Chapter Text
Tubbo whistled quietly to himself at 6 o'clock in the evening, stirring a pot of stew with a wooden spoon.
He was in a particularly good mood, and for good reason. Things were finally starting to look up. He and Ranboo had adopted a zombified piglin, whom they named Michael. Business at the Bee n' Boo hotel was running smoothly. Snowchester was peaceful, as always. Tubbo was glad he had moved to the Arctic, despite his favorite weather and season being spring. He had to admit, he missed the scent of wildflowers and watching bees roam as he laid on his back in an open field.
Most of all, Tubbo missed his best friend. He missed their late-night talks, sitting on their bench as a disc played softly in the background. He missed being able to confide in someone with his deepest secrets. He missed smiling till his cheeks hurt and deep belly laughing over the silliest of things. He missed causing mischief on the server, exploring the world for riches, and practicing bucket tricks in dangerous places with him.
He missed… He missed Tommy.
Tubbo sighed as he turned off the heat, pouring his freshly cooked stew into three separate bowls.
He liked the Arctic because it was his safe haven, a place far away from all of the bad memories. Building a new hotel was nice, but Tubbo knew he would never live there again. He couldn't stand the sight of his prior home being an endless pit of ash, splintered wood, an avalanche of rocks, and now… "blood vines". The same vines that had hissed cruel words and threats at him until he cried. The Dream SMP and L'manberg were both ghost towns. It was unsettling just visiting the area.
Tubbo knew Tommy would have never left the area because he was someone who got easily attached to things he deemed sentimental. His humble dirt shack, being one of them. His power tower, the sewers, his carrot farm that had been moved underground, and the bench they had sat on together multiple times. He wouldn't leave them behind–no, he couldn't. That was the difference between Tommy and Tubbo. Tommy desperately held onto the good memories while Tubbo desperately tried to escape the bad ones. No amount of begging would have convinced Tommy to come to Snowchester. Tubbo knew this, but he still blamed everyone else for Tommy's death in the prison. He wouldn't say it aloud, but he also blamed himself.
Unlike Tommy, Tubbo didn't mind starting fresh. Like he'd said, things had been looking up. He was starting to get used to the frosty air and the way the cold flakes melted into his skin. He found he quite liked ice fishing and snow skating. Snow skating was hard at first, Tubbo kept falling onto the ice until his knees bled. Sometimes, he would ram into Ranboo so hard he'd knock them both over, causing a dog pile of laughter. He eventually got the hang of it. Now, he ice skated with Ranboo every weekend. It was becoming a little tradition of theirs. Tubbo also enjoyed making snow angels with Ranboo and Micheal, it was hilarious seeing their size differences. He was getting well-adjusted to the new area.
Tubbo set the bowls down on the kitchen island, about to call his housemates for dinner when a sudden pounding on his front door cut him off.
"Tubbo! Open up!"
The pounding grew louder, making Tubbo's ears twitch at the harsh noise.
Who was intruding on their dinner? Was Foolish angry they hadn't invited him again? They said they would bring him any leftovers...
"Tubbo, Let me in! Hurry!"
Tubbo abandoned the stew when the voice became more prominent, racing for the door.
Was that…
"Tommy!?"
Tubbo threw open the front door, eyes growing wide as they set upon his panting friend.
Tommy held up a finger to signal he needed a minute to catch his breath. Sweat dripped down his face as he clutched onto the door frame to keep himself up-right. His hair and clothes were disheveled as if he had just ran through a blizzard. A large blue fur coat was hanging off his shoulders, paired with a missing calf-high boot. The green bandana that Tubbo had gifted him lay tattered around his neck. His hair was tied up in a low ponytail, tuffs of blonde hair falling out from the elastic to frame his face.
"God… I have to hide..."
Tommy stumbled inside, wasting no time in locking the door behind them. He used every bolt and chain available. Standing on his tippy toes, he gazed through the peephole, eyes searching the horizon for whoever had been chasing him. All he saw was the snow falling steadily and his footprints. It wouldn't be long until his footprints would be completely covered by the snow.
Tubbo was in shock.
Tommy?
Tommy's dead.
Staring at the back of Tommy's head, Tubbo reached forward to touch his hair. Grazing the tip of his ponytail, Tubbo quickly retracted his hand.
Was he hallucinating?
"Tommy."
Tubbo held out his arm in Tommy's direction.
"Pinch me."
Tommy shifted his eyes down to where Tubbo was standing not far off, raising his eyebrows.
He wants… He wants what?
"Please."
Tommy hesitated before hovering his hand over Tubbo's held-out arm. He wasn't sure if he could handle touching another human being.
Not after…
But this is for Tubbo.
"…If you say so."
Tommy pinched the edge of Tubbo's wrist, trying his very hardest to not flinch at the momentary skin contact.
"Ow!"
Tubbo jumped back from the unexpected pain, caught off guard.
"You're real!" Tubbo blurted.
"H-How!?"
Tommy returned to the peephole, making a brief humming sound as he thought about how to answer Tubbo's question.
It's complicated.
Not giving him enough time to answer, Tubbo asked, "Are you okay?" in a small voice while tugging on the end of Tommy's coat so he'd pay him attention again. The fur in his hands felt soft to the touch but was also slightly frigid from the cold.
"Am I okay..?"
Tommy sighed at the question. Looking away from the peephole again, he focused on Tubbo's still wide, brown doe eyes. It was hard trying to keep eye contact with his best friend that he hadn't seen or spoken to in so long. Every moment with him felt precious. As if each time could potentially be the very last time.
Tommy felt more dead than alive. Scars and bruises dotted the sides of his face and arms, small cuts across his legs from sticks that had snapped at them while running through the forest on the way to Snowchester. Tommy's head felt heavy. Like someone hadn't screwed it on quite right. When he described the feeling of being taken apart and put back together, he wasn't kidding. Even after being brought back, he felt detached from his body. It was like he was Dream's personal play toy. Dream could take out the batteries and toss him into the toy bin until he felt like playing with him again. Sometimes when he got too rowdy with the doll, it would break. He would have to try and repair it or replace it soon. He wouldn't have any fun if he didn't have more toys to play with...
Tommy's once brutal resistance against Dream's dominion was weakening. It wasn't long until he was going to be completely broken. He didn't even feel like himself anymore.
Was he even real?
Feeling sick, Tommy moved his gaze to the floor. He didn't want to look at Tubbo any longer than he had to. He hoped Tubbo had also looked away. He didn't want him seeing him like this.
"I'm never really okay, am I Tubbo?"
Tommy felt wobbly. Standing was hard enough. But running? Near impossible. He was on the brink of collapsing right then and there, on the wet carpet that was littered with dirt and fresh patches of pressed snow.
Tubbo fell silent to process everything. He was having mixed feelings about Tommy being in Snowchester. It wasn't because it was Tommy, God no, he was so happy to see him. It was the fact he may have led someone else onto his land. From the sounds of it, he had been followed. Which meant someone dangerous was nearby. Right now. Tommy was putting Ranboo and Michael in danger by coming here.
But where else could he have gone?
"Did you do something bad? Aren't you… supposed to be in the prison until the security issue is resolved?"
Tommy grumbled some selective curses under his breath, running his hands down his face.
Just the word prison made his heart start to pound a little harder.
"The first thing you assume is that I did something bad? Me? Tommyinnit? Would I ever do anything bad?"
"Yes." Tubbo deadpanned.
Tommy laughed at that, but it sounds more stressed than usual. A lump was beginning to swell up in his throat, making it difficult to speak.
"Okay, but this time I didn't. I promise you. I promise on my beloved dead cow Henry that I- Ah-" Tommy pressed a hand against his temple, tottering in his place. His head was starting to ache. Badly.
"I-I was chased. I ran all the way here and managed to lose them. They nicked one of my boots with an arrow and I stepped in a lot of snow on the way here so I might have frostbite, but that's okay, because I-"
"What!?" Tubbo shrieked at Tommy's rambling. He quickly crouched down to search Tommy's feet for any signs of frostbite. He gasped when he uncovered where Tommy had been nicked in the foot, blood appearing out from the wound. He hadn't even noticed it before. That was probably because Tommy had been hiding his limped foot behind his other boot.
"I'm fine, Tubzo," Tommy mumbled, shaking off Tubbo's frantic hands.
Tubbo was beginning to panic.
"How can you be so calm when you could have died…? and you DID die?" Tubbo sputtered in disbelief.
Everything was crashing down on him all at once. The denial was rekindling. Tommy had died. Tommy was gone. Every morning Tubbo woke up and every night he would doze off, thinking about how he had heard of Tommy's death through word of mouth. He didn't witness it happening. He didn't see his grave. He couldn't visit it. It all felt like a lie. A sick, cruel lie .
"Tommy, YOU DIED! Y-YOU WERE DEAD!"
Tommy bit down hard on his tongue, staring up at the bright ceiling lights to stop himself from breaking down in front of Tubbo. Tommy wasn't the best at managing his own emotions. He knew once he'd start crying, he wouldn't be able to stop. He had a hard time coping with the thought of once not having existed on the Dream SMP.
"I'm calming down now because if I don't, I'm going to have a heart attack. You saw me when I came through the door… didn't you?
Tommy was half-lying. He hadn't calmed down at all, he was just doing his best to mask his fear in front of Tubbo. He wanted to be the strong one. The one that could reassure Tubbo everything was fine.
"Who was chasing you?" Tubbo asked, his face a sickly white color. He was becoming more pale with each passing second, and it worried Tommy.
"Dream…" Tommy swallowed hard, the name tasting bitter on his tongue. No amount of time could erase all of the pent-up trauma and fear Dream had caused him. Tommy desperately wished he could have gone back in time. He would have killed Dream, stabbed him right through the chest with his very own sword, Nightmare. Everything that happened to him after the Final Disc War wasn't worth bringing Wilbur back. Nothing was worth bringing Wilbur back anymore.
Tommy wavered before naming the second person who had been chasing him alongside Dream. He was worried it would be the cause of another outburst from Tubbo. Tommy had heard that he and Tubbo... had gotten fairly close with each other when Tommy was locked inside the prison.
"Dream and... Ranboo."
Tubbo's blood ran cold.
No.
Ranboo?
Why would Ranboo be chasing Tommy?
That's ridiculous.
Tubbo took a step back from Tommy, grabbing hold of an umbrella that had been sitting by the front door. He pointed it at him, as if it was a weapon. It would have almost been funny if the situation wasn't so serious.
"You did something bad, didn't you?"
Tubbo's hands started to shake as he kept the umbrella pointed on Tommy. Tommy's eyes widened when he noticed his hands trembling.
"Be honest."
How close had they gotten exactly?
"I didn't! I'm being honest with you, Tubbo! Why would I lie? What happened was, Ranboo chased-"
Tommy placed a hand on the tip of the umbrella, lightly pushing it aside in an attempt to clear the rapidly rising tension between them.
Tubbo's reflexes kicked in, smacking Tommy straight across the face with the umbrella.
"BE HONEST!"
Tommy held his cheek, in complete utter shock that Tubbo had just hit him.
"LET ME TELL YOU THE FUCKING TRUTH THEN!" Tommy screamed back, tears pricking his eyes from the mix of pain and reminiscent trauma stirring in his gut. Even though he had only been hit by an umbrella, the stinging on his cheek had his mind racing back to the time Dream had smashed his head into the hard obsidian tiling. The tiling was cold. Even laying in a pool of blood, he still felt cold. He vividly remembered Dream's condescending laughter trickling through his ears as he felt himself start to fade away. He could hear it behind him as he escaped the prison. He could hear it when he was running through the snow to Snowchester. He could hear it now. It was burned into his mind. It was mocking him. That laugh. Tommy could feel the heat on his face from the slowly falling lava, the way goosebumps had spread across his arms from the cold tiling, the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. He could feel it, could taste it. The laughter wasn't ending. It drove Tommy to finally break down in front of Tubbo.
"IT'S TRUE! I DIED! DREAM KILLED ME! HE BEAT ME TO DEATH IN THE PRISON! WITH HIS FISTS! I TOLD HIM TO STOP, BUT HE WOULDN'T LISTEN TO ME! I WAS DEAD FOR TWO WHOLE DAYS, TWO FUCKING MONTHS IN THE AFTERLIFE! MY BODY WAS ROTTING AWAY! AND DREAM REVIVED ME! HE SAID IT WAS TO PROVE A STUPID, BULLSHIT POINT! I WILL NEVER, EVER BE THE SAME! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO COMPLETELY DIE, GODDAMNIT!"
Tommy paused to catch his breath, wheezing from how hard he had been screaming. All of the torture he had endured was finally being heard. It felt like a dam had been knocked down in Tommy's heart, allowing a built-up ocean to come flooding out.
"After he revived me," Tommy gritted his teeth, eyes hardening at just the mere thought of what had happened.
"He baited Sam into opening the cell. He threatened to kill me, again… and leave me permanently dead. Ranboo,"
Tommy glimpsed at the umbrella sitting in the palm of Tubbo's hand, the faded stinging on his cheek a hurtful reminder of how Tubbo had reacted to him talking about Ranboo previously.
"Ranboo came up behind Sam and pushed him into the lava. I guess "pushed" is putting it lightly? He took a netherite sword and bashed him over the head, and then knocked him into the lava. Took a canon life, from the Warden of the prison! The only person stopping Dream from escaping. So, guess what? Dream escaped. He chased me all the way here, Tubbo."
Tubbo couldn't believe what he was hearing. He shook his head, a slow, dead laugh rising in his throat.
"You're talking… nonsense…" Tubbo whispered, his eyes trailing down to the umbrella in his hand. He clenched his fist around the handle.
"Tubbo, listen to me."
Tommy grabbed Tubbo by the shoulders, forcing him to look him in the eyes. Tommy's fingers began to tremble at the touch. Trying desperately hard to keep it together, he put on a brave face.
"You didn't see what I saw. Ranboo's eyes… He looked possessed. H-He was out of his mind. I'm sure he would have killed me if I hadn't run-"
"I KNOW WHAT KIND OF PERSON RANBOO IS! HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT! DON'T TOUCH ME!" Tubbo cried, shoving Tommy's hands off his shoulder.
He raised the umbrella.
"Get back."
Tommy shrunk against the door, his whole body beginning to tremble. The shouting, the shoving, the blaming, the raising of a weapon. It all felt too familiar.
"Ranboo is my best friend. He wouldn't do that to Sam. He wouldn't do that to me."
Tommy watched helplessly as Tubbo glared at him, angry tears of denial brimming his eyes.
His best friend… What about me?
Tommy wanted to run into Tubbo's arms. Wrap his arms around him and squeeze him until he couldn't breathe. He wanted to wipe away Tubbo's tears and make him smile. He hadn't… smiled once since Tommy came through the door.
But he couldn't.
It was obvious Tubbo trusted Ranboo more than Tommy. Even if Tommy screamed his testimony to the rooftops, Tubbo wouldn't believe him. The thought of Tubbo trusting Ranboo over him hurt more than all the times Dream had hit him combined. He felt just as helpless as he did the day Dream threatened to kill Tubbo in front of him during the Final Disc War.
"This is checkmate. I suggest you resign."
"B-But he did, Tubbo! HE DID! I WATCHED IT HAPPEN IN FRONT OF MY VERY OWN EYES! DON'T BE A MORON! WHEN WILL YOU LISTEN?"
Tubbo spun around, walking off down the long corridor without Tommy.
A moron?
"Where are you going?" Tommy asked, growing quiet as he followed the younger steadily through his home. His shared home with Ranboo and Michael. His safe haven.
"Ranboo's taking a nap right now," Tubbo replied simply, pushing open the door of Ranboo's bedroom.
"I'm not a moron. I know you're talking nonsense cause' I saw him in here a couple of hours ago. He asked me to wake him up when dinner was ready-"
The bed was empty.
Tubbo's voice died in his throat as his eyes locked on the empty bed. The sheets had been shoved aside in a hurry, pillows tumbled to the floor. The bedroom's only window was fully opened, curtains whipping around in the arctic air. Ranboo's bed was half-covered in a thick sheet of ice and snow, evidence the window had been open for quite some time.
Ranboo was gone.