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For over a month, Skeppy was separated from Bad and forced to comply with Dream under threat of endangering Bad. For over a month, Skeppy had to learn to hold in whatever he wanted to say and endure mind games from Dream. For over a month, Skeppy’s life was turned on its head.
He should feel happy that it’s back to normal. And he does, for a while at least.
Skeppy doesn’t let go of Bad the whole trip back home, always keeping one hand clinging to his hand, sleeve, on his shoulder, or on his back. Puffy and Ant don’t say a word about it as they accompany them back to the mansion but Skeppy knows every time he looks at them that they have questions and the only reason they aren’t asking now is because they don’t want to press when Bad and him need time to process.
Skeppy knows he can handle answering the questions- he’s dealt with way worse this past month- but he doesn’t dread them any less. He doesn’t look forward to having to tear down the dam he built to keep himself safe and as sane as he could be, nor the idea of being raw and vulnerable in front of other people again. The very idea of it makes him feel sick, fearing they’ll only weaponize it against him.
He dismisses it because it’s Puffy and Ant and not Dream but even so, there’s still a knot in his chest. A spring, locked and loaded but not released.
His fears of being perceived as clingy are quieted thanks to Bad. Clearly he missed human contact just as much as Skeppy himself did because Bad’s knuckles become paler from how tightly he holds onto Skeppy and the mere idea of letting go seems to put him on edge. Skeppy doesn’t mind a single second of it and is glad that Bad holds on as tightly as Skeppy wants to. That if he can’t bring himself to be openly vulnerable, at least Bad can be enough for both of them.
Bad babbles on and on the whole trip home, about everything and nothing all at once, relieved that finally he’s talking and somebody is listening to him. Skeppy barely says a thing but soaks in every word, finally taking in a proper, friendly conversation not only from a voice that isn’t Dream’s but also isn’t a monologue that slowly wears him down to Dream’s antics.
He’s dreamed about hearing Bad’s voice again so many times that the real thing is damn near euphoric.
Bad invites Puffy and Ant inside and a simple meal quickly turns into a buffet as Bad begins to gorge himself on foods he apparently hasn’t eaten in ages. Puffy and Ant end up cooking and sometimes speak in hushed tones, occasionally sneaking glances as they do. Unfortunately for them, Skeppy spent half of the last month or so as a spy and catches most of what they’re saying while also nodding enthusiastically to Bad.
They’re talking about him. Both him and Bad but him specifically because apparently he’s acting ‘Unsettlingly quiet’ which is true but Skeppy doesn’t have to like it.
He doesn’t like the fact that he’s having trouble letting his guard down. He doesn’t like the fact that his friends look at him like a stranger. He doesn’t like the fact that he feels like a stranger, that he keeps checking the entrances and exits, that he’s having to convince himself that he is safe and that he won’t get in trouble for talking to Puffy and Ant and Bad without permission and-...
And he doesn’t like a lot of things. Skeppy wants to hit a reset button and slip back into his old skin but the best he can manage right now is smiling and humming along to Bad’s rambling as he fills the silence with chatter.
Sam shows up eventually though only for the last hour of their little meetup. He doesn’t stick around long, heading back to the prison soon enough and once Puffy and Ant leave, Skeppy and Bad are alone.
They sleep in the same bed that night. They don’t have to say a word about it, silently and mutually agreeing to it as Bad slips under the covers of Skeppy’s bed and Skeppy lays beside him. Even as they drift off, Bad holds onto Skeppy’s hand, refusing to break contact and Skeppy squeezes it a few times in reassurance.
Bad sleeps like a rock, slowly cuddling up to his side like a moth drawn to a flame. Skeppy barely gets a wink, staring at their bedroom door the entire time, even in the darkness.
There’s a lot of things he fears at once and most of them revolve around Dream busting that door down to either take Bad away again or to kill Skeppy for taking one of his lives. A few include a horrific mix of both. There’s a brief period where Skeppy feels like he can’t breathe and the only thing that grounds him is a sleepy Bad inching closer and closer to him before letting go of his hand to put an arm around his chest.
Logically, he knows Sam promised he locked Dream up in the maximum security cell of the prison.
But Skeppy spent far too long learning to fear Dream because he was always watching, always listening, always waiting for you to slip up so he could strike, whether it be directly or subtly.
The prison might be secure but Skeppy has yet to unlearn the idea that anything could stop Dream from getting to him.
—
Roughly a week passes. Some things change drastically while others have moved about as fast as a glacier.
Bad is near omnipresent and they rarely stray from each other’s sides, much less stray from being in the same room. The few exceptions are when they need to use the bathroom or shower.
Bad washes dishes and Skeppy sits on the counter beside him. Skeppy gets some fresh air and Bad shadows him. They stay within arm's reach from each other wherever they go, no matter what.
It’s clingy by all means but Skeppy thinks they deserve a bit of clinginess. Bad fears being alone more than ever- his showers are always short and he always seems quick to peek out the door to ensure Skeppy is still there. Skeppy hates Bad being out of his sight in fear that he’s going to disappear again and he’ll receive another smile message in his communicator that tells him he hasn’t really escaped.
They’ll have to separate eventually but not yet. Not when they’re still catching their breath.
Skeppy doesn’t know for sure yet but he suspects that Bad hates silence just as much as he hates being alone. When he isn’t talking as much as he can to keep some sort of noise in the air, he plays music or turns on the TV or anything that gives him some sort of constant noise, especially favoring hearing voices.
It’s mutually comforting as it reminds Skeppy that he isn’t in an empty house and that Bad is here with him.
He wishes he could make Bad’s long conversations less one sided but he’s still working on talking like normal. Despite his vague answers as to why, Bad somewhat understands and treasures the efforts he makes.
Some things haven’t quite changed yet.
Skeppy runs on short naps and plenty of food. He can’t bring himself to sleep longer than four hours and although he rarely gets nightmares, often too exhausted to dream at all, more often than not he wakes up stressed.
Bad doesn’t sleep as well now either but lays in bed with his arms wrapped around him regardless until the sun comes up.
Skeppy still wears Bad’s hoodie. Not as obsessively as he did before but still more often than not. Bad has started wearing his. It would be a lot funnier of a situation had either of them been in a better place.
And Ant, Puffy, and Sam, despite urgently wanting to, haven’t asked about what happened yet.
They visit and check up frequently, Sam going so far as to quickly hire more guards for the prison so that he can afford to spend a little more time away. Bad welcomes them with open arms but Skeppy has to strain to outwardly show the same warmth.
He ghosts the edges of conversation more than he would like. Bad engages eagerly, Skeppy lurks in the background. Bad talks a bit too much about anything but uncomfortable topics and Skeppy says far too little, only chiming in when he has enough will to.
They’re like opposite poles and it really would be funny in any other situation. Skeppy thinks so anyways, even if he can’t bring himself to so much as snicker.
He appreciates that Ant, Puffy, and Sam are trying to look out for him and Bad. He wants to trust them more but there’s a part of him that holds back. A part of him that whispers, Puffy is Dream’s motherly figure, Ant is Dream’s friend, Sam has frequent contact with him- you can’t trust them. They’re only his eyes.
Skeppy tells that part of him to fuck off but it never does. It never leaves him completely.
He hates the way they look at him, especially when they think he’s not looking.
—
Sam, Ant, and Puffy attempt to bring up the elephant in the room and to their credit, the attempts are admirable. They’re a gentle but insistent prod, a reminder that you can’t heal without dealing with the uncomfortable things first.
It might’ve worked. Had it been anybody else, it probably would’ve.
But Skeppy buried his feelings six feet under around a month ago as soon as his frequent upsetting dreams and nightmares made it hard to work under Dream and he can only assume how it went for Bad based on how he’s been acting.
Puffy tries to bring up the time she fixed Bad’s coat for him and presses on asking why he still wears it, even now. Skeppy insists it’s not important, though the truth is not even he knows why he still does.
Ant so much as says Dream’s name and Bad loudly changes the subject and doesn’t let him get a word in until he drops the matter.
Sam sits both of them down to talk and within ten minutes, Bad is in the kitchen baking and telling Sam it’s important and that he’s busy while Skeppy helps however he can, pretending like he’s not listening. Sam’s persistence comes up short and he ends up eating one of Bad’s many baked goods in defeat.
There’s a look Bad shoots Skeppy as they bake. Skeppy gives Bad a subtle nod.
He knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s going to talk about what happened on his own terms and his own terms alone. Skeppy wholeheartedly understands.
He appreciates his friends- he really does- but Skeppy isn’t there yet. He doesn’t know when he will be there but it isn’t here and now. He can’t talk about it so he’s not going to.
Maybe they need to talk about it but not now. Not here. Not yet.
—
Their friends are receptive enough to notice their tactics won’t work and change course. Instead of prodding at them to get their baggage out before it becomes unbearable, they pick up on things they can physically do.
Puffy visits and spends hours talking to Bad about anything at all, and Bad gleefully accepts the company. She must’ve tipped a few others off because Quackity, Sapnap, and Karl all end up visiting more than usual, and over time, Bad can stand silence more and more.
(As long as someone else is in the room.)
Ant runs errands for them when one or both of them aren’t feeling well enough to go out. He asks plenty of questions to check up on them but keeps them light and simple. Nothing too complicated, nothing that makes them think for too long.
Sam manages to save their sleep schedule. How he figured it out, Skeppy doesn’t know, though maybe he wasn’t as subtle as he thought he was about his recent sleeping trouble but Sam ends up spending long nights with them. He stays awake, patrolling the house and assures Skeppy that if anyone breaks in, he’ll know.
And with less and less reason to stay up and watch the door when someone else is doing it for him, Skeppy ends up drifting off in the safety of Bad’s arms.
He’s still exhausted when he wakes up but it’s the best he’s felt in- a month, really.
Baby steps, Skeppy tells himself, infuriatingly small but baby steps.
—
They get used to each other’s comfort zones, or more accurately, what lies outside of them.
Bad physically cannot eat carrots on their own. He looks sick just looking at them- worse even, he looks small. Skeppy hasn’t the slightest idea why but he doesn’t ask. He doesn’t push. He just stops buying them and opts for potatoes and beetroots instead.
Skeppy visibly froze up when Bad asked him about sparring. He doesn’t know why he did, he just heard the word and suddenly he couldn’t move. Bad hasn’t said the word since.
Skeppy spends as little time as possible speaking on his communicator. Bad hates small spaces and gets rid of their white bedsheets, opting for black ones. Skeppy reacts badly when someone touches his neck. Bad can’t stand seeing iron bars.
Their new and improved sleep schedule brings nightmares with it as a downfall.
They don’t bring up Dream. Ever.
They don’t talk about it.
Until they do.
It’s out of the blue too. They’re slowly getting used to being out of arm's length of each other and resting in different rooms. Bad does the dishes and Skeppy reads a book just out of eyesight. He forces himself to relax, convincing himself that this is okay, nothing is going to happen.
Bad hums along to the speaker blasting music in the other room. Then, the speaker beeps, the music sputters and dies, and there’s nothing.
It takes Skeppy a minute to realize it’s not coming back. By that time, he hears Bad’s muttering become increasingly frantic and his attempts at humming the song switch from nonchalant to downright panicked. A second later, he yells out Skeppy’s name, voice cracking, and Skeppy comes running.
Bad’s on the floor, chest rising and falling erratically. He puts down the speaker clutched in his head and opts for reaching out to Skeppy, holding on tight once he grabs on. Skeppy kneels down beside him, almost asking questions but thinks better of it and instead, talks to him softly.
“You’re okay,” Skeppy tells him, squeezing his hand in reassurance, “You’re going to be okay, I got you.”
They don’t leave the kitchen floor, even when Bad is starting to catch his breath, or even well after he’s mostly both looking and feeling better. Skeppy sits with his back against the cabinet, shifting to find a comfortable spot, and Bad stares at the floor.
And then, without being prompted, Bad says, “I really should’ve listened to you when you said to stay back. I should’ve known better.”
Skeppy trips over his words in an effort to find a response. Is he talking about..? “How could you have known what was going to happen?”
“I knew Dream was angry. I knew he was going to say or do something rash.” It’s the first time either of them have said his name. Skeppy doesn’t know how to feel about it. “I just thought maybe I could talk him down from it and- and the worst part was I didn’t even get to talk to him… He ambushed me.”
Skeppy feels his veins turn to ice.
Bad never actually told him what happened. He made his assumptions based on what he was given and never asked. Never prodded. They comforted each other through thrashing nightmares and didn’t question what happened or why.
It had its advantages but now, Skeppy could see there were flaws to this idea. The wounds never quite healed over because they were never quite cleaned. Only covered under a silent agreement and loud topic changes.
“We barely talked at all really. He didn’t seem interested in talking, he only ever handed over that day’s meal- usually carrots- and left.” His talking gets faster the more he goes. Skeppy doesn’t know if he should stop him or not, and his inaction chooses for him. “And it felt like he was punishing me- giving me the silent treatment. And- and there were days where I would’ve done almost anything to get him to talk to me because the silence was so loud and as much as Mr. Moo and Bluey The Sheep were nice to have, they weren’t the best conversationalists.”
Bad laughs to himself, jittered by his own outburst. Skeppy blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. “Mr. Moo and Bluey The Sheep?”
“I, uh, I think their real names are Henry and Friend but… I didn’t know that when I named them so it stuck.” A more earnest laugh comes out this time. “I talked to them but I don’t actually speak sheep or cow so… Wasn’t the best.”
Skeppy nods. His throat closes up on him when he swallows. “I… I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Bad, you wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for me.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“It is though. I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t have said anything. Should’ve just kept my mouth shut.”
“Skeppy.” Bad turns to him and when Skeppy meets his gaze, there’s a fire in them. Small but vibrant and determined. “You weren’t the one who trapped me in a cell underground for a month. That was Dream. I don’t blame you for what was out of your control.”
“I still feel responsible.”
“So do I.” Bad tells him. “I can’t get it out of my head, no matter who I hear about it from or how I spin it. But… At the very least, I need you to know that I don’t blame you.”
You should.
They stay on the kitchen floor a little while longer.
—
Bad talks a little more about everything uncomfortable. Snippets overtime but slowly, Skeppy forms the picture in his head. Not a pleasant picture by any means, but he didn’t expect that anyways. Nonetheless, it still isn’t fun to hear but Skeppy is willing to listen.
Skeppy however, is infuriated at his own inability to do the same. He gets brief comments out- things he doesn’t elaborate on, but each and every time, Bad nods and listens intently.
It’s an irrational fear but many of Skeppy’s fears feel this way now. Like saying the wrong thing will end up with him right back where he was. Like suddenly, someone will turn on him and he’ll be alone again with nothing but a voice in his head and morally fucked choices and-
Skeppy has to remind himself that not everyone is Dream.
—
The sunrise is as beautiful as ever but Skeppy has a lump in his throat and hasn’t been able to enjoy it in over a month.
He woke up bracing for an attack that never came. His side of the bed felt drenched with sweat but luckily, Bad was in a deep sleep and didn’t wake up. There was no getting around Sam not noticing as he agreed to watch over the house for the night. Skeppy could feel his eyes piercing into him.
He was out of bed and headed up to the roof before Sam could get a word out.
His legs dangle over the sides as he sits on the edge. There’s a buzzing feeling under his skin as if he were struck somewhere or harbors an injury that he knows isn’t there. He checked- four times in fact. It isn’t there, it doesn’t exist.
But it feels like it does.
The wind blows past his ears and it sounds like a whisper. Rather than fidget, he feels himself tense and go numb all at once, as if he’s subconsciously waiting for orders given with a smile and an unspoken threat behind them. As if there are hands on his shoulders, telling him what a good soldier he is, that he is Dream’s creation, and making him ache for touch even though he shouldn’t want it from him but it burns where he touches and-
There’s actually a hand on his shoulder.
Skeppy swerves around when he registers it, going to grab a sword that isn’t there. Sam quickly releases and puts his hands up, guilt briefly flashing across his face before concern replaces it.
“Sorry.” Sam grimaces. “I called your name a few times but you didn’t hear me.”
Skeppy shakes himself and murmurs an apology. Sam shifts in place, a hand rubbing the back of his neck when he speaks up again. “Are you… Feeling okay?” Then a pause. “I mean- of course not, you woke up looking so… On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate it?”
“It’s only a three- I’m fine, Sam.” Skeppy brushes it off. He would’ve turned away had he not seen Sam frown.
“A… A three?”
“Maybe four.” Skeppy amends.
“Skeppy… You woke up like- like that and that’s barely a four to you?”
“I…” Nothing else comes out. Did I say something wrong?
Sam’s eyes study him intensely now. He tries not to squirm under his gaze but he doesn’t make it easy. “Skeppy, what’s a ten to you?”
A ten- that would be a moment where Skeppy had a full on mental breakdown, wouldn’t it? Out of control, no one to comfort him, and feeling like a toy soldier more than he ever has.
Skeppy thinks of the secluded island where Dream made him go through his little ‘boot camp’ in order to ‘get stronger’ under him. He thinks of passing out bruised and waking up only just barely able to move. He thinks of crying himself to sleep and dreaming of hugging someone- anyone.
Skeppy that remembers three days in, he got frustrated with Dream and crossed a line. Not bad enough to punish Bad for but he remembers ending up on the ground with hands crushing his windpipe.
He remembers thinking Dream wasn’t going to let up. He remembers how he couldn’t stand from how badly his legs shook, heart beating erratically, and how he barely heard Dream dismiss him. He remembers crawling back to his tent, still gasping for air, and curling up on himself.
He had blinked and it was nighttime. It was noon last he had checked and he has no memory of the time passing. He fell asleep but didn’t dream and the next morning, he didn’t say a word unless Dream allowed him to.
Dream’s smile had been far too pleased.
Skeppy doesn’t voice any of this to Sam but when he comes to again, Sam is looking at him with the most horrified expression. Apparently, Skeppy gave away something in his expression when he revisited the memory and it was enough for him.
“Oh, Skeppy…” Sam whispers. Skeppy has nothing to say to that.
—
It comes up when Bad talks about Dream a little more. Skeppy doesn’t mean it to but Bad mentions that Dream rarely spoke to him again and suddenly, he blurts out, “Dream spoke to me too much.”
The silence feels staggering. His throat begins to burn from his words, screaming at him that you shouldn’t have said anything, look what you’ve done, all your fault-
“What did he say?”
Bad’s voice cuts through everything else, sharp enough to immediately catch his attention but looking at him reveals a softer tone he hasn’t been expecting. Genuinely prompting him, not the least bit annoyed, even if he should be because he interrupted him- not okay, not okay-
But Bad gives him the gesture to continue if he wants and before he knows it, Skeppy is talking.
“Unless I was using the bathroom, I almost always had this earpiece in.” Skeppy tells him. “Had his voice in my head most of the time, telling me where to go or what to do. I- I was supposed to be his spy on others. Snowchester was the most frequent but there were others too- I even checked in on Techno once. And Dream talked. A lot. Mentioned a favor from Technoblade, mentioned his suspicions that Snowchester was hiding something, mentioned… Everything, really.”
Discomfort festers in his chest but he forces the next bit out anyways, feeling a bitter taste on his tongue as he does. “It was weird because sometimes… I didn’t mind it. Sometimes I craved it- the company and having someone to talk to because he cut me off from everyone else. And I hated him- I hate him so much- but there was a day where I felt bad because he sounded so sincere when he talked about wanting the server to go back the way it was and it felt like he was genuinely just… Lonely. And- I think that scared the fuck out of me.”
Bad looks like he wants nothing more than to reach out and hug him but holds back until Skeppy gestures that it’s okay. His arms are around him in an instant, burying his face into his shoulder. Skeppy finds himself leaning into him, for once not holding back from showing him just how much he needs it. He doesn’t care if somehow this will be used against him right now, he craves his touch so much that it hurts and just barely holds back from a sob.
It feels like a dam is breaking. One that Skeppy isn’t ready for yet. He can’t do it here, not right now, not even with Bad.
It’s too much right now. Far too much.
Bad doesn’t try to nudge any further when Skeppy doesn’t continue. He only murmurs reassurances and Skeppy lets this feeling of need wash over him and tells himself that it’s okay.
It’s okay to rely on Bad right now.
It’s okay to let himself feel.
—
Skeppy probably should’ve seen it coming. One way or another, he knew it would come up.
He just didn’t expect it to be Bad. He had been just as adamant about keeping things to himself at first but now, Bad pauses in the middle of unloading the dryer and turns to Skeppy with a serious look on his face.
“I think we should start seeing somebody.”
The thought alone twists his insides and he doesn’t do a good enough job of hiding it. Bad continues, choosing his words carefully.
“Puffy has the most experience on the SMP and offered it to us specifically. It’s a safe space and everything said in that room won’t leave it unless you say otherwise. She’s not a professional but… She can help.”
Skeppy trusts Puffy- he really does. He knows she’ll stick to his word and he knows she cares about him and he knows she would never use what she learns from him against him.
But. Well.
“I’ll think about it.”
Skeppy isn’t sure if he even believes himself but Bad takes it and that’s the end of it.
—
Bad goes, Skeppy doesn’t.
He does, however, wait outside of the building for Bad regardless as he can’t think of anything else to do. He ends up putting on his headphones and listening to music downloaded onto his communicator. It tides him over almost a little too well and he nearly passes out while leaning up against the building.
He might’ve actually fallen asleep, Skeppy doesn’t know. What he does know is that one minute, he’s starting to nod off, and the next, his eyes are opening to Tommy squinting at him suspiciously.
And Tommy, ever the conversationalist, asks, “Are you high?” Rather than a regular greeting.
Skeppy almost laughs, merely hiding an amusing smile and raising an eyebrow. “Hello to you too. No, I’m not, why?”
“You’re falling asleep standing up. Like a horse. And horses are high all of the time- I think I read that somewhere.”
“I think you’re thinking of dolphins.”
“Hm.” Tommy frowned and didn’t argue. He seemed more interested in Skeppy himself, glancing him up and down. “Why are you here? Puffy’s next appointment is mine, not yours.”
“I’m just waiting for Bad, he’s in there right now.” Skeppy tilted his head towards the entrance. “You can wait in the lobby if you want. I think they’re almost done.”
Tommy didn’t move. For whatever reason, he wanted to talk. To him. Not unwelcome but it felt awkward nonetheless, but if Tommy felt that, he didn’t show it.
“Do you see Puffy?”
“Isn’t patient-therapist confidentiality a thing?”
“You don’t have to answer.”
“...No.” Skeppy said at last. “I don’t. Bad does but I have yet to set an appointment.”
“Why not?”
Skeppy almost laughed despite himself. “That’s a bit personal, don’t you think?”
“I mean, yeah.” Tommy paused. “I’m just kinda surprised. Last time I saw you, you looked like you were gonna cry and you wouldn’t let go of Bad. Dream fucked with you somehow and believe me, I know what it’s like to be on the other side of that. The guy knows how to get inside your head and make you feel like shit. Fucked to all hell.” He seems to stop himself from going on a rant. “So if you’re anything like me, I think you kinda need this.”
“We’re very different people, Tommy.”
“Are we?” Tommy says after a beat, then grins. “I think we could’ve been brothers! Could’ve done some great pranks!”
He waits until after Skeppy is done chucking before hitting him with a, “You avoided the question on purpose.” That nearly makes him choke. “It’s fine, your business. But I’m just sayin’, Dream can put you through some nasty shit. Might need to get that checked out.”
Tommy pushes the doors open and leaves Skeppy with his thoughts. A few minutes later, Bad exists looking better than he entered. Mostly at least, he looks like he’s been crying but better. Lighter.
Skeppy doesn’t bring up what Tommy said to him but it sticks with him the rest of the week.
—
Bad tells him a few days after his first session with Puffy that he wants to host a get together. Not a party, but just have a few more people over than usual and maybe play a few board games. Neither of them have really had that in a while.
Skeppy agrees because he’s been getting a lot better at talking. He could use some more socialization- they both could.
What’s the worst that could happen anyways?
Skeppy learns the answer to this question two and a half hours in as he trudges through ankle deep snow. Cold sweat sticks to his skin and his communicator buzzes insistently in his pocket. The latter is something that he doesn’t quite register until now but he pauses to fumble for it and look at the influx of messages. All varying in urgency and concern but worried nonetheless.
Awesamdude: Skeppy, where did you go
Awesomedude: Are you okay??
CaptainPuffy: Skeppy
CaptainPuffy: You don’t have to come back but at least tell us where you went so we know
CaptainPuffy: I know you don’t mean to worry us but we’re really scared for you
Antfrost: I cant find you anywhere
Antfrost: where did you go
KarlJacobs: hello??
Quackity: skeppy man you gotta answer at least one of us so we know you’re alright
Sapnap: shit shit shit im so sorry
Sapnap: i didnt realize i was crowding you
Sapnap: please im sorry
Sapnap: i can go you can come back
BadBoyHalo: Are you safe?
His hands shake as he types and it’s not because of the cold.
Skeppy: im ok
Awesamdude: Oh thank god
Awesamdude: But where are you??
Skeppy: sorry
Skeppy: dw abt me
CaptainPuffy: That’s gonna be a little hard but it’s good to hear you’re okay
Skeppy: im pretty far out
Skeppy: dont go looking ill be back later
Antfrost: okay
Skeppy: hey. sorry.
KarlJacobs: wait no dont apologize!
KarlJacobs: not ur fault!
Skeppy: im alright
Skeppy: take care of bad for me while im away?
Quackity: already on it
Skeppy: not ur fault
Skeppy: dont apologize
Sapnap: thank fuck youre alright
Skeppy: im okay ill be back
Skeppy: im sorry
Skeppy: i ruined everything
BadBoyHalo: Don’t apologize
BadBoyHalo: It’s not your fault
BadBoyHalo: Call us if you need anything?
Skeppy: okay
Skeppy slips his communicator back into his pocket and pushes through the bitter snow. His teeth chatter- now a result of the cold- but in the distance, he sees what he’s going for. A cabin with a steady stream of smoke coming out of the chimney.
He must’ve been spotted from the window because as he comes up to the porch, the door opens and Technoblade steps out, giving him a look before stating, “Wasn’t expectin’ a visitor.”
“I didn’t think I would be coming here today.” Skeppy tells him. Truthfully, he didn’t even mean to end up here, he just did. “Can I come in?”
Techno holds the door wide open, an open invitation. Skeppy stumbles inside and towards the fireplace to sit down. Techno grabs a mug from the cupboard and fills it up with something from the kettle on the stove and brings it to him. He accepts it and takes a big gulp without hesitation. The taste is unfamiliar and bitter but leaves a warm feeling in his stomach.
“...What is this?” Skeppy asks after a long beat, looking down at the mug.
Techno takes a seat in one of the chairs by the fireplace, sipping from his own mug. “One of Philza’s teas. It’s good if you’ve been out in the cold. Not really somethin’ I would drink for the taste.”
Skeppy nods. He sips it slower this time but the effect it gives him is worth bearing the taste. It almost reminds him of peppermint- not the candy but the pure flavor. It leaves a strong aftertaste in his mouth that makes him smack his lips.
He stares into the fire and goes someplace far away in his head. It doesn’t feel as tangible as a memory, more like an overwhelming feeling. He knows he’s here, in Techno’s cabin, but it doesn’t really feel like it. His body may be here but his mind- heart- soul- something is elsewhere. Detached.
Bad’s get-together was going so well. He felt great- he was finally pushing himself to have a few decently long conversations and had minimal anxiety. They played games, ate various snacks that everyone had brought, it was going so well.
And then someone slung their arm around Skeppy’s neck and there was pressure and-
He reacted. And for a split second, Dream was there and he was getting close and Skeppy backed himself into a corner and he wasn’t going down this time without a fight.
He was lucky Sapnap has faster reflexes than him. Next thing he knew, he was staring at his bewildered face, shoulders tense but uncertain, and it clicked in his head what has happened.
He lasted all of two seconds before bolting as his nerves went haywire.
He had gotten lost for a minute. No physical damage had been done but his gut twisted thinking about it. And now his phone was buzzing in his pocket because he was worrying all his friends and Techno was watching him and and and-
Skeppy chugged the rest of the tea, staring down at the mug once he finished it off.
“Want more?” Techno asked after a long pause.
“Maybe.” Skeppy said.
They lapsed into silence. Techno retrieved the mug from him to refill it and handed it back once it was.
“Been awhile since I’ve talked to you.” Techno said when he sat down again. “I think the last time I saw you was a couple weeks back. You just kinda watched my property for a while and left. Was startin’ to think I accidentally hurt you too.”
“No.” Skeppy assured him quickly. “That- that’s a long story but uh. Dream kinda blackmailed me into being his lackey for about a month. I’m okay now though.”
Techno raised an eyebrow. “Are you? You seem kinda…”
He didn’t elaborate, only gesturing mildly. Despite himself, Skeppy had laughed.
“It’s easier to say that I’m alright than to explain it. It’s kinda a hassle to talk about. I don’t even know what to make of it half the time, how am I supposed to trust that other people will understand?”
“They might not understand but they can sympathize.” Techno pointed out. “I find that it’s better to talk about it than keep it inside. Not to mention that sometimes talking about it makes it make more sense.”
Skeppy returns to looking at the fire. The flames seem to dance in the fireplace, mesmerizing him.
“What do you want, Skeppy?” Techno asks him. A simple question yet it holds weight.
“I want everything to go back to normal.”
“Alright. And if you can’t achieve that, what do you want?”
“I want…”
He can’t sleep because he’s afraid that he’s gonna come through that door and he’ll lose everything.
He itches for action and hates it at the same time. Sam notices his jittery attitude and asks if he wants to spar. His nerves go numb upon hearing the word.
Hands so much as brush his neck and he can’t breathe.
He makes excuses to keep conversation on his communicator message only, rarely taking calls. He only puts in his earpiece for music and music only.
He checks over his shoulder even if he knows nobody is there.
“I want to stop being afraid.”
His voice cracks when he gets it out. Skeppy covers his mouth, eyes wide, but Techno doesn’t comment. He nods understandingly and stands to sit by him. He sets a steady hand on his shoulder and Skeppy-
He wants to cry. He can’t, even now, but his eyes get misty.
“You can’t get rid of fear completely but you can learn to manage it.” Techno tells him. “I’m no therapist but I think there is one on the SMP that you could talk to.”
He can’t help it. Skeppy laughs. Because if even Techno is telling him to see Puffy then-
“Yeah. That would probably be for the best.”
—
Skeppy returns home and gets a hug from everyone and his ear nearly talked off from half of them. Surprisingly, Bad is not among them, but later Bad is extra clingy when they finally sleep.
Skeppy passes out relatively peacefully with Sam, Ant, and Puffy guarding the halls and Bad holding onto him like he’s scared to let go.
In the morning, all five of them have breakfast and Skeppy privately pulls Puffy aside to ask about booking a session. Her eyes light up and within the week, he’s sitting in her office and trying to decide if it’s too late to back out now.
But Puffy doesn’t make him talk about Dream or even the feelings he keeps locked up when he struggles to say anything. She opts for easier topics- Bad, hobbies, simpler feelings like how he’s doing today and if it was better than yesterday. And they don’t make big changes but Skeppy walks out feeling a little lighter than he was before and better about the next session.
Bad comments that he’s been sleeping better. Skeppy sometimes has more control in his dreams- sometimes, his dreams don’t involve Dream at all and they’re just… Ordinary.
And Skeppy finally cries for the first time in weeks when he opens up to Bad a little more about how much he missed him and it’s messy and he’s an ugly crier but finally the barrier is loose in his chest.
They’ll be okay in the long run. A lot to unpack even now but they’ll be okay.