Chapter Text
Nights weren’t loud in the Jedi temple. They were quite the opposite actually. The busy coruscant nightlife bustled, but the Jedi temple halls were empty. Every once in a while someone would walk by, or roll - if they were a droid.
The bustling nightscape lit the temple, along with the dull lights that hang from the ceilings.
Anakin pulled himself along the halls. The large windows illuminated the outside world.
He wasn’t able to sleep; which he no longer concerned himself over. It had been months since the Clone Wars had started, and at this point everyone was tired.
Anakin had seen death, and an overwhelming amount of it. From many clones and Jedi to his own mother.
He couldn’t lie and say it didn’t hurt him.
His mind was almost always preoccupied with the many voices of lives lost.
Lives he blamed himself for losing.
Anakin always felt he could’ve done more to save those around him.
He carried guilt with him.
Blaming himself for the smallest of mistakes.
He was the chosen one afterall.
And it manifested itself differently, depending on how intensely he would feel it.
Anakin had nights where he would just lay in bed, feeling the voices, as he’d feel vitriol towards himself.
These were rare. Most of the time he was not strong enough to sit with the emotion.
Anakin had many nights where he’d act upon such guilt.
Or days.
It would manifest in the refusal of food, most of the time.
Anakin felt this to be the only worthy punishment.
Sometimes it would manifest in more immediately destructive methods of coping.
Anakin wore gloves which reached his elbow, to hide some of the angry scars that ran along his skin.
This was rare - something he did in moments of unmanageable anger.
In moments of despair, he tended more towards sneaking food from the dining hall, and eating as much as he could before bringing it back up again.
This was embarrassing.
Anakin didn’t enjoy the fact that he did it, nor did he ever really want to do it. It usually seems to just happen.
He tried to avoid it, as it was his most destructive habit. Immediate damage was apparent, but there was lasting damage, that Anakin was starting to feel.
He was only human.
Anakin was tired. He wasn’t tired due to the lack of sleep though. He spent many of his nights sleepless, or with little sleep.
This was an exhaustion that ran deeper. It ran throughout his body, and Anakin could tell it was an after effect of his awful habits.
He couldn’t seem to care, not that this particular moment.
His steps felt heavy, even with his actual bodyweight having decreased. His strength was failing alongside his health, and with the Clone Wars raging heavily - he felt nothing but more guilt for destroying his capability to fight.
He had already ended up in the medical bay a few times due to being reckless.
It was part of his brand.
His comlink beeped, which usually meant something urgent.
“Anakin? You there?” Obi-Wan asked through the comlink.
“What’s up?” Anakin asked.
“Meet me in the hangar bay, we have a bit of uh...a situation.” Obi-Wan said.
Anakin turned his body around, adrenaline carrying his steps, as they were light, and the fact that he hadn’t eaten since breakfast was unapparent.
A fleeting feeling; one that won’t last for very long.
He walked into the hanger a few minutes later. He made every attempt to hide the fact that something so simple had winded him.
“Alright, what’s the problem?” Anakin asked, announcing his presence.
“On a recent mission, it seems your padawan was stranded with a troop of my men. They are safe, but in need of a ship to come back.” Rex explained, and Anakin had immediately started to his fighter.
“And where do you think you’re going?” Obi-Wan asked.
“I uh… We’re not using fighters, I guess.” Anakin observed, and shuffled back to the group.
“No, we’re not fighting, just rescuing.” Obi- Wan explained, and boarded one of the cruisers. Anakin followed with a couple of clones.
Nothing felt at stake, at least not at this current moment. Anakin was calm, and unnervingly so. There was something serene about existing in space at this very moment.
He wasn’t sure if it pertained to his undeniable hunger.
The time of night.
Or the reassurance that this wasn’t an inherently risky mission.
“You’re unusually quiet.” Obi-Wan observed.
“What do you expect when you pull me for a mission at such an hour?” Anakin remarked.
“I’m not sure what I was expecting.” Obi-Wan said, and Anakin pulled himself away from the window, and went to sit in the back, as the clones piloted the ship.
An expected exhaustion passed over him, and with the calm atmosphere of the ship, he fell asleep on one of the benches.
Anakin awoke some time later, and very calmly. He was expecting at least some form of attack on the ship, and was surprised to wake up as they landed on another jungle planet, and with Obi-Wan standing in the doorway.
“I hope you weren’t watching me sleep.” Anakin remarked, as he pulled himself up.
“Only for the last few minutes. We’re landed.” Obi-Wan said, as Anakin slowly made it to his feet - the hunger he was experiencing hours ago was now translated into weakness.
His knees buckled slightly, as he took his first step. He caught himself, but the realization that Obi-Wan had watched him trip over himself. Anakin found nothing more embarrassing.
Obi-Wan led Anakin towards the rest of the group, as they walked upon the planet, and ran straight into Ahsoka - as expected.
“Took you long enough.” Ahsoka smirked. She stood beside Anakin, as she usually would. They loaded the salvaged supplies into the cruiser.
“Tell me, how do you lose a ship?” Anakin asked, following Obi-Wan back into the loading bay.
“It just crashed.” Ahsoka said, excusing herself jokingly.
“Of course it did.” Anakin remarked, and they walked back to the bridge.
Slightly unnerved by the uneventful trip, Anakin remained beside the other two Jedi - trying to remain on his feet - the deep running exhaustion weighing him down.