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the world will always be there, and so will i

Summary:

“But I can’t, like, take your kidney. You won’t even let me borrow your hair dryer, so I know you’re not going to give me a literal part of your body.”

or

David is an “uncommonly perfect” donor recipient for Alexis.

Notes:

So many thanks to NeelyO for the heaps of validation and for helping me figure out the ending.

Title of course stripped from Ben Platt's "So Will I," because I am who I am.

DISCLAIMER: The extent of my research for this was googling the phrases "what are symptoms of kidney failure" and "how do you become a kidney donor," so please join me in pretending that this is anywhere near accurate re: medical stuff.

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The call came in the middle of the night, which was enough to put David on edge, even though it wasn’t even the shrill tone in the otherwise quiet house that roused him. That honor belonged to Patrick, who nudged him in the ribs, still half asleep.

“Phone’s ringing,” Patrick mumbled, tucking his face into the small of David’s back.

“Then answer it,” David said, equally as groggily.

“It’s your phone.”

“Oh.” David blindly reached for his phone on the nightstand, squinting through bleary eyes to see Alexis’s face on the screen. He instantly felt more awake, a highlight reel of all of Alexis’s past middle-of-the-night phone calls flashing through his mind.

“Hello?” He answered hesitantly, hoping that this was just some clubbing mishap pocket dial that he’d have to properly chastise Alexis for after he’d slept for an acceptable number of hours.

“David?” She sounded a little scared, and it was immediately obvious she’d been crying.

He pushed himself upright, jostling a sleepy Patrick who made a little sound of displeasure. “Alexis? Are you okay?”

Immediately recognizing David’s distress, Patrick sat up too and wrapped his arms around his husband.

“Yes. Kind of. Not really.” Alexis sniffled. “I’m in the hospital.”

“The hospital?” David quite nearly screeched. “I’d say you’re definitely not okay if you’re in the hospital!”

“David, don’t yell at me!” Alexis said pitifully.

“I’m sorry,” David said. “What happened?”

There was only silence on the line, and David checked to see if the call had dropped just as Alexis spoke again. “I’m in kidney failure.”

He tried to react calmly. He really did. “You’re WHAT?”

“David!” Alexis whined.

“Sorry,” David said again. “This feels … sudden. Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?”

“I didn’t know I was!” Alexis insisted. “I mean, I’ve been getting really tired and sick to my stomach for a while. And, like, sometimes I’ve had a hard time catching my breath, and my ankles have been swollen or whatever. But, like, I didn’t think it was a big deal! I thought I just had, I don’t know, a head cold or something.”

David had to take several calming breaths before responding, but still he wasn’t anywhere in the neighborhood of calm. “Literally how did you think that was a head cold, Alexis? How long has this been going on?”

“I guess like a couple months?”

“You don’t have a head cold for a couple months, Alexis!”

“I know that now!” Alexis cried. “I’ve been feeling really bad the last couple of days, but I just thought I could power through, you know? But then I was out with some of my girlfriends tonight, and I kind of collapsed and so they brought me to the hospital and then the doctors ran, like, a million tests and poked me with needles and stuff. And they don’t even look like the doctors on Grey’s Anatomy, David. They just look like … regular people.”

“Okay, can we skip to the part where you’re in kidney failure, please?”

Alexis sighed as though seriously put out. “They haven’t figured out why, yet. Just that my kidneys aren’t working properly, and I need to start dialysis, like, ASAP.” She paused, and David could almost hear her bluster fading. Her voice was much quieter, more afraid when she spoke again. “They said I have to be put on the transplant list, but it could take forever to get a match, and so I’m going to have to do dialysis every day, and my life is over.”

“I’ll get tested,” David blurted, not even thinking through what he was saying. “Siblings can sometimes be matches, right?”

“Um, I think so? I don’t know, David. But I can’t, like, take your kidney. You won’t even let me borrow your hair dryer, so I know you’re not going to give me a literal part of your body.”

“Alexis,” David said, his voice uncharacteristically sincere. “If it means you can be healthy and not chained to a dialysis machine, of course I’d give you a kidney.”

David was vaguely aware of Patrick making a sound that indicated that they should probably talk to doctors before giving away essential organs and that these decisions were best made at a time that wasn’t the middle of the night, but he just pressed a kiss to Patrick’s forehead and refocused his attention on his sister.

“Thank you,” she said softly, sniffling again.

“Obviously we need more information and should probably talk about this when it isn’t the middle of the night”—Patrick gave David a little squeeze in thanks of his rationality—“but we are going to figure this out, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay. How about you try to get some sleep now. I’ll call you in the morning, and we can figure out how soon I can get to you.”

“You don’t have to come, like, right now, David,” Alexis insisted, but David saw right through her false bravado.

“I’m going to come as soon as I can, so don’t fight me on this. I just need to talk to Patrick and figure out the store. You’re not going to do this alone, got it?”

“Yeah,” Alexis said, her voice thick with tears. “Got it. Thank you, David.”

“Have you called Mom and Dad yet?”

“No, I called you first,” she said, and a warm rush of affection and pride swept over David. Even after everything, he was the person she came to when she was scared and needed help.

“Do you want me to tell them for you?”

“Um, yes? Would you?”

“I’ll call them first thing in the morning,” David assured her. “Well, Dad. I’ll call Dad, and then he’s on his own to deal with Mom.”

Alexis let out a hiccupy little laugh. “Fair enough.”

“Okay,” David said, as though that settled things. “Get some sleep, okay? I’ll call you in the morning.”

“Okay. Good night, David.”

“Good night. I love you, Alexis.” It still felt a little strange to say that out loud, but if there was ever a time to set aside his hang ups with expressing affection, this was it.

“I love you, too.”

They both hung up, and David collapsed back against the headboard. Patrick wiggled down onto his back and tugged at David until he settled against Patrick’s chest.

“So. Kidney failure?” Patrick said softly, stroking David’s arm soothingly.

“Yeah,” David said, feeling his emotions catching up with him now that he wasn’t trying to get information from Alexis. “She’s felt sick for months but didn’t think it was anything serious. And now … it’s serious.” A tear slipped down his cheek.

“It’s going to be okay, David.”

“You don’t know that!” David said, distraught.

“You’re right. I don’t. But I’m going to do everything I can to make it okay.”

“Okay.” David tightened his grip on Patrick.

“We need to go back to sleep now, but in the morning we’ll look at flights and get you on the absolute soonest one to New York.”

“But the store—”

“Olive and I can take care of the store,” Patrick said, naming the part-time associate they’d recently hired. “She’s been wanting more hours, anyway.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Patrick pressed a kiss to David’s forehead. “Of course. I’m here for you every step of the way, sweetheart.”

“I know. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Now sleep.”

---

David fidgeted, cursing whoever made thermostat decisions in this damn hospital. The room was far too cold for somebody clad only in a hospital-issued gown. He hadn’t even wanted to wear the godforsaken thing, but the x-ray tech had insisted the many straps and buckles on his loose black pants had “too much metal” for the x-ray machine.

Unsure if he was allowed to put his clothes back on or if he’d have to do more tests that required ugly, flimsy hospital gowns, he perched awkwardly on one of the chairs in the little room and stared longingly at his warm sweater and pants. He heard his phone buzz, and he dug it out of the pocket to see a new text from Patrick.

Patrick: X-ray go okay?

David: I survived. Still waiting for somebody to tell me what’s next. I’m freezing. Whoever decided this was an acceptable temperature for people wearing tissue paper is definitely a sociopath.

Patrick: Awww, my poor baby.

David: I’m rolling my eyes at you.

Patrick: You know, there’s an emoji for that, David.

David: You know my stance on the eye-roll emoji. It looks deranged, and I will not use it. Or the emojis with the tiny little hands. Fucking creepy.

Patrick: I know, I know. So no idea if there are more tests after this?

David: I’m not sure. The blood tests said I was a perfect match. I peed into a cup and did the MRI and a million other tests with acronyms I don’t remember. I think they said this was the last thing, and if everything looked good, I’d just have to talk to a shrink or something to make sure I’m “psychologically equipped” to donate, whatever that means. But they’ve just dumped so much information on me … I can’t remember for sure.

Patrick: I’m sure somebody will be there soon to tell you what’s next.

David: I hope so.

David: How’s the store?

Patrick: Everything’s good here. Seriously, stop worrying about the store.

David: I’m trying. I miss you. I wish you were here.

Patrick: Me too. If you are a match and you do donate, I’ll drop everything and be there. I promise. You’re not doing this alone.

David: I know.

Patrick: Fuck. We just had a ton of people come in. I need to go help Olive. I love you.

David: Good luck. Love you too.

David tossed his phone aside, suddenly exhausted by the whirlwind of the last few days. The morning after Alexis’s hospitalization, David had had the pleasure of trying to calm down a panicky Johnny Rose, who kept asking David complicated questions that could only be answered by somebody who’d gone to med school, while Patrick found David the next available flight to New York.

With the echoes of Moira’s histrionic shrieking fresh in his mind—Johnny had refused to take the phone off speaker, no matter how many times David had insisted it would be for the best—David had packed faster than he ever had before calling Alexis en route to the airport to let her know he was on the way.

He’d gone straight to the hospital from the airport, shoving his luggage into a corner of Alexis’s tiny room, and he’d spent the first two days by her side as she slept and received dialysis, telling her over and over again that he wanted to be tested to see if he was a match. By the third day, she was feeling more alert and finally consented to having a conversation with her doctor about a living donor transplant.

Several long conversations during which an impossibly patient doctor—who didn’t look a thing like Patrick Dempsey, but who seemed terribly competent nonetheless—repeated the same information multiple times so that Alexis and David could both be sure they understood everything and roughly a million tests later, here he was, a human popsicle in very unflattering attire.

Just when David was certain he was going to reach a sub zero internal temperature, there was a soft knock at the door, and Dr. Hansen, Alexis’s kind yet plain doctor, entered the small space. “Hello again, David,” he said with a smile.

“Hi,” David said.

Dr. Hansen took a seat on the other chair and flipped open the folder on his lap. He thumbed through the pages as though making sure everything was there and then looked up at David. “Well, David,” he said, “it looks like everything is in order. You are an uncommonly perfect donor match for your sister.”

“Really?” David said, perking up and feeling proud to have been described as “uncommonly perfect.”

“Really,” Dr. Hansen confirmed. “Now, as I’ve said before, this is a big decision, and I don’t want you to make it rashly. While it’s true that Alexis’s situation is serious, it’s not to the stage of being life-threatening quite yet. With the help of dialysis, she will be able to live a mostly normal life. Keep in mind that you will be undergoing surgery, and even the most routine surgeries come with some risk.”

“I know,” David said. “But Alexis won’t be Alexis if she’s chained to a dialysis machine. She’s living in an authentic, fulfilling way for the first time in her life, and if I can do something to allow that to continue, I will. I want to give her my kidney.”

Dr. Hansen smiled. “Okay then,” he said. “Alexis is really lucky to have a brother like you.”

This simple statement filled David with a rush of indescribable emotion. He wasn’t sure if anybody had ever said those words to him before, and this was probably the first time in his life that he’d actually believed that he truly was a good brother to Alexis. It took him a minute to temper his emotions and realize that Dr. Hansen was still speaking.

“The last step you’ll have to take before I can officially approve you as a living donor is to meet with a member of our psychiatry department to ensure that you’re mentally and emotionally able to consent to the donation. You’ll be meeting with Dr. Murphy later this afternoon.”

“Okay, great.”

“Do you have any other questions, David?”

David blurted out the only thing that came to mind. “Can I put my clothes back on now? It’s, like, really cold.”

This earned him a chuckle. “Yes, David, you can put your clothes back on.”

---

Sitting in a semi-upright position on a narrow gurney the hospital had the audacity to call a bed, David couldn’t decide if the gown + bed situation was better or worse than the previous week’s gown + chair situation had been. He was still freezing and vaguely uncomfortable, and somehow his discomfort felt more pronounced due to the fact that he was on a bed, and beds by their very nature are supposed to be comfortable.

The good news, however, is that this time he wasn’t alone in the freezing room. Alexis had already been taken to her operating room, and Moira and Johnny had been banished to the waiting room, as both of them proven to be more stress-inducing than they were supportive, but Patrick sat in the (probably uncomfortable) chair at David’s bedside, holding his hand and alternating between distracting David by telling him of all of the Schitt’s Creek antics he’d missed since being away and soothing him with supportive words and forehead kisses.

A nurse flitted into the room to do “one last vitals check”—most likely a lie, since this was at least the forty-seventh time somebody had checked his vitals, and each of them said it was the last one and that somebody would be in to take him up to the operating room shortly.

At least this charlatan, a woman named Alana whose snark was at odds with her angelic disposition in a way that entertained David, was one David had come to like during his time hanging around the hospital. “Looking good, David,” she said as she finished up. “One of our orderlies, Jared, will be by in just a minute to take you up.”

Alana left the room, taking any semblance of calm David may or may not have possessed with her. It appeared that this really was the last check and that any minute now, this Jared fellow would be transporting him into a sterile room where a doctor who didn’t look like Patrick Dempsey would be slicing into his abdomen and removing a perfectly functioning vital organ.

David turned to look at Patrick, his eyes wide.

“You’re scared.” Patrick’s voice was soft, and he caressed David’s cheek lovingly.

David nodded, a tight jerk of his head. “Yeah,” he said, trying to regulate his breathing and slow his wildly beating heart, “But I’m more scared of Alexis not being okay.”

An adoring smile stretched across Patrick’s face. “Alexis is really lucky to have you,” he said, echoing Dr. Hansen’s words from days earlier. They had been meaningful coming from the doctor, but coming from his husband, they were nearly debilitating. “Everything is going to be okay, David,” he promised him. Patrick’s smile morphed into more of a teasing grin. “You are uncommonly perfect, after all.”

David was seriously beginning to regret telling Patrick about that particular description, but he smiled in spite of himself. “Thank you for being here,” he whispered.

Patrick stood up and leaned over the bed to press a soft kiss to David’s mouth. “Nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Jared the orderly came into the room just then. “Time to go,” he said a little too cheerfully for David’s personal preference.

“Can I come with him?” Patrick asked, moving out of the way as Jared disengaged the locks on the wheels of David’s bed.

“To a certain point, yes.” Jared began to wheel David out of the room, and Patrick walked alongside the gurney, his fingers still tangled with David’s.

They walked in silence until they reached a set of doors indicating that only hospital personnel and patients could pass through. Jared was kind enough to take a step back to give David and Patrick the illusion of privacy.

Patrick leaned over to kiss David. “I love you,” he said. “You are doing an amazing thing, and I am so proud of you.”

“I love you too,” David said. “You’ll be there when I wake up?”

“I promise. As soon as they let me see you, I’ll be right there with you.”

Patrick kissed David one more time and then nodded to Jared to let him know David was ready.

Jared scanned his badge, earning them entry through the doors, and Patrick stood alone in the hallway, watching David disappear as the doors swung shut.

----

David slowly began to be aware of movement around him. And light. There was light above him. Was he dead? Was this a walk into the light situation?

But then he realized that there was a hand holding his, and that hand must belong to Patrick, and Patrick was certainly not dead, because he wasn’t allowed to ever die, so the only logical conclusion was that David was also not dead and remained very much alive.

It was a journey.

He slowly opened his eyes, grimacing a little bit as he realized that the process of having an organ sliced out of your body felt like, well, exactly that. Everything hurt, and it was the kind of pain that felt like it would last forever without end.

“Hi, baby,” Patrick whispered, seeing that David was awake. He pressed the most gentle of kisses to David’s forehead, careful not to jostle him.

It took David a moment to remember how vocal chords functioned, exactly, but he was finally able to croak out a question. “Did it work? How’s Alexis?”

Patrick smiled fondly. “Still in surgery. Apparently it’s more complicated to connect somebody’s kidney to their body than it is to take it out.”

David huffed out a little laugh, wincing again as a fresh wave of pain ricocheted through his body. “Why do I feel like I should be offended by that?”

Patrick laughed. “Because you’re you, my love.”

“My parents?”

“Still in the waiting room. I figured you might not be up for them right away, but if you want to see them—”

“No!” David said with more vehemence than his sore body could actually handle. “No,” he said again, more calmly. “Not yet. Just you.”

“Of course, David.” Patrick squeezed David’s hand. “Have I told you how proud I am of you?”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t hurt to hear it again.”

“I’m so proud of you, baby,” Patrick said with a smile, brushing a kiss against David’s knuckles.

“Thank you.” David yawned, the urge to go back to sleep growing stronger.

“Get some more rest, okay? Your body needs it.”

“You’ll stay?” David asked, vulnerability cutting through his slowed, slightly slurred speech.

“I’ll be right here the whole time.”

---

David lapsed in and out of consciousness for the next few hours, rousing every now and then as nurses came in to check vitals and examine his incision. His sense of time was nonexistent, and the only thing he was fully aware of was Patrick’s continued presence at his bedside. Every time he opened his eyes, whether for a few seconds or a longer period of wakefulness, he was right there, and the security of that knowledge was the only thing that allowed David to rest somewhat peacefully.

David asked about Alexis every time he was conscious enough to do so, and Patrick patiently gave him updates, even when the update was that there was no update. But by the time David woke up enough to actually stay awake for longer than a few minutes, he was greeted by a smile on Patrick’s face. “She’s out of surgery, and she did great,” he told him. “They’re taking her to her room right now. Dr. Hansen said she’s starting to wake up.”

A sigh of relief escaped David. One of his most pressing worries had been that the act of getting surgery would end up making Alexis sicker somehow, and that since it was his kidney, it would be his fault. “Can I see her?”

“Not yet,” Patrick soothed. “You both need to rest.”

But David was not satisfied by that answer, and, in true David Rose fashion, did absolutely nothing to hide it. When Dr. Hansen dropped by to check on him, the first thing out of David’s mouth was a demand to see his sister. When Dr. Hansen repeated Patrick’s sentiment, David proceeded to ask every member of the hospital staff who entered his room the same thing, and to his immense displeasure, Heidi, Larry, and Cynthia all said the same thing.

Finally when David was about at his wit’s end with the insistence that they both rest, Alana breezed in. “Okay, look,” she said, before David could even open his mouth to repeat his request. Apparently the nurses had been talking amongst themselves, which was just rude. “Neither of you is ready to go traipsing about the hospital, okay?” She gave him a firm look that stopped David’s angry huff before it made it out of his throat. “But, I can move you to her room so you’ll stop bellyaching. Will that work for you?”

David nodded, grateful. “Yes, please. Thank you.”

A new orderly, who introduced himself as Connor, entered the room a few minutes later and wheeled David’s gurney to Alexis’s room, Patrick remaining by David’s side once again.

Alexis looked small and pale in her hospital bed, but she was awake when Connor wheeled David in and locked his wheels in place before quietly slipping out of the room. She smiled at the sight of her brother. “Have to say,” she said, voice a little quieter than usual, but still laced with her signature Alexis sassiness, “that is really not your color, David.”

“Oh shut up,” David said without any venom. “You know I pull off puke green far better than you ever could.”

Alexis laughed weakly. “I guess that after what you did for me, I’m never allowed to insult your fashion choices ever again.”

“That is because my fashion choices are impeccable,” David said, his voice thick with emotion that had nothing to do with his wardrobe.

“I’m going to go find your parents and bring them up, if you’re both ready,” Patrick cut in softly, sensing that the siblings might want a moment alone.

David smiled gratefully at Patrick, amazed at the way he was always able to intuit exactly what he needed without a word being spoken between them. “Thank you, honey,” he said, accepting Patrick’s kiss.

“I’m glad to see you’re doing well, Alexis,” Patrick said, brushing a soft kiss to his sister-in-law’s cheek before heading for the door.

“Thanks, Patrick,” Alexis said, eyes glistening a little.

“David,” Alexis said tremulously as Patrick gently closed the door behind him, “what does somebody even say when their brother gives them a kidney?”

“Nothing at all,” David whispered, reaching his hand out to her. With both of their hands outstretched, they were just barely able to grasp each other’s fingers. “You don’t need to say anything.”

“Thank you,” she said anyway. “Thank you so much, David.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” he replied. “But you’re welcome. I’d do it again if I had to.”

“David, you literally can’t. You only have one kidney left.”

David laughed. “You know what I mean.”

“I do. I know. Thank you.”

“Doesn’t matter where you are or what you need, Alexis, I will always find a way to be there for you, okay? Always.” David squeezed Alexis’s fingers

“I know, David. And so will I.”