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"Tian, I am not sure about this,"
Phupha stops them from taking another step towards the door. The grip around Tian's wrist tightens, dashes of nervousness pulsating around his skin. The ranger glances at Tian and to the entrance with trembling, timid eyes. The cycle continues for a few seconds more before Phupha jumps a little, a vain attempt to shake the nerves off his body. Still, his lungs are compressing, and his lips are drying, words becoming a blurred mess in his already chaotic mind.
Honestly, Phupha has so many things he needs to be mindful of, and all he wants to do today is to leave a decent impression on his future in-laws, hopefully. The mere thought of them being his in-laws excites and scares Phupha simultaneously. He genuinely, desperately, wants to be on the same level as the respected Sopatsisakun, or at least worthy enough to be by Tian's side. Good enough to be Tian's protector and partner for life.
A light, fleeting touch along his jaw halts every doubt running freely in his head. He searches for the familiar graze, yearning for more and glad to see Tian smiling at him, soft around the edges, beautiful over the corners. His eyes shine like those thousand stars on the sky of Pha Pun Dao, their holy companion, and Phupha feels the nervousness slowly subduing.
"Phu," Tian calls gently, and immediately goosebumps rise on his skin like coarse sand sticking to his body after a swim at sea. Tian has been calling him Phu for a while now, but the effect remains the same; electrifying, gratifying, intimate.
Those ardent strokes continue to paint his skin, from his jaw and down to this neck and quickly falls to Phupha's free hand, gripping those cold, shaking fingers securely. "Hey, it is going to be okay," the younger assures, puckering his lips out of habit.
If Phupha is not that nervous, he might have kissed those plump pilgrims right away. But he feels jittery, the same sensation he experienced when he faced his superiors years back. That same feeling gushes into his body like harsh wind, a hurricane, tossing and turning every bit of sanity left in him, crushing them into embers.
Tian releases their clasped hands, and Phupha whines at the loss of comfort. The younger chuckles breathily at his antics, "I have never seen you this nervous before, chief," the latter teases. It is Tian's secret weapon to get on Phupha's nerves these days- calling him chief. But today, Phupha has no energy to tease him back, too conflicted and mortified for the uncertain future greeting him in less than ten minutes from now.
Sensing the ranger's stiffness intensifying, Tian places both of his palms on Phupha's chest and relishes the thundering heartbeat matching with his, secretly. "Phupha, you do not have to be scared. I am here with you. It will be alright," Tian tries his very best to ease the rigidness, tapping once, twice, thrice, flicking the elder's chin so their eyes can meet again. He flashes Phupha a big smile, full of support, warmth and love.
"I do not want to mess up," the other express sincerely, slanted eyes getting droopier with worry and insecurities Tian has never witnessed before. Phupha has always been confident, strong and unrelenting, sturdy like those trees protecting the village, but to see this side of him, flawed and imperfect- Tian feels a different kind of pride blooming in his chest, lacing his ribcage with pink flowers and green leaves. Only he has this entry to all shades of Phupha. He is proud of it.
Tian allows his fingers to wander on Phupha's face, marking every inch of skin with his cotton-like touch, the only way he knows that can comfort Phupha during times like this. "You were not even scared taking a bullet for me three years ago. There is no need to be nervous now, Phu," he says, "on the contrary, I think mae and phaw should be anxious to see you. They are meeting their son's saviour,"
Phupha smiles, just a brief tug of lips, but it is as if the sun bestowed all their mighty rays on him; strokes of yellow and orange enhances his beauty to the fullest. He looks gorgeous, glowing, ethereal.
"Tian, stop teasing me," Phupha commands, trying to sound menacing, but butterflies are flying away as words gracefully fall from his lips, chirpy and gleeful.
Tian quirks his eyebrows, sheepishly smiling at the love of his life, "at least, you are smiling now. That is a good sign,"
The ranger looks the nicest when he laughs and smiles. A blatant sparkle explodes from his eyes like firecrackers, it is breathtaking, and Tian wants the other to smile like this forever.
Phupha breathes in anew. His eyes are now on the door again, the only boundary separating him and Tian's parents, a new beginning to their relationship. "Do you think they will like me?"
Tian looks scandalized by that question, which catches Phupha off guard. Did he say it wrongly?
"Tian?"
"Your question is invalid," Tian denies with pouty lips, so luscious and inviting, a dangerous distraction, "of course, they will!"
Tian stomps his feet adorably and laces their fingers again, "they will love you for sure! Phaw is already fond of you, and mae is not that hard to please. Trust me," the younger finishes with a wink, the previous dissatisfied expression on his face disappears.
"I do not know why I am more nervous to know that," Phupha states truthfully. So, Sir Teerayut likes him? That is a good sign, he supposed. But what about Mrs Lalita? Will she accept him, or at least like him? Will she-
Tian kisses Phupha on the cheek, a crimson imprint on caramel skin, fiery and burning, brave and confident. "Stop with the overthinking agenda, Phu. I will be here with you, okay? If things get messy, I will get you out of here. I promise." Tian says, buttery voice tuning softer, more delicate, only for Phupha to hear, a secret between them. "I am here. There is no need to be scared,"
Phupha closes his eyes, trying to absorb the comfort from Tian's lips on his skin and those encouraging words to seep into his unevenly beating heart. "Okay," he utters, breathless but resolutely gaining a tinge of confidence.
"Okay," Tian echoes, smiling with his eyes and lips, and takes Phupha's hands with his again. "Are you ready?"
It is now or never.
Phupha nods, lightly biting his lips, but Tian holds his hands securely, ten fingers meeting ten more, a perfect twenty, channelling all his energy for him to take.
With a deep breath, they enter the house, and Phupha glances at Tian along the journey. He believes that everything will fall perfectly into place. Tian is here by his side. He will be alright.
Turns out, the Sopasitsakun loves Phupha.
Maybe a little too much, a bit too expressive (Mrs Lalita engulfed Phupha in her embrace as soon they entered the house, tears brimming from her eyes, constantly thanking the ranger for taking care of his son. Surprisingly, Sir Teerayut strongly agreed with her, nodded his head and smiled from time to time). Tian enjoys watching the three of them trying to get comfortable with each other, mostly Mrs Lalita attempting to break the bubble surrounding his overly stiff and awkward boyfriend.
Phupha has spent too much time alone, and if his parents accept him into the household, Phupha does not have to feel lonely anymore. He will have a family again, a mother he can call mae and a father to call phaw, and a future husband he can call teerak. Ah, the thought of them reuniting as a family warms his soul to the core.
All the while, Phupha will throw panic glances at him as Mrs Lalita starts her first round of interrogation. Tian tries to excuse himself to the kitchen, wanting to help the maids with lunch. Phupha laces their pinkies together hurriedly, a clear sign of dread, but Tian looks at him and mouths I will be back. Unwillingly, Phupha has to let him go. And the session resumes with Mrs Lalita bombarding more questions for Phupha to dodge.
It is amusing to see that defeated expression on the latter's face, like a lost puppy searching for its owner, but Tian knows Phupha will be fine. Although there were stigmas about him being strict and emotionless when he first arrived at the village five years ago, truthfully, Phupha is a great person, inside and out. And that is one of the reasons why Tian loves him so much. He is loveable, and Tian believes his parents will genuinely love Phupha too.
Tian enters the kitchen and takes the dishes to the table, arranging them neatly. He places the cutleries according to their designated spot, pours everyone a glass of orange juice and fixes the chairs. When everything is ready, he heads to the living room and calls for them.
"Lunch is ready!" He announces, and Phupha is the first to stand up, comically, almost tripping.
Sir Teerayut smiles at him, "I guess that Chief Phupha is hungry,"
"Aw," Mrs Lalita exclaims defeatedly, "I was about to ask him about his family..."
Sir Teerayut holds her shoulders lovingly, "we can continue while eating, no worries, honey. Do you agree, Phupha?" He passes the bomb to Phupha, and the ranger almost loses all the strength on his legs to continue standing.
"Y-y-yes, s-sir,"
Tian wants to laugh at Phupha for being a dork and a cutie. Today is probably the best day of his life, and Tian knows this is only the beginning of an exciting, fun, and meaningful endeavour for them both. Also, today will be the addition of more embarrassing things Phupha has ever done in the expanse of three years they are together.
Sir Teerayut guides Mrs Lalita to the kitchen, and Tian approaches Phupha instantly, bumping their shoulders together. "How did it go?"
"Did you purposely leave me alone with them?" He asks, betrayal clear on his face, like the blue sky on top of their head.
Tian laughs this time, no holding back, just sheer bliss. "I did not. I was helping auntie to set up the table. I did not leave you on purpose," he defends himself, lucky enough that Phupha seems to accept it. "Were you scared?"
"God, Tian," Phupha exclaims dramatically, wiping his face with his hands, "I wanted to run away! Your mother's questions were more difficult than the interview I had with my bosses!"
"Really?" Tian asks, watching Phupha explains the short moment of torture (as what the latter claims) with much enthusiasm, hands flailing everywhere, eyes darting from Tian's face and everywhere, body wobbling from side to side. Tian catches him in time before he falls to the tiled ground.
He pats Phupha's head lovingly, running his fingers through his short hair, massaging his scalp for better measures. Phupha purrs, eyes closing, currently in a state of euphoria, and Tian grants him the taste of heaven for a moment.
"Tian? Phupha? Let's eat! The food is getting cold!" Mrs Lalita's voice booms and resonates in the spacious hall, and Tian releases his grip slowly. Phupha opens his eyes, pouting this time, and Tian wants to kiss him so bad.
"You did great," he stands on his tippy toes and pecks Phupha on the lips, satisfied, "I am proud of you."
Tian does not know what is going on with Phupha today, but he still loves him the same. He is so out of control, clumsy, undoubtedly funny, shy and delicate. He appears so differently, but the change is so welcoming and endearing that Tian finds himself falling, dejectedly, eternally. He loves him more now, more than he can ever imagine.
He stands behind Phupha and pushes him towards the kitchen where his parents are waiting; all the while, the elder laughs at him, a charming melody that rings in his ears, and Tian thinks this is his heaven.
After a hearty lunch, Mrs Lalita decided to talk over coffee, in which, Phupha panicked once again.
Phupha mouthed at him- how many Q&A sessions do I have to go through?- and Tian replied cheekily, endless.
They are now seated at the porch; the swimming pool is in full view, the trees are swaying to the serene rhythm, along with the colourful kites dangling from the pillars. Tian notices the smile adorning Phupha's lips, his eyes scanning carefully at every kite, adoration and exhilaration clear in those ebony orbs. It is doing something to Tian's fragile heart; his insides are flaring up, knowing that he is the reason behind Phupha's beautiful smile.
"Phupha, do you want coffee?" Mrs Lalita asks carefully, and Phupha nods, brushing his palms all over his thighs, fidgeting in his seat. Oh, Phupha will be the death of Tian for sure.
As the maid passes by them, Tian stops her, "auntie, chief likes his coffee strong," he says, winking at her, and she giggles understandingly.
A smack lands on his thigh, and Tian scowls in pain. Buoyant waves of laughter erupt from Sir Teerayut and Mrs Lalita. Phupha glares at him, but Tian pinches his cheeks instead, cooing at his extreme cuteness. If Phupha continues to act this way, Tian has a lower chance to survive or even breathe.
The coffee arrives minutes after the commotion ended, and the maid places each mug carefully on the wooden table.
"A strong coffee for a strong man," she says, putting the last cup in front of Phupha.
Tian cheers in victory and high-fives her. His plan worked, he knows Phupha will get back to him soon for all the teasing, but it is worth it. He is content to know that everyone in this house treats Phupha like a family and not an outsider, even though Phupha is still awkward with the overwhelming attention and love he is receiving. Phupha deserves this. Tian wants everyone to love Phupha, compensating for all the love he gives him for the past three meaningful years together.
"Is the coffee good, Phupha?" Sir Teerayut asks.
"Yes, sir," he answers like a dedicated ranger, precise and sharp.
Sir Teerayut fondly smiles at him, "you do not have to be formal with me during occasions like this, Phupha. You are a part of the family now. Just call me phaw, that is enough,"
Phupha almost, almost, spits the hot coffee out. And Tian quickly retrieves the tissue and wipes his coffee-smeared mouth.
"That is true," Mrs Lalita intervenes, "you are our future son in law after all. No more formalities. From now on, call me mae, okay? Treat us like your real parents,"
Tian looks at Phupha and witnesses the glow in those orbs; his smile is tenderer now, thankful and finally unwinding himself from those suffocating confinements.
"Okay, mae, phaw," Phupha utters hesitantly, and the smile on his parents' faces are dazzling.
Mrs Lalita takes Phupha's hands and caresses lovingly at every knuckle. Her motherly actions bring tears to his eyes, but Phupha shakes them off as he answers her question, opening up himself more and more to her. Once in a while, Sir Teerayut will share a piece or two of advice that makes Phupha nod enthusiastically. At times, Tian follows their conversation. But more often, he listens to them. He listens to Phupha's honey-like voice, answering their curiosity with nothing but honesty; he savours the remnants of nervousness lingering in his voice as Mrs Lalita asks him about his previous love life. He shyly chuckles when Phupha says Tian is his first and only lover. He tearily grins when Phupha claims that he is willing to die for Tian.
Tian smiles, knowing that Phupha has plans of proposing marriage someday. Tian smiles, believing that Phupha will build a future for them, a joyous, merry, glorious tomorrows together.
The sun almost sets at the horizon, flocks of birds are retreating to their respective homes, the growls and howls of the engine die down with each passing second, and Phupha stands at the door, waiting for Tian's parents as instructed.
Tian wants him to stay the night, but Phupha does not think it is appropriate. Although his family accepts him with open arms, Phupha believes it is better to rent a hotel room rather than staying here. As much as he wants to be in Tian's arms for the night, a piece of him feels uncomfortable with the idea of spending the night here. He does not want to take their kindness for granted. Phupha has already caused a lot of troubles here and there.
"Phu!" Tian runs at him, all smiles and cheerful. His heart pounds faster, and his lips stretch into a grin as he takes the younger into his arms.
"Hm?" He asks, searching for those brown globes, finding a single star winking at him, a pleasant surprise.
"Phaw and mae want you to stay," he says, and Phupha's brain short-circuits.
"W-w-what?"
"Phupha," Sir Teerayut emerges out of nowhere, now in the most comfortable (and expensive) silk pyjama Phupha has ever seen, approaching him and pats his shoulder lightly, "stay for the night. It is a waste to rent a hotel in the city. You can stay here. We have plenty of rooms for you to chose from,"
Mrs Lalita follows suit, also in her glamorous, red silk pyjama, and leaves a suggestive remark, "you can stay in Tian's room too if you want,"
Phupha's brain short-circuits for the nth time.
They were never apart, not even in Pha Pun Dao. They sleep on the same bed; Tian wears almost all of his shirts. They sometimes use the same mug because one is too lazy to move a muscle after a long and tiring day of teaching. They kiss and hug and make love during the deepest of nights and the broadest of daylights. Therefore, why is Phupha feeling shy all of a sudden? They did everything, from the purest to the wildest of actions. So, why Phupha wants to run away from this majestic house and hides in a hotel room?
"Phaw, mae, I-"
Tian circles his arm around Phupha's waist, hugging him closer to his body as he announces, "thank you mae, phaw! Phupha will stay for the night, in my room,"
Phupha feels electrocuted and out of breath. But before he can drown himself in those suffocating feelings, Tian already pulls him towards the stairs, climbing one step to another until they reach a room that looks so much like Tian.
Tian closes the door with a soft thud and locks it. Always lock your door; they learned this the embarrassing way. Whenever they were a bit braver at the base, needy hands reaching out to each other, Yod would always run into them, seconds after Tian's shirt fell to the ground. Luckily, Yod did not see anything. Phupha scolded Yod for ruining their private time, and he commanded the sergeant to fix the holes on the wall because there is no way Phupha would let them see Tian in that state. It is one of his most prized possessions.
"Tian," Phupha breathes out, staring into the younger's eyes, wanting definite answers more than puzzling questions.
Tian engulfs him in a hug, cold hands wrapping around his waist, a familiar touch, a friendly invitation. "Stay here," he whispers into his chest, where his heart is beating, "stay here with me,"
"Was this your plan all along?"
He feels the smile forming on his skin, and it tingles. "Do you think I would let you stay in a hotel? We were never apart, Phu. Not even in Pha Pun Dao," Tian says with teary eyes, "you promised me,"
Ah, Tian exactly knows how to break his heart.
Phupha kisses the crown of Tian's head, and the smell of coconut wafts in the air, their shared body wash lingers and dances contently, "I did," he acknowledges, rubbing soothing circles around his back, "I am not leaving. I will stay," he assures.
A promise, a vow, and a forever.
The stars are twinkling across the vast sky, and the crescent moon is smiling at them.
Phupha moans in content as Tian snuggles closer to his body. He plays with the latter's hair, twirling a strand in between his fingers, tugging at them when he feels playful, releasing them when Tian whines lowly, ant-like bite loitering on his skin as a punishment for his mischief acts.
Phupha exhales a heavy sigh, the overpowering emotions are coming back to him, greeting him again, and Phupha forces himself to ignore them all. The thought of being loved and accepted by the Sopasitsakun makes him tear up because now, he has a small group of people he can call family, aside from the villagers of Pha Pun Dao, and he is thankful. He can finally feel a mother's loving touch and hear a father's wise words again. After so many years of solitude, Phupha forgets how warm it feels to have someone he can call family. When he gets the chance to experience it anew, he feels the same strangle, the same ache, rupturing in his chest.
Tian looks up at him, and those eyes are so mesmerizing, pulling him away from the centre, defying gravity. "What are you thinking about, Phu?"
"Your family," he starts, "they are such nice people,"
Tian scoffs at this but laughs afterwards, "they were not like this before. Everything changed when I came back from Pha Pun Dao. It was hard for them, but I know they tried their best to understand me, and the place that made me a better person,"
Phupha nods understandingly. They are from two different worlds, starkly contrasting in beliefs and standpoints, but Tian evolved into a new persona, an improved and new Tian that Phupha fell in love with even from their first meeting. It is not possible for Tian's parents to change, either.
"I guess they wanted to know you better too, Phu," he continues, trailing Phupha's clothed chest with the tip of his fingers, scribbling words and confessions on his skin, "you are our family now. I hope you know that,"
"I know," Phupha answers, blessed, "I know."
Tian hums, his body vibrates, and Phupha holds him closer, feeling all of him.
"Phu," the younger calls, and Phupha waits and listens.
"I know I have told you this countless times, but,"
Phupha stops the finger from travelling all over his chest with a light grip, "what is it, Tian?"
It takes approximately twenty-three seconds for Tian to muster a reply, "I love you. I truly do,"
It hurts. It pains. It stings.
Phupha holds Tian's chin, allowing their universe to collide again as he says, "someday, I will make you mine legally, and we will build our future together,"
Tian smiles at him, lovingly, vividly, stars glimmering from his eyes. "You have built a future for me, Phu. A place I can call home, it is you, and it is enough."
He embraces Tian delicately, whispering into the mop of hair, "Tian," a prayer, a chant, a mantra that keeps his heart beating stupidly fast.
"Thank you for falling in love with me," he confesses, ardent, full of emotions, mainly love and a bucket of adoration.
Tian does not answer him, but he kisses Phupha, needy and tender and in love. He kisses Phupha until no air circulates his lungs, lips swelling, and litres upon litres of helium fills his body, elevating him to a place so elusive and heaven-like. And it is enough. With Tian, it is always enough.
Tian invites Phupha for a swim before they return to Pha Pun Dao.
Phupha dives into the freezing water like a merman; his skin glistens under the morning sun, glimmering like fish scales, long legs flapping like a tail, elegant and graceful with every stroke. Tian watches him in awe; tattoos embroidered on the golden dermis, short bangs sticking to his forehead, eyes red from the chlorine, lips plump and luscious, and he is gorgeous, breathtaking, spell-bounding.
The ranger takes him on a dive; Tian clings onto his back, and Phupha submerges their bodies in the water, swimming from one end to the other. Tian squeals in delight, and Phupha continues the routine until the younger stops him, tired and worn out.
They get out of the pool and sprints to the nearest bathroom. Phupha attacks him with surprise kisses on the neck and chest, pecking his cheeks once in a while, and Tian slaps him on the head because he is cold and hungry. Tian gets cranky when he is hungry.
Tian exits the bathroom first and runs to the kitchen, retrieving an egg sandwich and munching into them before Phupha manages to steal a bite. He sticks his tongue out playfully, and Phupha pushes him out of the way, taking all the freshly fried nuggets into his hands.
Tian fails to snatch a nugget from Phupha's hand. Phupha is just lucky because he is a few centimetres taller than Tian. The ranger lashes out from the kitchen, and Tian chases after him. They ended up at the porch again, an intense battle with nuggets at stake. Tian tickles Phupha until the latter surrenders, shrieking and smiling from ear to ear, and Tian grins until his cheeks hurt.
Phupha hugs Tian from the back, smothers a kiss on his neck and calls him beautiful repeatedly, greasy fingers tainting his t-shirt purposedly.
Tian laughs; in love, jubilant and calls Phupha an idiot wholeheartedly.
After all, they are both idiots. Idiots that are utterly, mindlessly, helplessly, in love.
"Honey, they do love each other," Mrs Lalita says, smiling as she sees the both of them being all over each other even after three years.
Sir Teerayut nods knowingly, "yes. I can see that."
Mrs Lalita turns slightly to look at her husband, "shall we ask them to join us for breakfast?"
"I think it is better to let them be."
She nods, but a frown adorns her face as she expresses, "okay, but, honey,"
"What is it?"
Her cheeks flush in pink, but her eyes are gleaming with curiosity, "did you hear anything last night?"
Sir Teerayut smiles at her, holding both of her shoulders and brushes her off, "let's have our breakfast instead."