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It started out as purely a business arrangement at first. Ed Edgar got to advertise his "Ed Edgar Adoptallott's Baby Bulk Buy" on Bim Trimmer’s mildly run down game show and in return Bim was able to get one or two of his surplus supply once in a while for dinner. Of course, saying that the deal ended that way would be a lie, no matter how much Ed may have wanted it to remain like that at first.
Time and time again, Bim would intrude into Ed's office on late nights while he was finishing work. The businessman was annoyed at first. Bim was a never-ending waterfall of conversation, even though Ed was too busy and tired to reply back much. He couldn't help but listen however, and after their first few one sided conversations he found himself enjoying the sound of Bim's endless chatter (being an orator was part of his job, after all), complete with dramatic expressions and arm waving. Ed still told Bim to get out of office every time the "gameshow shitlord" came by like clockwork, but the both of them knew that the words held no meaning.
So Bim talked. A lot. The minute details of his day, thoughts on his business, latest gossip from the other egos, and of course, ranting about his infatuation with Matthias, the long-time contestant (and consecutive winner) of his gameshow.
Ed's pile of complaint letters were pushed off to the side of his desk. After a while it became impossible to get any work done with Bim around and no matter how many times Ed insisted that he leave, "the sack of shit with the Dollar Store suits" stubbornly refused. So Bim sat on the edge of Ed's desk and continued to rant while Ed pretended (badly) not to listen.
"Matthias was the most beautiful man I met for the longest time ever. His cold indifference just made me want him more, and oh boy, I would have let him totally have his way with me," Bim muses wistfully, uncrossing and recrossing his legs at the knee for the fifth time.
Ed makes an effort not to stare, but he's glad that his sunglasses hid where he was looking. He huffs, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Bim Trimmer wasn't that hot, he concludes. But he did have a really familiar face, a face you could trust, a snarky face that'd be perfect to punch, a really, really painfully kissable face. Scratch the last part. Because how could he like someone like Bim Trimmer like that? Impossible.
"This Matthias guy ain't right, he doesn't deserve ya," Ed grumbles, trying not to sound as angry as he felt for someone he never met.
Bim laughs and shoots Ed a cheeky smirk. Ed could see that the smile didn't reach the show host's eyes however, and Ed frowns more at this observation. Not that he notices the micro-expressions that betray Bim's true emotions, not that he's stared at Bim's lips so much that he had the details Bim's facial expressions memorized, no, that'd be creepy.
"Wow, I think this is the first time you actually gave me any advice since I've started visiting you. Why do you care? You jealous~?" Bim teases, the metaphorical mask back on.
"I ain't!" Ed asserts too loudly, then realizes his volume, "I'm not. This just ain't my first rodeo and I know it don't end well."
Bim's smirk grows and this time it was genuine. Ed hates that the cannibal seems to derive pleasure at his expense. Bim sighs dramatically, casually looking away.
"Well, at least that's all behind me now, cowboy. I realized that he was using me all along, just the way you thought. I like some things skimpy, but not the prize money, you know? It's a shame that I wasted so much of my attention and time on him."
Bim still has his face turned away from Ed, as if he didn't want the businessman to see his morose expression. It was a very well-worn act played by a good actor. Ed heart aches in sympathy; he was the same after his ex-wife left him and his poor excuse of a son. His brows then raise in a sudden realization.
"Hold up, so you don't like him anymore? Just to clarify," Ed asks bluntly. He never was one to be tactful, but for some reason he was concerned about hurting Bim's feelings for once.
Bim gives Ed a sidelong glance and a bittersweet smile. It makes Ed want to murder Matthias more.
"Why else would I be talking about him in past tense?"
Ed didn't notice. He was too busy feeling inexplicably angry and annoyed and totally not jealous whenever Matthias was mentioned. Bim laughed at Ed's stupefied, open-mouthed expression, seeming to return back to his normal self.
"Besides, I think I recently set my eyes on someone else," Bim says coyly with an award winning grin.
"Who is he?" Ed asks, making an effort to sound nonchalant. He ends up sounding harsher than he wanted, as if he was interrogating the person sitting before him.
"Oh, he works here actually. He's the reason why I stop by so often. He kinda looks like you."
Bim uncrosses and crosses his legs again, this time licking his lips with the slow slinking movements of a large cat. Ed tries not to stare. He does so anyway.
"Has anyone ever told you how absolutely delicious you look when you're jealous?" Bim flirts in a low voice, obviously changing the subject and looking at Ed with half lidded eyes.
Ed doesn't notice. He gulps inaudibly, futilely hoping that his sunglasses were large enough to cover the flush probably on his cheeks. They weren't.
"I ain't jealous," Ed mutters jealously, "And that's gross, Trimmer."
Bim smiles slyly, "What can I say, I'm a cannibal, eating people is what I do."
Even though it was part of their business arrangement, Ed always forgot that Bim is a literal maneater with a liking for Ed's... products. There was something about Bim's dazzling, hypnotic smile that made Ed think the best of him. It was a blessing for the show host as he was able to weasel his way out of any and everything, but a curse for Ed who found himself complying to Bim's demands time and time again (and somehow enjoying it).
"Seems like ya mostly eat cock though. What does that make you?" Ed retorts with a triumphant smirk, thinking he gained the upper hand.
Bim only grins wolfishly back. "A slut," he says with a nonchalant wave of his hand, "I don't deny it, unlike you. That's the difference between the two of us. I know when I'm starving, and not just for fresh meat. Then I act on it: simple instinct. You on the other hand-"
Bim slides off the desk and plops himself down sideways onto Ed's lap while maintaining eye contact with the man, making his face heat up instantly. Bim continues speaking, occasionally shifting to a more comfortable position with his legs dangling off one side of the armrest. Ed grips the sides of his chair mentally begs for Bim to stop looking at him. He clenches his jaw and wills his mouth closed before something unsavory comes out of it.
"You want something, don't you, you want something so close you can taste it. We're friends, right? How about you use your words and tell me what you want, just for curiosity's sake? Maybe I could give it to you," Bim finishes, resting his hand gently on top of Ed's tense one, rubbing his thumb over the veins.
The only thing Ed wants is for the show host to get off his lap, but somehow he can't get himself to say it. There's only one thing that could instantly quell the endless barrage of not-entirely-straight thoughts, and that was his son, Ednarb Eddeth Edgar Jr.
Ed's grip slowly loosens as he calms down and tries not think too much about the man sitting on top of him. Bim said he liked someone who worked here and looked similar to Ed, right? And the only person that matched that description was Ed Jr. Ed Sr. did not even want to think about that, or the fact that he was genuinely considering another homicide. No wonder Bim was kissing up to him so much, he wanted dibs on the boy. And to think that his conversation and flirting actually worked on "pfft, I'm not that gay, right?" Ed Edgar himself. Still, his son was basically an adult at this point, and if Bim was willing to get that disgrace of an offspring off his hands, then…
He whacks Bim's hand off.
“I’m still tryin’a get rid of m’boy, but so far it ain’t workin’. I’d be willin’ to sell him to you 96% off since you want 'im so bad. Only because we have a deal already."
Bim laughs, kicking his legs in a fit of hysterics. Ed hates that he loves the sound and hates that he feels used and hates that he's angry, and jealous, and hurt. The gameshow host immediately sobers upon seeing Ed's serious expression. He looks up at Ed with an eyebrow raised, a mix of curiosity and confusion.
“Now why would I want your son when there's someone even better?”
“An’ who'd that be?”
Bim twists around so he's straddling Ed’s lap and facing him, pressing Ed’s cheeks between his hands somewhat condescendingly. Ed instinctively puts his hands around the show host’s waist, afraid that he’d fall.
“You of course! I like you, you like me, and you have a tasty looking ass, so bonus. I thought you were joking about being oblivious, I mean, I've been going a little hard on the sell for over a year now and you did take me out on all those dinners-"
Ed sighs in relief and resists the temptation to pull Bim into a bear hug and bury his face in the gameshow host's chest. But that was boundary crossing even for him, regardless of the fact that Bim was on his lap barely six inches apart with his hands squishing Ed's cheeks.
"That was for business, I don' like ya like that," Ed mumbles, looking askance.
"Sure you don't."
Bim plucks Ed's hat off his head and puts it on with a Cheshire grin.
"You're just so easy to tease, daddy~"
The suited man giggles madly at Ed's stunned silent, open-mouthed expression; it looked as if he was going to faint.
"What? You’re a dad, aren’t you? Can’t I call you by your rightful title?”
"I hate you," Ed grumbles fondly after a long moment of internally dying.
Bim smiles brightly and drapes an arm over Ed's shoulder. It makes the mustached man feel like dying all over again. This was normal, right? The show host uses his other hand to tilt Ed's chin up.
"Aw, I hate you too," Bim replies, running his thumb across Ed's lips. Ed shivers and his eyes flutter shut involuntarily. Even though his eyes are closed, he could feel the triumphant smirk on the show host's face, the warm exhale on his skin, the weight of one annoyingly gorgeous man on his lap, everything, all at once. Bim leans down and-
The door to Ed's office slams open and a lanky acne-ridden boy? Young man? Ed wasn't exactly sure how old Ed Jr. was, but he assumed that his son was about 19 by now. He nervously clutches a clipboard in both hands and stares at the floor, shifting his weight from foot to foot.
“Hey, um, Dad- I mean Mr. Edgar…”
Ed Jr. finally looks up long enough to see his dad and a nicely dressed man with glasses in an awkward position. Bim wiggles his fingers in a cheery wave and tips his (Ed's actually) cowboy hat in the boy's direction with a million-watt smile. Ed Sr.'s face is completely red in embarrassment. He jabs his finger out the door.
“Get out.”
Ed Jr. shields his eyes with his clipboard while nodding violently. “Yes sir, right away sir. Just wondering, uh, isn’t that the host of that show you always watch? Is that why you never let me-“
“Get. Out.”
"Yeah, okay, I'm going. Um, have fun sir, uh, stay safe." Ed Jr. slowly backs out of the door while still averting his gaze and hastily shuts it in front of him.
As he is walking away, Bim and Ed Sr. hear an electronic jingle and the boy whisper, "hey, um, Siri, what do I do if I finally find out that my dad's gay? Or, you know, Likes Dudes But Might Not Only Like Dudes, I'm Not Exactly Sure? Like, should I buy him a rainbow 10-gallon hat or is that too much?"
Ed sighs, resting his forehead against Bim's shoulder in exasperation. He normally wouldn't permit himself such a breach in contact, but at this point he was too annoyed to care.
Bim hums softly in response in a way that was uncharacteristically tender, "You don't have to be embarrassed, your kid's cute. He takes after his dad. And you watch my show? That's so unbelievably adorable of you."
"Shut up," the mustached man grumbles in a way that reminds Bim of a grumpy housecat, "'S only for research purposes. I like ta know who m'business partners are.”
The showman grins upon noticing Ed trying to hide his scarlet red face. Those are some good signs. So were the hands on his waist and outer thigh. Very good signs. Bim smirks in a way that could only be described as ravenous.
“Suuure, of course, partner. You know, there is a way you can get to know me better, if you catch my drift," Bim teases, subtly rolling his hips closer. Ed gulps audibly. “Let’s make another deal. I’m going to fuck you and you’re going to keep your pretty lil' Southern mouth shut for me. Do you accept the terms and conditions?”
Ed finally looks up long enough to make eye contact with Bim; he doesn’t hesitate this time. He knows that the outrageous bluntness was purely for his sake and somehow that made him want Bim more. For some weird, inexplicable reason. “Only if ya quit talkin' 'bout Matthias so much."
Bim grins winningly and Ed could see that his blinding-white canines were slightly sharper than average, almost predatory-like and feral: fangs, to put it simply. They look sharp enough to draw blood or tear into flesh. Ed thinks they look stunning.
“You've got yourself a deal, pretty boy,” Bim croons, slowly running his tongue over the edge of his teeth. The hands on his outer thigh and waist tightly grip him closer to Ed; he wonders briefly if it will bruise. That would be ideal.
“Now tell me something,” Bim says, dragging his fingertips down the bare part of Ed’s chest where his button down shirt opened, “Do you think you have what it takes to get your ass hired?”