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Did I Ever Truly Know You

Summary:

Azula does not understand her Dum-Dum of a brother, and spends years telling herself she does not need him.

However, she has always desperately wanted to join in.

Zuko just wants to be a good Big Brother without Ozai and Ursa getting in the way.

Chapter Text

Something was going on with Zuzu. Azula knew this even at four, watching as he played with a cousin she had only just learnt about and two others. The boy smelled like dirt and grass, but the girl was nice. She was older than them, a whole four years older than Zuzu which meant she could boss him around. Then again, Zuzu was enough of a soft touch to let her boss him around too. 

Azula really wanted to join in on their game. 

She knew she couldn’t though. In five minuets she had firebending practice with Father, as she had every day since she threw her first sparks, he was so proud of her, but sometimes she just wanted the freedom to run around and play with her stupid Dum-Dum of a brother, always so willing to play Hide-and-Explode with her whenever she wanted. Or be the damsel to her hero in their games of pretend, the tree at the turtle-duck pond the tower and the ducks fearsome beasts out to attack her every time she tried to ‘rescue’ him. Father hated it when she asked to play with him though, said Zuko was pathetic and weak where she was strong and able. Mother continued to look sad. 

With the four of them was a man, sword strapped to his side, watching them carefully. The strange girl, not her cousin, had a tiny bow and was firing arrows at a practice butt, while Zuzu and the other boy were throwing knives. Their cousin, silly little thing that she was, only older than Azula by mere months, was doing little more than giggling at the missed throws. She sighed and turned away, desperately pretending she didn’t want to join. 

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught the rare sight of her grandfather in the colonnades, watching the four at their play. The man with them was stiff, pretending not to see.  

Azula went to her lessons with Father. 


Airi was irritating and kept wanting to join in with her and Ty Lee’s acrobatics. Ever more irritating was the fact that she was better at them than Azula, something only Ty Lee was allowed to be. At six years old, and attending the prestigious Fire Academy for Girls, Azula was used to being the best at everything. Even Zuzu admitted to it: he knew he could never recite history, or calculate maths as quick as her, let alone pick up firebending at the rate she was. A prodigy everyone called her. 

Except for acrobatics it seemed. 

Mother was watching them today, however, and had been delighted when Airi asked if she could join in with the other girls. Apparently, the archer- Azula heard that her name was Yumi, one of the Yu Yan recruits- was back at Pohuai Stronghold for a while, and so she was all alone and that Zuzu and the other boy, Kaito, had gone off exploring. Since she didn’t want to do that, she had joined them instead and kept trying to insist that they act out some dumb play. 

“No, we can’t play Love Amongst Dragons,” Azula snapped at her, annoyed by her continued pleas to do so. “Zuzu is always the Dark Water Spirit, fighting against the Great Dragon Emperor, me!” She smirked at her. Airi looked confused. 

“No, Zuko’s the Dragon Emperor,” Airi argued back, all wide-eyed innocence. “Yumi is the Wind Wraith and Kaito is the Dark Water Spirit. But you can be the Dragon Emperor today, since he isn’t here.” Azula gaped at her, as did Ty Lee and Mai. No one had ever spoken to her like that. 

“But... I’m always the Dragon Emperor!” Azula cried, unable to think of a better answer. Strange, since she had never had a problem before. “There’s no way Dum-Dum could beat the Dark Water Spirit with his pathetic firebending.” Airi blinked. 

“He beats Kaito all the time,” she said, as if that was common knowledge. “And his Gamma is really mean when she teaches him.” Ursa glanced up from her position feeding the turtle-ducks. She hadn’t invited Azula, as she always did, never sat with her there showing her how to feed them properly. That was always Zuko, except her didn’t like it when she burnt the ones who tried to bite her. 

Father said it was weakness to show mercy, after all. 

“That’s enough arguing, now girls,” Mother said, all gentle disappointment as always. She never was pleased to spend time with Azula or her friends. “Why don’t you play something else?” 

“But Love Amongst Dragons is my favourite!” Airi whined. Azula pinched her arm with just a touch of fire. She yelped.  

“We should play Hide and Explode,” Azula said, smirking. “I’m the best at it, you’ll never find me.” Ty Lee and Mai gave their assent and Airi shrugged, rubbing her arm. Mother frowned but said nothing. 

Airi found her within an hour, far faster than anyone ever had before. Azula wanted to smack the stupid smirk off her face. 


When Azula was eight, she caught sight of one of Zuzu’s final lessons with the man she had come to know as Master Piandao. She hadn’t actually been looking for it- she'd never admit to anyone, but she was hiding from Father. Her fireblasts had been sloppy today, so tired as she was from the day before, and he had not been happy. She had fled the moment she could, licking her wounds. Instead, she caught the tail end of a fight between Zuko and the swordmaster, fighting in one of the practice courtyards in a secluded area of the palace. Each were fighting with swords, somehow avoiding the path of arrows shot at buttresses from the archer on the roof, knives flung at a different target by Airi and some kind of shiny translucent blades that Kaito was spinning in his hands from his position in the rafters.  

Azula stared some more, mouth agape. Her training lessons were never this intense, nor did they involve the level of fun her brother was having. He was even smiling

She had never seen her brother smile like that before. 

One of the translucent blades landed near her head and, before she could stop it, she let out a surprised squeak. All movement in the courtyard stopped, frozen like ice. For a moment Azula dared not even breathe. Then, 

“Kaito!” Zuko shouted, all blustery anger as usual. “You’re supposed to pay attention!” Kaito ducked his head to hide the frown. 

“Hey, we don’t all have eyes like a hawk!” he complained, like a baby. Azula thought about teasing him about it, but she didn’t have enough information on this one to know if it would work. Whenever she had seen him in the past, he always seemed like the one doing the teasing. Master Piandao was frowning heavily himself. 

“Come out, Princess,” he said sternly. “You should know better than to be around battle practice.” Azula frowned herself, flouncing out of her hiding place as if she wasn’t bothered that she had almost been skewered by those strange shiny blades. If only she had gotten a better look... 

“I do. You can hardly fault me for your pupil’s mistake,” she said flippantly. Zuko sent a side-glare at Kaito who shrugged. 

“Apologies, Princess,” he said, and Azula realised for the first time just how common he sounded. Did Father really let Zuko play with peasants all this time? Or did Mother just allow it, as always? Most likely the second: she always encouraged Azula to spend more time with Ty Lee than Mai, despite knowing exactly what Ty Lee’s family was trained in.  

“I shouldn’t be surprised. Trying to compensate Zuzu?” she teased with a smirk. Her brother rolled his eyes as the archer hopped down into the courtyard and began collecting her arrows. 

There was a cough from behind her. 

“And what, do you believe you are doing here, Princess Azula?” The courtyard had gone silent, everyone falling to their knees. Slowly, so slowly, she turned and bowed low to her Grandfather. 

“I was just... passing by,” she said, cursing herself. She had always been a good liar- for some reason, the talent had fled from her now. Azulon made a disapproving noise. 

“I believe you have seen enough. Off with you.” She scampered away to find a new hiding place before she could think twice. But the question remained in her mind: What exactly was Grandfather doing, training Zuzu over her?  


Azula didn’t know how to feel about the Agni Kai. Sure, she put on a face showing the world she was pleased, but inside, she was confused. She and Zuko had never been close, not since she had started firebending at least. He was too soft, too pathetic, relying on those swords and knives of his over his bending. Even Father agreed. But there was also some small part of her that still remembered time spent at the turtle-duck pond, or nights she woke from nightmares and crept into his room because Father would see it as weakness. 

Uncle Iroh was less conflicted and jumped right on stage, half challenging Father as she sat there in shock. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Airi, eyes wide in shock and hand over her mouth, staring at the prone form sprawled on the floor, still smoking. The room smelt of charred flesh and Azula’s stomach turned. She didn’t show it. 

“A fitting punishment,” Commander Zhao murmured behind her. Azula clenched her hands into fists and made no move to acknowledge him. 

She still didn’t understand the man’s military significance to Father. 

Eventually, hesitant medics came to clear up the mess, shaking under the combined glares of Fire Lord and General. Her brother was stretchered away, limp and unresponsive and Azula resisted the urge to follow, to study each and every piece of damage to his face. He was weak, not standing up for his beliefs, she thought with a sniff, rising with the rest. He deserved to burn, to have all such weakness removed from him. Her Father raised a fist, preventing them from leaving. 

“This is an official proclamation,” Fire Lord Ozai declared, right in the face of Prince Iroh’s furious gaze. “Prince Zuko has shown shameful weakness in the face of a challenge. He has shamed the Fire Nation for the last time. From this day he is stripped of all titles and banished.” Iroh twitched, and she noted how her Father flinched, barely perceptible to the fools around her but there, away from him. She blinked. Father... is afraid of His tea loving cookiness? “He may return,” Ozai continued, as if this had been his plan all along, “once he has completed a task to regain his honour. He may return only when... he has captured the Avatar.” Fire Lord Ozai smirked at the breakout of muttering in the room. Azula could do nothing but stare. 

Dum-Dum... is never coming back, she thought numbly, leaving with the rest. She didn’t know how to feel. 

She found herself at the door to the infirmary, frantic voices coming from inside. Before she could think, she raised a hand and pushed it open.  

Inside was chaos. This room, too, smelt of burnt and charred flesh, she could see it sloughing off his face, a Healer doing his best to save what he could. Dark locks of hair, both charred and not, were scattered on the floor, bandages covered in blood, skin and ash surrounded him. It was a scene more akin to the front than the Palace. 

Everyone stopped when they saw her, standing at the entrance. 

“Princess!” one of the idiots cried, bowing low as several others jumped in front of her brother, obscuring her view of him. “Please, this is not a sight-” 

“Step aside,” she snapped. They scuttled away from her in fear as she approached the bed. 

A sliver of gold watched her, glazed over in pain. 

“La-la?” a voice rasped, much huskier than it had been before. She wondered vaguely if he would always sound like that now. 

“Hello Dum-Dum,” she smirked, hiding all her horror at the sight before her. “You’re an idiot.” There was a slow blink. 

“You came.” She wasn’t sure what that meant and frowned, irritated that this might be construed as her caring

“Oh, don’t be sentimental,” she said. The Healers were staring at the pair of them, in awe, horror, fascination. She wondered why. “I only came to tell you, you’re banished. Father says you can only return with the Avatar.” She turned to leave. A hand stopped her. She glared at him until he removed it from her wrist. 

“Will you be alright?” He looked the most alert he had since... She stared at him. 

“What a silly question,” she sneered. “As if I would be upset. I can finally be an only child.” With that she left.  

Lady Airi was waiting for her in the hall, pale. 

“Princess Azula,” she greeted her with a bow, proper and formal. Long gone were the days they would play in the gardens under the watchful eye of her pathetic Mother. “How... How is he?” Azula rolled her eyes. 

“He’s banished. What does it matter?” She went to leave but found the girl in her way again. 

“He cares greatly for you,” she insisted. “Mother and Father have bought us a pleasure barge. If ever you wanted to join us...” Azula sneered, lighting a fire in her hand. 

“Do you wish for a scar to match, cousin?” she asked lightly. Airi dipped her head again, bowing low and stepping out of her way. 

“I shall send you letters and gifts, cousin,” she said as Azula walked away. Azula pretended not to hear, trying with all her might to feel elated to now be heir to the throne. 

Chapter 2: Part II

Chapter Text

The Earth Kingdom was irritatingly large. Rumours of the Avatar had surfaced, especially after that failed attack on the Northern Water Tribe. Three years had not given Zhao more intelligence and Azula did not weep for the man’s death. Instead, she was furious for the waste of lives on that frivolous attack- not that she could bring the subject up with Father. He had been all the tetchier since Zuko’s banishment.  

In fairness, Azula could have done without the riots too and the disappearance of the entire 41st was just too well timed. She suspected Uncle for that leak. 

Which was why, several weeks into her search through the Earth Kingdom for the man, she was surprised to come across four familiar figures. Ty Lee had shied away, Mai stared and Azula raised an eyebrow at the blatant waterbending occurring. 

People drifted out of their way as they should. 

“So,” Azula started, “this is where traitors stay.” She glanced around the small, dirty village. A boy was tied to a post, his mother shielding him from the scary firebender. Earth Kingdom troops were scattered across the dirt and one was squirming in the way that only the chi blocked did. And now I see why Grandfather wanted me as far away from their training as possible, she thought, ignoring the more disquieting, Father made a mistake letting them all free. Even banishing Zuko was a terrible idea.

Azula,” Zuzu himself said, lowering blades wreathed in flames, acknowledging her. His hair had grown out, but neither it, nor the ridiculous straw hat, could disguise the extent of the scar. If one looked close enough, you could see the outline of their Father’s hand.  

The village practically quivered. She smirked. 

“Hello, brother dearest,” she said, studying her nails as if these peasants he called friends did not intimidate her. “This is a most wonderful surprise.” 

“What do you want, Azula?” She wondered, vaguely, if he had any recollection of their brief exchange in the Healer’s rooms. If he remembered the day he criticised the peasant for almost killing her by accident.  

“Oh, not much really,” she said off-handedly. The problem was that Zuko had a chi-blocker, rendering Ty Lee near useless and she had seen them all at six, practising far more advanced combat than her. Add on the fact that there was a Yu Yan archer among them and it was enough to make her at least pause. This could become a tricky situation. “It would seem you are conducting your mission a little too slowly for Father. I thought to consult with you on the location of the Avatar.” Not strictly true, but she had better things to do than fight these four.  

“Consult,” Zuko said blandly, lowering his sword further, the idiot. As if he didn’t consider her a threat, despite the flat disbelief in his voice. As she had thought, his voice had never lost the rasp. “Try again, Azula. I’m not that gullible.” She blinked. 

“Well, I may have wondered how my big brother was doing for three years,” She said sweetly. Again, also not strictly speaking true, but there was a small nugget in there: a squashed and smothered ball she ignored most of the time. And she was not about the start airing the Fire Nation Royal Family’s dirty laundry to a bunch of peasants. Zuko raised his one remaining eyebrow, silent but clearly still not believing her. She let out a put-upon sigh. “Oh, all right, we were just passing through and came across you and your little... vigilante group.” She eyed the soldiers with a pointed look. 

Zuko had the decency to flush. 

“... They were corrupt,” he admitted, almost too quietly to hear. Azula sighed internally. Oh, Zuzu, did you not learn your lesson all those years ago. You simply cannot save them all.  Outwardly, she let slip a smirk. 

“Tut, tut, Zuzu,” she said teasingly. “You ought to leave such corruption in place. Fools such as these make conquering so much easier.” She lightly kicked the earthbender, amused as he squeaked and stared up at her with wide eyes. “One could almost call this treasonous.” 

“Corruption causes inefficiency,” Zuko argued. “You hate inefficiency.” She thought on that a moment, considering. She was surprised he knew that. Then again, Dum-Dum had decided to always be a surprise to her at some point. She ought to expect it by now. 

“Hmm, for us, yes,” she agreed. “For the enemy? Well, such inefficiency has some uses.” For a moment, brother and sister eyed each other across the village square. Eventually, Zuko relaxed, causing the others in his group to relax too. 

“The Avatar is no doubt heaing towards Ba Sing Se. I hear he visited the Library in the Si Wong Desert.” The swords glinted in the dying light as he placed them away, now extinguished of fire. “Leave here peacefully, Azula. I don’t want to fight.” She almost considered attacking just for that. 

But she did still care for Ty Lee and Mai, if only a little, and it would be inefficient to attack where there need not be a fight. However... 

“Your ribs are broken,” she noted lightly. Only earthbending could do so in such a way and Zuko winced, pressing a hand to his chest. It was subtle, in the way he was standing, that gave it away and most like none of the villagers had noticed. Azula, however, knew that trick. “So...” 

The foolish child screamed, as did half the village, as lightening flashed and once again Azula’s nose was filled with the scent of charred meat. Watching the corpse twitch with electrical jolts, she tilted her head, almost curious.

What a terrible way to go, she thought absently. 

“I’ll see you in Ba Sing Se, brother,” she said turning to go, returning to the mongoose-lizards. “And I suppose your little band of traitors too.” 


The Earth King was an idiot, but his performers were not. Their costumes were not quite as good as the Fire Nation court performers, but close enough. She wondered if the man even knew he was watching a Fire Nation play. The Kyoshi Warrior uniforms were heavy and uncomfortable but Azula had been uncomfortable before, she could handle this. She eyed the players in the room, working out each one’s motivations. 

The leader of the Dai Li and Grad Secretariat of Ba Sing Se, Long Feng, more than likely knew who they were and was biding his time to reveal this information. There was no way he would allow her so close if he actually cared about his king.  

Zuko and his little band also knew who they were but were saying nothing. Her brother had hidden his face behind that of a refugee and a wooden mask, the clever idiot, no doubt on the advice of Airi. Their cousin was irritatingly clever, almost to Azula’s own level. Not quite, which she prided herself upon, but close enough. What their motives were, she couldn’t quiet work out, the wild cards in the room. 

The Water Tribe girl was an oblivious moron who hadn’t even realised who the Dragon Emperor was. She was sat with them, patiently waiting to speak with the Kyoshi Warriors, and Azula had ensured that her two girls knew the names of the real Kyoshi Warriors and understood the cover story. So long as she couldn’t tell who they were behind the ridiculous amount of face paint, they could gather all the intel they liked before conducting what her Uncle never could. The complete control of the Earth Kingdom. 

And the Earth King wouldn’t even be a problem. The man probably didn’t even know his city had almost been overrun five years ago, only surviving because of the man he trusted the most. She resisted the urge to curl her lip. Lu Ten had been half a stranger to her in truth, far more interested in spending time with Zuko (as everyone ever had) than baby her, but he had been intelligent enough. He would have furthered the Fire Nation well when he came to the throne, if Father hadn’t killed him off first.  

Instead, Long Feng, a soldier at the time, had stuck a spear of rock through his back

“Bravo!” the Earth King exclaimed, clapping his hands together, pleased. “Such a wonderful play! So refreshingly new!” Azula saw Airi twitch and internally smirked. 

“Thank you, Your Highness,” Yumi said formally with a bow. “Your praise is the highest honour.”  

The boys still hadn’t removed their masks. She wondered if they ever would in the waterbender’s presence. 

“Long Feng, ensure these players get the absolute best care. I want them playing again at the feast tonight!” the moron ordered. Long Feng looked irritated. Apparently he had kept his position by the skin of his teeth, offering the Dragon of the West and a pointed lie about the Earth King having been too young to know about the war at the moment. Azula thought it funny that this king thought himself in charge, now that he knew of the man’s folly, without noticing the dagger held at his neck. The Dai Li looked more irate by the day. 

Soon, everything would implode. She would have to congratulate the idiots for causing such wonderful chaos to make the victory of the Fire Nation all the easier. 

Now if only she knew what Zuko was up to. 

“If we may, Your Majesty,” she started, bowing her head in proper deference to the Earth King, “shall we escort the players to their rooms? I believe Kyoshi Island would love to host them someday.” The Earth King clapped his hands, giving them such enthusiastic affirmation his bear sat up to look at them. The dull creature soon flopped down once again. 

The seven Fire Nation teens escaped notice by the best of the Earth Kingdom into a side passage. 

“Well, well, Zuzu, what a surprise,” Azula said the moment she knew they would not be overhead. Zuko removed the red snarling mask to reveal an unimpressed expression. His hair was slowly growing out, flopping into his eyes and making him look... older than when she had last seen him. It reminded her that he was in fact two years older than her and wise to her tricks. 

“You knew we were coming,” he pointed out. “Don’t act so surprised. Where did you get the uniforms?” 

“Well, you won’t believe this, but that abhorrent creature the Avatar rides on was free in the woods in the most dreadful condition, being guarded by the Kyoshi Warriors,” Azula started, smirking. “They thought their little band was a match for us. They were wrong.” Especially if they weren’t a match for you on a komodo-rhino, she thought. Her brother had never been a good komodo-rhino rider, seemingly more at home on the back of an ostrich horse. A peasant’s creature.  

“So you killed them and stole their identities,” he said flatly. “Very original.” 

“I must know how you convinced the soldiers to let you in the Palace knowing there was a firebender among you,” Azula said, changing the subject. She didn’t need Zuko to tell her that this operation was risky, only succeeding because the Avatar’s little group consisted of idiots and incompetent morons, who had scattered to the winds the moment they thought they had won. 

“We had to contend with an idiot on the voyage over here,” the boy piped up. Azula sneered at him, irritated by him rough accent. They should have thrown him back in the Swamp.

He got what he deserved,” Zuko said bluntly. “People like that would have started hunting firebenders at the sight of spark rocks.” Azula raised an intrigued eyebrow. 

“There are our people in these walls?” she asked, curious. She knew there were traitors and deserters, but most went to live in the woods. The others met the executioner’s block. “How did they get in?” 

“The same way we did. As refugees.” Zuko looked grim. “Leave them alone in whatever plans you have.” She didn’t need the warning, rolling her eyes. 

“You pointed out last time how I hate inefficiency. What would be the point in killing them? They have their uses.” She tapped a nail on her cheek as they approached his door. “Well, this has been a most informative talk, brother. We’ll have to drop by again.” 

“Take your time,” Airi said almost pleasantly. “No need to check in before the coup.” 

The door was slammed in her face.  


Azula watched in horrified fascination as Ozai was dragged away by guards, sagging and limp. She was glad she had not attempted to fight that day back in the village. Zuko overthrew Father, she thought hollowly. I didn’t think he had it in him. Things were moving fast and she would have to find some way to consolidate her power. To ensure that she didn’t follow in the footsteps of Ozai. 

Zuko was waiting for her in her room. 

“Brother,” she greeted him pleasantly. “Or is it Fire Lord now?” 

“Brother will do,” Zuko said, “I came to talk.” She raised an eyebrow. 

“Well? I’m waiting,” she said tiredly when a moment passed in silence. Zuko was tense, barely breathing. She pretended to inspect her nails. “I don’t have all day, Zuzu,” she said pointedly. “And neither do you.” 

“I want you as an adviser on the Board of Councilmen,” Zuko suddenly blurted out. “I need someone to negotiate with Uncle.” Azula blinked. Then blinked again. 

“Negotiate. With his tea loving cookiness,” she said slowly, blandly. “Our traitorous Uncle?” 

“I know where he is,” Zuko said reluctantly. “I know I can get him to come back. But killing the Avatar and murdering the Dragon of the West will win us nothing at this point.” She hummed, considering it. It made sense, mostly. 

“But why come to me?” Azula asked, genuinely curious. “Why not get your little pet chi-blocker to do it? She’s adequate at politics.” 

“Because you’re much more terrifying,” Zuko said bluntly. “And if we are going to gain favourable terms at the end of this war, we’re going to need to petrify them.” Azula stared at him. 

“Oh my,” she said eventually, preening at the compliment. “I didn’t know you were so bloodthirsty, brother. I believe I underestimated you all these years.” Zuko shuffled in place, looking at the ground in shame. She took a step forward and laid a tentative hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, brother. I will be the monster to your particular brand of mercy, as always.” Zuko glanced up at that, frowning. 

“You’re not a monster, La-La,” he said. The combination of his genuine earnestness and the old childhood nickname caused her to flinch back, mouth open in shock. No one, not even Father, had ever said something like that. “You’re a dragon and a Dark Dragon at that. But not a monster. And I’m going to need a Dark Dragon to keep Ozai’s yes-men in check. I need you.” She stared at him, unsure what to say for the first time in a long time. 

“I thought you hated me,” she blurted and immediately cursed herself for showing weakness like that. Zuko, unlike Father, unlike Ozai, smiled. 

“Mother told me a Big Brother has to protect their Little Sisters, even from themselves. I’ve done a poor job of it so far. But I won’t fail again.” 

“You fail at everything,” Azula said as a knee-jerk reaction and winced. “But... I suppose you are persistent,” she amended. She paused looking at Zuko in a new light. This boy, who was her brother, her Dum-Dum, capable of attacking silently in the night, concocting coup plans behind both her and her Father’s backs and fiercely loyal to his people. This was her brother and her Fire Lord. 

She knelt at his feet. 

“I am yours to command, Fire Lord Zuko,” she said, meaning the words for the first time in her life. “I am your Dark Dragon.” 

It felt like victory. 

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