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It isn’t a very nice smell, but Beomgyu has grown used to it, scarcely noticing how sickening it is. Yeonjun never makes any comments about it, Beomgyu guesses having to deal with the smell can be exhausting, and even though he doesn’t notice it as much anymore, he could never do what Yeonjun does.
Blood is in sooth intoxicating. It’s so full of sins you can tell whoever’s blood that was must have been a horrible human, one that doesn’t deserve to live any longer, the type that should’ve been killed the moment they were born.
Those people were God’s malfunctioning products, people who lived their lives at the cost of others.
The red fluid was the only color painting Yeonjun’s world, and it had started to invade Beomgyu’s too. Maybe if he had given up a while ago this wouldn’t have happened, but Beomgyu thinks he would’ve found his way back to the older anyway.
And even if blood is noxious, he will endure it. He has to.
Yeonjun opens the door and Beomgyu doesn’t flinch when he catches a glimpse of his tall figure covered in blood, he doesn’t make a face or gets scared, not anymore.
Such a sight isn’t a new thing, it was one of the less common ones, but not completely strange. Five, that’s the number of times Yeonjun has come back drenched in ichor. Five times it hadn’t gone as planned, which meant more killing, and not necessarily of those who were parasites, but the ones who got their blood sucked by them.
“Was it tough?” There’s no need for consolation, Yeonjun never liked it, so he saddles with standing in front of him, letting him take the first step. He had learned after the first time.
“I thought I wasn’t gonna make it back to you,” his heart hurts, but he lets himself be hugged by Yeonjun’s cold body, hoping to be able to share some of his dying warmth.
And what if what is truly gruesome is them? Beomgyu doesn’t care, he doesn’t care as long as he has Yeonjun’s blood-covered lips kissing his own. There kisses aren’t more than a forlorn attempt to forget about how they can only be this when they're inside of their little apartment, the one they had only moved into a month ago.
It isn't their home, just another temporary place to live in.
Beomgyu doesn't mind how Yeonjun has dirtied him with someone else's blood, he enjoys knowing the older is desperate for him. He lives for Beomgyu because there isn’t anything else to live for.
His purpose isn’t to push his lover too much, he doesn’t mean for the kiss to last longer than a minute, but a few minutes later he’s the one being pushed against the shower’s wall, feeling the cold water hit his pale naked skin.
The water isn't clean anymore when it hits the floor, it had turned red, pink, brown, it's dirty. Beomgyu can’t pay much attention to it, he doesn’t want to. Instead, he focuses on Yeonjun, the man his eyes had been begging to see for so long.
It’s the same man that had left the house two weeks ago, but there’s now a small cut right under his eye. Beomgyu will make sure to kiss the scar left behind once it heals, just like he has done multiple times before. He observes Yeonjun’s face, examining it as the blood washes away.
“I missed you,” he brings him closer, holding him tightly as if he could make anything go away.
And when Yeonjun pushes himself inside him it hurts, it burns him, but he begs God to make him suffer as much as possible so he can take the man’s pain away. He would sacrifice himself to save him if it was needed.
It hurts each time his back hits the tiles on the walls, but he feels relieved, relieved that Yeonjun is here with him and not out there knowing he could get shot at any time. He feels grateful, grateful that if anyone killed him now he had at least spent his last minutes of living making love to the person he needed as if he was the air that filled his lungs every day.
“I love you,” he kisses his shoulders. “I love you,” he kisses his collar bones. “I love you,” he kisses his neck. “I love you,” his throat starts to close, but he still kisses him. “I love you so much,” he kisses his entire face with tears falling on his own. “I love you,” he whispers against his lips before kissing them.
“Every night when I looked at the moon all I could think about was you,” his voice is nothing more than a whisper, barely audible. And yet those words are so loud.
And when Yeonjun comes inside him Beomgyu wishes he could stay in there forever.
Beomgyu scrubs Yeonjun’s tired body, softly moving the sponge over his shape, making sure to wash every single spot covered with blood. Beomgyu dries his lover's hair when they’re out of the shower
He makes sure to massage Yeonjun’s scalp, because the man had said his mom used to do it all the time when he was younger. The other’s sleepy face makes him stop his action, turning the hairdryer off before offering him his hand to hold, an offer Yeonjun doesn’t refuse, of course.
Taking him to bed isn’t a big deal, if anything it is part of their routine after Yeonjun comes back to Beomgyu after weeks of being away on a difficult job. They lie in bed with empty stomachs, too sick from the smell of blood to care about what meal could fill them up.
There is soup on the stove, and Beomgyu will make sure to heat it up when Yeonjun feels like he can get up.
“I don’t want to do it anymore,” those are the same words he said after his previous mission, and the same ones he had said before that one too, and all the others.
But there’s no way to escape, or maybe there is, but he’s too much of a coward to do it.
Death wasn’t an option when Yeonjun knew Beomgyu would be left behind without anything to do, and even though he has enough money for the younger to live comfortably for the rest of his life without having to move a single finger, he can't do it.
Beomgyu has given up too much for Yeonjun to just leave him.
Leaving this place is a good idea, but they would be found and then killed if they were lucky enough. In the worst-case scenario, Beomgyu would be the one killed and Yeonjun would have to keep working for as long as he was useful.
“I know you don’t, but it’s okay, we will figure it out,” they won’t, but holding on to the idea of being free keeps them moving.
“I will kill him, and then we will be free,” Beomgyu freezes beside him, wrapping his arms around Yeonjun’s long body.
“You will,” he kisses his forehead as he brings him closer.
What a pitiful way of living.
The infamous “to be continued,” would've been shown on a television screen if this moment was part of a movie and the two of them were the protagonists.
Beomgyu chuckles, but then breaks into crying, he had set himself up while knowing that there was nothing he could for him besides this. Holding him so dearly, kissing him, and showing him he loves him. Sometimes doing that is just enough to keep Yeonjun sane.