Chapter Text
Saturday, November 21st, 2020
...
Walking into Joe and Nicky al-Kaysani's Brooklyn Brownstown, Nile Freeman thinks she might be a bit over her head.
"Come in, come in." Joe bustles her inside and takes her coat. "Welcome, it's good to see you again."
"This place is even more beautiful in person." Nile recognizes large swaths of the house from their videos. "Thank you for welcoming me into your home."
"Absolutely, Nile, we are happy to have you."
Nicky is in the kitchen, putting a lasagna in the oven.
"You are a terrible cliche, my love," Joe says, kissing his cheek when he stands back up. "Nile is here."
"I can see her, thank you." Nicky holds his arms out and kisses Nile's cheek. "Welcome to our home."
"Thank you for having me." Nile shoulders her bag. "Let's get this show on the road, yeah?"
The top floor of the brownstone has been converted into a studio, all skylights and wide open floor space.
"I want to live here. Can I live here?"
That earns her a laugh from both.
"You'll have to earn your keep," Joe says, gesturing to the filming setup. "Help Nicky figure out why the box lights won't talk to each other."
Twenty minutes later, they've finally found the short in the wiring. While Nicky and Nile troubleshoot, Joe sets up the cameras to get all the necessary angles.
"I am intensely jealous of your set up," Nile says, ogling their lighting and cameras.
"Thank you, Tesoro, we try." Nicky finishes fiddling with the lighting camera.
"This is what happens when two youtubers fall in love." Joe helps Nile put on her lapel mic. "Then again, Art in Conversation is easier to cover with a four-camera set up."
"Much less running for me," Nicky says, gesturing broadly to the studio. "I have walked a thousand miles around this room."
"I bet editing is a bitch." Nile pulls on her oversized paint-shirt to cover what her overalls can't.
"Understatement of the century," Joe says, rolling his eyes. "Do you want to get rolling, or talk this through one more time?”
"Intro, prompt, paint and talk, wrap-up, cut, print," she rattles off. Nile rolls her shoulders, cracks her knuckles. "Let's do this."
Nicky steps behind the monitors, and Joe and Nile take their seats.
"Art in Conversation - Nile Freeman," Nicky says. "Rolling."
...
"Art in Conversation - Nile Freeman" (Joe al-Kaysani)
"Hello, my friends, welcome to another episode of Art in Conversation. I am Yusuf al-Kaysani, but you may call me Joe." Joe smiles brilliantly, his perfectly-white teeth standing out against his full beard. "Joining me today in honor of the fourth day of Vlogmas is up-and-coming illustrator, Youtuber, and twitch streamer, Nile Freeman."
The shot cuts to Nile, her socials popping up in the lower third. Her braided space-buns take up the upper third of the shot.
"Thank you so much for having me," Nile says, grinning. "I'm thrilled that you asked."
"Your fans are both numerous and vocal." Joe winks at the camera. "You won by a landslide on my latest Patreon poll. If you would like your opinion heard for the next Art in Conversation, check out my Patreon at the link in the description."
"Remind me of the rules of this whole thing?" Nile asks, transition smooth as silk.
"Art in Conversation Rules." The usual graphic pops up. "1. Paintings must reflect the prompt in some way, chosen from twitter by Nicky so I cannot plan ahead. 2. We have three hours, no exceptions, or else there is entirely too much footage and I wish to perish. 3. No cheating - no peeking, commentating, or sabotage. Got it?"
"Got it." Nile squares her shoulders and holds her pencil aloft. "Hit me."
"Nicolo, my love, what is our prompt?"
"The Tree of Souls," Nicky announces dramatically. "Thank you to @yusolo69 - nice - on Twitter for the prompt."
Joe's eyes twinkle when he looks at Nile. "Three hours on the clock. Ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be."
"Begin," Nicky declares solemnly, and the clock starts on screen.
The clip speeds up as they lay down the foundations of their work, the initial sketches and first tests of paint colors. It slows back down when twenty minutes have elapsed.
"So, Nile, you're primarily a digital artist, yes? Web-comics, book illustration, things like that?" Joe asks, a paintbrush behind each ear and another tucked in his shirt pocket.
"I prefer digital," Nile agrees. "This is the first time I've done analog art in a while, so cut me some slack on technique, eh, old man?"
Joe sputters dramatically, somehow managing to poke himself in the cheek with sunshine yellow.
"I am not an old man."
"Yes, you are," Nicky says from behind the cameras.
"It's all relative. I'm twenty-six. You're thirty-seven." Nile points at him with her paintbrush. "From my perspective, you're practically a thousand years old."
"Then you should respect your elders, smartass," Joe says, wiping his cheek and smearing the yellow paint. "Back to the topic. Why digital art?"
"Part of it was money, to be honest." Nile shrugs. "It was easier to pinch and scrape to afford a shitty two-generations-out-of-date iPad than to buy the nice paper and supplies I wanted to work with."
She bites the end of her paintbrush before making her next mark.
"I was good at it, too, which helps. I upgraded my set-up in high school, and the art teacher who specialized in digital design took me under her wing. I got to use her high quality Wacom for the first time…" Nile whistles. "I was hooked. I started doing commissions in high school to upgrade my shit, got a scholarship for college, and it all went from there."
"You used traditional mediums in college, I assume?"
"Sure, I've done a little bit with a lot of mediums. I like acrylics, but oil is of the devil. Photography is fun, which is what lead me to video." Nile smiles at the camera and turns her attention back to her work. "I struggle with sculpture for the same reason I struggle with perspective. My spatial reasoning gets iffy some days. Just ask my stream audience. They've seen me on some bad freaking days."
"You are very talented, especially for someone so young," Joe says, halfway teasing. "For an infant to have come as far as you."
"Okay, step off it, old man." Nile rolls her eyes, making eye contact with the camera. "I'll take the compliment, though."
"You should. I mean it. Your original work is beautiful. You have a real eye for color."
As Joe speaks, several pieces of Nile's artwork appear on screen – a page of a web-comic, a self-portrait, a landscape.
"Your work for the web-comic Clay and Violets is beautiful. You and Dizzy Ali make a great team."
"Trust me, it was all her writing. Without that, all my work would just be pretty pictures that don't say anything." Nile stands to get more green paint. "Then again, I've always known Dizzy was a genius. Knew it from the first day of college."
"What told you she was a genius?" Nicky asks, refilling both of their water glasses.
"We were strangers on move-in day, and I get to the dorm -" The edit fades out on Nile's story, cutting back in five minutes later. "…so she has to get all of us, plus the suitcases, plus the girl from 214's fish tank out of this elevator without breaking anything." Another cut, to considerable progress on the work and Nile continuing her story. "She got the rolling laundry bin over the curb and through the doors, no injuries, and no spilling of poor 214's fish tank."
(A graphic hovers over the image - "She talked for twenty solid minutes. For the full story, watch episode outtakes on Patreon.")
Joe lets out a low whistle.
"And this woman went into writing and not engineering?"
"Nah, she double-majored. Her salary is a good chunk of the way we can afford rent somewhere half-way decent." Nile looks into the camera. "My linktree is in the description box. Buy Clay and Violets, or support me on Patreon!"
"Nice plug," Nicky says with a snort.
"Thanks, I try."
The video shifts to just the two paintings in progress, a time-lapse with lo-fi hip hop in the background. The clock ticks away, with the edit slowing at an hour left.
"Tell us about your latest projects," Joe says, snagging the tube of crimson and returning to his stool. "I was watching the stream last night, and you said something about commissions?"
Nile nods, gaze solidly on her work.
"I'm running a sale on commissions. If you agree to let me do the work on stream, you get fifteen percent off my usual prices." Nile swipes at a blob of paint with her finger and wipes it on her overalls. "It's a win-win, because you get a Nile Freeman original, and my stream gets content."
"I've already commissioned you," Nicky says.
Nile's price breakdown appears onscreen, along with the link to order.
"I look forward to seeing how you draw what I've requested."
Nile grins. "I'll have to push it up in the queue, then. You added reference?"
"I filled out the form properly, do not worry."
"As should everyone watching this video," Joe says straight to camera. "Support an up-and-coming artist. She is quite talented to be a kid of her age."
"How can you be so mean and so nice to me, all at once?" Nile sticks her tongue out at him.
"I ask myself that question every day, Nile." Nicky barely dodges the tube of paint Joe throws at him. It clatters to the floor off-camera.
"It's nice to know y'all flirt as much in person as you do on camera." Nile pulls her detail brush out of her space bun and adds some tighter line-work. "It's sickening, really. How dare you be so happy?"
"Is there anyone on the horizon for you, Ms. Freeman?" Joe asks, dragging his gaze away from Nicky for once. "Any special someone?"
"Nah, no one." Nile shrugs. "I'm not really in a dating headspace right now. My last breakup hit me hard."
"Gita Essaidi, the model, right? She was in your photography show."
Joe and Nile both look at Nicky, who shrugs.
"I may be an old man, but I can google."
"You can google too. Or don't, it's your choice." floats on screen.
"Yeah, that was her. Anyway, after coming out of a long-term relationship, I'm focusing on myself."
"Much to the chagrin of your fans, I'm sure," Joe teases. "Good for you for taking that time. Too many people dive straight into another relationship too quickly."
"Didn't you two date for like three months before you got married?" Nile asks.
"Ask our audience, dear. We had been circling for years at that point." Nicky comes over to kiss the top of Joe's head.
"Besides, we are soulmates. What we have is very rare."
Nile looks into the camera like she's on the office as they kiss.
"Focus, Joe. We're on a time crunch, here." Nile shakes her brush at him. "Kiss your husband on your own time."
"Oh, I will." The shot zooms in on Joe's eyebrow waggle then jump cuts to Nile's unimpressed stare.
There is another time-lapse as they get closer to the end, brushes flying.
"Your time is up! Put your paintbrushes down and stretch. Then it will be time to show off your work," Nicky announces with the well-practiced air of someone on season three of a YouTube series.
The next shot is Joe and Nile holding their paintings up, away from each other. Nicky counts to three, and they turn them to the cameras.
Joe's painting for "The Tree of Souls" is full of light. It's mostly earth tones, a weeping willow with the silhouette of two men embracing integrated into the trunk.
"Oh, Joe," Nile says reverently. "It's beautiful.”
"You incurable romantic," Nicky says, fond.
"You are my soul, Nicolo."
Nile tries not to sniffle and doesn't do well.
We have two very different approaches to this prompt."
Nile's painting is dark, angry. The tree is made up of souls instead of merely containing them, body parts wound together to create a branching oak.
"That is stunning, Nile," Joe says. "I love your use of color. The depth is amazing."
"I also feel obligated to ask if you have a therapist," Nicky adds.
"I do, don't worry."
"This is the whole point of the series. Two artists from very different backgrounds will interpret a prompt in two very different ways." Joe sets his painting on the easel and holds out a hand for Nile to shake. "Thank you for joining me."
"Thank you for having me. This was a blast."
The shot cuts to the two of them on the ratty studio couch, paintings propped behind them.
"Thank you for watching this episode of Art in Conversation. If you enjoyed it, please do all the fun YouTube things that save us from the horrors of the algorithm," Joe asks. "You can find me on Patreon for extra content if you would like to support me further."
"My linktree is in the description," Nile says. "If you'd like to see more of the two of us together, head on over to my channel where we will be ranking paintings of Saint Sebastian by level of horniness. It's going to be great."
"Thank you, everyone, and have a blessed day!"
End screen.
…
"Nicky, I realize you are already married and also gay, but will you marry me?"
"I am sorry, bella," Nicky says, laughing. "I cannot marry you."
"Okay, so what do I have to do to eat more of this lasagna every day for the rest of forever?" Nile scrapes at her plate, and Joe gives her another serving.
"Just keep visiting. I make it once a week, at least." Nicky leans over and stage-whispers, "Sometimes I even make it with pork sausage, when I am feeling naughty, and I get a whole pan to myself."
"The price I pay for love and keeping halal," Joe says, rolling his eyes.
"That sounds fucking amazing," Nile says. "Call me the next time you make haram lasagna, and I'll be here."
"I'll hold you to it." Nicky sips his tea. "Let's talk the next video quickly, while you finish your lasagna."
"Okay, I'm thinking all three of us on the studio couch, and we'll just fly through the slides I put together. As long as I take good notes, I should be able to edit it way quicker than y'all get your shit done."
"So high art and intense editing for ours, slap-dash and charming for yours?" Joe nods, parsing the thought. "I like the contrast."
"Of course you do. Contrast is kind of your thing. I'll hold my video until the agreed-upon date, of course. That's just good collab manners."
"You spoil us, dear," Nicky says, tossing a rogue cherry tomato from the salad at her head.
"I'm gonna get really good at ducking, hanging around you people." Nile tosses a piece of bread at Nicky, who catches it and takes a bite.
"Just wait until you meet Andy."
“I look forward to it.”
…
"How horny is too horny? Rating St. Sebastian paintings with Joe and Nicky al-Kaysani" (Nile Freeman)
Nile is sitting on the end of a ratty, paint-splattered couch, with Nicky on the opposite end and Joe in the middle with a laptop on his knees.
"Hey guys! Welcome to another episode in my 'Nile has Opinions (and Sometimes Friends)' series, here on the channel. Joining me today are a pair y'all have been screaming at me about for months, Joe and Nicky al-Kaysani."
Canned applause plays while Joe and Nicky wave.
"Thanks to popular demand, I am finally doing a brief, non-exhaustive rating of the horniness of Saint Sebastian paintings." Nile glares at the camera. "Y'all are nasty."
Dozens of screenshots of comments begging for St. Sebastian pop up on screen, and Nile waves them away.
"I figured, who better discuss gay Catholic horniness than Joe and Nicky?"
"I resemble that remark," Nicky grumbles.
"Resent, my love."
"That too."
"Now, since I have you, Nicky, would you like to tell the folks at home about St. Sebastian's story, before we get into the Renaissance softcore?"
"Gladly." Nicky clears his throat. "During his time in the Praetorian guard, Sebastian was caught converting prisoners to Christianity and sentenced to death by arrows. He survived the arrows by being healed by St. Irene of Rome, but he was later killed fully by clubbing at the order of Diocletian, making him somewhat of a double martyr."
"Most of the art focuses on the arrows," Joe says. "Probably because it is far more romantic than clubbing."
"Not to mention, it's an excuse to paint a holy twink with no clothes on," Nile adds. "I completely understand the logic."
"That is because you have a sinful mind," Nicky says, overly-solemn.
"Don't even start with me on sin, Mr. Spicy Catholic. We don't have time for philosophy. I'm here for horny Renaissance painters and holy twinks." Nile bounces a little, excited. "We will be rating them on a scale of zero to ten dicks. Let's begin with Frans Badens."
Joe pulls up the first painting, and it appears on screen, along with the title card "Saint Sebastian" (1600-1618) by Frans Badens. It is a painting of a muscular man with two arrows in his abdomen slumped on a tree trunk. His modesty is preserved by some sort of shawl knotted around his waist.
"That background is very beautiful."
"Focus, Joe." Nicky squints at the screen. "Is he flexing as he dies? Why is he flexing?"
"Because Frans Badens thought it would be hot that way?" Nile suggests. "This is fairly horny, but at least it looks like he's actually dying."
"That does not seem like a high bar," Joe says. "Look at him, he is mostly naked, his muscles are flexed, and he is built like a brick shithouse. I give him eight out of ten dicks."
"Seven out of ten. You cannot see his face," Nicky says.
Nile shakes her head. "Six out of ten dicks, if only because of the others we have coming." She clicks something, and the first painting disappears. "Up next, our most modern example, 'Pala d'Altare di San Sebastiano' by Albert Edwin Flury, 2012."
"I did not realize people were still painting horny St. Sebastian paintings so recently," Joe says, zooming in.
"Now I understand why you said 'at least it looks like he's actually dying,'" Nicky says.
St. Sebastian 2012 is in careful, model-esque repose against his tree trunk, gazing pensively into the distance. Five arrows pierce him in very specific angles, and his ensemble is a white fabric diaper situation.
"He looks like a model," Nile says approvingly. "Like they just said to give them your best blue steel."
"He is very pretty, and not at all a martyr," Nicky argues. "I give this eight dicks out of ten."
"I concur," Joe says.
"That makes three of us. Next!"
The next painting appears. The graphic label says "Der hl. Sebastian," Francesco Furini, ~1610.
All three squint at the screen, confused.
"Is he holding a bow?" Nicky asks.
Joe frowns. "He doesn't even have any arrows in him?
"That modesty cloth is hanging on through sheer dick magic," Nile says with a laugh. "That is not how cloth works."
Furini's Sebastian is unmarred, his face concerned but his body dancing. He is covered by a white cloth that technically wraps around his hip, and he has some sort of cloak billowing between himself and a whipping post.
"He has a delicate turn of the ankle," Joe says. "Very shapely."
"He's also one of the least martyred ones, other than his face." Nicky shakes his head. "This must be before the firing squad."
"I am baffled by this artist's choices," Nile says. "I vote seven dicks out of ten?"
"I say eight. The artist was so horny, he didn't want to show wounds on a martyr," Nicky suggests.
"I vote with Nicky."
"Eight it is. Next!"
The next painting is of a peaches-and-cream complexioned Sebastian, his doe-eyes pointed to the heavens. His wrists are crossed and tied to the tree behind him, and he has two bloodless arrows in his torso. "Saint Sebastian" by Guido Reni (1615) pops up on screen.
"Look at how pretty he is! This takes repressed homosexuality to a whole new level," Joe winks at the camera. "I would know."
"This looks like kink art," Nicky says bluntly. "Beautiful, soft, but kinky.
"I am a true art critic, using my art school degree," Nile says. "I declare this painting is a nine out of ten dicks. The only way it would be higher is if his modesty cloth covered less."
"I agree. Reni didn't commit."
"Except for a sin, making a Saint that beautiful," Nicky jokes.
"Now for a more modern one," Nile declares.
The painting on screen is of a fully-naked Sebastian on his knees, his hands tied above him. The light patterns are stark, his chest almost glowing as shadows surround him. His eyes look toward the heavens. The graphic says "Erzsébet Korb, 1921."
“Now you see, this work here is interesting because it’s almost aggressively horny. It’s a feral kind of horny," Joe says.
"Yet it is also one of the most reverent," Nicky argues. "Look at the way St. Sebastian is looking up to God, pleading for mercy with his entire body."
"I appreciate that she didn't bother with a modesty cloth," Nile says. She leans in. "Her use of color is stunning."
"This one is the most similar to your art style, hayati," Joe points out.
"It's definitely my favorite. It's also the only one from this list by a female artist," Nile says as she checks her notes.
"It is both impressively horny and beautifully reverent," Joe says. "Ten out of ten dicks, five out of five stars."
Both Nicky and Nile nod in agreement.
"We're only five paintings in, but we've been talking for over an hour, so I'm gonna call it here." Nile rubs her temples. "Editing this is going to be a bitch."
The video freezes.
"Editing Nile here," she says via voice over. "Past Nile was right, this was a bitch to edit."
The video starts up again.
"Okay, boys, final thoughts?"
"I love how everyone who paints him is agreed on muscle definition," Nicky says.
"It's like literally everyone from 1612 to 2012 said 'I don't know much about St. Sebastian, but I know he was a twunk,'" Joe says. He grins when Nile bursts into laughter.
It takes Nile a second to breathe, and Joe smirks.
"I also think that I might be inspired to add to the Canon of horny St. Sebastian paintings." Joe bats his eyes at Nicky. "Would you pose for it, Nicolo?"
"Are you calling me a twunk, beloved?"
"No, I'm saying you're so beautiful that I wish to paint you in the style of the masters."
"I will pose for you, Yusuf, if it makes you happy."
Nile looks into the camera while the men kiss.
"We get it. You're in love." Nile pokes Joe in the arm. "Stay on topic.”
"I have exhausted my well of charming banter, hayati," Joe says. "I think 'twunk' was the last of it."
"I agree."
"In that case, that's all we've got for this episode of 'Nile has Opinions (and Sometimes Friends).' Join me next time as Dizzy, Jordan, and I rate color field paintings for their use of color."
"The way you look at the world is fascinating," Joe says, chuckling.
"Be sure to check out Old Man and the Spicy Catholic if you haven't already. All their links will be in the description box below." Nile points. "You'll also find my socials, my website, and my Patreon. Any and all support is appreciated, even if it's as simple as liking or clicking the bell to turn on notifications. Any last words, gentlemen?"
"If you came from our channel, be sure to support Nile," Joe says. "She is a lovely and talented young woman, and your Instagram feed would be blessed with her."
"I paid him to say that," Nile jokes. "Okay guys, be safe, and go create something!"
End screen.
...
Friday, December 4th
…
Joe (12:00) Just uploaded the latest collab for Vlogmas, let me know what you think.
Booker (12:11) Awesome I’ll go watch it now. Notifications have been shitty.
Joe (12:12) I think you'll get a kick out of this one.
Joe (1:32) Book? Are you there? It’s been an hour. Did you not like it?
Joe (2:16) Okay, it’s been two hours now, you’re starting to worry me...
Joe (4:25) Sébastien Anthony le Livre, if you don’t text me back, I’m calling the police.
Booker (5:03) I think I’m in love