Chapter 1: Cataclysm
Chapter Text
If someone asked you what cataclysm first set you down this unforgiving path of solitary strength you'd be tempted to say it was death.
A single unnecessary, accidental death.
The tragic end of a girl too young to forsake her dreams and brave enough to make a promise to fight for them. You could say that it started with a cruel twist of fate and a promise uttered on a dead girls' sword; that this was the brutal loss that made you take your blades and steel your resolve and it would be true but it wouldn't be the whole truth.
The real trigger that took your wandering feet out of East Blue and threw you mercilessly back into the hunt for the title of World's Greatest did not come in the form of a long gone childhood promise but an offer to join in the impossible. As binding as that oath may be there's more weight on your swords than just that of a ghost. There is an even greater burden that rests between your teeth and it belongs as much to you as it does to him.
---
When you meet for the first time, you're being crucified and you don't believe in saviours, but hell if he's not the closest thing to salvation you'll ever get and if you'd known then what you know now you would have fallen to your knees and taken everything graciously. But this is the first time and you're still blind to what he is, so you can't help but wonder what the fuck this kid thinks he's doing asking the Demon Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zoro to join his crew.
---
What he turns out to be is a hell raiser, some son of the devil himself born with trouble in his blood, a hurricane masquerading as a human being. An idiot who lost his ability to swim for rubber limbs. A boy from East Blue with nothing to his name but an old straw hat and a dream to be the pirate king.
-in time he becomes the Captain of the Strawhat pirates, a 400 million berri bounty on his head, who once saved an entire kingdom for a friend, an enemy of the World government, one of the 11 Supernovas, the one who will be the pirate king and the only man you'll ever follow. That's who Monkey D. Luffy turns out to be.
---
You make it clear that you'll cut him down if he stands in your way, he makes it clear he wouldn't want anything less and smiles when he tells you it's the least he'd expect. You're Roronoa Zoro and nothing will make you throw your dream away. He may be your captain and you may be nakama, but he's not your dream. No, what you long for is to see the day when you meet cruel golden eyes and a black blade in a duel that has always been your destiny.
---
You lose that first destined duel.
In hindsight, you were a fool to think you could challenge Mihawk when you were still so weak. You manage to escape that encounter with a slash across your chest for your arrogance and a new promise, to your captain-to Luffy. Wadou raised to the sky, you shout it out across the wreckage, your heaving sobs tear at the wound on your chest making it sting with pain, your already blurred vision dims even more, threatening to black out, but what you've resolved must be said. You will not let yourself be defeated again! Not until you stand by his side as the World's Greatest Swordsman. You ask the pirate king if he has any objections, you can remember how he'd laughed around the word, bright and honest.
"Nope," he'd chuckled.
You couldn't see his face not from where you were, but you can imagine it's the same smile he wore when he asked you to join his crew, earnest and wide, a boyish grin of genuine pleasure. The one that made you say "yes" the first time and every time after.
It's a smile they won't pin down in history books and years from now when they speak of the legendary pirate king it will be a long lost memory. They'll speak of his fists, his monstrous strength, his never ending determination, but his smile will be forgotten and perhaps it is best for such a dangerous thing to disappear from this world along with his passing. Luffy's smile is one that moves entire oceans, for which you'd go through hell and back again, a smile that you'd follow to the ends of the earth if that's what it took.
You don't know that yet but you will, just not at nineteen, while you lie wounded and dizzy with the humiliation of your first total defeat.
---
Nothing really changes except your small crew does swell: you gain a cook, a doctor, an archeologist and a shipwright, but numbers in logic do nothing to dissuade Luffy from dragging everyone on dangerous adventures. You train, you get stronger and you protect your nakama.
You learn and grow and no, not everything is easy, in fact it's almost never easy, but you fight and you move forward and you carve your way through the Grand Line on a boat that's carrying all of you just that much closer to your dreams. You're nineteen and you have a place to belong, on a ship that feels like home with people you care for, who all care for you in return.
If you were hard pressed, you'd say you're happy.
---
Then Thriller Bark happens.
Bartholomew Kuma happens and you feel the foundation of your world crumbling beneath your feet. Before, Kuma. Before, Thriller Bark and the Florian Triangle and Hell on earth, you were certain that you'd fight for this crew, you'd risk your life but never lose it. That you'd cut down your captain before giving up your goal. Luffy's mangled body and Kuma's hulking form manage to shatter your solid steel conviction like so much glass.
It's unnerving how easily you'd trade your life for his.
You're not prepared for the eerie red bubble that blooms from your captains back or the way every inch on your being feels as if it's being ripped open and scraped raw. This body you've built from hours upon hours of training, muscles and bones that you've trusted to carry you through even the worst situations, this body, your body cannot fail you, not even to this unimaginable pain.
Luffy's pain.
It terrifies you more than anything to think that this is what he felt, this soul searing, mind consuming pain. It makes the decision so much clearer. This is something only you can do because you swore you'd protect them, him, because Luffy is the man who'll be the pirate king and your captain and the man you'd give your life to see succeed.
Chapter 2: Crucifixion
Summary:
You lost at Thriller Bark. You lost some of the ease and the innocence, lost the comfort, you're still nowhere near strong enough and this is but a precursor to what awaits you in the New World. You've lost part of the shine, not that it doesn't come back over time, just that its loss is sickeningly clear.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The shit cook knows or he's probably made a pretty good guess as to what happened, what with finding you an inch away from death in a crater full of your own blood. He keeps giving you this look, the kind of look you give to suicide patients and people who can't be left alone with scissors lest they try to slit their wrists. It's unsettling at best, infuriating at worst. You're frustrated, what's his problem? Can't he just let this go? Obviously not without some sort of intervention on your part. He hasn't told Luffy, or any of the crew, and as it's none of his business you'd rather he didn't. You make your move during one of his frequent trips down to the infirmary to bring you food.
"If you've got something to say, say it shit cook." You manage to spit the words out with only a minor struggle, talking is really the last thing you want to be doing. There's a brief window of silence, your hopes soar at the thought of avoiding this whole unpleasant ordeal and come crashing down when the cook opens his stupid yap.
"Why did you stop me?" Fuck, he's probably spent days thinking about this, probably made a bunch of stupid assumptions too. You're probably going to have to set him straight and your initial plan of 'get cook's attention, then tell him just to keep his mouth shut' failed spectacularly the moment you invited him to talk. You've really backed yourself into a corner.
"Because he told me to protect this crew." You replied.
"So you decided to throw your life away? Huh, you shitty marimo?" He accused. His ridiculous spiral brown furrowed downwards and his shoulders are tense, you've known the cook long enough to tell he's getting agitated, great.
"Tch, didn't." You grumble making a very deliberate show of rolling your eyes to emphasize how much of an idiot he's being.
"You almost did, bastard. You could have died! Don't you dare tell me you knew otherwise!" Voice raised and clearly just as exasperated with this exchange as you are.
"I didn't." You didn't know if you'd survive, you just had to.
"Then why did you do it?!" He's sounds strained as if he's running the information in his head and trying desperately to find an answer. You doubt he's going to find it.
"Because...."and you try your best to articulate a thought you're not sure you can even begin to decipher adequately in the first place. You're not good at expressing yourself, you're not eloquent or well spoken like Robin, unable to weave stories a mile long like Ussop, can't summarize in eight words the pain of separation and the immortal value of friendship like you know Luffy can and you've never been good with words but you try.
"Because I owe him that much." It comes out sounding like a lie, and though it may be true that each and every one of you owes so much to the rubber man, it doesn't even begin to capture exactly what you mean. The cook is quiet, he lights one of his cigarettes and takes a slow drag. He's looking less vexed.
"You're a fool." He tells you between a lungful of smoke.
"Maybe." He's right, but you'd never give him the satisfaction of agreeing.
"You going to tell him?" Ah, the dreaded question. You've been waiting for this.
"No." You grit out.
He startles slightly, "Are you kidding me?"
You snort dismissively,"There's nothing to tell."
The cook gives this long suffering kind of sigh and shakes his head. "Well...I suppose that's up to you moss head."
-you are still laughably ignorant of your own motivation because this is still the begin of your adventure. This is still so early in your long story of gore and glory. This is before Sabaody, before Marineford and light years away from the red sands of Raftel. This is the beginning of your epiphany.-
He leaves without much fuss, which is out of character for a guy who spends a good third of his time fussing about women, food or his own appearance.
----
The cook's not the only one who was rattled by the whole incident, it rattled all of them really. They're not the same after Thriller Bark they have to mend, like your bones, they need time before they can get back on their feet. You wish you weren't confined to the sickbay. You don't feel like you're healing, you feel like you're stewing in the stagnant blood of Kuma's mercy. This mysterious almost invulnerable monster with a bible in his paws. The memory tastes bitter in your throat. Your bandages itch, your head throbs and hell your teeth ache.
You want out.
Chopper absolutely refuses, it's maddening. You lost at Thriller Bark. You lost some of the ease and the innocence, lost the comfort, you're still nowhere near strong enough and this is but a precursor to what awaits you in the New World. You've lost part of the shine, not that it doesn't come back over time, just that its loss is sickeningly clear.
What you lost at Thriller Bark you gained back in a new crew mate, the long sought after musician. A living, talking skeleton. Soul King, a fitting monicker. Brook plays his violin like the damned soul that he is, music for all the lives that he lost and he lived by.
A fellow swordsman.
You don't envy him. After Kuina -a name that still makes your scars ache and at nineteen feels raw on your tongue-,you swore to yourself when you first set your sights on that wild blue sea that you wouldn't allow yourself to lose someone like that again. You can't imagine what he felt, don't want to imagine the loneliness, the guilt, an experience too close to what could have been your own.
---
The sun feels good on your face after spending so much time cooped up in the sick bay, Chopper finally relented, after much grumbling on your part, that some fresh air could do you good, though if he catches you trying to sneak in some training you'll be sentenced to another week of bed rest. You're tempted to ignore that and throw yourself right back into your routine but it would upset the little doctor and you're not keen on giving up your freedom yet, so for now you lay back and try not to pull at the mess of your bandages lest they come undone and Chopper throws a fit.
You don't have to listen hard to hear the sounds of your captain bouncing around on deck. As loud and as boisterous as ever. Luffy laughs bright and delighted at some joke Ussop just told and it makes your chest tighten almost painfully. You came so close to losing that, to losing him.
---
Your captain is a diamond; strong, dazzling and so very precious. The world is full of men vying to be pirate king, of swaggering thugs who talk big and can't back it up, petty cutthroats and thieves, rich in pennies and poor in dreams. Idiots who play it like a game, in that sense Luffy's already got them beat, there is no game, you can't win what you're not willing to lose. They may call you a demon, but he's the real demon on the crew, dark eyes, bruised fists and a do or die succeeding smile. It ignites your blood, tempers your ambition, makes you sharp and deadly. His brother may be fire, but you wonder if Luffy isn't made of the same flame. The way he burns and burns and you've never once been able to look away.
Oh.
You were damned from the very first day. That fire had consumed you completely. You died on that cross, the Pirate Hunter was crucified and you were resurrected as a pirate under a king's eyes. He took your breath before you even gave it away, steals it every day, leaves you dizzy. Fish need water, people need oxygen and you need him. You need him like an addict needs a fix, like fingers need tips, like some mix of love meets devotion meets destiny. He rewrote your identity, painted your flaws in perfection, swept in like the answer to every question. He's like summer storms and spiced rum, chaos and cracked knuckles. You've bought into his off brand insanity. His mischief and naivety. Monkey D. Luffy is a lot more than a little bit incredible and you're a lot more than a little bit in love.
---
You're Roronoa Zoro the world's greatest swordsman, not now but someday, and you're in love with a legend. You could cut the Red Line in half and you would if he asked. Your name will sound across all the Blues, it will ring up in the heavens, it will echo along with Pirate King Monkey D. Luffy for all eternity and you know he'd expect nothing less.
Notes:
So that's it! My first fic finally completed. It was kind of a weird ride. On my part at least. It was strange to write on a schedule. I hope you enjoyed. I had fun writing this. I'll admit my dialog is still kinda stuff but I'm working on improving that. Feel free to leave comments/criticisms I'm trying to improve.

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