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Tommy wasn’t sure how he felt about the whole storming-into-L’manberg idea Technoblade presented back in that cozy arctic house, what with how both of them were banished, but Techno insisted they would be safe, and at least it was something to do.
He did not feel very safe when Techno realized they underpacked invisibility potions right as they ran out of supply in broad daylight. When Techno’s outline started appearing in front of the camarvan, they booked it out of there into the nearest building- the apiary, the house of bees Ranboo told him about the last time he visited Tommy in Logstedshire, with a basement and all.
The trip to the nation he had built had taken longer than the both would have liked, and 32 minutes of invisibility wasn’t a whole lot to search for Techno’s missing gear in an entire city . This was an oversight on both of their parts, but to be fair to them, they were two people who never did things unsupervised that didn’t ever go wrong in some way. A lot of experience in the chaos causing field, but not so much in the... we should probably fear for our lives field.
That’s how the two found themselves running back through the sewers they had dug into from beneath the apiary, and despite the dire circumstances, Tommy found himself smiling, looking at the walls of concrete and stone brick with a sense of fondness. “I built these, you know!” he shouted to Techno, the two of them dashing through the dank tunnels. It was cold and dark, save for the torches spaced across each wall to prevent the spawning of mobs; the sewers had just been another project for Tommy, something fun to do in such a boring atmosphere after the war and before the election. Everything was simple then; commit crime with Tubbo, or maybe against him. It depended on the day, honestly.
“Really? I wouldn’t be surprised, they’re quite ugly!” Techno shouts back with a laugh, and Tommy lets out an indignant cry, pushing his older brother. It only makes him laugh harder.
Techno slows to a speedwalk, glancing around the sewers with a sense of new familiarity. “I used these to escape with Carl yesterday,” he said matter-of-factly, and Tommy made a noise of surprise. These sewers hadn’t been used in so long, they were practically forgotten. They were made in a time of fun, when he and Tubbo were still- well. No time to think of the past.
Techno thrusts a finger up ahead to point at a fresh tunnel, mined out of the brick. It had a distinct lack of dust coating it. “Right there! This is where I brought Carl out!” He peers inside and walks up the staircase, staring down an even darker hallway that led to a room with walls of blackstone. Even from a distance, soul lanterns were visible, brightening it up like a light at the end of the tunnel.
“I’ve never been down this tunnel-” Tommy says, slightly suspicious, but continuing to follow Techno anyway. Blackstone wasn’t exactly the most welcoming brick, but maybe it could be used for a secret base, like the ones they were building everywhere, like the one they escaped to in the revolution. Tommy tries not to think about it.
“Yeah, ‘cause it didn’t exist yesterday,” Techno states, raising an eyebrow at him- does he even listen to me?, but Tommy is already walking past him, his steps careful.
“...What is this?” Tommy asks quietly, not looking up at his brother for a response. Memories start trickling into his mind, memories he doesn’t want to recall, but Tommy pushes those thoughts to the side. There’s no way. He doesn’t want this room to be- what he thinks it is. He won’t believe it til he sees it.
A button on a pedestal he wasn’t meant to press.
“I’m not sure, I wasn’t here when it was important.” Technoblade walks past him into the room, but Tommy has stopped just before entering. He remembers. This is exactly the place. His face falls slack, panic rising in the bottom of his stomach like bile. He exhales shakily, looking up at a sign on the wall, sitting next to pistons and redstone lamps- Person 3.
Dream popping out of the wall and slaughtering him with a knife to the throat.
“Yeah, something like the final control room, ” Techno reads off a sign at the front. He looks up at his brother, who was white as a sheet. “What happened here, Tommy?”
Bleeding out on the ground, looking for his friends, but all he saw was a smear of red.
Tommy lets out another shaky breath, stepping fully into the room. He stares down at the chest with his name on it- TommyInnit. The place where his first life was taken. The place a traitor took them to just to be murdered. A place where no one left the same.
“...We’ve got to go,” Tommy says, and immediately turns and sprints back down the way he came. Techno stares after him, mouth open slightly in confusion, before sprinting after him.
“Tommy, you’re freaking out for no reason,” Techno calls, a chuckle in his voice, but his worry is evident- not that Tommy notices. Tommy is blocking out his thoughts with only the word run repeating in his brain, like a rivulet that carved itself into stone.
“Which way is right, which way did we come from?” Tommy mutters, but he doesn’t wait for an answer, sprinting down the next tunnel, getting as far away as he can. He cannot think about the place where he died, the place that caused Tubbo to constantly look over his shoulder to this day, the place that caused Fundy to stop laughing with ease, the place that caused Wilbur so much paranoia, the very reason for so much pain. Prime, why is he thinking, WHY ISN’T HE RUNNING?
“Which way is- what?” Techno calls down the tunnel, watching as Tommy slips and falls into the grimy water before immediately pulling himself out, not even fazed, not even stopping to squeeze out his sodden shoes; the squelch of boots starts sounds down the mined out tunnels, repeating with every step Tommy takes. “What- what HAPPENED HERE, Tommy?!”
“We’ve got to go, we’ve got to -” Tommy cuts himself off, spying some ice coating the path ahead. It occurs to him that maybe, just maybe he shouldn’t be running with wet boots across ice, but he’s too slow in acting and before he can stop, he’s already skidding down the stone. Flailing, he slams a hand against the stone and lands on his bum. Not very dignified. If only Wilbur could see him now.
Techno catches up in time to see Tommy curling in on himself, trying to fight away some invisible monster. His eyes are unfocused and unseeing. Tommy himself isn’t aware of anything beyond his own brain, and if Techno is speaking, Tommy can’t hear it. All he hears is the sound of pistons scraping past stone, how he felt when he saw Sapnap and George and Punz with their weapons out, the panic and the finality in the shout of Wilbur’s “A traitor!”, just before he was cut down and fell, how Tubbo had screamed before he was silenced, the way Fundy backed into a corner, the last to live, forced to watch his compatriots fall one by one like dandelions in a breeze. How all of them were killed in only a matter of seconds, and how after that, everything had changed. The notion of L’manberg no longer simply an ideal, but how that brutality they vowed to escape was now so very, very real, now that they knew just how brutal things could be. The final control room, and how it controlled him to this day. The past held Tommy in a chokehold, and he could never escape its grasp.
“Tommy,” Techno says, putting a hand on his elbow, and Tommy jerks away so fast he bangs his arm against the wall. Techno pulls away his hand fast as lightning, opting to kneel in front of Tommy instead. “Tommy, can you hear me? Tommy, listen to me.”
The sound of Techno’s voice penetrates the fog clouding Tommy’s mind, the memory of empty chests and empty promises drifting away in the clarity of Technoblade’s voice. “Tommy,” he repeats once more, and his voice rings clear. Tommy is listening. “Deep breaths, Tommy. Here.” Techno demonstrates, exaggerated breaths going in, and out, slow and even. Tommy didn’t even realize how fast he was breathing, how quickly his heart was beating, how rapidly his thoughts raced by. Tommy tries his best, his breaths choked and uneven, but slowing down just the same. He can feel tear tracks on his cheeks; he was crying? When did that happen?
When Tommy realizes just what happened, he’s immediately embarrassed by himself and his behavior, and he shudders before coughing and laughing awkwardly, ducking his head. “Oh. Oh, that was stupid of me. Let’s-” he tries to stand up, but he’s shaky. He holds an arm against the wall, and Techno’s hands raise to help him, but Tommy shoots him a look and his arms fall.
“Why are you so scared of that room, Tommy?” Techno asks quietly.
“I- I don’t-” his vision blurs again and he slides back to the ground. “No, Technoblade, I’m not- I’m not ready to-”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain,” he rushes hurriedly. “Just breathe. In and out.”
Tommy does, his breaths straining against his lungs, making a pitiful wheezing sound with every inhale he takes. He’s on the verge of tears again. “I- where’s Dream? Where’s Dream? I need my friend!” he cries, burying his face in his arms.
Techno says nothing, just wraps his arms around him, and in that moment Tommy feels like such a child , like when he was younger and scraped his knee playing outside and had to be carried into the house by Techno. But this time, it was just out of weakness, out of some stupid thing he wasn’t over even though he should have been by now. Why wasn’t he over it? Why hadn’t these scars gone away? It was so long ago, why couldn’t he just leave it like water under the bridge?
“Healing takes time, Tommy,” Techno says quietly, and Tommy lets himself sob into Techno’s arms, cradled by his big brother.
“I- I missed you so much, ” Tommy sobs, burying his face into his brother’s shirt, his arms wrapping tight around Techno’s back. “Prime, I- I hated you!” he blubbers, voice rising in pitch. “I hated you so much , and you left me, and then you come back and-” he hiccups through his tears. “You come back and destroy the country I built with Wilbur, the last thing that was left of him and- and- and- I missed you! Why couldn’t you have acted like you cared?” Tommy lets himself cry, the warm red cloak of an anarchist king wrapped around his kid brother’s shoulders. Technoblade looks down at him wordlessly, his face crestfallen.
“You were so awful and- and- in the end it doesn’t matter because-” Tommy hiccups. “Why couldn’t we just- be a family? Why couldn’t you be there for me?”
Techno rests his chin on Tommy’s shoulder, rubbing circles into his back. “I’m sorry, Tommy. I’m here now. I won’t leave you. Not again.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone.”