Work Text:
In her nine years of motherhood, Linda never had a worse day than this one. Everything was normal, until she got a call from Everest's horsemanship instructor, telling her the boy has fallen from his horse. Then madness ensued. She went immediately to him, and got there just a few seconds after the ambulance.
She left her car there to be by the boy's side on the way to the hospital, screaming with Gerald on the phone to have him make sure every possible care would be given to her son. And then she called her brother in law, to tell him to be available in case Everest needed a blood transfusion or something of the kind. The shitty luck she had, all her boys had their fathers' blood types. Then she called her PA to go fetch her car, and then Gerald again to make sure he was doing what she told him to.
At the hospital, everything went as quickly and smoothly as money and influence could buy, nothing but the best to her boy. The worst thing, however, was waiting for the procedures that she couldn't be in the room for. The doctors had ensured her that he was fine, a broken leg and sprained arm, and his forehead would need some stitches, but no lasting injuries. It didn't calm her that much, not until she could see he was fine with her own eyes. Seeing her most active and athletic kid unconscious and bleeding was the most terrifying thing Linda's ever experienced.
On top of that, her nanny had called in sick earlier that day, and Gerald had two surgeries for that day yet, so Linda had to call her PA again and have her pick up the other boys on their late afternoon activities and leave them there at the hospital. At least when they got there, all the procedures were done and Everest was in a room, Linda sitting at a couch by his side.
Each one of them reacted differently to the sight of their oldest brother. Forrest wasn't very interested, he just looked for a second before sitting down to play with his brand new Nintendo Switch. River, on the other hand, loved it. He said Everest looked very funny full of bandages, and took upon himself the task to draw his brother as a mummy, spreading his crayons on the floor. Lake was the only one who seemed concerned, sitting by Linda's side and filling her with questions until she got tired of it. He was in that annoying fase where kids needed to know the reason for everything.
"But why did the horse let him fall? Was it a bad horse?" How long has she been answering those questions? Would Gerald never get out of that damn surgery? She couldn't handle this alone! And then she noticed something.
"Lake, where is your shoe?" The boy was wearing only one shoe, and she didn't remember seeing him taking that off.
"I don't know." He said, shrugging. His default answer to anything. Linda should start answering his annoying questions like that, too.
"He threw it off the car window on the way here." River gave away.
"Why would you do that?" Linda was completely unable to grasp the reasoning of that child, she wondered if he had any.
"I don't know." He shrugged again, and she let out a tired sigh.
"Fine, go play, mommy has to make a call." She brushed him off, and the boy complied, getting down from the couch.
She called Gary, to discuss if they could sue the horsemanship instructor or something like that. It all pointed to no, but she might want to do it anyway just because it felt nice to blame someone when things went bad. One way or another, she kept talking to him mostly because it was better to talk to an adult than answering her youngest son's questions. Even so, the kids kept interrupting it.
"Mom, I wanna go to the bathroom." Lake, of course, whined.
"Hold it, like a man!" River was always ready with mean answers like that, Linda wondered where he got that from.
And those words were really rich coming from him, considering how long he took to let go of his diapers. She rolled her eyes and lowered the phone to her shoulder.
"There's a bathroom right there, go help your brother, River." She ordered.
"But mom! I'm drawing!" He whined, and Linda didn't even answer, she just looked at him with a hard glare that scared him enough to obey.
Maybe she wasn't the most caring mother out there, but it was good to know she at least held some respect. Especially with River, he was the most difficult out of them. The boy was so much like her it was uncanny, both in appearance and personality, but it was so hard to deal with him! And she understood him, better than most people did, actually.
The thing with River was that he was outshined. He came two years after Everest, and of course he wanted to be like his brother, but while the older boy was athletic and gracious, River was always stumbling and falling. And then, Forrest was born just a year after him, and he was always so smart. Of course, he was Gary's. When Forrest was two years old, he was already more articulate than River, and people frequently asked if they were twins, because Forrest took his father's height genes, and River hated to be short like his mother.
River had his own abilities, sure, he was really good at drawing and he had a social knack he wasn't even aware of yet, but it was hard for him to get the kind of praise his brothers had. It was understandable, his rivalry with his brothers, his constant need for attention, and the way he took it out on Lake, who was just four years old and couldn't defend himself. Poor Lake, he also looked identical to Linda, but he had so much of Gerald's naive and complacent personality. But even though Linda did emphasize with River, she still had trouble with him, maybe because they were so alike in their stubborn and confrontational natures.
The peace she had when the boys were in the bathroom was short lived, they started making noise again the moment they came back from it. She didn't pay much attention to them, until she was called again.
"Mom! Whatshacffapffolle?" Lake's voice sounded like he had something in his mouth, and Linda sighed. She hung up her phone and turned to the boy.
"What's in your mouth?" His eyes went wide, and he shrugged, mouth shut. "Give it here." She reached out her hand, glaring at him, and the little boy went to her and spit what he had. It was one of River's crayons, and it was broken to pieces and covered in spit.
"Ew! That was mine, you're going to pay for it!" The older boy said, making Lake pout.
"Lake, you have to stop putting everything in your mouth!" Linda scolded, as she got rid of that thing and washed her hands.
"I'm sorry." His pout got even bigger.
"River will never forgive you for this." Forrest teased, with so much sass for a six years old.
Linda went back to the couch beside the bed, as River rambled childish threats until Lake started to cry. She took a deep breath and rubbed her temple, as River kept teasing his younger brother, and the crying just got louder.
"Stop it! Both of you, shut up!" She snapped, and there was a peaceful silence for many minutes.
Lake climbed on the couch by her side and tentatively rested his head on her lap. She allowed, caressing his hair for a second, as he stopped crying. She thought he would fall asleep there, but instead he sat up and, after a second of hesitation, started talking again.
"Mom… what's a craphole?" That's what he was asking when he was with the crayon in his mouth?
"Where did you hear this?"
"Some boys at school called me this today. I think it's mean because they're always mean to me." He explained, fidgeting with his remaining shoe laces.
"Are you being bullied at school? You can't let that happen, son." Linda was not expecting to deal with that, especially not that day. She had no idea what to say to her son, all she could think was finding out who those kids were and threaten their parents.
"What can I do? I'm the smallest kid in my class."
"Hey, I'm short too, you know what I did? I befriend the tallest and strongest boys in my year, now nobody comes at me." It was nice to see that, as much as River picked on his brother, he cares for him enough to give helpful advice.
"But the tallest and strongest are the kids who bully me!" Lake pouted, and River laughed.
"You have to get used to being Craphole, then." So much for caring about him.
"How do you get rid of bullies, Forrest?" Lake asked, and River muffled another laugh in his hand.
"Get rid of them? Why would I want that? I have business with them, they pay me to do their homework, and I can get them to do whatever I want." Linda smiled proudly at that. Her son, a mafia boss at age six. Lake, on the other hand, let out a disappointed sigh.
"I wonder how Everest gets rid of bullies." He sounded hopeful, but River laughed again.
"Everest is a bully, dumbass." Forrest said, rolling his blue eyes, and Lake's hopeful look turned into another pout.
"Look, kid, listen to me." Linda finally interrupted, getting the boy's attention. "You don't need any of that, and you're not letting anyone bully you. Next time they try, you're gonna kick their ass."
"But mom, I'm little, they're big."
"It doesn't matter. Did you ever notice I'm shorter than most grown ups?" The little boy nodded. "And I still can kick the ass of anyone who tries to mess with me." Lake's eyes lit up, but they were interrupted by a soft knock.
The door opened, and a nurse came in. A very familiar nurse. Her ginger hair was tied in a ponytail so reminiscent of her cheerleader days, and the nurse uniform made her eyes more blue. How did she manage to look so good in those ugly ass uniforms?
"Becky Barnes, what are you doing here?" She barely thought before saying those words, her voice infused with spite, like it normally was towards her.
"I work here, mrs. Monroe. It's my shift now, so if you excuse me, I'll check your son." She was nothing but strictly professional, and it bothered Linda for some reason.
The blonde just waved her hand, dismissively, but kept her eyes on the woman as she approached Everest and started checking his vitals and the numbers on the machine by his side.
"Mom!" Lake called her attention back to him, poking her arm. "You'll teach me to beat them?"
"Oh, yes. First thing you have to learn is how to kick them in the nuts…" she proceeded to explain how to use the height difference as an advantage, and the best ways to hit weak spots. She would put this boy in some martial arts class soon, but for now she felt he was at least a bit safer.
"Mom, look, I finished my drawing!" River stood up and ran to her, holding up the paper he has been working on. It showed a silly caricature of Everest with most of his body warped in bandages, like a cartoon character. It wasn't bad, for a seven years old.
"Good job with the shading, dear." She complimented, handing it back to him.
Then Becky Barnes started walking towards the door, her head down.
"Hey! How is my son, Barnes?" She asked, making the nurse stop and look at her.
"He's good, mrs. Monroe. The anesthetics are wearing out, he'll be awake soon, and probably will be able to go home by tomorrow." She said, her eyes avoiding to meet Linda's, which bothered her in a way she didn't know exactly how to deal with. There was a tension between them, something Linda didn't dare to put her finger on.
They rarely saw each other, for a town as small as Hatchetfield, mostly because they had very different circles. And, in the latest years, most of the times they did meet, they just pointedly ignored each other. Of course, Linda would normally put up a show to grab the spotlight every time she saw Becky was present, just to make sure the woman would notice her, but they hardly spoke to each other. It brought a strange feeling, talking to her in this situation, after so much time.
Then her phone rang, thankfully breaking the weirdness of that moment.
"Gerald, thank God!" She answered, and that was the cue for Becky to leave.
******
It was around midnight and the hospital room was silent, so much that the creak of its door opening echoed through the room. The patient wasn't bothered, but Linda, who was sleeping on the couch by his side, buried under a thick blanket from head to toe, woke up. As she was sitting up, she heard a soft, hushed voice.
"Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Monroe, I didn't mean to wake…" of course, it had to be Becky Barnes. Her apologies were cut short when she saw it wasn't Mr. Monroe there, and her eyes went immediately to her feet. "Oh. Linda. Sorry, I--"
"You didn't think I'd be the one to sleep in here, I get it." It made sense, Gerald was the affectionate parent, and that was common knowledge.
Linda's voice also came out low, but she kept her eyes on the redhead. If, earlier, it felt weird talking to her after so much time, now that they were alone it was even more tense. When was the last time they were alone?
"I shouldn't have assumed…" she said, apologetically, walking towards the boy sleeping on the hospital bed.
"It's probably safer to assume the worst of me, anyway." Linda looked at her nails, a bitter sarcasm dripping from her voice.
"Well, yes, actually." Becky agreed and the blonde rolled her eyes. Sometimes it felt like Becky never saw behind her facade, even being one of the few given the chance to. "But I should know better." She whispered, and Linda's eyes went up back to her.
"Oh?" It was all she could muster.
"I saw you with your kids earlier, didn't I? You're not a bad mother" Becky said, still not looking at her.
"Why are you talking me up? Do you want something?" The blonde asked, frowning.
"No, I mean it." She did, Linda could hear it in her voice. But it didn't convince her.
"Oh, please!" Normally, Linda would brag about being a great mother, of course, she couldn't admit being nothing short of great at anything she did. But deep down, she didn't actually believe that. And there was no point trying to convince Becky of all people. That aggravating woman still knew her better than most people, even though they barely knew each other anymore.
"You're better than you realise, Linda. Better than your mom." Linda could see, by her peripheral vision, that Becky stopped what she was doing to look at her, but now she was the one unable to face her.
"Like that was hard!" She scoffed, looking anywhere but at the nurse.
"It's harder than you think, you know? Breaking their patterns, being better than our parents, it's not easy."
Linda didn't have an answer to that, so a heavy silence fell between them, while Becky went back to checking on Everest. Her therapist and life coach used to say something similar, about her never learning to show affection due to the way her mother raised her, and sure, there was some truth to it, but Linda never thought herself to be better than her mother. And she definitely never considered how big of a deal that was.
Also, hearing those words from Becky made her consider something else: was the redhead struggling to break her parents' patterns too? Was that why she wasn't able to let go of Stanley? Linda never thought about it that way, and she was lost in those musings until she noticed Becky finished to do what she had to.
"How is he?" She asked, raising her eyes back to the woman, who was making notes on the clipboard beside the bed.
"Good, stable. He'll definitely be able to go home by the morning." Linda nodded, and Becky finished her notes, her eyes then lingering on Everest for a second.
"He looks so much like his uncle." She said with a smile, and Linda scoffed.
"Yeah, that's what people say." She rolled her eyes.
The good side about having boned her brother in law, was that people didn't get suspicious that the kid looked like him. Except, Becky Barnes knew her too well. Her eyes went up to Linda, and the blonde immediately looked away, afraid she would give something away.
"Linda… is he--?"
"Not your fucking business." She cut, harsh and sharp, and Becky nodded.
Another tense silence came in, both still refusing to look directly at the other. Becky started to leave, but as she was reaching the door, Linda stood up.
"Wait!" Becky stopped, still facing the door. "I… is he…" get it together! She told herself, taking a deep breath and turning to look at her son instead of the nurse. "I can't stop thinking about that thing you said once, about head traumas and--" this was bothering her since the moment she saw the cut in Everest's head. She never gave much thought to Becky's accusation, that Stanley's aggressiveness was her fault, but the fear that her son could become like him really frightened her.
"Oh! No, Linda, don't worry about it, he'll be fine! It's not all head trauma that affects your personality. Most times it doesn't change anything, ok? Don't worry." She saw by the corner of her eye that Becky walked towards her, stopping just behind her.
"You're not just saying that to put me at ease, right?" Her voice was small, her eyes still on the boy asleep.
"No, I know you can take bad news, you're a tough bitch." She said, bringing a smile to Linda's face.
"I am." She finally turned around and looked at Becky.
Even in the near darkness of the room, there was a chill when their eyes met. Those eyes were like the ocean, pulling her in and drowning her deep, and when they were that close it was impossible not to lose herself in them. And with just a second locked in that heavy stare, she was already lost, opening her mouth to say more than she should.
"Thanks, Becky. For taking care of him. And for saying that… nobody ever said it to me before… that I'm… a good mother. I'm not--" fuck, what am I doing? No, she wasn't like that, she couldn't show her weakness, damn it! She quickly looked away, afraid of opening up more than she already has.
"You are. Even though I don't agree with teaching a four year old to beat other children." Becky's voice was soft, and it made her smile despite of herself, but she quickly hid it with a sneer.
"Nonsense, he has to defend himself, I won't let a son of mine be bullied!" She said, rolling her eyes.
"Rich for you to say that, considering how you bullied me when we were kids." There was a sarcastic kind of amusement in her voice, that wasn't very common for her.
"I didn't bully you!" Linda made her dramatic voice, putting a hand in her chest to pretend she was offended.
"Yes you did! You pulled my hair, and put your foot on my path to make me stumble, every day!" She didn't sound mad, in fact there was still some amusement in her voice, almost nostalgic.
Linda ended up looking at her eyes again, and she gave up trying to hide the little smile on her lips, as she remembered those simpler times when hating Becky Barnes was so much more fun.
"Oh, please, it's not like you were a helpless victim! I still remember when you spilled water on my books. You used to be fierce, back then."
Linda missed that too, that brave redhead who always stood up for herself and for what she thought was right. That fire in her eyes was so rare now, most of the times she saw Becky the woman kept her head low and her back bent, like she was constantly afraid.
But right now she was smiling. It made her look a bit more like the cheerful girl she used to be, and few things could be more beautiful than that smile.
"It doesn't compare, Linda, you were actually mean! Remember when you stuck a chewed gum on my hair?" She was half complaining, half joking. Too much time has passed to either of them have any grudges about the silly fights of their childhood.
"Oh yeah, you had to cut it so short, it took a whole year to grow it back. That was fun!" She let out a small laugh, and for her surprise, Becky laughed too.
"You're terrible!" She teased, between giggles.
God, when was the last time they had such a light mood between them? Could there be any hope…? They've been strangers for so long, it even felt ludicrous to think like that. But it was so easy to fantasize when they were staring into each other's eyes and laughing about their past.
"You always tried to get my attention in all the wrong ways..." Becky whispered, as their laughter died out, taking Linda out of her wishful thoughts.
"I don't know what you're talking about." She broke the eye contact and turned her back at her, fearing the truth in Becky's words.
"You know, this weird way you have of showing you care." Where was that coming from? Becky has always been so painfully oblivious to Linda's feelings, why was she saying this kind of thing now?
"I don't care about you." She crossed her arms, her defenses going up again. Nothing good ever came from being open and vulnerable, and it was foolish to have let herself show this, just for a few seconds with those eyes and that smile.
"Oh? So getting Stanley arrested wasn't one of your fucked up ways of caring?" Becky tried to sound like she did when complaining about the gum in her hair, but there was something heavier on her tone.
"I thought it was me being a hindrance in your life? Wasn't that what you said?" Linda tried to hide how that topic still hurt her, but she could hear how petty she sounded.
"Something like that, I guess, but it doesn't change the fact--" no, she wouldn't just stand there and be lectured about that again.
"It's been almost eight years, Barnes, get over it!" She interrupted, turning around to face the redhead again, cursing the fact that she was doing such a terrible job at keeping her emotions hidden.
"I'm not the one holding grudges here, Linda." Becky was calm, and Linda hated it. She hated being the one losing it, and she hated that Becky was right about her holding grudges.
"Then why are you bringing this up?" It has been eight years, but thinking about that day at the precinct still hurt. She could still feel the slap on her face, and the stab on her heart when Becky said how she hurt her.
"I was just making a point." Her calm voice made Linda's blood boil, how righteous she sounded was almost insulting. Fuck it, she was losing her cool, so she'd at least make Becky lose hers as well. And if there's something she knows how to do, it's touch someone's weak spots.
"You make your point clear every day you don't press charges against that asshole." She stepped closer, putting her hands on her hips in a more assertive stance.
"No! We're not talking about this again!" There it was, a spark in her eyes, just a seed of that flame she used to have.
"Sure, there's no use to it, anyway, since I apparently hurt you more by saying the truth than he--"
"Shut up!" Becky closed the distance between them and took her by the shoulders, almost shaking her, and Linda's eyes widened in surprise. "Stop poking at my wounds, it doesn't help!" Her voice was almost breaking, but still low, mindful of the boy sleeping in the room.
"I'm not trying to help." Linda raised her chin, trying to look superior, but it also ended up getting their faces closer.
"You are! But this is not the way, Linda!" Shit, she could feel her breath, so close… and Becky didn't let go of her shoulders either, which made it even more distracting. But she wouldn't back off.
"What is the way, then?" Her voice was just a whisper, but her tone was sharp and the words hit hard. Becky looked down, her hands dropping from Linda's shoulder.
"I-- I don't know." Her lips quivered, and it was so infuriating!
She was there for a while, the fierce Becky, angry at her, the flame in her eyes… and just like that, it was gone and she was looking down again. But Linda wasn't having that. She took the woman's chin in her hand and pulled it, forcing their eyes to meet again.
"Because you don't wanna be helped." Again, her tone was hard, and she did her best to ignore how close they were.
"I…" for a second, it looked like Linda's harsh words wouldn't be enough, but then she saw that spark again. "You're missing the point entirely!"
"Am I? I thought the point was how weak and pathetic you are." She said, a smug smile crossing her face, her fingers still on Becky's chin squeezing it a bit, just to provoke her. It worked, she saw the anger filling her eyes again, and the ginger slapped her hand away, leaning even closer in a menacing gesture that made Linda's heart skip a bit.
"No, it's more about how you're too fucked up and mean for your own good!" The ferocity in her voice sent a shiver down Linda's spine, and her finger poked the blonde's shoulder accusingly.
"Fuck you!" Mirroring Becky, she slapped her hand away and leaned closer. Now their noses were almost touching, and both their breaths were uneven with the thrill of the argument.
"Wow, that's eloquent." Becky mocked, raising an eyebrow. She was so infuriating, so enticing, when Linda realised she was already grabbing the collar of that uniform in her fist and pulling her.
"Do you want me to be eloquent?" Her lips almost grazed on Becky's when she spoke, and a chill ran down her spine.
Fuck, fuck, fuck! What am I doing?
She's let herself get too caught up in the fight, in the closeness…
Too close! I have to step away before I do something stupid!
But how could she do that without backing off from the fight? She couldn't just back off, and she couldn't let Becky realise how much this closeness affects her. Damn, it was so hard to resist…
Wait, did she look at my lips?
Had her eyes just deceived her, or Becky was…?
Fuck it, I'm gonna kiss her.
She could regret it later, right now there was only one thing in her mind.
"Mom?"
Linda never moved faster in her life, pushing Becky away and running to her son's bed. He seemed only half awake, blinking a few times to adjust his eyes to the dim light. Did he see something?
"Yes, dear, I'm here. Are you feeling something?" She softly caressed his thin blonde hair, and the boy shrugged, looking sleepy.
"I'm going to call the doctor." She heard Becky's voice, and her quick steps leaving the room.
When the doctor came to see Everest, he came alone. The boy was fine, and soon Linda went back to the couch, but she couldn't sleep. She's almost screwed up so bad, how did that happen?
With all the effort she put into keeping control, how did she lose it so fast that night? Was it the stress of that day getting to her, or was it just Becky Barnes fucking with her mind? On top of blabbing about one of her insecurities, she almost gave away her worst weakness? Because that's what loving was, of course. And a love that lasts so damn long, it was too deep not to be a dangerous weakness.
Thank God Everest woke up just in time. What would Linda have said if she'd kissed her, when Becky inevitably rejected her? She would be vulnerable and there would be no excuses, no way to remedy it. Linda has let her guard down that night, and it couldn't happen again. She'd make her walls stronger, her defenses sharper, and forget this fucking night happened.