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They met in their first year, well, even before their first year actually.
Tendou could still vividly remember that day, spring was fleeting and autumn was slowly settling in the prefecture. The red head was barely 16 at that time, lost as he wandered through the large corridors of Shiratorizawa Academy.
“Where in the world—?” He was there to visit the campus and become familiar with it before he officially started his 1st year of high school. Usually, he would’ve been fine left alone as he walked through the endless cold halls but he was getting very hungry, and he knew the newest copy of Shonen Jump would be sold out once he arrived at the store if he didn’t find the entrance right away.
“Excuse me,” A deep voice called out from behind the skinny boy who jumped slightly at the sudden sound, turning around, he saw the infamous Young Giant. Olive brown hair and matching olive colored eyes were what met the dark scarlet irises of Tendou.
He had an intimidating aura, Tendou had to give him that. He could guess he was aloof, blunt, and probably took everything too seriously.
He was definitely something.
“Hi, I’m Tendou Satori and I think I got a little lost finding the exit,” he chuckled, though the boy in front of him found nothing amusing about the situation.
“And I’m—”
“I know who you are, Ushijima Wakatoshi,”
A laid back smile appeared on Tendou’s face, shoving his nimble fingers into the large pocket of his purple hoodie.
“And I know who you are, Guess Monster, ”
“Oh? Didn’t know I was worth remembering,”
The two boys stared at each other for a whole minute before Ushijima gave him a curt nod, “I’ll show you the way,” he started walking the other way.
The walk back was mostly talking and babbling on Tendou’s part, he found Ushijima was as quiet as people rumored him to be. It confused the wing spiker a bit, he was used to silence, to people shutting up immediately after they’ve deduced he was an antisocial person but this red head wasn’t taking his silence as rejection, he was taking it as an opportunity to talk more.
At the end of their short journey, it was as if something clicked between them.
Ushijima decided that maybe this Guess Monster was worth keeping around.
Tendou decided that maybe this Young Giant was worth being around.
“Thank you, Ushiwaka,” Tendou turned around, giving him a wave over his shoulders.
“I look forward to being your team mate,” Ushijima gave another nod before turning around himself, walking back inside the campus.
And team mates they did become.
It was funny to watch quiet, intimidating Ushijima standing next to and listening intently to Tendou’s almost animated ramblings but you could see that the ace was genuinely interested in whatever his new found best friend was talking about, he just didn’t know how to show it.
And Wakatoshi had to admit — it was nice. It was nice having someone next to you, it was nice having someone care for you, it was nice having someone understand you.
Tendou laid quietly on the cold gym floor, eyes closed and a content smile on his lips.
“Satori, do you still want to join me at the mall later?” Wakatoshi appeared beside him, sitting down while wiping away the sweat on his face. “Hm,” Tendou hummed in response, “I need to buy new mangas too,”
A copper haired 1st year approached Reon who was taking a drink, “Are Ushijima and Tendou together?”
Reon chuckled, “It’s complicated, Shirabu,” and that was the truth. For the 2 years he’s been their team mate, he knew what those fleeting touches and lingering looks meant but he also saw how fast Wakatoshi pulled back his hands, he saw how Tendou would cover up his true emotions with a laid back, unbothered expression.
“It’s best not to dwell on it,” Semi approached their newest setter, eyes also on Ushiwaka and Satori conversing quietly. Choosing to ignore the way Satori’s hands grasped the ace’s fingers, he looked at Shirabu, “Their personal matters shouldn’t matter to us,”
It was easy, Shirabu found, to ignore the pair’s intimate interactions and their strong bond.
But to Satori, it wasn’t.
“I feel things for you but we can’t expound on these feelings right now,” Wakatoshi ’s lips hovered over Satori’s own, left hand found its home on the back of his neck, fingers playing with the red locks.
Satori understood, he did, he swore he did but it was only normal to yearn for a label, right?
Sure, at first it was exciting, it was satisfying, it was assuring that Ushiwaka did hold feelings for him too, but feelings without a label meant nothing to him, he found. It took him 3 years to realize that.
“Relationships without labels aren’t relationships, Satori,” Semi told him one night over the phone.
“It’s so much easier for feelings to disappear in situations like yours,”
“How so?” Tendou fiddled with the large sweater that belonged to his not-boyfriend. It was purple and it smelled just like him. Surely he’d look for it later.
“He’s not yours and you’re not his, there’s no assurance, there’s no line that people can see for them to go ‘oh, he’s taken,’, there’s no limitations for people to approach him and steal him from you,” It was weird hearing the truth, hearing the words he tried to ignore.
“But he holds me when I’m broke and he swears he loves me with all his bones—he doesn’t ask for much,” staring at the picture of him and Wakatoshi in their 1st year, Satori knew his words were starting to sound delusional.
“Is that enough? Know your worth, ‘Tori,” Semi sighed.
He knew it wasn’t enough. He knew the friendly smiles in public weren’t enough when the only time he could ever hold Wakatoshi in a non friendly way was behind closed doors.
They were stuck in a limbo between just friends and in a relationship.
He knew it was selfish to ask for a label. Ushijima wasn’t ready yet.
And maybe Satori knew it was never gonna go anywhere.
He found the first signs of something tearing apart, being pulled taught and wearing out when Ushijima had told him so casually one day that someone had asked him to prom.
Was it petty? Yes but hadn’t they promised that they would go to prom alone to hide the fact that they were going together?
“Hm, I think I might ask Hayato’s sister or something,” was his reply and as usual, he bit his tongue and hid behind a mask of indifference.
3 years they’ve been team mates. 3 years of pointless chasing and running around in circles. Round and round they went but miraculously, they were still together ‘till the end. There were days where it looked like giving up was the easiest way out but there were days where they felt as though labels didn’t matter. They kept falling in and out of love and it was confusing, it was frustrating, it was exhausting.
“I watched your legs and your pride grow taller,” They ran away together on the night before graduation, sitting beside each other near the coast as they watched the cold ocean water crash on the shore.
“To be honest, you’re probably the person I’m gonna call one day when I get drunk at a college party,” Satori chuckled, though for the first time, Ushijima heard no semblance of amusement in his voice. It was empty.
The once comfortable silence they always found themselves in now stung, it felt heavy.
“We march to the beat of different drums, ‘Toshi,” Satori looked up at the sky, red eyes taking in the sight of a hundred stars above them. “We’re in a maze with no end and maybe these 3 years I’ve been telling myself that it’s alright because we’re still young and unsure of what or who we choose,” The red head felt nostalgic, as if he wanted to rewind back to 1st year and relive high school all over again. No matter how difficult it was.
“But maybe we need to find the exit to this maze,” Tendou looked back at the boy beside him.
Ushijima’s eyes slowly widened at those words.
“These past 3 years I was alright with how we were, untied strings and all because I had nothing to lose, you weren’t going to slip away from my fingers that easily but we need to stop pretending that it’s gonna be like that forever,” Satori’s smile didn’t reach his eyes.
“You cut me and I bleed gold, ‘Toshi,”
Was it always this silent? Ushijima thought as silence fell along them once again. Was the silence always this painful?
“But that’s alright, you’re still my best friend,”
It was the first step to the harsh reality that they had to step into once they graduated.
Years passed and yes, it’s like nothing changed between them but there was this unexplained tear in their friendship that no one could point out.
Ushijima was still as quiet and stoic as he was and Tendou was still talking his ears off.
They were now 20 something, far away from each other and far from the teenagers they once were.
It frustrated the red head to no end.
He knew in his heart and in his head that Ushijima Wakatoshi was the right person. He was the person.
He could close his eyes and see that white picket fence but he’d open his eyes and there he was again, in his Paris apartment all alone, hands burning to reach out and find comfort in a person that was never there to begin with.
Maybe Ushijima was the right person but Satori also knew that there will never be a right time. He could wait all he want but every second of his life time will always be the wrong time.
Dragging his body up from his bed, Tendou walked out to his balcony—you could see the Eiffel tower so clearly from his apartment.
Placing his forearms on the railing, the former middle blocker leaned forward, looking up at the midnight sky. It almost reminded him of their last night together. That night.
He blinked and suddenly his phone was pressed to his ear, ringing. He blinked and his body moved on its own. He blinked and before he could cancel the call the person on the other end already answered it.
“Hello?” Wakatoshi. There were sounds of sneakers squeaking against the floor and balls being hit. He was at volleyball practice.
“Hi, sorry to disturb you if you’re busy—”
“No, I’m not…I’m not busy,” Ushijima quickly cut him off, uncharacteristically nervous.
“How are you? Sorry, I just…” Satori swallowed, eyes glancing over at the bright Eiffel tower, it was so bright against the dark night sky.
“I just missed you,”
Wakatoshi didn’t know how to respond to that and even if he did, he couldn’t bring himself to talk because he just missed his voice so much.
“Can’t stop thinking about you and it’s frustrating y’know? Maybe it’s because you took all my firsts and you’ll probably be my lasts too and it hurts to think about because you were the one but we can’t ever find that perfect timing,” He laughed through tears.
Ushijima felt something in his chest jump, it felt weird. It felt unfamiliar but at the same time, it was a welcomed feeling. It was like coming home after a long time and everything about the interior was changed, furniture moved, and the walls painted a different color but it was still home all the same.
“The worst thing, even after everything is I still love you, Even if we never got to say those three words all those years ago, I did and I still do love you, ”
Wakatoshi dropped down to the bench, his legs felt weird and heavy, his chest felt tight, and his lungs became heavy.
“I’m asking for a lot but, Satori, can you please wait for me again?”