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Nothing, not even the birds' rhythmic chirping, the sun gently filtering through fluffy clouds, the gentle breeze carding through her recently shortened hair, or Perfuma's ever-patient voice could distract Catra from the roiling pit of anxiety in her stomach. She tried to focus on the task at hand, Perfuma's guided meditation, but she just couldn't. Her eyes were screwed tightly shut, and her fists were balled up in her lap so tightly she was surprised her claws weren't drawing blood from her palms.
Perfuma abruptly stopped. "Catra?" She asked gently. "Is there something on your mind?"
Catra opened her eyes, not quite meeting Perfuma's. "I..." She started. She took a deep breath, feeling defensive anger bubbling up inside of her. Start again. "I'm nervous, I think. About Scorpia." Why was talking about her feelings so much harder than getting angry all the time? You're scared of being vulnerable, Perfuma would say.
Perfuma offered an understanding nod, prompting Catra to continue.
"It's just...fuck" She flexed her claws in her lap. "I don't know if there's anything I can say that's...enough. I mean...for what I did. How I treated her. I know nothing will make up for it, but I want to apologize properly." Her tail thrashed behind her, ears flattening against her head.
"I think it matters less how you apologize, and more how you show her your commitment to change. Does that make sense?"
"I guess."
"What I mean is apologizing is important, but outside of that, actually being a better friend to her is more meaningful. Are you ready for that?"
"Yes," Catra said, nodding vigorously. She faltered. "Or I think I am. I'm ready to try."
"Good. Would you like to end early to have some time before you meet Scorpia? I think someone's waiting for you." Perfuma glanced to the doorway, and Catra looked over in time to see Adora's head shooting back inside.
She chuckled. "Yeah, thanks. See you later, flowers." She stood up and brushed off her pants, darting inside to the hallway where Adora looked rather nervous waiting for her. "Hey, Adora." She smirked.
Adora's face brightened upon seeing her. "Hi." She smiled. "Sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop or anything, I was just seeing if you-" She fired off, a light blush painting her cheeks.
"Adora," Catra chuckled, threading their fingers together. "It's okay."
Adora just blushed harder, looking at their hands. She met Catra's eyes, a soft smile on her lips. "Okay." She said, a little breathlessly. "Um...can I kiss you?" She asked, very breathlessly.
"Of course, idiot." Catra tried to appear cool and collected, but she couldn't hide her own blushing face. She pushed her forehead against Adora's, laying a gentle hand on her cheek.
Adora, a little tentatively, leaned forward and brushed her lips against Catra's, before closing her eyes and slotting them together in a soft, tender kiss. She pulled away, and smiled. "So, when are you supposed to meet Scorpia?"
"In a few minutes. You wanna be all chivalrous and walk me there?"
"Sure!" Adora raised their still clasped together hands to kiss the back of Catra's, and gently tugged her down the hallway. "Do you know what you're gonna say?" She asked gently, examining Catra's face in her periphery.
"Not exactly. Part of me wanted to be like you and plan the whole thing out, but Perfuma said I should follow my heart or whatever."
Adora scoffed. "I would not plan the whole thing out!" Catra raised her eyebrows. "Maybe I would plan it out a little bit," She muttered.
Catra laughed. "That's my girl." She nudged Adora's shoulder with her own, and offered a gentle smirk. The whole "relationship" thing was...complicated? Weird? Confusing? But also everything she had wanted for years, no matter how much she had repressed it and tried to hate Adora. It was new, but it was good.
"Here we are. You ready?" Adora tilted her head to the enormous castle doors.
Deep breath in. Hold. Release. "Yeah. Thanks." She smiled at Adora, let go of her hand, and pushed open the surprisingly light door. On the staircase below, Scorpia stood, characteristically cheery.
"Hey, Wildcat!" She raised a claw in greeting.
"Hey, Scorpia." She braced herself for the usual bear-hug, but it didn't come. Instead, Scorpia looked a little nervous, fidgeting with her claws and shifting her weight from foot to foot slightly.
"Soo...you said you wanted to talk to me?"
"Uh, yeah. You wanna take a walk?"
They started off. The only thing disrupting Catra's calm appearance was her tail thrashing wildly behind her. She urged herself not to stop it. Vulnerability is good, she reminded herself. I don't have to hide. They walked in silence for a while, Catra's mind going at least a million miles a minute, so many thoughts swirling so wildly she couldn't decide on just one to start with. Nothing felt right. Nothing was good enough. She reminded herself of what Perfuma had told her. It didn't have to be perfect. Still, she was having a hard time keeping her nerves in check.
At the edge of the whispering woods, she managed to steel herself enough to start. "I'm sorry." It came out a lot less confident and a lot more choked than she had intended it to.
Scorpia stopped walking. "Huh?"
"I'm sorry." Catra repeated, clearing her throat. "I...wanted to tell you before but I didn't know how." Her hands were balled up by her sides and she was looking anywhere but Scorpia's eyes.
"Oh, Catra, I-"
"And I want to really do it this time." Deep breath. "In the Horde...I shouldn't have treated you the way I did." Tired of flitting her gaze around, she focused on a patch of little flowers on the ground. "You didn't deserve any of that. I was terrible, and I'm sorry." She opened her mouth again, but the words seemed to refuse to come out. She willed herself not to cry. Another deep breath. "And I get it if you don't think you can forgive me, but I...I care about you, Scorpia, and I want to try and be better for you. I am trying," She struggled out.
"Catra, it's okay."
Catra looked up, shocked to find a soft, teary-eyed smile on Scorpia's face. "But...it's not, is it?"
Scorpia thought for a moment. "Well, no. It's not. But I forgive you."
"Y-You're not mad?" Catra's ears pushed back against her head, tears welling in her eyes.
"No, Wildcat. I'm not. You were a bad friend then, but you can be a better one now." She paused, looking for the right words. "Everything is different now, and that includes you. I mean, you never would have said any of that stuff back in the Horde. I know it's not an excuse, but I get you were, y'know, going through a rough time back then."
"You've been talking to Perfuma too, huh?" Catra wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands, trying to give Scorpia a small smile.
"Yeah." Scorpia chuckled. She opened her arms, offering a hug. Catra stepped forward, and wrapped her arms around Scorpia's waist, pressing the side of her face into her chest. God, she was tall. She felt Scorpia close her claws around her. Wow, she really did give amazing hugs. Catra wished she hadn't spent all those years shoving her away.
They separated, smiling at each other. Catra felt...lighter? She had been meaning to apologize to Scorpia for weeks, and she finally did. It was good. Decidedly way better than repressing her feelings and lashing out at everyone. "So, I was thinking...you wanna go get something to eat? All the food here is way better than the shit in the Horde."
"Yeah. That sounds nice."
_______
Sometimes, life after the war felt so unreal. Bright Moon was too airy and safe, everyone was too nice to her, everything was just too good. She never did want to rule the Horde and destroy Etheria. Not really. Sitting in Adora's lap in the dining room, everyone talking and laughing around her, she couldn't imagine ever wanting anything else.
"Catra? Are you okay?"
"Yeah." And it wasn't a lie. She leaned up to place a kiss on Adora's cheek, then looked across the table at Scorpia, brightly smiling back at her. Imagining a future for herself was something Catra had never really let herself do, even in the weeks since the war ended. At the table, Scorpia smiling at her, Adora's hands gently holding her in her lap, Bow and Glimmer bickering about something, she had hope for a future where things like this were the norm. Where she could feel safe and happy and loved every day. "I'm okay."