Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Mary Sue Teletubby Edition"= Dream - Action & Adventure

"sleepingbeautyangst"= George - Dystopian

"Arson is Magic"= Sapnap - Magical Realism

"Muffin"= Darryl - Fairytale

"Nihachu"= Niki - Romance

"diamond man"= Skeppy - Weird West 

"Furry Tale"= Fundy - Fable

"Psycho Arsonist"= Wilbur - Thriller & Suspense

"BIGMAN"= Tommy - Contemporary Fiction

"bi king"= Eret - LGBTQ+

"The Blade"= Techno - Slasher/Killer

"Father Detective"= Phil - Mystery

"Bee"= Tubbo - Historical Fiction

"memory is false"= Ranboo - Fantasy

"americangoat"= Schlatt - Political fiction

"quack"= Quackity - Comedy

"time traveler POG"= Karl - Sci-Fi

N/A = Micheal - Apocaylpse

"Motherly Ram" = Puffy - Spy

"alien-and-a-half" = Purpled - Space Opera

"Cow Hater" = Boffy - Comedy Horror

"crumbtoast" = Crumb - Slice of Life

"gooper" = Slimesicle - Phsychological Horror

Chapter Text

[6:12 PM]

[Mary Sue Teletubby Edition has added The Blade, Bee, Furry Tale, and 18 others to "chaos: genre version"]

alien-and-a-half: jesus no

[alien-and-a-half has left "chaos: genre version"]

crumbtoast: oh

:(

BIGMAN: LOSER

Furry Tale: why

why did you do this dream

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: why NOT??

bi king: the man makes a fair point

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: i always do

Psycho Arsonist: egotistical much

Arson is Magic: well now you know what i have to deal with on a daily basis

americangoat: oh you think you have it bad??

i have to listen to toby rant for hours about technology that helps raise bees

well i mean his presentations are phemonanal, but still

Bee: WE DIDNT HSVE THID IN THE 1600s DO YOU KNPW HOW HELPFUL THIS WOULDVE BDEN??

THE PAST IS HORSE SHIT

Muffin: LANGUAGE!!

[The Blade has left "chaos: genre version"]

[Mary Sue Teletubby Edition has added The Blade]

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: no <3

The Blade: I'm busy, I can't have my phone ringing with your notifications. 

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: just silence your phone or something

Psycho Arsonist: define "busy"

The Blade: Busy, adjective, having a great deal to do. ex. "I'm busy hiding the bodies."

Father Detective: Mate, please just get back to the house fast

Or just take the damn car, I can't always pick you up 20 miles out in the middle of nowhere because you decided that burying the body in our backyard is too obvious

The Blade: Because it is.

Father Detective: Okay that I can agree, but please don't be out long

memory is false: i can teleport him phil!

Father Detective: No, no, no. Let him walk

memory is false: o-okay ??

BIGMAN: YEAH ITS GAME NIGHT TECHNO NERD

I NEED TO PROVE THAT IM A ALPHA MALE AGAINST YOU

The Blade: Please, I'll curb stomp you like the child you are.

Well, after I finish up killing off these witnesses, but whatever.

quack: why did we let a murderer into our house again?

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: because i lost to him at rock paper scissors

and also because the pig is phil's adopted son.

Arson is Magic: isnt everyone phil's adopted child?

Father Detective: No. and even if you were, I would disown you all because I can't deal with all you fuckers

I already have my hands tied with a gremlin, a psycho, and a murderer as my sons

quack: nahhh man, you just play favorites

Father Detective: i do not fucking "play favorites"

americangoat: YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST FOLKS

EVERYONE IS PHILZA MINECRAFT'S ADOPTED CHILD

HE JUST PLAYS EXTREME FAVORITES AND IS IN DENIAL

quack: FATHER, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN US???

I MADE YOU A FUCKING FINGER PAINTING, IS THAT NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU??

Furrytale: I MADE YOU THIS MACARONI DRAWING TOO

YET YOU STILL IGNORE ME

THIS IS TRANSPHOBIC

Muffin: I-

diamond man: shh guve yp bad. ut's no use

[Father Detective has left "chaos: genre version"]

americangoat: ha, GOTTEM

#daddyissuesforall

sleepingbeautyangst: why can't a person eat their breakfast in peace here

memory is false: but?? its?? the afternoon???

sleepingbeautyangst: did i stutter?

memory is false: I-

alright then

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: georgie :D

sleepingbeautyangst: nvm i think ima go back to sleep

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: no hug? D:

sleepingbeautyangst: who's idea was it to leave me with this idiot? i'm starting to miss the mind controlling government from my world

Psycho Arsonist: idk man

you can blame the universe i suppose for deciding to teleport you to this world

quack: HOLY SHIT

WHY ARE THERE ARMS IN THE KITCHEN SINK???

memory is false: wdym

Cow Hater: my bad

The Blade: I forgot to say I returned home.

Cow Hater: oh

did you put it on your side

The Blade: Yes.

quack: WHA???

The Blade: The police were coming and I didn't have enough time to hide the arm.

Cow Hater: i was trying a new type of paint

quack: WHY ARE YOU ALL LIKE THIS??

Cow Hater: stop being racist to body parts quackity

jeez

The Blade: I mean. I can move it all to the table.

Father Detective: And get our new table stained? I think not

Chapter Text

4:28 AM

[chaos: genre version]

sleepingbeautyangst: dream.

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: yes dear? 

sleepingbeautyangst: don't fucking call me that. but where the hell are you?

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: wouldn't you like to know. bet you want that hug now

sleepingbeautyangst: ...Clay Anderson.

Bee: ooo he pulled out the full name card.

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: tubbo go back to sleep

the adults are talking

Bee: you guys are about to fuck arent you?

sleepingbeautyangst: tubbo please, go back to sleep. i'll take you to the flower fields if you do.

Bee: you strike a hard bargain.

deal.

sleepingbeautyangst: back to what i was saying

Clay, I know your genre is "Action & Adventure" 

but can you PLEASE stop luring random-ass criminals into the living room to fight them?

my universe is a Dystopia, BUT DO YOU SEE ME TRYING TO SET UP OVERCONTROLLING GOVERNMENTS??

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: but it makes the fight scenes way more interesting ):

sleepingbeautyangst: CLAY

PLEASE

I AM TIRED OF WAKING UP IN THE AFTERNOON TO FIND THE COFFEE TABLE BROKEN YET AGAIN

I'M NOT PLACING MY FUCKING COFFEE ON THE GROUND OR WORSE THE COUCH

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: but

sleepingbeautyangst: you bring me no choice

if you keep up with this i'm going to put you on the chore duty of cleaning up the blood in the house for a week

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: OKAY THAT'S A BIT UNFAIR

WE BOTH KNOW HOW MUCH BLOOD TECHNO, BOFFY, AND ALL THE OTHER FUCKS DRAG INTO THE HOUSE. TECHNO ESPECIALLY WITH HIS WEIRD-ASS HOBBY

sleepingbeautyangst: ok fair, but you should help out fundy on that chore. it's only been one week but I think he's going insane

anyway, fine

if you stop fucking bringing strangers into the house to fight them, I'll wear that damn hoodie you wanted me to wear

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: SAY NO MORE SENORITA-

sleepingbeautyangst: call me that again and we'll have some problems

12:34 PM

[chaos: genre version]

quack: ranboo

memory is false: hm?

quack: don't play dumb with ME

memory is false: but its the only way you can understand

americangoat: BURNNNN

Arson is Magic: ouch, i think i burned myself on that ROAST

quack: fuck off, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID RANBOO

memory is false: idk man, i'm pretty forgetful

quack: YOU MOVED ALL MY THINGS A BIT TO THE LEFT SO I WOULD CRASH INTO EVERYTHING, WITH YOUR WEIRD ASS POWERS

Psycho Arsonist: LOL

Cow Hater: seems like your fault my dude

quack: don't make me get the water gun

memory is false: you wouldn't dare, bitch

Muffin: AHHH, LANGUAGE!!

quack: oh yes I would you damn lanky ass motherfucker

memory is false: fine, i'm calling techno then

@The Blade

quack: WAIT RANBOO PLEASE CAN WE TALK THIS OUT HAHAHA LOL??

MY DUDDDE, MY BROOOSKI

The Blade: Who pinged me. I was doing this very important thing called sleeping.

memory is false: dad, alex threatened to use the water gun on me

The Blade: Don't call me "Dad" ever again. But where is Alex?

memory is false: ...father

The Blade: And don't play smart with me or I'll take the dishwasher away.

memory is false: NOOOOOOOOOO

bi king: we very much need the dishwasher

crumbtoast: yes yes!

please don't take it away

we won't have clean dishes D:

americangoat: @The Blade not to be a snitch, but the second hall, take a right. he should be in sapnap's room hiding in the closet.

Furry Tale: metaphorically or literally

Psycho Arsonist: tf?? how did you know

Arson is Magic: WAIT NOT MY TWELVE PAIRS OF HEADBANDS

americangoat: @Psycho Arsonist well 1 i'm sitting next to philza minecraft

and 2, we both know that in any mystery story, the main character detective has the ability to know a person's life story just by the color of their hair

The Blade: Why didn't my father say anything to me that mentioned the topic of Alex's location?

Father Detective: I don't like cleaning up blood that has stained the carpet

The Blade: And what makes you think I'd do anything that creates this liquid called blood?

Father Detective: MATE, YOU'RE THE LITERAL MAIN KILLER FROM A UNIVERSE THAT'S BASICALLY A HORROR GENRE

The Blade: I don't appreciate you calling my people a "Horror" genre. To them, this is a tradition to kill and sacrifice people to the Blood God. To them, you guys being peaceful is "violence" in our world. And violence is "peace" in our world.

But you do have a point.

quack: before i die

tell schlatt hANOD{UBHFNwtjl;ekyrihjndfu

americangoat: DAMN IT, NOW WE'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT HE SAID

Psycho Arsonist: OMFG, TO HELL WITH ALEX, NIKI IS VISITING FROM LAKE SAWTOOTH EVERGREEn-

bi king: upote upvote

Furry Tale: not be offensive, but isn't she half fish?? how is she going to visit us??

Psycho Arsonist: quiet furry, your mother is a fish as well and she still gave birth to you

Furry Tale: ITS A FUCKING FABLE FOR A REASON WILL

Psycho Arsonist: but anyway, i'll let niki do the talking

@Nihachu

Nihachu: will built me a canal from the lake to your guy's pools :D

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: first, pog, second, WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME??? AREN'T I THE OWNER OF THIS HOUSE?? :headinhands:

Bee: you might be the owner but you sure will never be able to stop me from making our roof a garden

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: tubbo, the sunshine yet menace of all our days, please get away from the fucking ladder.

Bee: you're not my dad

americangoat: CAUSE I AM

AND I APPROVE OF HIS ACTIONS

"Get off the fucking roof you little shit!"

"No, I have the higher ground...bitch!"

"If you don't get off the roof this instant I'm putting you in the time-out cabinet!"

Tubbo simply glanced away, not bothering to respond this time around as he gently kicked away the ladder from the edge of the roof, watching it wobble with a strange type of glee in his eyes. But fortunately, the ladder eventually fell back, hitting the roof edge with a muted thud. The brunet continued to tease the others down below this way, ignoring the dozens of curses thrown at him.

"If you push it off you won't be able to get down!!" Ranboo followed up, cupping his hands around his mouth to project his voice. But he seemed to be failing, the cause probably being his rather soft-spoken nature

Tubbo snorted, waving his hand dismissively. "Who needs a latter? I'll just jump off!"

"DO A BACKFLIP!"

Ah yes. Good ol' Tommy.

"YOU GOT IT CHIEF!" Tubbo yelled back, the brunet crouching down as he slowly shuffled away from the edge, his muscles tensing up as he readied to jump. Springing out into the open air, he was just about prepared to watch himself plummet to the ground before he suddenly paused in mid-air.

He heard the sounds of feet shuffling as the perpetrator who stopped him tried to balance themselves. "Oh, nonononono-" 

Tubbo whined, nearly like a goat as he kicked his legs out, watching helplessly at the ground below. It seemed that he was being held by the armpits, similarly to a cat too much of the brunet's disgust.

"Let me go!"

"No!"

Oh. It was Ranboo. Taking a peek at the place the other male just was, Tubbo grimaced at the lingering purple particles in the air. Bitch must've teleported.

Pausing for a moment, the brunet shrugged before swaying his body back and forth slowly, kicking the taller's knees, as Tubbo was just that short. Listening to the sweet sound of his friend yelp out in pain, the mage slipped off the roof, causing the duo to fall.

Phil sneezed. The man looked like he was in a daze, glancing up at the person who sat across from him.

"Where do you think everyone went?" He pondered out loud.

Schlatt smiled, simply looking up from his deck of cards that was fanned out perfectly in his hand.

"Oh, I don't know."

Chapter Text

5:19 PM

[alien-and-a-half --> Cow Hater]

alien-and-a-half: do you have my fork

Cow Hater: the one that you always carry around and threaten people that you will chop off their hands if they dare touch it?

alien-and-a-half: yes of course that one

which one do you think id be talking about?

Cow Hater: look i might enjoy chopping off people's hands but i don't like having mine chopped off

im a sadist

not a masochist 

and you know you can just ask people in the genre gc

alien-and-a-half: nope

no way

i rather try walking down the stairs in erets heels

Cow Hater: that's rough buddy

5:22 PM

[chaos: genre version] 

[Cow Hater has added alien-and-a-half]

alien-and-a-half: you bitch

Cow Hater: chin up

anyway the purple guy wants to know if any idiot stole his fork

crumbtoast: oh oh oh

the one that has the purple handle?

alien-and-a-half: yes

BIGMAN: IDK where it went

memory is false: let me translate that for you all from tommy language to english

"I stole the fork"

BIGMAN: FUCKIN BITCH

YOUS ADI YOU WOUDN'T SNCITH

memory is false: i already have stitches from getting hit in the head by tubbo's bat

whats a few more

Bee: you're sauing thar my lovr tap was bad?

nvm don't gibe him stitches steal his abkles tommy

memory is false: imagine being short enough to be able to steal my ankles

crumbtoast: ooF

rainbow is screamins alreadie

Cow Hater: tone down the screaming

youre scaring my hostages

alien-and-a-half: you care for their ears?

Cow Hater: no i just want them to stop escaping

alien-and-a-half: valid

Furry Tale: is it minor meetup time or some shit??

BIGMAN: we're not minors we're MAJORS get it right bitch

Cow Hater: you really think we would try to be social with others fundy?

we're in the generation where we think going outside and touching grass is an achievement

don't make me laugh

Bee: brsides why go oitside whwn the sky and grass rmeinds you of dnf?

we aleeady have tje real thing

sleepingbeautyangst: sleep with one eye open tonight

Bee: IMAHINE SLEEPING, COULSN'T BE MW

Psycho Arsonist:  @everyone

The Blade: I was busy.

Cow Hater: people are trying to torture people in peace will

Psycho Arsonist: alright

WHICH ONE OF YOUR FUCKERS STOLE MY DOOR???

quack: LMAO

what a LOSER

Psycho Arsonist: i'll fucking light your ass on fire

quack: jokes on you i'm into that shit

Father Detective: @Psycho Arsonist Ranboo has it

memory is false: what do you mean i have the

ooooohhh

Psycho Arsonist: okay i can understand the fridge

but MY door?????

Arson is Magic: pretty weirdchamp ranboo

memory is false: okay, i can't take this SLANDER

WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE TRY SUFFERING FROM SHIT MEMORY

diamond man: hw dod you rvsn tke it

quack: sorry if this topic is personal but like

do you just

take it off it's hinges and just go????

memory is false: you leave me no choice

@The Blade

Furry Tale: DOn'T TRY TO RUN AWAY

THE PUBLIC NEEDS TO KNOW 

quack: WE NEED TO KNOW HOW A 7 FOOT LANKY BITCH STEALS DOORS

memory is false: is that supposed to be an insult

quack: yes

memory is false: fuckin BITCH

Furry Tale: break it up ladies

i found the door

Father Detective: Where did you find it?

Furry Tale:  *image.jpg*

Psycho Arsonist: TECHNO

monsieur bitchithy that is my door

Furry Tale: how th do you know its your door

The Blade: You said I couldn't bring weapons into the house anymore. So I used your door instead.

quack: why a door

Cow Hater: i can respect that tbf

Psycho Arsonist: you could've used a

idk

fuckin table

but you used a door

MY door

The Blade: And what makes your door not like other girls?

Psycho Arsonist: BECAUSE ITS MY FUCKDIVN DOOR

Arson is Magic: ngl that's pretty sussy baka of you

Chapter Text

7:06 PM

[chaos: genre version] 

Psycho Arsonist: *image.jpg*

hey guys i think i got kidnapped

sleepingbeautyangst: why are you doing a selfie with your kidnapper?

Psycho Arsonist: well, he cant really do anything to me since im like half ghost

sleepingbeautyangst: so then how did you get kidnapped in the first place???

Psycho Arsonist: uhhhhhhhhhhh

Father Detective: FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE WILLIAM, YOU CAN'T FOLLOW EVERY STRANGER WHO'S "HOT"

THIS IS THE TENTH TIME THIS MONTH

Psycho Arsonist: HE WAS OFFERING FREE CANDY

Father Detective: MATE, DIDN'T YOUR PARENTS TEACH YOU TO NOT FOLLOW STRANGERS?

Psycho Arsonist: NO YOU DIDNT AND THE FRIDGE WASNT OF HELP EITHER

Father Detective: FOR THE LAST TIME I DIDN'T FUCK A FRIDGE

AND WE BOTH KNOW THAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOUR PARENTS FROM YOUR UNIVERSE

crumbtoast: wait you fucked a fridge philza minecraft?

Father Detective: I did NOT fuck a fridge

But, dropping the subject, can you please just phase through the car and get out of there?

Psycho Arsonist: i can only do that on tuesdays.

sleepingbeautyangst: i...i'll never get your half-ghost powers

Psycho Arsonist: well people can't touch me. i'm ghosty visible, but i can't phase through walls (well i can but only tuesdays). 

sleepingbeautyangst: only walls?

Psycho Arsonist: well i cant phase through non-organic material. i can phase through living and organic material though

Father Detective: Look that's nice and all, BUT CAN WE FOCUS ON THE FACT THAT WILL IS CURRENTLY KIDNAPPED??

sleepingbeautyangst: idk man, i kinda wanna know more about his powers

Psycho Arsonist: wanna trade info?

sleepingbeautyangst: seems pog with me

Father Detective: ...

Forget this, I'm gonna go get ranboo to teleport Will out of there

Ranboo tried to stifle his yawn as best as he could, the boy's peculiar red and green eyes gazing at Phil with a slight annoyance dancing in the depths of them. The older glanced away every so often, afraid of triggering the teen's...'instincts', for lack of better words.

The mage looked like an owl in the darkness, nothing but a silhouette with intelligent eyes against the silver beams of light that managed to sneak in through the cracks of the blinds. Even if the detective couldn't see the boy's expression, just his eyes and tone of voice were enough for Phil to guess how annoyed the other was despite Ranboo's usual nervousness.

"Say what...?" Ranboo grunted drowsily, the older painting a picture in his head of the boy raising his eyebrow in the darkness.

Phil sighed, looking down at the floor tiredly. "I need you to teleport to Will because you're the only one available who can...fetch him."

"...and what do I get in return?" 

"How about if you don't," Phil countered, the older straightening his posture a bit more, giving him an imposing look. "...I'll put you on cleaning duty."

Ranboo instantly rolled over, slipping out of his blankets sluggishly yet at the same time hurriedly. "Fine! Fine."

"There we go. Be quick now," Phil huffed as he walked out of Ranboo's bedroom. The mage blinked at the receding figure of the older, pausing as he let out one more yawn before teleporting away with a flurry of purple particles.

Ranboo blinked sleepily as he took in his surroundings, jolting abruptly and nearly faceplanting into the back of the driver's seat from a road bump. The boy seemed to be in the backseat of a moving van, causing him to let out a small sigh. Shaking his head, he finally noticed the tied-up Wilbur who was texting on his phone casually.

"Oh! Ranboo, how are you doing?" the male said cheerfully. As if he wasn't tied up in a white van about to get—actually, correction, had already got kidnapped.

"Shitty," the mage grunted, grabbing the ropes that were tied around Will (since he couldn't really touch the male...). "Let's just get out of here, I need my beauty rest."

He froze.

Feeling a bit lost, he suddenly had the urge to turn to the driver's seat of the van, feeling a pair of eyes bore into his head. Will looked at the boy curiously, watching the younger slowly look up and—

...Lock eyes with the man who was driving the said van.

Five.

Ranboo was unable to move, confusion wrapping around his every thought as he simply stared at the other.

Four. 

The driver couldn't peel his eyes away, gawking as he stared at the intruder who had, literally, magically appeared.

Three. 

Staring back with just as much intensity, a strange, feeling, of sorts, slowly crept up the mage's spine.

Two.

The man opened his mouth to say something.

On—

【 'D on't.  Clo se  yo u r  ey e s .' 】

Ranboo's eyes dilated like a cat's, a sudden hiss rising up in his—

【 'No . ' 】

...

As a sense of deja vu blanketed every being of him, the boy quickly snapped his eyes shut, willing himself to teleport away as he heard Will suddenly bark out in surprise.

9:14 PM

[chaos: genre version]

The Blade: Dream.

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: wha

i'm trying to sleep here

The Blade: And I'm trying to torture people here.

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: i-

alright then

The Blade: But, I am unable to perform the task If you leave your god damn weapons on the kitchen table.

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: WHERE ELSE AM I GOING TO PUT THEM??

The Blade: I don't know, maybe YOUR OWN ROOM?

alien-and-a-half: upvote upvote upvote

we don't have any space to eat as well because quackity sleeps on the couch

quack: its not a COUCH, its a bed and you guys need to stop intruding on my ROOM

diamond man: afmit it ure sleepurng ib tje livung roim

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: WE ALL KNOW THAT I USE MY ROOM TO STORE ALL MY TROPHIES

Furry Tale: the ones you steal from all those little kids??

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: shut

The Blade: @Mary Sue Teletubby Editon And we all know that I use the kitchen table to waterboard people.

SO GET YOUR WEAPONS OFF MY TABLE, OR I'LL PUT THOSE WEAPONS SOMEPLACE THAT WILL START TO MAKE YOU CARE

Arson is Magic: kinky

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: fuck off sapnap

Bee: lesve them to their 200k slqwburn enemies to lovrrs sap

The Blade: All of you. Go back to bed, or else this time will be the last time you see the light of day.

Bee: All brrk and no btie bitch

The Blade: ...

memory is false: o7 for tubbo, he had a good run

Furry Tale: o7

Cow Hater: o7

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: @The Blade I'M NOT MOVING MY COLLECTION OF WEAPONS

The Blade: YES YOU ARE

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: FINE WE FIGHT AT DAWN, BACON

The Blade: I'll make you regret ever taking the room across from mine in the hall. 

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: too bad, i already do

like seriously dude, get some air fresheners or something

the blood is starting to get to me

The Blade: Perfect.

Chapter Text

4:32 AM

[BIGMAN --> Bee]

BIGMAN: @Bee

@Bee

@Bee

@Bee

TUBS its TIME

Bee: time for whjat???

BIGMAN: itS SPEEDRUN TIME

WJEN THe LOSERS ARE AALEEP THE BOSS AND HIS SIDEKICK SHALL HTRIVE

Bee: YWEEAAAHHJH

BIGMAN: YOU KNOW THAT FOREST THAT SURROUNDS US??

Bee: YE??

BIGMAN: lets BURn IT DOWN

Bee: :0000

BOSS MAN

youre a GENIYS

BIGMAN: ik i am

its tiring being so intelligent all the time

5:49 AM

[chaos: genre version]

Bee: can somrone pick us ip we're scared

Nihachu: I would come to pick you up but you sea I can't

Furry Tale: niki making a PUN in MY gc????

not clikbait

Nihachu: I can't kelp it

crumbtoast: tubs tubs where are you

Bee: in the middle of a lske

diamond man: on a ialand ir somrtjinf?

Furry Tale: why are you guys even in the middle of a lake at fucking 6 am

Bee: okay haer me out

but tommy pissed of a bear

Muffin: How? O_o

Bee: we trifd burnign a tree down

but then this bear came out of nowhere

anf tjen started chasong us

Cow Hater: smokey is that you??

diamond man: hiw do yoy evrn have a hpone to talk to is

Bee: lighten up man, it's for the plot

crumbtoast: not to brst yor bubble, but bears can swim!! :D

BIGMAN: MITHRUFCKiNG BITCHSAS-

Bee: DW I SPEAK THE WAY OF BEARS

crumbtoast: go toob!

BIGMAN: THE BEAR GOT TUBS

I REAPEAT THE BEAR GIT TUBS

Cow Hater: o7

Furry Tale: o7

Bee: fuck you guys I'm living out of spite now

Father Detective: My dad senses were activated

And now I find Tubbo and Tommy somehow still alive running from a bear, everybody else awake and finding out they're ALL at Walmart for whatever fucking reason. And the only people who are still in the house are a murderer, Niki, a knockoff cowboy, a furry, and Bad

This is fucking fine

Furry Tale: IM NOT A FURRY

diamond man: *gesrtues to your nsme*

["Furry Tale" has changed their name to "Funsized Fundy"]

diamond man: yoire not eevn remotely fin or sozed well

Funsized Fundy: fuck off

Cow Hater: how come niki and bad are the only ones who are named

Father Detective: Because they're the only ones here right now who haven't torn a hole in the wall or stitched detached fingers into the carpet

Nihachu: :3

Cow Hater: touche

Muffin: wait you've done that??

Bee: i don't think i chould've eaten those red brries

Funsized Fundy: you ate WHAT??

Bee: I WAS FJUCKING HUNGRY

Funsized Fundy: child, minor, maybe even small tiny gremlin who is technically older than me because you're from the 1600s, DONT YOU KNOW HAVE THE COMMONS SENSE TO KNWO THEy"RE PROBS POISONOUS???

Bee: i cant take this slnder 

i'm laevinh

["Bee" has left "chaos: genre version"]

BIGMAN: what the fuck

did i just

Nihachu: what happened???

BIGMAN: HE JUST WALKED AWAY WITHT EH BEAR

Cow Hater: only you can prevent forest fires kids, say no to bullying

diamond man: if i dint finf a 200k slwbuen eenmies to olvers skokey tje baer x tunbo i'm rage quitting life

Funsized Fundy: why was the last part of the sentence more coherent than I've ever seen you type

memory is false: @diamond man don't forget to add the forbidden love tag

Father Detective: YOU

memory is false: me!!


Father Detective: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU???

memory is false: funny story

do you know attempted robbery is a crime?

"I SAID TURN RIGHT!" Wilbur suddenly yelled, his voice somehow projecting over everyone else's screaming. Schlatt only gave a halfhearted shrug before spinning the steering wheel abruptly, causing the vehicle to give a violent swerve off the highway.

Sapnap, who was currently peering out of the car window to flip off the police car that was, well, quite persistently trailing the group, nearly was flung out from the sudden action as he was rubber banded back into his seat.

The male cursed before he kicked open the car door as he grabbed the nearest person and threw them out as a....sacrifice.

Such a shame that person might've been Quackity.

Slamming the car door behind the other, Sapnap shrugged as the rest of the group that was crammed into the van fell back into another torrent of screaming.

"WE LOST QUACKITY-"

"You mean the only one who didn't matter."


"NO MAN LEFT BEHIND!!!"

"I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL, I'M TOO YOUNG AND PRETTYYYY"

The truck suddenly gave another jolt, Sapnap nearly being thrust into someone else as he let out a few strongly worded cries. But other than that, he could suddenly hear the muffled sobbing of the unfortunate person who was left to be stuffed in the trunk of the car.

Whoops.

Chapter Text

(✿)

Ranboo couldn't help but fret over something that was so...minuscule as he stared at the mess of papers and writing, scattered around him like snow. His lanky frame was currently pushed between the wall and the couch, his height causing him to pull his knees to his chest as his heterochromia eyes glanced between notebook entrees. The teen looked nearly desperate as he silently whispered to himself, trying to bring about a calm that currently wasn't available to him.

He should be happy that he and Wil got out of the car alive— ecstatic, even. But he knew this wasn't right.

The mage might've been forgetful, but he sure as hell knew that something was off. That this...situation had happened before. This whole thing was just a repeat, set as a broken record to continue on and on. And Ranboo was just another one of the faceless characters that would be swept up with each repeat, fixed to be a pawn to advance this, story, of some sort.

But there was a part of his existence that told him that he and Wilbur should've gotten into more trouble than they intended to. Ranboo wasn't supposed to be okay, instead, he should've been standing here anxious about another thing. Anxious that he killed someone instead.

The mage's fingers flexed experimentally, Ranboo trying to imagine how they would look with crimson blood spread about them. Red tucked under his fingernails.

It was strange to think about. Even though he knew that there was, of course, different universes (if there wasn't, then how would he even be here at all?), it never occurred to him that even the original universe he was in now—the one where he was just a regular person who didn't even know magic—could be under the effect of a higher being. Contorted and manipulated to fit some person's twisted needs.

He felt a headache come on as he bit his inner lip, trying to recite from his memory what would happen next in the weird script of his. 

I—Techno would come downstairs for towels, but then he would hear my muttering. And then...he would comfort me. It would be a bonding moment, kinda, meant to establish me and his relationship early in the story.

Shaking his head clear, the teen slowly stood up. His green and red eyes glinted with a new emotion; determination, as he heard the crinkle of paper from him stepping on one of his notebook entries.

He didn't know what was happening here, but the mage would get down to the bottom of this, no matter what. He needed to know why he had all these memories—experiences, even, of him doing all of this before. Playing the script of a nervous wreck of a character.

(✿)

2:45 PM

[chaos: genre version]

Psycho Arsonist: SACRIFCIE, SACRIFICE, SACRIFICE

quack: BY THE POWER INvEsTED ME I DECLARE THIS SMALL CHILD AS A GIFT TO THE GOD OF LUCK

PLEASE BLESS US TONIGHT, MELISSA

The Blade: That's not their name.

quack: whatdo you want us to do piggy, google search "yo who's the god of luck"???

The Blade: Yes.

quack: welp too late now i guess

BIGMAN: @Father Detective PHILLLLLL

THEYRE GOING TOS ACIRFICE ME 

Cow Hater: (*image of Tommy, tied, in the middle of a satanic circle while Wilbur prays in the background*)

my paint is finally being put to use

crumbtoast: ooo!! its very vibrant!

americangoat: that's blood, kid

crumbtoast: oop

still! its relly prety!

Funsized Fundy: .-_.-

Father Detective: What the fuck is happening now

americangoat: look the other way old man, go back to your grocery shopping or soemthing

americangoat: just this once

Father Detective: You fuckos leave me no choice @Bee

Bee: whja

Bee: WAIT

Bee: DON"T WRORY TOMMY I'LK SAVE YOU

Psycho Arsonist: what was that sound

quack: ADIÓS PERDEDOR, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT SHIT HAAHHAHAA

Psycho Arsonist: WHY IS THE DOOR LOCKED??? AND WHERE THE FUCK DID EVERYONE GO

Cow Hater: you got this wil, we believe in you

Cow Hater: maybe

Father Detective: LET GO OF TOMMY AND I'LL CALL HIM OFF

Psycho Arsonist: NO. i'm already so far into the ritual i cna't turn back now dad

Father Detective: Well. This is it then, Wilbur Soot. You're quite unfortunate that we haven't quite taught Tubbo yet about the extendable ladder

Funsized Fundy: LONGLIVE THE KING

crumbtoast: gudbye, mufasa

Psycho Arsonist: AWESRdtfgyuhherxUIPJO

The Blade: Sigh.

The Blade: I'll go clean up the summoning circle.

Nihachu: fools! wilbur left his gasoline and matches kit to me! >:D

quack: ooohhhh that's why it smelled smoky. i just thought that skeppy was cooking to something

diamond man: FROCK YIU

Arson is Magic: nikis lucky

Arson is Magic: theres no smoke detectors in this house lmao

Father Detective: THERE'S NO WHAT?????

alien-and-a-half: ah

alien-and-a-half: that's why it feels warmer in here

Ranboo stuck to the shadows as he watched the intimidating figure of Techno walk past him, the teen barely sparing a glance as he quickly made his way up the stairs, his footsteps left up to the silence to imagine a sound. The mage wore a slight frown as he ignored the yells of 'FIRE' and 'you BITCH' screamed out into the hallways, Ranboo using the chaos to his advantage as he silently entered Techno's room. A giant 'keep out' sign written in blood on the door.

The mage felt himself wondering why he had chosen the murderer's room to look for answers, only for his mind to go back to the simple thought of...well, Techno always seemed to know things.

Despite the room housing a murderer, it was actually pretty normal. The only thing remotely dirty about it, surprisingly, was the many books scattered across the floor. Some stacked up in large piles and tucked into corners, while others lay open with random notes and annotations marking the open pages. But, without the books, it would've looked like a regular room that nobody lived in. As the only thing decorating the place was a picture frame hanging on the wall with a group photo of all the housemates. With also a tinge of suspiciousness to go along with it, as the windows of the room were bordered up completely, not letting one single ray of sunshine in.

Must be a habit of Techno's.

The teen shook his head, reminding himself what his goal was as he immediately went to the first thing that caught his attention; the desk propped up next to the wall. By far, it was the messiest, with papers and books splayed across the surface carelessly. But, what caught Ranboo's eyes the most had to be the journal that sat on the messy pile. It was purple, pages a slight tinge of tan to signify its increasing age. It seemed to be the only thing that was taken care of at all.

Raising an eyebrow, the mage quickly glanced over his shoulder to confirm no one was looking before he cracked open the book.

A simple line of text suddenly appeared in black ink, as if an invisible pen was slowly writing on the page Ranboo had opened to. Suddenly, more lines of text started to be scribbled across the page, some in the margins, others simply carelessly written and clashing with other lines. But they all had different handwriting, the mage able to tell that each one of them was not written by the same person.

[IT'S BACK IT'S BACK HOLY SHIT THE GENRE CHATFIC IS BACK!!!]

[THE CHATFIC IS COMING BACK, THE THING THAT STARTED IT ALL!]

He stumbled back. Startled and confused.

Chapter Text

3:18 AM

[chaos: genre version]

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: do you think that god stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he has created

sleepingbeautyangst: STOP QUOTING SHIT AT 3 AM AND LET ME SLEEP GODDAMIT

Arson is Magic: ^^^^^

DRAG HIM, MALEWIFE

quack: YEAHHHHH MANSPALIN, MANIPULATE, MALEWIFE

Mary Sue Teletubby Edition: you dont have to reach into your limited vocab for that word ya know, you could just call him a BOTTOM

diamond man: your judt jealous hes gptten more chsrscter growgh than tou mr mary sie

[sleepingbeautyangst has changed Mary Sue Teletubby Edition's name to green bastard]

Arson is Magic: How could you be so vulgar, Sir Pissbaby? Your words are baffling; and may I add quite uncomfortable to be used in the 3 AM gang! I hereby exile you from the group!

green bastard: oh fuck off

Muffin: we should all go to sleep! we're probably all just big grumps from the lack of it

sleepingbeautyangst: hey what's that outside?

quack: your MOM

sleepingbeautyangst: jokes on you, my mom got executed by expressing creativity in my world

Arson is Magic: EXECUTED FROM THE KILLER NIGHT I SPENT WITH HER IN BED

quack: OHHHHHHHHHHH

[sleepingbeautyangst has left chaos: genre version]

quack: psh. mortal

green bastard: :(

[green bastard has added sleepingbeautyangst to chaos: genre version]

[sleepingbeautyangst has left chaos: genre version]

[green bastard has added sleepingbeautyangst to chaos: genre version]

sleepingbeautyangst: dream the accident happened 5 years ago, you need to let me go. it wasn't your fault

green bastard: ASSHOLE

Muffin: um. guys. I don't think gogy was joking! theres uh

diamond man: a wjat?

Muffin: a literal rip in space-time continuum

might be a portal of some sorts? like...a portal that shouldnt exist in this reality

Arson is Magic: how the hell do you know that

Muffin: call it a hunch

diamond man: he tslked to tje grren goo in ghe bssememt

Muffin: HEY! AT LEAST CHARLIE MAKES BETTER CONVERSATION THAN ALL OF YOU DO >:(

sleepingbeautyangst: why did you name it???

quack: i regret being the one who has the brain cell at this moment

BUT I THINK WE'RE ALL GETTING SIDETRAKCED RIGHT NOW

Arson is Magic: for once i agree with you

Muffin: surprisingly. youre right quackity

i forgot to take the cookies out of the oven!

sleepingbeautyangst: ...

Arson is Magic: how could you forget??? that was the MOST important thing dad

*bsd

*BAD

Muffin: im sorry, son :(

quack: LMAO

green bastard: uh. so bad news guys

diamond man: ???

sleepingbeautyangst: go on

green bastard: so i went to investigate the "portal". and uh. a person kind of came out of it??

Muffin: oh god

green bastard: but. they surprised me. so i mgihtve

like

decked them in the face

and now the guy is bleeding out on the patio

Father Detective: NOOOO NOT THE PATIO

Arson is Magic: YOU IDIOT YOU SUMMONED PHIL

sleepingbeautyangst: phil what do we do?? youre the oldest one in the group

Father Detective: Well first

You clean up the patio

sleepingbeautyangst: -_-

green bastard: but theres??? a fainted person?????

Father Detective: Did I stutter?

I already babysit, what, 15+ of you fuckers?

If the guy doesn't die from blood loss before you guys finish cleaning up the patio

Then we can keep him

quack: YAY

green bastard: sometimes i question your priorities

Arson is Magic: JUST BECAUSE OF THAT

OUT OF SPITE

IM GOING TO SAVE THE GUY BEFORE CLEANING UP THE PATIO

EAT THAT OLD MAN

WHOS WITH ME??

sleepingbeautyangst: not me. i just want to go to sleep

Arson is Magic: traitor

ig i wont save the dude nvm

Father Detective: All of you are so lucky that I'm too tired for this

Psycho Arsonist: come back to sleep father dearest

its colder without you :(

Father Detective: MATE

THE BATHTUB IS ON FIRE

HOW ARE YOU COLD???

Psycho Arsonist: well its cold outside

Nihachu: :0

I GOTTA GO AWAAYYYY

Funsized Fundy: oh wait, THIS song

BABY ITS COoooOOLD OUTSIDE

quack: GREAT. you woke up the theatre kids

Nihachu: THIS EVENING HAS BEEEEN

Psycho Arsonist: (BEEN HOPING THAT YOUD DROPPED IN)

Funsized Fundy: SO VERY NICEEEE

Arson is Magic: sorry to interrupt the musical number

but 

i moved the bleeding unconscious dude to the couch

and now i dont know what to do

quack: MY BED NOOOOO

Father Detective: SAPNAP. You said you wouldn't save him before cleaning up the patio

Arson is Magic: WELL GUESS WHAT

THESE HIPS DO LIE, AND THEY LIED TO YOU OLD MAN

SHAKIRA, SHAKIRA

green bastard: well

ig someone is not going to bed, because we cant let a stranger into our house, patch him up, and then leave him there while we all sleep

anything could happen

sleepingbeautyangst: i mean you survived sleeping in the room over from technos

so i dont think you should be worried about getting murdered in your sleep

Arson is Magic: I VOLUNTEER KEEPING AN EYE ON HIM

quack: NO I DO

diamond man: ubt i wsntrd to :(

green bastard: and so did i

so guess what that means

Arson is Magic: a battle to the death to see who gets to pull an all-nighter without being crucified because we finally get to have an excuse to not sleep?

green bastard: what? no

giant sleepover/cuddle pile in the living room obviously

Ranboo felt a sliver of amusement as he watched the sleeping forms of his friends, the teen gentle tapping his pen against the open page of the purple journal. He watched from the kitchen counter with drowsy eyes.

The group of guys had all piled into the living room, blankets and pillows strewn about to make the ground comfier to sleep on. Shaking snores emitted from a few of them, but for the most part, the scene was pretty tranquil and silent. The mage had known that none of them would keep up their end of the deal, and so he had decided to be the one to watch over the group and the stranger for the night.

Besides, he needed an excuse to stay awake. He had to figure out this damn journal, even if it was the end of him. Turning his attention back to the empty pages of the journal, he glared at the book.

Ever since he had first opened the journal, no lines of text had appeared, and it was aggravating.

He muttered something under his breath. But, the teen perked up as words slowly started to appear on the empty page of the book. Ranboo almost knocking over the chair he sat in as he stared at the line of text with wide eyes.

[Eyyyy! Memory boi returns! Hey, Ranboo, do you want to hear about Pandora's Box? The prison, not the myth]

Well. That sure wasn't expected, but at least it was...something.

The mage paused, reading over the line a few times before raising an eyebrow in confusion. He didn't want to think too long about how the journal knew his name, and how, well...nonchalant most of the text seemed to come off as. But the teen sighed.

"Sure. As long as it's important," he said softly, trying to be wary of waking the others up.

But, before he had a chance to feel disappointed, a new line of text slowly etched itself into the notebook page, the color of ink a deep cyan color.

[Do you even remember what you were before coming here, ⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜?]

He bit his inner cheek as he frowned, a bit unsure. "I mean, if you're asking about the original world that's currently being repeated right now...no, I don't. It's...pretty fuzzy. Did something happen or go wrong? I..." The teen trailed off for a moment, a weird look in his eyes as he shook his head. "But if you're asking about my homeworld, or the 'fantasy genre,' as everyone calls it, I know before I came to this...weird universe, I was a mage. And I..."

...

Fuck.

Ranboo couldn't remember.

But he was immediately yanked from his thoughts as the sound of the stairs creaking alerted the mage of a person coming downstairs. Quickly, he closed the journal before darting behind the kitchen counter so no one could see him. Ranboo's heart hammered against his chest as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to find comfort from the feeling of the leather spine of the book.

Please don't be Techno, anyone but Techno.

Chapter Text

The journal seemed to have a will of its own as it kept shivering, only aiding Ranboo's growing confusion as he clamped a hand over his mouth to muffle any noises that might come out. It didn't take long for the journal to suddenly spring open despite his best efforts to keep it shut, the teen letting out a muffled curse. 

Ranboo's dwindling hope had reached rock-bottom about now, the noise of the pages flipping to where he had left off rather loud in the silence. Murmuring silent prayers under his breath, he tried to force the journal shut again—albeit, failing miserably. As the journal finally reached the page where he had left off, multiple new lines started appearing on the white pages. Each had its own color and handwriting style, of course.

[I HOPE IT’S TECHNO] 

[HEY MEMORY BOY! JUST WANNA LET YOU KNOW YOUR COUNTERPART FROM A DIFFERENT TIMELINE IS DEAD RN SOOOOOOOOOO RIP IG? THATS ALL I WANTED TO SAY CYA]

[NUKES, ARSON, MURDER!]

The new lines didn't help his growing confusion at all as he finally managed to close the unwilling journal by hugging it to his chest forcefully. Ranboo only left with the sound of his slightly heavy breathing and a still trembling journal.

"What are you doing?"

He froze.

Before Ranboo was a lean male, the other crouched down in front of him with his usual listless gaze. Crimson eyes were as sharp as ever—if it was because that was just how they were or for another reason, Ranboo didn't know. From the messiness of Techno's long pink hair, he could easily conclude that the other had just woken up, or something along the line of that.

"Uh...uh, what?" Ranboo managed to stammer out as he pressed himself closer to the side of the counter, afraid of Techno striking out at him.

Fortunately, the other didn't, and instead simply pointed an index figure at him. "What are you doing here—ya'know, sitting on the floor with my journal? Is...something wrong?"


"No! Um...no, not at all. I just..."

"Relax, Rainbow," Techno sighed. He reached out and grabbed the journal, Ranboo flinching as he loosed his grip on it and let it slip out of his arms. "I already know you took it from my room."

Ranboo stared with wide eyes, mostly from this new piece of information. But also from how the journal stilled in Techno's hands.

"How did you know I..."

Techno raised an eyebrow. "I mean, I watched you do it?"

The younger didn't question the other any further. He really did not want to know any more than that.

"So you're not...angry at me?"

"No, I guess," Techno said, opening the journal as he slowly flipped to a certain page in the book. Slowly, he turned the book to show the page to Ranboo. "I found this thing in my home universe. It came with me here. But, it's pretty worthless anyway, cuz," he huffed, "you can't really write in it. And all it does is keep showing this to me."

Ranboo's mouth opened to say something before he closed it, staring at the book with growing confusion and fear as the same phrase kept appearing over the pages. Written hastily in big letters, the handwriting was in all capitals and had a scratchy look to it, the color varying from shades of red and black. Repeated over and over, all that seemed to be written was 'KILL' and 'BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD'.

"You can keep it, It's not like I have any use for it." Techno closed the journal before placing it back on Ranboo's lap. The younger stayed silent as the other gently reached out before gently patting him on the head awkwardly. "I was just looking for the TV remote so I could watch my rom coms, anyway."

But as the other stood up and started to make a move to walk away, he paused.

Techno looedk back as he said, "oh, and Ranboo?"

"Y-yeah?"

"J ust  rem ember  to  no t  me ss  with  stuf f  that  i sn't  you rs  n ext  tim e. Peo ple  som eti mes  are n't  a s  forg iv ing." 

Ranboo could only stare at the other, Techno's crimson eyes now instead a bright green that transitioned into a golden color when it neared the pupil. There was a strange distortion to his voice as if another person was speaking over him—yet saying the same thing. 

Techno suddenly blinked, his eyes changing back to their normal crimson red. He paused, not moving for a moment as he looked a bit confused. 

"Well, good night, kid."

Ranboo didn't say anything as the other walked away, the teen still not moving as the journal once again trembled before snapping back open. Barely, he glanced down, blinking hard as he saw a new line written on the pages.

[Fuck a tree.]

He immediately closed the journal.

"...I think that's enough for tonight."

9:12 AM

[chaos: genre version]

Father Detective: WHO GAVE WILBUR KNIFE PRIVLEGES??

HIS GENRE IS LITERALLY THRILLER AND SUSPENSE

bi king: in my defense, its hard to remember 20+ peoples genres

and not everybody's genre is as obvious as skeppy wearing a cowboy hat

diamond man: H E Y

americangoat: eret's speaking facts tho

like quackity is not even funny

nobody would notice that his genre is comedy

quack: i do not appreciate this roast fest going on in here

bi king: but think of it like this. since we're all the "stereotypical" main characters of our genre, and since we're all too chaotic for our own good

how the hell have we not been discovered by like. the government or something

sleepingbeautyangst: so about that

Arson is Magic: we already have

Father Detective: WHAT???

americangoat: i thought we all agreed to not tell phil

Father Detective: YOU ALL AGREED TO WHAT???

Funsized Fundy: oh god now he's mad :/

Psycho Arsonist: so...remember that time when we all went out kidnap a river otter because tubbo said he has never seen one?

well.

quack: WELL SOME IDIOT THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO USE THEIR POWERS IN FRONT OF REGULAR PEOPLE

crumbtoast: ooooompf

i'm sory :(

Funsized Fundy: nonono you're doing so wonderful we're not talking about you

keep doing what you do crumb

quack: GOSH, i wonder who we ARE talking about, hm???? @alien-and-a-half

alien-and-a-half: I SAID I WAS SORRY

Psycho Arsonist: i bet we're already on some conspiracy site or some shit

BIGMAN: i hope they at least got a good picture of me

ALSO

WE'RE ALREADY FAMOUS ON THE NEWS

SO HA

Psycho Arsonist: i think you mean TECHNO'S on the news 

green bastard: its these times i wonder how we stay sane with a murderer around

sleepingbeautyangst: well we stay sane with you around

so same thing

green bastard: I'M NOT LIKE TECHNO IN THE SLIGHTEST

Funsized Fundy: WELL YOURE AS WORST

green bastard: HOW??

Bee: you exist

Chapter Text

1:15 PM

[chaos: genre version]

crumbtoast: GUYS

THERES

THERE A GOOP COMING FROM THE CIELING

alien-and-a-half: uhhh you mean blood?

crumbtoast: nono lik

acktual goop

alien-and-a-half: oh. then im on the wrong side of the house :/

Father Detective: wait there's BLOOD and GOOP coming from the CEILING???

DON'T WE NEED TO FIX THAT??

bi king: shhhh phil, it's going to be alright

Father Detective: BUT?? THERE'S A LEAK IN OUR CEILING???? AND BLOOD IS COMING FROM IT

Bee: shes write phil

shhhhhh

deep breathes

Father Detective: WHY ARE NONE OF YOU UNDERSTANDING THE SCOPE OF THE FUCKING SITUATION???

americangoat: dw i already put a bucket under it

quack: and i stopped the leaking with the life sized queen of england carboard cut out we have

why was that hsit in our kitchen anyway?

BIGMAN: NOOOOOOOOO

how could you DO that to her majesty????

I"L FUCKDIGRHGNF FIGHT YOU QAUVKTIY YOU SONUVA BITCH

crumbtoast: guys

don't forget the gooping! D:

Cow Hater: well i mean

its not causing trouble. i vote it stays

green bastard: ^^^

besides

green is a good color

Father Detective: it's DAMAGING. our CEILING

memory is false: WELL JOKES ON ALL OF YALL

I HAVE ASCENDED BEYOND YOUR STUPID REALM

THE GOOP IS TALKING TO ME

crumbtoast: oy mi goosh!! :000

what did it say rainbow???

memory is false: it asked for the electricity bill

the goo said it would take care of it

Father Detective: Oh then go ahead and hand it over

Funsized Fundy: OH AND NOW YOURE FINE WITH THE GOO

Father Detective: I DON'T SEE THE REST OF YOU FULLY GROWN DICKHEADS DOING TAXES

diamond man: weure not adylts

Arson is Magic: yes very much small itty bitty children

Bee: now i just feell offended

wht are WE if u guys r childrn

Psycho Arsonist: babies

BIGMAN: ILL FUDKGINH MRUEDER YOU

Muffin: (language!)

but green goo???

charlie??? :000

Father Detective: oh great

I can already tell we're going to get another roommate in this already crowded house

a sentient blob of GOO at that

The Blade: You sound excited, Father.

But also didn't we just have a character introduction? Like that one person that's still unconscious somehow.

Arson is Magic: this is a filler episode obviously

Muffin: AAAAAA

THE GOO JUST ATE FUNDY

The Blade: But it's not really filler since it's canon to the story, right? Character introductions aren't really filler, to be frank...yet then again why would we have two character introductions back to back?

It must mean something.

Muffin: ohmygodohmygod

diamond man: its thr beauty og life bvad. jist sit bac and relax

Arson is Magic: technically it wasn't back to back though since the introduction of ████ was at chapter eight

Muffin: DON'T YOU HAVE A LASSO SKEPPY? WHY AREN'T YOU USING IT

green bastard: wait what the hell did you just say sapnap???

The Blade: He said "technically it wasn't back to back though since the introduction of ████ was at chapter eight".

Oh, hm. Strange. Our script must be stopping us from saying the name.

Funsized Fundy: CAN YOU GUYS JUST SHUT UP AND HELLEPFKDVBHORIGWPFOED

bi king: rest in peace furry. you might be missed

Bee: yah! we'll creamate u and put ur ashes in yor animal skin!!

quack: wait his what now

Bee: animal skin

bi king: you mean his fur suit??

Bee: same thing

"SACRIFICE, SACRIFICE, SACRIFICE!"

"How the hell are we going to get him out of there?"

"Everyone in favor of leaving him there say I!"

"I."

It was not that improbable to call the situation a flaming dumpster fire, with maybe about 10+ people standing around what looked to be a pile, or well—blob of green slime. Amidst the jello-like consistency of goo, a certain person (cough Fundy cough) seemed to be floating and or stuck in said slime. Each of the so-called "main character from their universe" people seemingly confused about what to do.

Bad, for one, counting himself definitely as one of those people. A permanent worry etched into his face as he fidgeted, glancing back and forth in hopes that someone would help the poor furr—Fundy. That someone would help Fundy.

"I'm not touching that shit," Wilbur said. Glaring down at the slime as he took a step back when it started to seep towards him.

Schlatt nodded off at the side. "Neither am I."

"Well I will!" 

Everyone simultaneously turned to the person who said that, most if not everyone surprised to find it was indeed Tubbo. The young boy rolling up his sleeves as he smiled, kneeling down. "It shouldn't be that bad," he said. Ignoring the protests and warnings that were echoed from the people around him. "After all, It can't be worse than that time ma' caught the bubonic pla—"

And just as Tubbo stuck his hands into the slime, it seemed to suck him in with a sickening squelch. Several or more people responding by recoiling in disgust or surprise. Bad doing the ladder as he watched yet another person be added to the goo's collection.

"NOOOO, HE WAS TOO YOUNG!"

"Isn't he several hundred years older us?"

"Another one bites the dust—"

"My god I'm surrounded by idiots."

The retorts and reactions were suddenly silenced, though, as a part of the slime seemed to twitch strangely. The section of the goo swirling abnormally before abruptly...a face appeared.

"Hi guys!"

The happy greeting was responded with the whole group screaming in horror.