Chapter Text
After she found out Ethan didn’t make it Lex shut everyone but Hannah out. Tom let her stay in the basement and she rarely got out of the inflatable mattress unless Hannah needed her.
She usually didn’t cry, she just laid there, emotionless. She wasn’t usually this attached to people she was with for just a few months but he was different. They trusted each other. He was the only thing that could ground her when she was spiraling and that was happening much too often recently.
When she finally broke down usually he’d let her cry into his shoulder and he’d rub small circles into her palm. He’d tell stupid jokes to get her to cheer up and poke at her sides as she laughed. She didn’t realize how much she relied on that until it was gone.
She didn’t want to be alone again. Sure, she was without him for 15 years but he made things better. She could finally get a good job with someone she trusted to watch Hannah at home with her. He also made both of them happy. Anything that he could do to make them smile he’d do it. From tickling Hannah’s side until she cracked to stealing them popcorn at a movie Lex snuck them into.
Ethan loved her, he told her that the week before Black Friday and she didn’t say anything. She just stared blankly at the TV and he didn’t mention it again. They went on as normal and he probably hoped she forgot, but it was always in the back of her mind. Lex loved him too. Something she found out a little too late.
The thing she missed most was how warm he was, and it wasn’t just the cheap leather jacket. His personality wasn’t exactly cheery and it wasn’t rugged, she described it as warm. It was sweet but could burn sometimes. It was rather rare that she got to see him angry, usually not directed at her. There was a separation between the way he acted at school and the way he acted with Lex. At school when he was pissed he’d probably threaten someone or throw a quick punch, but with her, he’d always try to fix it as soon as it got out of hand. For example, once she got mad at him because he made up some shitty excuse so he didn’t have to watch Hannah that day. Which meant that she had to leave work early on a Friday night to go pick her up. She was pissed, but then he told her what happened. His mom kicked him out and took the keys to his car, so he couldn’t drive her home and he was also trying to figure out how long he could live on a street bench until people started noticing. They both apologized but the tension was there until he texted her a picture of a baby goat and she immediately forgot about it.
She missed him. The way her hair would get caught in his dumb earring when they kissed and he’d just smile as she tried to get it out. The way he’d hold her face in his hands and just look at her with the softest eyes she’d ever seen. She missed every little thing about him, from his dumb toothy grin to the way his calloused fingers grazed across her cheek. But, he was dead and she had nothing left of him because she burned the fucking mall down.
They weren’t even dating and she knew she got too attached. Every time she turned around to find Hannah on his shoulders, hands knit securely in his unmanageable curls, her heart would jump. And- Her thoughts were interrupted by a clash in the basement. Lex shot up from the pile of blankets the Houston’s gave her. She called out Tom's name but there was no answer.
~
“Why the fuck can’t she hear me?” Ethan groaned as he returned to the seemingly endless black. He’d forgotten how many days he’d been there.
John sighed, “I told you already son, she can’t see or hear you because you’re not physically there. When you were ‘sacrificed to Wiggly’, your physical being was brought here.”
“But you and Xander talk all the time here. He’s not like actually here either,”
“He has the freedom to exist in either world because he was originally here before we brought him to PEIP. Which stands for Paranormal, Extraterrestrial, Inter-“
“-Dimensional Progomenon,” He interrupted while rolling his eyes, “You've said it like 20 fuckin’ times. Didn’t you say that Lex could see it too through? So why can’t she see me now?”
“If I’ve said it so often, you should be able to pronounce it accurately. She can only see it either by her own volition or under extreme pressure. No one is able to immerse themselves in all of the Black and White’s features unless they're stuck in it. Only a few can get one of the senses from here.” John moves to stand in front of him, gesturing with his knife as he explained.
“Dude, you’re gonna stab me or something. Okay, then why don’t we make her do her violin or whatever.”
“Volition, Ethan. Also, address me as General, not ‘dude’. Thank you,” He shoved the knife back in its holder. “Doing something by one's own volition means to do it at their own will. Like if I were to stab you right now, it would be at my own volition because nothing is forcing me to stab you.”
Ethan nodded as he listened, “So I can't make her see me?” The General shook his head. “Well, that fucking sucks. Can I ask you something? It’s kinda personal but it’s not like anyone else gonna hear it anyway.” He gestured for Ethan to continue, “I told Lex like a week before I, you know, that I love...d her and she just ignored it. What does that mean?”
He eyes him carefully, “You realize that we’re between dimensions right now and you’re worried about a girl not loving you back. Do you realize how dense that sounds?”
“I’d rather not talk out the fact that we’re stuck here, plus I’m totally getting out of here. You’re old and wise, I think, so give me advice. Also, it’s your job to work on complicated things so love should fit into that category”
“It’s my job to work on complicated things in the paranormal sense- did you already forget the acronym? It wasn’t a part of the description to handle teenage lovers quarrels,” John finally sat down, posture still straight.
Ethan snapped his fingers, “That’s the problem, it isn’t a lover’s quarrel. It’s kind of the opposite, but not really.” There was silence, which was something that they found themselves in often.
After a few minutes, Ethan asked, “So, you like that Xander guy right?”
General McNamara looked at him, “Yes. Well, we’re married.”
Even in the grey haze, he could tell how tightly Ethan’s eyebrows were knit together, “Really? And you never thought to mention that? You guys like never even hug. The most contact I've seen is a handshake. You aren’t even wearing a ring!”
“They were too reflective, we decided against them. We don’t need to be affectionate to prove ourselves, additionally, we travel a lot and not all cities are as inclusive as D.C. For example; Hatchetfield.” He usually wouldn't talk so much about his relationship, but they were going to be here until the Black & White shut down, which was a very unpredictable occurrence. Additionally, it felt nice to relax and talk casually for a moment, but only a moment.