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“...just confess, it’s easier.”
Merlin only hummed louder.
“SHUT UP!”
Merlin did so, but only to glare. “Now that’s just rude.” He waved around with his shackled arms. “You throw me here, with nothing to do and then get mad when I start to entertain myself?” He shook his head. “Not a nice thing to do, even for a Witchfinder.”
“You know,” Aredian gritted his teeth. He was outright scowling at Merlin. “You would have something to do if you confessed.”
Merlin lifted a single eyebrow, mimicking Gaius so as to further aggravate the man. “You mean you would give me the courtesy of a last dinner before burning me on a pyre?” He didn’t even think for a moment. “No thanks.”
“You are a sorcerer.” Aredian smiled at once, sweet as poisoned wine. Merlin had bad experience with those, he mused. Maybe something to add to the narrative. If it was making his knees weak, surely, others would find it fearful as well? “-admit it.” Oh, bloody hell, he tuned the man out again.
But who could fault him? After three days without food, drink and meaningful sleep, his magic was the only thing keeping him up. Well, besides the chains.
“...does a chained friend add to the story that much?” he wondered, muttering half-aloud. “Maybe I should add that as well.” So far he had quite a few things planned out: a love square, incest, a ship that sank, magical talking animals, the poisoned wine thing and now, this… “But how do you put that into song?” he tilted his head, starting the humming again. His. Name. Is-
“SHUDDUP!”
Merlin resolutely hummed on. Lancelot, he likes to dance a lot-
Aredian threw a rock against the bars of his cell. It clang, the sound in perfect rhythm with Merlin. Good, good, this part was turning out pretty well!
Then the Witchfinder screamed.
That was not in sync with Merlin.
The young warlock closed his jaw with an audible snap. “Can’t you bother someone else? I have some important composing to do!”
Aredian leaned against the bars, as close as he could get to Merlin through those. “Confess.” He grinned wickedly. “Or maybe I will go bother someone else. Gaius has always been suspicious to me…” He was trying to one-up Merlin. Get a rise out of him.
It was kind of working.
Merlin let out a shaky breath. “...okay.” He closed his eyes. “I… I have never told this to anyone.” His voice was shaking, rough from the constant usage. “I never thought I would, but… It’s true nonetheless.” He hung his head. “I should just stop lying to myself and those around me, shouldn’t I?”
“Yes, just say it!”
“I… I…”
Merlin snapped his eyes open, to stare into Aredian’s gleeful face. “I think Arthur is not actually blond.”
“...what.”
“His natural hair colour is dark blond.” Merlin let out a deep breath, almost laughing. “You know what, Aredian? This actually helped me feel better.” He beamed. “Thanks!” His continued humming turned more and more cheerful.
“...are you kidding me.” Aredian looked ready to strangle Merlin for some reason. He opened the cell door, holding up a dagger all of a sudden. “I guess I will have to just make you talk…”
Merlin inspected the dagger, still humming. “Hey, is that from Escetir?” He brightened. “It is! Did you know I grew up there?” he asked conversationally. Aredian stepped closer, a sadistic smile growing on his face. “It was quite nice actually, if it wouldn’t have been for all that thingaming.” He mimed casting a spell.
“'Thingaming.'” Aredian repeated, halting. His tone was expressionless.
“Yeah, you know, the” Merlin deepened his voice. “Words, words, evil voice.” He lifted his arms, again, in the mimicry of a spell in the works. Aredian’s eyes lit up.
“Say, Merlin,” he leaned against the cell wall casually. “Do you, by chance, do this ‘thingaming’ regularly?”
Merlin didn’t even consider the answer. “Yeah, fairly regularly."
The corner of Aredian's lips almost seemed to reach his ears. "Would you be willing to say that in front of the whole court?"
Merlin shrugged. "Sure, if I can get some water and food first. I'll probably fall asleep if I don't get some." Or he could just fall asleep with a full stomach! What a genius idea, right? "Also, I need the energy and it would be embarrassing to have someone walk me there." He winced at the thought, before snapping his eyes back at the Witchfinder. "You are not the Joker are you?" That smile on the man's face...
"...I am not."
Merlin relaxed back into the hold of the chains. "Good. Because let me tell you, I wouldn't have been your willing Harley Quinn." He rattled the iron a bit. “Not into the bondage thing or the hyenas either.”
"...but of course" Aredian replied after a pause. "I shall send for your meal, then."
"Yeah, yeah, suit yourself." How to finish the second act… Would it be too much to have someone die or get betrayed? Maybe he should get a dramatic scene where the main characters all died, because they thought the other one was dead so they killed themselves, only to be found by the other who was not actually dead, thus inciting a circle of "I died for you" and "okay, then I will die for you"...
***
The court gathered fast, everyone who could jamming into the throne room. The three royals sat in their seats, overseeing the Witchfinder drag the supposed sorcerer in with varying degrees of worry.
"Your Majesty, I present to you the traitor in your midst." Aredian scowled at Merlin. "He confessed to me."
"Impossible!" Arthur denied immediately. "Merlin is no sorcerer, father-"
"Oh, hey, Arthur!" The warlock, having been lost deeply in thought smiled up at his prince. "Wow, you look like shit." Massive bags under his eyes, pale cheeks… "And I thought I had it bad," he told Aredian conspiratorially. "Could it be the…" He waved at his hair. "You know?"
"I do not know the workings of your mind, sorcerer," Aredian said coldly. He pushed Merlin down to his knees. "Now, confess."
Merlin glanced up at the royal family. Uther was eyeing him with suspicion and some dawning realisation. Morgana looked mortified and Arthur's eyes were the size of saucers.
"I'm sorry Arthur," Merlin whispered. The heartbreak scrunched up the prince's face. "...I know you're not actually blond."
"Wait, what?"
The suspicion in Uther's eyes grew as Arthur blinked fast. Morgana let out a huff of air and the people around the court also made some weird noises.
Aredian grabbed Merlin by the hem of his tunic. "Not that confession!" He hissed.
Merlin looked back at Arthur in askance. "I love you?"
The prince and many others in attendance gasped. Aredian stomped his feet. "Not that one!"
"Well, why don't you help me out a bit then? I really don't get what you want, Aredian." Merlin shrugged helplessly, before scowling. "And you're not being nice, you know. I was halfway through a scene in my head when you forcibly moved me here! I have legs, I can walk after just three days of starvation!" Another round of gasps, now mixed with angry growls.
"What did you do to my servant?" Arthur practically snarled into Aredian’s face, dashing over the few feet between them. Merlin grinned up at him.
“Aren't you the prettiest when you get all protective and possessive." He mumbled to himself. "I need more of that in my story… Possibly add a dash of jealousy as well..." His voice gradually became quieter and quieter.
"How long has he been like this?" Uther questioned, tapping his chin in interest. "Also, Arthur, please don't murder the Witchfinder in cold blood, for now."
Arthur decidedly ignored his father.
"I- Your Majesty!" Aredian called out, paling at the sword in the prince's hand. "The sorcerer has been like this for two days now!"
"Ah. I understand." Morgana spoke up, relaxing into her seat. She smiled, tilting her head in interest. "How is your play going, Merlin?"
He beamed up at her, "Oh, the main characters' gay awakening is underway!"
"What is 'gay'?"
"Women loving women and men loving men" Merlin answered swiftly. "It needs a bit more dazzle, but I'll make it work."
"Men loving men" Arthur repeated, cheeks flushing a bit. Merlin winked at him. The flush spread. "Merlin."
"Yeah?" I was sick and tired of everything… When I called you last night from Glasgow.
"...are you having an episode?"
All I do is eat and sleep and sing… Wishing every show was the last show~ "Maybe. Which season are we talking about here? If it's still the first one, then chances are, I am not."
"...of course he is having an episode, Arthur, look at him."
...glad to hear you're coming! Suddenly I felt alright...
Merlin didn't think there was anything up with his outlook as Morgana had implied. Still, he took the siblings' gazes as if it was normal.
"Wait, wait, wait, go back, go back!" The music in his head stopped. What had he been thinking… "...siblings?"
Another song, much more jumpy than the one before, flared up in his head. "This is my sister; this is my brother; we are siblings and we care for each other!" He beamed at the two. He hummed along with the other parts.
Aredian chose that moment to comment, "He is a sorcerer, your Majesty!" He waved behind himself. "I have witnesses to his rampage across Camelot!"
The king just leaned on his hand. "What do you have to say about that, Merlin?"
"Oh, yeah, you know. I'm no sorcerer, that's a load of crap."
"But you confessed!" Aredian shouted at the warlock. "You admitted it!"
Merlin watched him with an even expression. "Nah."
"Aredian-" Uther began, but was cut off by the Witchfinder.
"You did! You said you practice magic!"
The court snapped their eyes back to Merlin, who just shrugged. "Nah, I didn't say that."
"BUT YOU DID!!" Aredian seemed ready to punch the warlock in the face. Arthur glared at him some more, forcing the man to his senses. He sighed. "You said you did the… 'thingaming' a lot."
Merlin immediately brightened. "Oh, the thingaming! Why didn't you start with that? Of course I do that a lot!" He waved at the prince. "Arthur can attest to it!"
"...the thingaming, Merlin." The mentioned prince deadpanned. "What is that?"
"You know!" Merlin turned back to him with a flourish, hunching his back and crooking his arms. The atmosphere in the room became cutting and cold all of a sudden. "You will not make me do your laundry today!" he growled.
Arthur just shook his head. "You've just come out of the dungeons, of course I won't."
"Yes!" Merlin's sunny smile was back. He fist bumped himself. "See? It totally works!"
"...you will only have to polish my armor, scrub the floor, sharpen my sword…"
Merlin groaned. Arthur grinned.
"Aredian, take me baaaack" the warlock whined. "I want my creative freedom room!"
"...he is definitely having an episode" Arthur decided. He looked over at Uther. "Father, may we be excused?"
The king's eye was glittering strangely as he waved his son off, "No, no, let him stay. Though get the cuffs off." This one was meant for Aredian, who just spluttered.
"Y-yo-your Maje-Majesty?" His whole body went rigid. Merlin was humming something quite creepy now. "W-what is the meaning of this?"
"You're gonna die, die, die-"
"Release the boy." The king commanded.
A guard stepped up to get the handcuffs off of Merlin's wrists. The warlock beamed at him.
"Thank you, Arnold!"
"...my name is Darwin, actually" the guard muttered. Merlin gasped.
"As in, the Darwin? The one with the animals?" The guard slowly nodded. Merlin, now fully free, clasped his metal-covered hands. "It's an honor! I didn't even know you were still alive!" He grinned widely, glancing around the room. "I didn’t even know most of these people were alive…” He frowned, eyes finding Arthur. “Hey. Have you pulled out a sword from a stone yet?”
“No, Merlin, why would I do that?” The prince was also frowning heavily. “Wouldn’t a sword rust in a stone?”
Merlin rolled his eyes. “It’s a magic sword, obviously. Dollophead” he hissed. As he turned, he finally looked at the king again. “Oh, hey! Aren't you supposed to be dead so Arthur can pull out the sword from the stone and I can travel on rainbows?" He scrunched up his nose.
Uther, against all that was usually him, simply leaned closer. "How will I die?"
"Poisoning," Merlin replied at once. "I will try to help you, but to no avail. Sorry, Arthur." He grimaced at the prince. "You will make a good king, just don't listen to that old fart!"
Arthur gritted out, "I certainly hope that 'old fart' is not my father?"
Uther just waved at him. "Let him be, Arthur." He looked over the young warlock, considering. "What do you propose I do?"
"Claim all your children" came the instant response. Aredian gasped.
"The outrage, my lord! He must be a sorcerer!"
Only for Arthur to calmly raise a sword closer to his throat. "You have been warned." Aredian raised his hands, trembling. With rage or fear, it was left undecided.
Uther's expression soured, but he nodded. "What else?"
Merlin hummed. "Reintroduce magic to the land so that the assasination attempts on you and those of Camelot stop?" He glanced around at the stunned room, then shrugged. "I suppose not. I guess you could try making nice with all the neighbouring kingdoms, see if that would help Arthur in the long run. You know uniting Albion and all that jazz." He made some weird, shaking movement with both his hands. "Jazz hands…!" As he dropped them, his demeanor changed to a more serious one. "By the way, that was the third question."
"Uniting Albion…" Arthur repeated, watching his friend in a daze.
"Yeah, yeah, it's your destiny and all that crap." Merlin waved him down. "But hey! At least, you are stuck with me!" He frowned at once. "Or is that not a good thing…?" He shrugged. "Well, whatever." He cracked his bones as he stretched.
“Stuck with you…” Arthur repeated again.
Morgana simply sighed from her throne, “Yeah, yeah we all get it, you belong together, little brother.” At the prince’s scandalous look, she raised her eyebrows. “What? Merlin did say siblings…”
The king cleared his throat. "About that…"
Morgana froze.
"We might have to start planning your coronation as Princess of Camelot" Uther pronounced carefully. "Update the archives with your regency in case anything happens to Arthur." They both took a second to look at the young prince, whose arm holding the sword to Aredian's throat was shaking rather forcefully.
"I, uh," he started, rasping. He coughed. "I am not dealing with this right now!" He claimed louder. With one hand, he grabbed Merlin – the other one still keeping the Witchfinder in check – as he nodded his head towards the throne. "With all due respect, sister, father."
"Goodbye!" Merlin waved cheerfully, not even protesting as he was dragged out of the throne room. "Don't wait up on me, Gaius!" he added. With how Arthur was acting all caveman-like, he supposed he wouldn't be spending the night in his own bed. There was no reason for Gaius to wait for him to come home – he would be fine!
Well, he would be even better off, if Arthur let him go for a moment so he could actually, you know, stand on his feet. "I can stand after three days of starvation!" he shouted at the prince indignantly. "I already told Aredian and he didn't care either! Are you as bad as him?" Merlin twisted around to get a better look at Arthur. Maybe it was the hair comment, but the prince looked decidedly gruff. "Hey, Arthur, you know I don't actually mind your hair only being dark blond… It still looks sexy, pushed back."
"W-w-what are you- MERLIN!"
At least he was let go.
Aaaand, there was no one in the corridor, all free servants stuttering around the throne room to listen in to the Witchfinder's findings of a sorcerer.
"Such a clotpole" Merlin muttered, grimacing slightly, massaging his hurt bum. "Can't even make out the difference between a sorcerer and a warlock… I wonder if he knows the difference between dragons and wyverns?" He hummed and moved to stand. The world was only swimming a bit! "I've gotta go back and ask him – oh, about narvals too – gotta know what those things are…"
"Merlin, please, stop." Arthur's hand stopped him. Merlin wasn't unlikeable enough for the sword treatment, it seemed. He blinked up owlishly. "Don't go back there and announce that you have magic or something just because you are having an episode."
Merlin lit up. "But I do! You do know, Arthur!" He looked down for a moment, "Funny, I thought I would take this secret to the grave…" He giggled. "Guess I'll have to die first though!"
"Please don't die" Arthur called, exasperated. "And don't announce that you are a sorcerer either!"
"I'm not though!" Merlin rolled his eyes. "Sorcerer, warlock, witch… Everyone gets the terms all messed up! It's worse than a ship war, though the casualties are much the same" he stated matter-of-factly.
"What do you know of ships…?" Arthur began, before flagging himself down. "Doesn't matter."
Merlin's face fell. "...fiiine." He stuck out his tongue. "I'm not telling you!"
The prince sighed. He was really good at that, Merlin noticed. Expressing his disappointment through sighing. Probably a trait picked up from his father, the king looked plenty disappointing to sigh like that about his past mistakes that started the Purge over a death he himself orchestrated-
Merlin took a deep breath. Stuck his finger in his ears. And began chanting, "La-la-la, I can't hear you, la-la-la…!"
Arthur sighed again – though this time, Merlin didn't hear him! Only lip-read the thing: really, Arthur's lips were quite a sight, captivating in a way… maybe he should add them to his play? Would Arthur be willing to go through the auditions for his lips though? Merlin was still searching for a good lead singer, after all… – and took a hold of his hand, this time to walk away with him. "Just come to bed" the prince order-asked. Merlin couldn't decide which one it was, you see, with half his ear still covered with his finger. "I have barely slept in three days."
"Oh, me too!" The warlock agreed cheerfully. Letting this metaphorical sunlight course through him, he hummed again. Is this the real life… Is this just fantasy… "Caught in a landslide… No escape from reality..."
Arthur led them through the corridors, finally arriving in front of the princely suite, just as Merlin was reaching the chorus. If one can talk about chorus with that song, he thought, the music screeching to a halt.
Arthur took the silence with suspiciously squinting eyes. Pretty eyes, Merlin wondered. Prettier than those 'rare' nonexistent eye diseases that claimed to change someone's eye purple…
The door closed behind them.
Merlin drank in the familiar sight. Familiar smell. He supposed with as much time as he spent there, the room would have some smell of him, but then again, you can't smell yourself and Arthur smelled rather good when he was not sweating and killing animals, so he supposed it was alright...
"Oh my gosh, we are roommates!" He exclaimed suddenly.
"...for now" Arthur agreed. "Come to bed, Merlin." He yawned as Merlin gasped 'There's only one bed!'. "You are not allowed to leave for a day – I'll keep you down with my own weight, if necessary."
"Kinky." Merlin grinned, but leapt readily on the bed. "And I miss talking about life and other stuff-"
"...very specific," Arthur murmured, giving him the side-eye.
"Shuddup!"
Merlin's beam was taken over by the previously admired lips. "Make me."
And, like any self-respecting warlock with a magical destiny: he did.