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Merlin had been feeling off the whole morning. His magic was a little hard to control, scratch that, a little hard to use. He was starting to get worried. Arthur was training with the knights, so Merlin had to accompany him. He couldn’t get to Gaius until after they had lunch… Magic wasn’t something that just went off, there might have been dark magic involved. The sun wasn’t helping his case, sweating like a pig even though it was a chilly day. He disregarded it. That wasn’t important.
“Are you okay?” Gwaine asked him when they had a break.
“Totally! Why wouldn’t I be?” he tried to look at Gwaine directly in the eyes but he batted his eyelashes too much.
“Merlin you always manage to sound suspicious, but I’ll take your word”
They finished up and Arthur yelled to Merlin “get my things and let’s go”.
As always Merlin did what Arthur wanted him to do, protesting under his breath. Everyone left to their chores and duties. The day was going by as any other. Leon and Arthur had to talk with an informant about a possible invasion in the north of Camelot, however it wasn’t nothing beyond ordinary. Arthur only sensed something was wrong when Merlin took longer than usual. There were no sarcastic comments being whispered behind him, about him or to him by that lazy servant of his, it felt strange.
“Go ahead” he told Leon as he rushed back to the training field.
Under the bright sun, Merlin looked as pale as a ghost. He was staggering carrying everything Arthur had taken there, his armor, sword, shield, maze.
“Is he staggering because of the weight?” Arthur wondered. He always though Merlin was weaker than him in strength. He fastened his pace.
“Should we help the king’s manservant?” whispered one of the passing guards.
“He always carries everything at once, don’t sweat it” replied his partner.
Arthur concluded that Merlin was indeed physically strong. But something wasn’t right. He was a few steps away from Merlin when he collapsed. He ran to him and started asking for help.
“I AM THE KING OF CAMELOT; I NEED GAIUS IN MY CHAMBERS NOW!” he yelled as he piggybacked a burning Merlin.
Merlin was grunting and furrowing his eyebrows in pain. His whole body was catching fire. Arthur ran his way into his chambers and kicked the door open. Everyone in the castle, the knights, Morgana, Gwen, even the kitchen staff were worried or feeling strangely uneasy. Arthur grabbed the nearest piece of clean cloth he could find and wiped Merlin’s sweat from his forehead. With the tips of his fingers he moved the locks of hair that were sticking to his pale skin.
“Everything will be alright, just… hang in there”
Gwen tapped Arthur’s shoulder, tending to switch places so she could take her of Merlin.
“Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it, this doesn’t make sense… He was perfectly fine yesterday” he said as he carefully followed each of Gwen’s instructions.
Gwen left to bring Gaius faster, because Arthur was starting to lose it. Merlin stopped grunting and breathing heavily and now was silent.
“Don’t leave me like this… I haven’t…” Arthur grabbed Merlin’s hand and squeezed it. His nervous heart crushed like a porcelain plate when the touch was lifeless. “I haven’t told you I love you yet” his voice cracked and tears rolled down his face.
But he was the king. He couldn’t let anyone see him like this, he had to maintain composure.
“I’m here sire” said Gaius as he walked over to the bed.
Arthur was resting his face in Merlin’s hand, once he heard Gaius he stood up and paced around the room. He looked at the floor, then at Merlin, then at Gaius and the floor again, repeating this pattern several times until it drove Gaius mad.
“I’ll give you a few drops now sire, to calm your nerves”
“Nerves? I’m not suffering of nerves! I’m completely fine! Why don’t you focus on Merlin instead… please” he pressured.
“Ah yes, my dear boy is… Well it is hard to tell because he is unconscious but this seems like a severe cold. Although I cannot say for sure…”
“You think magic may have caused this? Right in the middle of the discussions for lifting the ban… The sorcerers do THIS?!” he yelled suddenly and Merlin furrowed his eyebrows.
“Sire please keep your voice down!” alarmed Gaius, “No, I’m not saying it was magic, I’ll do my best but if he doesn’t wake up after two or three days then I don’t think there is much we can do”
With all seriousness he explained the medicines he would prepare, Arthur insisted on saying Merlin would recover and that Gaius should hurry to not delay the recovery any more. Although he said that more to convince himself than to reassure Gaius.
The king did not leave Merlin’s side. He wiped his sweat, changed Merlin’s clothes every now and then, admiring his body and also lamenting the state he was in. Arthur wasn’t eating either, he was far too worried. Whenever Gaius came to see Merlin the following day to administer the medicines, Arthur would not look. In the hopes that when he turned around, Merlin would smile mischievously at him again and make fun of his ways. It wasn’t the case.
The second night, after putting a cloth with water over Merlin’s forehead. Arthur felt the sickness was lifting. Merlin’s face looked more relaxed, and his hand felt warm-ish. He was overjoyed. Merlin, the love of his life, was not dead.
“Merlin… can you hear me? Merlin you’re getting better but there isn’t much we can do if you don’t wake up soon, your body can’t go on without food.” His words were rushed because Arthur and Merlin were running against an invisible clock that threatened their lives each second it marked. If Merlin died, Arthur's sould would go with him.
“Hn… Wa- Water” managed to mumble Merlin, his eyes weren’t opened and his body looked like it weighted tons, Merlin was only able to lightly squeeze Arthur’s hand.
He tried to give it to him cautiously but he was trembling. After a few gulps, Arthur left the jar with water and run to the corridor to yell for someone to bring Gaius. Merlin little by little started waking up.
“Agh”
“Don’t force it idiot! Stay there until Gaius comes… Uh, more water? I’ll grab you more water” Arthur stumbled and bumped into almost everything in the room. He was worried and felt relieved but most of all nervous. “Were you able to hear what I was saying while you were… well, while you were unconscious?”
“Not everything, it was muffled” replied Merlin in a frail voice.
“For fuck’s sake you sound terrible, don’t talk. Where’s Gaius?!”
A few hours later, Merlin was able to talk and eat normally but his body wasn’t strong enough to get him standing. He talked to Gaius privately about it, the old man went to look in Merlin’s chambers and eventually found herbs tied inside Merlin’s pillow. It had been some kind of nature magic that only thanks to Merlin’s gift his body managed to overcome. Recovery was not going to be as easy as the other times and there was no magic cure for this, at least none Gaius could think of at the moment. He promised Merlin he’d study and that he’d take him to his chambers.
When they were getting ready to leave, Merlin was using Gwaine as help to walk, Arthur barged in and demanded Merlin to return to bed. Immediately.
“Putting yourself in pain by walking and for what!”
“Sire but where would you sleep? You couldn’t possible go to Merlin’s chambers!”
“Gaius, it is not your place to worry about my sleeping whereabouts. Now I believe Merlin has to rest. No more trying to get out until you’re fully recovered!” he said looking at Merlin with a distressed face.
Not everyone was shocked by this reaction, what they were shocked about later was to discover that Arthur slept by the bedside, having his hair stroked by Merlin until he could catch sleep. Merlin was aware of Arthur’s feelings by know. They were obvious. He barely let other people take care of him and postponed almost everything that needed his presence. For the love of god he was actually thinking of inventing a higher rank of knight so Leon could be able to cover his duties as king until Merlin was good to go. Despite his own feelings, Merlin wished Arthur would wake up one day and fall in love with a princess that would help him with the alliance to shape Albion. His selfishness could not interfere with fate.
By the time Merlin’s body could walk by its own, it had been a week. Arthur had horrible stomach aches but from the nervousness of having to confess. Yes, confess. As he helped Merlin put his clothes on despite the “I’m not a child, I can dress myself!” and the “Oh so you’re calling me a child for having you help me when you were fine?” followed by “Don’t forget to add royal, a royal child”. Arthur ruffled Merlin’s hair and threw him his coat. He didn’t want to bare losing Merlin, to make it even worse, before making his feelings known.
“I have something to tell you Merlin”
“You always do”
“Yes, but this time it’s different… and serious” Arthur grabbed a chair for Merlin.
“You’re starting to scare me, have you killed anybody? Do we need to dig a hole and keep it hidden?”
“Merlin! Of course not!”
“Well you are acting weirder than usual, and just so you know, you can fully trust me. I would never gossip your murder around and I'm very good at hiding and digging” Merlin told him, trying to deviate the conversation. His gut was telling him Arthur was trying to confess.
“Merlin I’m trying very hard to say I love you here but you keep interrupting me! How do you expect me to confess properly when you can’t keep your mouth shut for two goddamned seconds”
Arthur’s eyes widened; he did not intend for that to come out like it did. He immediately looked at Merlin and he could see how his face light up and dropped to a sad smile.
“Arthur I…”
“Wait, no, let me do it right” His heart was pounding as he cleared his throat to try and wipe that sad smile from Merlin’s face. After seeing his face light up, he was sure Merlin liked him back. Whatever was holding him back… He’ll have to listen first. “Merlin after watching you practically come back to life I decided this couldn’t wait any longer. I won’t forgive myself if anything happens to you again and I think it’s time to let you know why… I love you. I’m in love with you Merlin, have been for quite some time to be honest. It’s everything you do, even the smallest things like smile or when you mock other people doing faces to make me laugh… You’re beautiful and I want you by my side forever. I want you as my king. Wait that might sound rushed but at least… Go out with me… Or even less, let me court you.”
Merlin’s eyes were sparkling with tears. Feeling feverish after all the words Arthur said. The room had been dipped in pink hues and all Merlin could see was Arthur in front of him, after not leaving his side, after caring for him in a way Merlin doubted he ever would.
“Are you sure Arthur… You will be de death of me if you realize you regret asking me that later on, I won’t be able to take it Arthur. You need a princess by your side, even when I love you too… I can’t let you do it… As your soon to be court advisor, I believe this isn’t your best of choices…” Merlin said with a raspy voice, holding back his tears as he watched his love of his life crumble.
“You said you loved me too but only to… reject me?” he asked. “Merlin I don’t care, I'm the king, I will make same sex marriage legal everywhere, I will promote love in everyway across every single kingdom if I have to. If going to battle for that is going to make you accept my love then I will do it”
“Don’t be stupid”
“I’m the one saying that to you! Even sick you’re one big idiot! I LOVE YOU, and you LOVE ME TOO. Accept my feelings and let the people who don’t accept our love D I E.”
Merlin chuckled.
“Fine I… I accept your feelings.” He said getting up from the chair with certain effort, walking step by step to get closer to Arthur. “Come here you dollophead, the last thing I want is a war, or people dying without reason... don’t go saying that again”
"Then don't give me a reason to"
Merlin blushed as Arthur embraced him in a hug. Arthur felt Merlin's body too warm, since he had heard Merlin’s raspy voice too, he bride-carried Merlin back to bed.
“Stop forcing yourself” he whispered in his ear while he laid Merlin in the bed and kissed his forehead. “I’ll be back with Gaius, try to rest”
“I will” he responded, and as Arthur opened the door he whispered, "I love you"