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“Hey.. uh, Piper? Are- um, are you up?”
My hands were shaking as I pushed open the door to her room, only an inch. It was pitch black inside.
“Depends.” Her voice was scratchy, barely above a whisper, but it felt really. Fuck, I probably just woke her up. This was a terrible idea.
“Never mind. I’m sorry, I’ll go,” I said as I turned away from the room. I didn’t want to. As I stepped away, all I could think was alone, alone, alone. My heart was pounding. The silence of the Argo seemed to be roaring in my ears.
“No, no, I’m up,” There was shuffling from in the room. I turned back. I could barely make out Piper as she walked up to me, leaning against the door frame, rubbing her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing wrong, I just-“ Gods, when did talking become so hard. I tried to take a deep breath, but my lungs couldn’t get enough air. “I don’t think I can be alone right now.”
Immediately Piper pulled me into the room and wrapped her arms around me. With her holding me, steady, I could feel how much a was shaking. All I could do was hold on until I stopped.
“Sorry I woke you up,” I said once I regained a little bit of control.
“I wasn’t really sleeping, anyways,” she replied as she pulled away. Piper grabbed my hand, dragging me back to her bed. She flopped onto the mattress over her blankets, then patted the open space next to her. I laid down at her side.
Piper was never one to fill in silence, but quiet always made me uncomfortable. Silence meant being alone with your thoughts, which was becoming more and more difficult lately. I didn’t know what to say, though. Thoughts were whirling around my head too fast that I couldn’t pick any out.
“I’m really sorry I came in here,” I blurted out again.
“I’m not,” Piper said. “Really, I’m always here.”
She paused, and I could practically hear her thinking while we were laying in silence. I knew her well enough to know she was picking out her next words very carefully right now. “Leo, were you, um...“
“No,” I interrupted. I rubbed at my wrist, feeling the scars there. “I wasn’t. I haven’t since, well, you know.”
Piper didn’t respond, she only grabbed my hand and held it between us, stopping me from picking at the cuts on my arm.
Piper had seen me at a bad place. I was better now... I guess. I could tell she was worried about me, even though Piper never said it. Things hadn’t been the same since then. Now when I would tell a stupid joke, she wouldn’t punch me, she would just stare. I don’t know why, but her worry scared me. It made me feel like something was really wrong with me.
Maybe there was.
“So why were you awake? Don’t you need your beauty sleep?” I asked, trying to change the topic.
“Just dreams,” she said, “Nightmares.”
I nodded. Nightmares were the inescapable curse of being a half blood. “Yeah,” I mumbled, “they never stop.”
“They will,” Piper sighed. “This is all going to be so small one day.”
“I guess.”
My head told me that Piper was right. Things were going be better eventually... but it all fell so far away. Now, everything hurt, and it was consuming. But then Piper squeezed my hand, and I could breathe again, and, for now, that was enough.