Chapter Text
The damp of the grass was creeping into his clothes and bones. He didn’t know how long he’d sat here, looking unseeingly at the horizon. Was he still crying, or just ...there?
He didn’t really care.
“Merlin?”
The sound of his name jerked him into consciousness. Merlin turned to see Percival, walking to him from the woods. He joined Merlin on the ground, staring at the terribly still waters of Avalon. Percival’s voice was ragged as he asked, “What happened?”
“I was too late.” He shook his head. It loosened something inside him. No, not loosened. Cracked. “I didn't get him here in time. I should never have waited that long to call Kilgharrah, but he was also weak and old and I was worried if he even had the strength to carry us such a long way, and now He's gone! I-"
“Merlin," Percival’s voice cracked with something worse than exhaustion. “You’re- take a breath.”
A few deep breaths.
"Now, tell me."
Merlin looked at him properly now. "Arthur, Percy. He's gone. I couldn't save him. The wound, it was fatal, and was delivered by no ordinary sword. I was getting him here, it was the only place that could save him, but I didn't make it in time. I just-" His voice broke, and saying it out loud made his heart twist in his chest. “I failed.” He didn't care that Percy was there. He couldn't bear to look up.
He was dimly aware of The knight crouching beside him, and now, looking up, realised that there were tears rolling down his face. Percival was one of the kindest people he knew, and yet there was little that could move him to tears. Merlin's chest tightened in a fresh wave of worry.
Blinking to keep the tears at bay, Percival swallowed. "We were being stupid, thinking we could take her on all by ourselves."
"What?" Merlin could feel the dread pooling in his stomach, slick over his sickening grief.
"Morgana. We set out, me and Gwaine, determined to end her. Of course we couldn't. The High Priestess.....she knocked me out, and tortured him, Merlin. I was helpless. I could hear him scream, and could do nothing at all...... Gwaine's gone too, Merlin." his voice caught in his throat for a moment. "I knew she was heading for Avalon, so I hoped to beat her here......the last thing he said was that he had failed." The knight's voice cracked at the last words.
Merlin felt as if he'd taken a kick to the stomach. He felt sick. He couldn't lose them both on the same day. He couldn't . The pool of helpless despair he’d slipped into seemed to dissipate as desperation kicked him to his feet. He couldn’t lose any more today. He wouldn’t.
"Quick, we haven't got much time. Lead me to him."
Percival looked up, dumbfounded. "Merlin-"
"Every second counts, Percival. Hurry!"
Still looking bone weary and tired, Percival staggered to his feet. Merlin ran up to the woods and sent out his magic in search of the horses. He sprinted into the forest, Percival just behind him. As they mounted the steeds, Percival voiced his concerns. "Morgana is still out there, Merlin. We can't face her alone! We-"
"Morgana's dead. I killed her."
Percy looked at him, bewildered.
"Now, lead the way."
With that, they set off, deeper and deeper into the forest. It took them about half an hour on horseback to reach Gwaine. Percival narrated all that had happened on the way, and yet, he asked Merlin nothing. He would always be grateful for that. When they arrived, the Knight was lying on the ground, pale as a ghost, and Merlin's heart stuttered. He could sense no life in the man laid out in front of him. Scrambling off the horse, he ran to Gwaine and crouched, dimly aware of Percival doing the same. Merlin inhaled deeply, and put a palm over Gwaine's heart. No beat.
The dread started climbing up his throat. He forced it down and closed his eyes, focusing all he could into his palm, into Gwaine. He felt his magic flow throughout him like fire, through his hand and into his friend. All he could sense was a darkness, an emptiness, as his magic swept through Gwaine. He couldn't give up. Merlin refused to accept that another one of those he loved was lost to him. No one else would be gone, whatever the cost. He-
There . Just there, amidst the nothingness, he felt life. It was weak, barely a glimmer, yet it was there . He surrounded it completely, warm and nurturing and supporting--healing. He could feel it flicker a bit brighter than before. He didn't know how long he had sat there, pouring all he could into that little hint of life till it grew strong enough to stand by itself. His eyes stopped glowing as he finally lifted his hand from Gwaine. He was still lying prone on the ground, looking marginally better than before. Merlin checked for a pulse, and this time was able to detect one, though it was thready and weak.
Relief washed over him, until he realized that Percival was exactly as he had been before, crouching beside them with his mouth hanging open.
"What was that!?"
Merlin felt himself go pale. He was just starting to realize that he had gone and performed magic. In front of a Knight of Camelot, no less. Instantly, his mind panicked and he gaped like a fish, not able to utter a single word.
“You're a Sorcerer?”
They just stared at each other for a few long moments. Before Merlin could say anything in his defense, Percy started talking. "How did you keep it hidden? That too, living in Camelot all the while. And now-" He broke off and looked down at Gwaine. His gaze, now somewhat uncharacteristically hard and piercing, moved back to Merlin.
"Did Arthur know?"
Thinking of the last two days with Arthur, that damned numbness seeped in again. A dim voice in his head, sounding rather like Gaius, told him he was probably going into shock. "Just..... Just, the last two days. As I brought him to Avalon." Not feeling able to go on, he fell silent.
Percival's stare softened considerably at that. A small, weak smile appeared on his face. "I lived outside Camelot for most of my life, my friend. I know that you're a good man. One of the best I've known. I won’t tell anyone."
Merlin was speechless. He had accepted it immediately!? Also, he was pretty sure he had never heard Percival speak so much at once.
"Right. Thank you.”
Percival nodded.
“Um... You should go, now. Get Gwaine to Camelot. He still needs healing, You have to get him to Gaius."
"Will he be able to take it in this condition? It's a few hours’ ride."
Merlin nodded his reassurance. Percival picked up their friend and headed for his steed. As he settled Gwaine securely in place, Percival looked up at Merlin, with a sudden realization. "Wait. What do you mean 'you'? Are you not coming back to Camelot with us?"
Merlin kept his eyes on the leaf-littered ground.
"If this is because of the magic, then you should know that I am not going to betray your trust in any way." The earnest tone of his voice was unmistakable.
"Trust me, I know that, Percival. It's just......" Merlin trailed off, and looked up at Percival, who now looked unfairly heartbroken
"I cannot pretend to know all that has happened, and I definitely cannot begin to understand what being in your shoes would be like." he said. "How long will you be gone?”
“I don’t know.” Maybe forever .
With no warning whatsoever, Merlin found himself engulfed in a giant hug which he couldn’t bring himself to return. Percival let go, and Merlin sighed. "Go on, then. You have to get back as quickly as you can. Goodbye."
"Farewell, Merlin."
With a last, wistful glance, Percival rode off with Gwaine.
For a long time, Merlin stared after them. He needed to think, to talk, to work his way through these last two days...... Or maybe the last ten years, even. The people he loved and trusted most were in Camelot. But Merlin was sure he could never bear to walk back in without his King. In his own way, Arthur had been the spirit of Camelot itself, and now he wouldn't be there, or anywhere, anymore.
There was only one place he could think of going to. But not just yet.
He rode to the spot where Morgana lay. She was just as they had left her, eyes wide open, staring lifelessly at the sky above. Merlin dismounted, and knelt by her. He gently closed her eyes with a palm. She was cold, now.
He should’ve told her about his magic. He’d always thought that the only outcome of it would’ve been loss and death, but…..now wasn’t any different. Maybe she would never have betrayed him. She would’ve lived if only he hadn’t acted so selfishly.
He sent her off the same way he had sent Freya. Lancelot. And Arthur. Lying in the boat, she looked so peaceful, innocent - he could see it clearly like it was just days ago, in the beginning when she was kind, fierce, generous, when she used to truly smile. Like she was, before the hate, the blind rage, the betrayal.
Merlin pushed the boat out into the water, too tired to say or do anything more. And once it was burnt to ash, he turned back and rode through the woods, away from Camelot.
To Ealdor. To his mother.