Work Text:
RYAN: Well. There she is [camera pans over to a big house in the dark]
Good ‘ol Button Manor.
SHANE: She’s quite a beauty, honestly.
RYAN: I mean. Yeah. It is quite amazing isn’t it. I bet it looks even more awesome in the morning too. Though I will say that [points to the field and surrounding forest, as the camera pans to it] this isn’t helping my current terror.
SHANE: Why is there something really that bad in there?
RYAN: Well no but there has been some weird uh shit going down here, from what I’ve found. Also it’s quiet and creepy as fuck standing out here.
[they walk towards the door]
SHANE: Well (looks at Ryan) only one way to find out.
[Shane pushes open the door with a burst of energy and prances inside]
RYAN: (sighs, looks at camera) Well. The Ghoul Boys are back.
[Lightning strike, as a creepy animated mansion comes into view. As Buzzfeed Unsolved begins, the words “BUTTON MANOR” flash at the bottom]
[screen fades to show Shane and Ryan sitting in the main hall on the old & run down chairs]
RYAN: This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we explore Button House in Britain as part of our ongoing investigation into the question: Are Ghosts Real?
[Shane, as usual, shakes his head in finality]
RYAN: (ignoring Shane) Rumour has it that Button House is haunted by several spirits, but what makes this house particularly haunted is the traumatic stories behind the reasons why there are ghosts that haunt this place.
SHANE: So is it haunted by actual ghosts or not.
RYAN: Yea it is. Shall we?
SHANE: We shall.
[V.O. Ryan takes over]
One of the older houses in Britain, Button Manor has been here since the late 1800s, when King George The III’s son Prince George the IV was a proxy ruler. The actual King was severely mentally ill, to the extent where his doctors reported that he would talk to plants by mistaking them for people and act strange and demented, like clucking like a chicken, snorting like a pig, and talking to a pot plant who he mistook for the King of Prussia. He is also said to have “planted” a beef steak in the soil, and believed that it would “grow into a beef tree”.
BWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA
(Cackling) you’re KIDDING me. you just
insulted the dead nutty king of Britain
Ryan. The man planted bEEF. What did you expect me to do
b-but-
(doing a horrible British accent) “Why yes sire
as you can see here, my beef tree is coming along rather well
(wheeze)
“I do believe that in the next few weeks or so
i should have a sprawling tree! (snorts like a pig)”
“Your Highness you are talking to a pot plant
(laughter)
but actually, a not-so-funny thing is that
the kings doctors tried to “cure” him by covering
him in mustard and shit
fuckin hell
yea they also apparently
gave him pretty bad drugs
yea that oughtta do it.
(wheezes again)
[V.O. Ryan returns]
Now, the house itself is apparently home to about 20+ ghosts, but about only 9 can be found in the main building. Of that 9, there have been reports from neighbours of noises that come from the house, such as screaming and weird creaking noises. With that, let’s go over the active places in the house
Number 1: The East Wing library. The house is currently lived in by a couple, who have reportedly heard noises and seen weird flashes of people in the room. One notable noise coming from the room is a loud sigh, which typically is loudest at the seat by the window which looks out to the field. In conversation with the house’s heiress, Alison Cooper, she has told us that the ghost who often frequents the library is a Reagent man named Thomas Thorne. Thorne had died in a duel with another Man, after a mere comment over a girl he loved turned into a fight. That fight took form in a duel in a field, where Thorne was shot brutally, eventually dying from his shot wound. Alison also told us that his death was a sad one, as his own cousin, Francis Button, had fixed the match to get him killed on purpose, just to win the hand of the girl Thorne was in love with.
RYAN: Okay, so here we are. Library.
SHANE: Ooh, quite a classy place. Nice sofa, pretty shelves. I can see why a ghost would like to sit here.
RYA: Notably though, there aren’t any open windows here. So.
SHANE: Look man only if the ghost comes in here and straight up fuckin punches me in the throat will i be willing to admit that Ghosts are real.
YA HEAR THAT?! SQUARE UP AND KNOCK ME THE FUCK OUT!
RYAN: Okay, great.
(jump cut to Ryan and Shane sat down on the couch)
RYAN: Is there anyone here with us? Anyone who wants to uh make contact? I’m Ryan
SHANE: I’m Shane! We heard that there was a ghost boy here who got killed by his own cousin. Wanna maybe take that rage out? Maybe…throw some books around? Aim one at my head maybe?
RYAN: Or if you’d prefer a much calmer way of contact, you could just say something, you could touch one of us, or you could just move something. I presume that you like reading, considering you allegedly haunt this library.
[V.O. Ryan, screen goes grey and the video slows down]
The moment I said that, our audio recorder picked up on what might have been the ghost of Thomas Thorne saying “yes”
[“I presume that you like reading…”
(distorted) “Yes”]
that sounded like an owl
THE FUCK YOU MEAN IT SOUNDS LIKE AN OWL
I mean if you played like 10 recordings of vague
word-like recordings, this one
sounds like an owl
I think that’s Thorne right there
We’ll see.
[V.O. Ryan]
Number 2: The East Wing
[They walk to the East wing of the house, towards the winding staircase that goes to the 2nd floor.]
RYAN: So, the story behind- fucking hell whatwasthat
[Shane points his torchlight to the corner where the noise came from, a little spooked himself]
[A pigeon flies out from the corner, everyone starts laughing]
SHANE: That’s probably the scariest thing we’ve encountered here
RYAN: So far.
[V.O. Ryan]
According to reports from neighbours, Alison and Her husband Mike Cooper themselves, there is an apparition that haunts the East Wing, known as “The Grey Lady”. There are various accounts of people that have seen her, but what makes this interesting is that her description remains somewhat consistent through most of the accounts of her: An elderly lady older than 40 years old, from the Edwardian era; dressed prim and proper in a grey gown, the kind a lady of that era would have worn at home. Some claim she’s actually a young 20+ year old Georgian lady in a blue dress, but I couldn’t actually find that many accounts that supported this.
It is said that around 3 A.M. in the morning, anyone who is awake would hear a loud scream coming from the East Wing. It is speculated that the scream comes from the Grey Lady herself, who falls from the height every night. Alison has also told us that recently, she only hears the scream at around 7-8am in the morning, and no longer at night.
Actually I do think that’s lowkey weird
What the projectile launching off
the second floor or the timing change
(wheezes) did you just say “Projectile launching”
I mean yea what else do you call
throwing yourself off a building
well Ryan i’d like to think it’s called
throwing yourself off a building
projectile launching
no
[V.O. Ryan]
The Grey Lady is speculated to be the ghost of Lady Fanny Button, the Lady of the last family to lend their name to the house. Her story is as such: Fanny was married to George Button in the late 1870s, and later took the name Fanny Button. Although she was his wife, she often complained that he never paid any attention to her, and was more often than not more interested in attending parties, interacting with others and often flirting with others. The last straw arrived when at about 3A.M. in the morning, Lady Button walked into their bedroom to find her husband having sex with the groundskeeper and their butler. In order to save his social standing and position as one of the rich fucks, he pushed her from the french window, plummeting to her death. She was later pronounced dead.
what a fuckass
right?
what kind of asshole cheats on his
wife and then kills her
a shitty one
like it’s okay if you’re
gay or bi or anything
but don’t cheat
yeah
RYAN: So uh here we are at the east wing, it’s about 1am in the morning, and [points torchlight] it’s kinda terrifying.
SHANE: Lady Button? You hanging about here? I’m Shane, that’s Ryan
RYAN: Lady Button, we heard about your husband and we honestly think that he’s kind of a dick! So right now, we’re just here to talk. We’re not here to hurt you, we just want you to know that we sympathise with you and we hope to be able to make contact with you. What happened? Why did he marry you?
SHANE: If you are here, maybe come strangle me.
RYAN: Yea if he looks too much like your asshole husband come and strangle him
[A minute of silence passes, nothing happens]
RYAN: Lady Button, if you wanna communicate with us, here’s a device that can help you with that.
SHANE: Be warned, it’s loud and very annoying!
[the spirit box blares to life, Shane recoils at the sound]
RYAN: I’m Ryan
SHANE: Shane!
RYAN: Lady Button, if you wanna talk to us, could you just repeat our names back to us?
[Silence]
RYAN: Lady Button are you-
[Spirit box: -bloody bastard-
SHANE: ooh
RYAN: THAT WAS A WOMAN’S VOICE
Lady Button, if you’re still there, uh, I hope you know that my buddy and I really sympathise with you. You were done dirty and we hope you’re doing better now.
SHANE: Yea we hope you’re doing peachy. One question though: Why did you marry him? Was he always like this?
RYAN: (stumbling over words) Are you TRYING to anger a ghost?
SHANE: Shh I know what I’m doing
RYAN: Oh my god you’re gonna die.
SHANE: Didn’t you know he was bein’ all shifty?
[Spirit box: -hate-
RYAN: Well would ya look at that now is a great time as ever to turn this off!
[Ryan turns off the spirit box, as Shane smiles smugly, like the demon he is]
[V.O. Ryan]
The third and fourth final ghosts we’ll be trying to contact are the spirits of Minister of Parliament Julian Fawcett and a little Victorian girl named Jemima. Their stories are what I would say, on the 2 separate ends of the spectrum.
Julian Fawcett was a 40 year old Minister of Parliament from the Tory party. However, he is more well known for his sexual escapades, as he was reportedly notorious for “spending time behind locked doors” with countless men and women. However, it’s the death of the Tory that made him famous, as it was in this house where he met his scandalous death. In 1993, Fawcett reportedly died of a heart attack while having sex. Many historians and newspapers joke that he was “literally caught with his trousers down”, as the minister of parliament died without his pants, and garter belts around his lower calves.
That is such a fantastic
but horrendous way to go out
Right? I mean, I wouldn’t be
very proud of going out
that way, but damn is it a power move
[V.O. Ryan]
On the other hand however, the ghost of a young Victorian girl named Jemima Button is the most heartbreaking one. This young girl was only about 10-11 years old when she died during the Cholera epidemic. Due to the extreme contagion of the virus, her family apparently didn’t properly bury her or see her at her final moments.
Paranormal investigators who have investigated the manor have seen the old crockery in the pantry moving on the counter and the table, albeit in a slow and jerky fashion. They have also heard a young girl’s voice there, singing “Ring around the roses'' in a soft but creepy mumble
RYAN: This is our last stop for tonight, and yeah I don’t really like the vibes of this place much.
SHANE: I think that’s just your subconscious getting you ready for a fright of some sort.
RYAN: Either that or some psychic energy is making me feel like that.
Anyways, is there a little girl named Jemima here?
SHANE: Or maybe a pantsless tory fuckass?
Yea that’s right, I know you’re there.
RYAN: You might not be that scared of my tall friend here considering you yourself are quite tall I’ve heard, but if you’d like to communicate, there’s a teacup there. A little birdie told me that you love shoving things, so why don’t you move that cup just enough to let us know you wanna talk to us.
SHANE: You could also say something if ya like that. Flirt with us too, if you want.
RYAN: What are you doing.
SHANE: I’m a little ghost fucker
RYAN: SHANE THERE MIGHT BE A CHILD HERE.
Speaking of her, Jemima, I'm so sorry you had to hear all that. If you’re here now, how bout you sing that little song of yours if you wanna talk to us. We’re nice people…
SHANE: Unless you’re a shitty politician like SOMEBODY
RYAN: …Sure but we’re really nice and we love kids.
[Silence as they wait for a bit. Nothing happens.]
SHANE: Ryan are you sure there’s anything here.
RYAN: Yes. I mean, the other ghosts I read about might be here but I don’t know.
SHANE: Others?
RYAN: Yea there could be this Stuart lady named Mary or this other ghost called Robin. Mary causes a burnt sort of smell to be uh produced if you walk through her because she died when she was burnt at the stake on suspicions of her being a witch and Robin loves fucking with lights.
[At that instance, Ryan’s torchlight starts flickering. Shane looks at it with a raised eyebrow, while Ryan looks more shocked and scared than anything.]
RYAN: …Fuck okay. Robin, if you’re here, can I ask you to stop flickering my torchlight over here?
[It takes a few seconds, but the torch does eventually stop flickering]
SHANE: That could very well be your battery.
RYAN: Maybe, maybe.
[Jumpcut to the front of the house]
RYAN: Well, good night Button Manor; you provided us with some intriguing evidence.
SHANE: I had fun.
RYAN: You have fun everywhere we go.
[V.O. Ryan]
Although Button Manor seems to contain some pretty peaceful spirits, it’s no doubt that the stories here are the most haunting thing. I can only hope that the souls of those who perished here are happy now. However, whether or not Button Manor is definitively haunted remains
Unsolved.