.
Exactly one week later, the office went up in flames.