Chapter Text
Komaru didn’t mind the occasional jabs that were directed at her.
She didn't mind the aversion to bathing, strange though it may have seemed (her sense of smell was never particularly strong, anyway).
She didn't even mind that Toko seemed to have an incredible loathing of manga, the one thing that really brought Komaru joy.
But something about the girl’s obsession with Byakuya Togami, with the man she deemed her ‘master’ and pined for endlessly, rubbed her the wrong way.
Not because of jealousy, or wanting the same for herself— Komaru loved the idea of love, and if anything her shōjo manga had given her a fantastic expectation of the concept— but because of the way that Toko seemed entirely oblivious to the man’s lack of requite. Not only that, but in the few instances she saw the pair interact he seemed borderline abusive.
She’d tried to bring it up a few times, but Toko wouldn’t have it. You don’t understand the complexities of love, she said, you’re just a boring virgin.
Never mind that Toko was also a virgin; in her mind, however, she was more experienced.
“I h-hope M-Master’s okay… I haven’t heard from him in so long… ...I-I should check in.”
Toko stared at the Future Foundation laptop that lay on the hotel room’s table, her mind tweaking like an unscratchable itch the more she thought about it. As she rose, arm outstretched, Komaru shot upright from her spot on the bed.
“Toko, don’t!”
It was one of the few times ever that the girl had actually sounded firm with her friend. She was often indecisive, but even when she did make a decision she tended to do so with soft confidence.
The mousy author turned to Komaru, who looked… surprisingly stern. Unfortunately, most anyone who came between Toko and her thoughts of Byakuya tended to be met with assertive resistance.
“W-why not?!” She looked absolutely appalled. “He might need me!”
Komaru’s voice dropped almost instantly, like a dog whose owner scolded it.
“Toko… listen, I… think we should talk about this whole Byakuya thing.”
The girl was about to chide Komaru for being jealous, but thought better of it. She was… a friend. God, that still felt so strange to say. A friend, a real friend!... But they had also argued— albeit mildly— about Byakuya many times. It was an occasional bump in their otherwise perfectly adequate relationship. And so, having paused midstep, Toko found herself obliging and crossed over to the bed beside her.
“W-what do you w-want to talk about?...”
Komaru couldn’t help but look guilty as she spoke up. Not just look, she felt it too. Toko was slavishly devoted to the man. Regardless, it was a conversation that needed to happen.
“...I know how you feel about Byakuya. And… I love that you feel such dedication for someone. But… I’m afraid it’s bad for you.”
“B-bad for me?! H-how could you even say that?!”
“Toko, please, just listen to me…”
Komaru hated playing the ‘bad guy’ in the situation. It was impossible not to; Byakuya was not only the ‘good guy’ but Toko’s shining knight.
“It’s been a long time, right? A long, long time. And he’s… never reciprocated it. He’s never even hinted at having those feelings, y’know? He’s just been so mean the entire time—“
Toko wasn’t going to stand for it.
“You have n-no idea what Master and I have! I’m his beloved! Th-there’s no way he’d just abandon me!”
“Toko…”
Komaru was too tired to argue it. She took a deep breath before speaking again.
“I just… don’t want you to get hurt. You have people who care about you, deeply, and the best relationships that you have in your life grow from those who are kind to you and love you for who you are.”
There was hardly more than a grumble from Toko in response. She stood once more, though she didn’t move; rather she simply crossed her arms and glowered in the other direction.
“N-not like… y-you know anything about relationships…”
“Fine.”
Komaru stood as well, looking down at the floor in quiet defeat.
“I didn't mean dating… I meant any relationship… but fine. If you want to continue spiraling over him, I won’t say anything else. It’s your decision.”
With that, the younger Naegi sibling walked off to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.
Come on, Toko…
Komaru’s eyes rolled up to the ceiling as she leaned against the door. You’re better than this…
She shook her head, then slapped her cheeks gently, shaking herself away from her stress. It’s not your problem, Komaru. Not at all.
As the bathwater ran, she began slipping off her seifuku, wiggling her hips to get the skirt off all the way. As she finished she looked at herself in the mirror, her eyes running along the curves of her waist and hips. I wonder if someone will ever be obsessed about me …
Well, there was a boy back in the second grade. But she didn’t count that; he liked to eat bugs.
When she dreamed of the kind of guy she’d be with, Komaru tended to fall back on the kind of men she’d seen in her shōjo manga. Someone handsome and brave and kind, with a softness to their features and gentle hands. She wished more boys were like that. Less abrasive, less gruff or crude. Why couldn’t more boys be like…. I dunno, like Makoto?...
As soon as the thought crossed her mind she felt her face grow hot. She could just hear Toko now, accusing her of having a ‘brother complex’ for what may have been the seventeenth time.
But it’s not like that, Komaru thought. He’s just a great guy. Girls are said to marry men who are like their fathers, after all… So why can’t I want to marry a man like my brother?
Yeah, that’s it, she thought. It’s just ‘cause Makoto’s so great. He’s the “Ultimate Hope” after all. Any girl would jump at the chance.
Slowly she sank into the hot water, her body tingling in relief with every submerged inch. She leaned her head back against the edge and sighed in contented relief. Now that Towa City had more or less “ended”, the pair were able to squat in one of the nicer hotel rooms, giving each of them some personal space and a bathtub large enough to spread out and relax in. She’d of course offered for her and Toko to have separate rooms altogether, but her friend declined, saying they should stick close together.
After about ten minutes, a timid voice spoke up on the other side of the door.
“H-hey, Komaru…”
Huh? This was an… unexpected interruption. She tried to keep cool.
“Uh… yeah, what’s up Toko?”
The voice began stammering quietly; with this, the thickness of the door, and the fact that Toko sounded like she was facing the opposite direction entirely, Komaru couldn’t hear much of anything.
“Toko, I can’t hear you, open the door.”
“Wh-what?! Unlike you I’m not some pervert who gets off on—“
“You don’t have to look at me, just open the door so I can hear you, jeez…”
“Ugh, fine…”
The door opened slightly and Toko appeared in the gap, grumbling quietly to herself. Just as Komaru was about to ask her to repeat herself, the girl took a frustrated sigh and spoke up.
“...I don’t like people talking about Master Byakuya that way. B-but, you’re my friend…” She paused on the word, as if still getting used to it and all the things that came with it.
“...And, I guess I should hear you out.”
Komaru couldn’t help but smile. The bundle of nerves and trauma that was Toko Fukawa had come a long way.
“Do youuu wanna sit?” She nodded to the tile floor beside the bath with a soft smile, and Toko drew back with a sneer.
“D-don’t make it weird!” she scowled.
Though Komaru instinctually drew into an offended gasp, she quickly shifted it into a more positive response.
“If you’re not comfortable that’s fine! But if you want to talk about it now while it’s all kinda fresh… well, I don’t mind. I trust you, Toko.” She smiled reassuringly, and while Toko was still a bit put off by the idea, the fact that this girl trusted her— and she trusted the girl back— was enough for her to settle down, adjusting her skirt as she sat against the cool porcelain and facing the counter.
She sat quietly and collected her thoughts, almost imperceptibly muttering under her breath as she did so, while Komaru waited patiently.
“... You… really think he’s bad, huh?”
It felt a bit like a loaded question, but Komaru answered as honestly as she could.
“It’s not that I think he’s a bad person… You do know him better than me. It’s that he seems to react so harshly, it almost seems cruel. And… I care about you, Toko. I think you deserve better from someone.”
As she spoke, Toko felt frustration, annoyance… but the seed had already been planted, and there was a new feeling churning alongside them. Fear, maybe? God, please don’t let it be fear. Don’t let it be…
“I can’t fathom someone better than Master Byakuya. I-I mean, he actually acknowledges me—”
“Yeah, when he’s being mean to you!”
Komaru sat up in the bath, a bit irritated. “I just think that… you could find someone better for you! Like, even if you do like the idea of, uhm…” She thought of a conversation they had a long while back and felt herself blushing as she continued, “being… tied up and things… I’m sure that kind of stuff is totally achievable with someone who will also help you feel good about yourself, y’know? And someone who will try new things with you, or hold you close in the dark!”
Toko looked down at her torn skirt, her knees gently bumping against one another in quiet anxiety.
“... I-I-I’m not sure there’s someone like that for me…”
“Of course there is!”
There was a splash, and Komaru was pressed up against the side of the bath by Toko, still careful not to lift her chest above the edge and expose herself.
“There totally is! I mean, you’re… pretty! And like, really freaking smart!”
This is what Komaru believed, truly and genuinely. Sure, she had a bit of a fairy-tale lens that she viewed love through, but even so, she knew that lots of girls deserved their own prince. Especially the ones who didn’t seem to know their own worth.
“Y-you don’t have to say those kinds of things. I know I’m ugly, it’s okay—”
“Hey! Don’t say that!”
The sudden response caught Toko off guard; she jumped slightly and turned to look at her friend, who was visibly pouting.
“You may think I’m naïve or immature or whatever, but I’m not a liar! You really are pretty, Toko.”
Toko tried her best to stammer out a flustered ‘thank you’, and a silence that felt unbearably long to her followed suit. Eventually, Komaru broke it to inquire something.
“Hey, Toko? You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, but… why are you so resistant to baths?”
The response came as another frustrated grumble, and just as Komaru began to retract the question she was cut off.
“I just… d-don’t like them. It’s complicated.”
“Well, if it’s too much to talk about you don’t—“
“—I just, have always been alone? S-so there was never any need. Not like I needed to impress anyone. All that stuff just took time away from writing. Even though I… guess things are different now. … ...Plus, there’s… her marks.”
“Marks?” Komaru rested her head on her hands along the bath’s edge, a somber yet curious look on her face. “Whose marks?”
The stutter rose and sank, not seeming to lead to any word in particular, before Toko spat out the answer.
“...Genocide Jack. S-s-she c-carves a tally. On our thigh.”
Komaru knew better than to say much about this directly, so she just quietly nodded in understanding.
“What about, like… bathing with someone you trust? Do you think that’d make it easier? It’s not that uncommon, you know…”
Toko’s brain almost immediately shot back to her ‘master’... though now that she thought about it, no, none of her fantasies took place in the bath or the shower.
“Yeah, like I’d trust anyone with that …”
“Well, maybe eventually you could! It doesn’t have to be like a ‘lover’ or anything.” Komaru put emphasis on the word to make it clear that ‘lover’ was much more of a Toko kind of term than her own. “Friends or families go to public baths all the time!”
The look on Toko’s face in that moment was somewhere between mortified and appalled. Immediately, she snapped back at the girl.
“I’m not going to get naked with you, woman! F-fulfill your sexual fantasies elsewhere!”
As Komaru’s hands waved wildly in protest she stammered an objection of her own.
“Whoa! No, it’s not like a… a sex thing!” Her cheeks were a bright pink. “Just, baths can be super relaxing! And I think that’s a great opportunity for you! That’s all! Though, not that there’s any bathhouses open these days…”
Strangely enough, the idea that it could be a relaxing opportunity was the one thing that incentivized Toko. The only thing that ever really relaxed her was writing, and there wasn’t much of a chance for that lately either. She looked away and huffed, almost annoyed at how kind Komaru was to her.
“I-i-if it’s fine with you, then m-maybe…” Toko’s hands fidgeted with one another nervously. “... I-I can try.”
Inside, Komaru was absolutely beaming. She tried to restrain herself though, so as to not drive Toko away, and instead offered a warm smile. “Only if you’re comfy!”
The truth was, she was also extremely nervous, and she didn't realize it until Toko began removing the tattered red neckerchief that adorned the front of her uniform. She looked away, blushing, until a quiet splish indicated the girl’s joining the bath opposite her.
“O-o-okay… now what?”
Komaru turned to meet Toko’s embarrassed gaze and giggled. “If you always worry about what’s next, you’ll never relax! Just close your eyes and take a deep breath and think about how nice the hot water feels against your skin.”
With a bit of resistance, Toko did as she was told. After a minute or so, she spoke up.
“I-I guess it is pretty nice…”
“See? Just let all of your muscles relax… Wouldn’t it be nice to do this with someone you care about?”
A strange look crossed Toko’s face.
“Y-yeah, you should consider yourself lucky that s-someone like me joined you…”
“Oh my gosh,” Komaru gasped in surprise. “Toko, was that vanity?”
“I-I-I know my worth! Obviously…”
Well, I don’t know about that, Komaru thought to herself, but we’re getting there.
“Well either way, I really am.”
“Wh-what?”
“Lucky.”
Toko looked a bit bewildered as Komaru replied. “I’m lucky you joined me. It means a lot, and I want you to enjoy yourself.”
The sentiment nearly broke Toko. Praise was… absolutely foreign to her. She responded the only way she knew how.
“N-not that you need it, but… if you’d like me to w-wash you or something, I-I will…”
Komaru’s face turned a far brighter pink than before, her eyes wide.
“Wha! I, uh…” She stammered for a moment, having never been offered such a thing before, and her mind raced. It really was like a scene from a manga.
“D-don’t be weird! I’m j-just offering b-because I’m f-f-fond of you. … Y-you’re my friend.”
“Oh! Well… if you really want to, I mean… I guess that’s fine. Sure.”
The idea was surprising, but for once Toko wasn’t teasing her when it came to her body so she felt inclined to accept. It would certainly be relaxing, and if it distracted her friend from “Master Byakuya” it was even more welcome.
With a nervous laugh, Komaru turned slowly until she was facing away. After an awkward half-minute or so, she heard Toko speak quietly to herself.
“O-okay…”
It was beyond obvious that Toko was anxious; she had dreamed fantasies a million times but this was her first time doing something remotely intimate in person, even if it was between friends. Eventually the sponge descended on Komaru’s shoulder, gently running along her upper back. It moved with extreme caution as Toko scrubbed the girl’s arms and back and sides, and eventually she muttered under her breath once more.
“S-sorry I’m… not very good at this…”
“No, you’re absolutely fine…” Komaru shook her head slightly; as the sponge ran along the back of her neck moments later, her body gave way to a heavy shudder and she immediately apologized.
“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry… it just surprised me…”
“Oh, sure… You’re just lewd, is all.”
Toko’s voice made it apparent that she had a smile on her face— the same smile that popped up whenever she teased Komaru about her lack of sex life, or confessed her interest in sadomasochism, or accused Komaru of having a brother complex. In any case, Komaru was often embarrassed by it.
“I am nottttt!” she whined, pouting quietly.
“Oh, suure,” Toko sneered. “I’ve seen your clothes, and n-n-not to mention the whole sweet and innocent thing. Y-you’re clearly dirty, you just don’t know it.”
Komaru’s body language shifted in that moment, in a way she didn’t quite understand. She felt…. weak. Her mouth was a bit dry, and her tummy fluttered, and she couldn’t think of the right words all of a sudden. She just… exhaled, slowly and heavily.
She must not have noticed, because as she did this, Toko’s hand stopped.
“Told you.”
“Wh-what do you mean?” It was all she could really say. She didn’t know what the feeling was, but she denied it adamantly within herself. It didn’t feel like two friends… and it also didn’t feel like her stories of doe-eyed girls being swept away by handsome men. It was more like the type of manga a friend of hers seemed obsessed with in high school, where two rather delicate men had a strange and mysterious tension between them that eventually boiled over into something else. Where one asserts and the other denies, denies, denies until the imperceptible shift in gaze between them causes their lips to collide in tranquil fury.
It was… terrifying.
“You know exactly wh—”
Any response was cut off: as the sponge crossed Komaru’s left bicep, the girl placed her right hand on Toko’s own, halting it in place. She shivered as her fingers made contact.
“Wh-wh-what are you doing?...” Toko began, a bit taken aback. Komaru turned to glance over her shoulder, her eyes somewhat sad and scared, and as Toko saw her expression she knew. The girl was enjoying herself, and she didn’t know why, and she felt guilty for it.
“Nothing… I’m, sorry…”
“— I trust you, you know.”
Huh?... Komaru blinked in confusion, staring down into the water below, unsure what to say. Hearing no response, Toko finished her thought.
“So, like… if you w-want to return the favor, or whatever… I guess you can… do the same for me. Or s-something.”
Taken by surprise, Komaru simply nodded quietly.
“Here then,” her friend muttered and held out the sponge for her. As Komaru took it, she felt Toko shifting her body behind her and followed suit a moment later to turn around as well.
Toko reacted similarly at first— the surprise, the shock sensation of someone washing her gently was unfamiliar and strange, and despite her constantly-bubbling anxiety it was so relaxing that she felt herself blush.
Komaru’s hands ran along her shoulders, arms, waist. The rather twiggy girl embraced it, closing her eyes and letting it happen as she sank into relief. The caress of the sponge slid down along her ribs to her waist and hips, stopping just above her left thigh in hesitation before carefully, delicately, running over the deep reddish-pink score marks that Genocide Jack had carved into their thigh. She had no clue how sensitive the scar tissue would be, and so she treated it with near reverence, as though she were cleaning the stained glass of a cathedral with the utmost care and caution, watching Toko’s expression intently for any signs of a misstep.
She passed the second-most-daunting hurdle and gave a small breath of relief. And yet, even though she never intended on these obstacles appearing in the first place, her brain had begun to put itself on autopilot toward the next one. She leaned closer, trembling, and with a whimper nearly escaping her lips she kissed Toko’s shoulder.
Immediately, her mind launched into a full-blown panic. Her arm instinctively pulled back, and a soft apology spilled from her mouth.
“S-shut up.”
The words were quiet but firm; Komaru lifted her head in surprise, and Toko continued.
“S-stop apologizing. …I-I-I trust you. Okay? So… y-yeah.”
As she shook her head again, Komaru laughed quietly to herself.
“I mean, it’s not like I really know what I’m doing…”
She planted another small kiss against Toko’s skin, then another, her breath shivering in hesitation. After a moment the sponge drifted out of Komaru’s hand and floated gently away across the surface, her fingers now timidly resting against her friend’s waist. Moments afterward, thin and trembling fingers rested against her own and Toko’s head turned toward her.
Komaru’s entire body shook as she leaned in further, her other hand settling itself on Toko’s shoulder. She swallowed in fear, and as they drew close their eyes closed and…
That was it. It was done. It almost seemed underwhelming in the first one— it was so short, and strange— but the immediate continuation almost made Komaru melt. Kiss after kiss, until Toko’s body hesitantly spun around and Komaru climbed even closer, leaning into her from the front, their bodies scared to press closer for a minute or two before the contact finally occurred, and then they were nearly inseparable: the hot bathwater was already so delightfully relaxing, and now the soft skin of another against them made it so foreign, so delightfully blissful, that Komaru couldn’t help but giggle during.
There was a point, back when they had confronted Monaca Towa, where Toko had said that she had found hope in Komaru. It was the case for several reasons— Komaru had made her braver, more confident, more open. And now, Komaru seemed more than happy to help show Toko that she was worth more than the way she had been treated prior.
She was often more and more sincere when speaking with Komaru lately, although much of the time she tended to look back on the things she said and cringe. But she had to admit that the evidence was compelling: Komaru did give her hope. She was thankful for her, and she decided to stay with her in Towa city for a reason. She was just so used to being self-reliant that she would sooner die than admit these things to most people.
But maybe finding hope in another person wasn’t so bad, after all.